Do you love her (Full Version)

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Katie-Scarlet -> Do you love her (6/17/2008 1:44:20 AM)

Hi guys

If you were dating a girl for two to three years and someone asked you do you love your girlfriend what reason would you have for NOT answering the question. ( by the way I'm not the girlfriend ) Seems like a simple yes or no answer to me.

Thanks



freakofnature -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 8:58:06 AM)

It could be that maybe the guy has made some realizations in the recent past that has made him rethink what he is doing. Does he ever tell the woman that he loves her?



calalaram -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 9:17:20 AM)

It could depend on who was asking the question. I could see a scenario in which I wouldn't answer because it is none of the "askers" business.

Admittedly those scenarios would be rare, but it could happen.



NoShow -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 10:36:12 AM)

Maybe the current relationship has caused him to "question" his definition of "love". So he may not be sure what he now "thinks" love means.



APZR -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 12:25:23 PM)

Could be the tone of the question... probing in not your biz territory (when are you going to get married and pop out some children?), sarcastic tone as immature boys will do (ooooh, he likes stinky girls!), or could be he's questioning the direction of the relationship.



Daniel612 -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 4:29:15 PM)

How did this person go about "not answering"? It could be that the question was posed by a person who was being malicious about it or was somehow out of line for asking, as some others have suggested.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 5:22:23 PM)

If asked by a complete stranger, I would ignore and walk on.

But in any other case, I shouldn't have a reason not to answer, because I do love her. I don't care if the world knows it or not.



ajlewis -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 7:36:20 PM)

Its very possible for me to be seeing someone for a several of years and not be able to say I love her. Its happened before. On one hand love is a pretty broad statement but on the other hand the person would have to be really special and our relationship really deep in order for me to say that. In other words I won't say "I love you" unless it really means something. I don't treat it lightly



Katie-Scarlet -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 10:42:54 PM)

Thanks for the responses. To answer some of the questions. As far as I know he has never said I love you to her. He doesn't have a problem with sharing something like that with me were pretty good friends and have talked about relationships before.

quote:

It could be that maybe the guy has made some realizations in the recent past that has made him rethink what he is doing.


quote:

Maybe the current relationship has caused him to "question" his definition of "love". So he may not be sure what he now "thinks" love means.


quote:

or could be he's questioning the direction of the relationship


quote:

Its very possible for me to be seeing someone for a several of years and not be able to say I love her. Its happened before. On one hand love is a pretty broad statement but on the other hand the person would have to be really special and our relationship really deep in order for me to say that. In other words I won't say "I love you" unless it really means something. I don't treat it lightly




I think these may be some of what he is going through. As a woman I find it hard to believe that you could be in a relationship with someone for this long and not know how you feel about them, to be undecided. This gives me some new insight into the way men think. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts.



vikingfan -> RE: Do you love her (6/17/2008 11:34:00 PM)

I wouldn't say it to her unless I was 100% sure that I wanted to marry her. From my understanding of female psychology, those words are very important to her...too important to waste until the time I propose to her. And like it or not, my response WILL have a way of getting back to the girlfriend. So I wouldn't respond or would just say that I am still praying about where God wants the relationship to go (since obviously I'd be considering marriage but not have proposed yet under your scenario).



DaveW -> RE: Do you love her (6/18/2008 7:35:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet

As a woman I find it hard to believe that you could be in a relationship with someone for this long and not know how you feel about them, to be undecided. This gives me some new insight into the way men think.
But as a guy I have to say this is probably not uncommon. We are not programed to come at relationships from that angle. We are much more task oriented. We will pursue, we will fight, we will do what it takes if we feel the attraction, but to define where attraction becomes love is a step many are uneasy making. We just don't think in those terms.



Coffee_Drinker -> RE: Do you love her (6/18/2008 2:17:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet

Hi guys

If you were dating a girl for two to three years and someone asked you do you love your girlfriend what reason would you have for NOT answering the question. ( by the way I'm not the girlfriend ) Seems like a simple yes or no answer to me.

Thanks


Okay... a simple "yes" or "no."

Dating a girl for two to three years is a rather lengthy amount of time to "figure out" if you "love" your girlfriend. I dated my wife for a year and married her because I "loved" her - 26 years later I "love" her more!

This guy appears to be noncommittal and only requires a physical relationship to be satisfied. In other words... he's a selfish bum!



Katie-Scarlet -> RE: Do you love her (6/20/2008 1:31:30 AM)

quote:



But as a guy I have to say this is probably not uncommon. We are not programed to come at relationships from that angle. We are much more task oriented. We will pursue, we will fight, we will do what it takes if we feel the attraction, but to define where attraction becomes love is a step many are uneasy making. We just don't think in those terms.


Thats kinda scary.


He has finally answered the question. He said yes but he didn't answer me right away because he was undecided.

Before coming here to read the comments I might not have believed him but it seems this undecided thing isn't uncommon.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Do you love her (6/20/2008 4:13:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: vikingfan

From my understanding of female psychology, those words are very important to her...too important to waste until the time I propose to her.


Important enough for her to hear on a frequent basis. Waiting until a marriage proposal just to express my true feelings for her seems... wasteful. When you already knew it all along.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coffee_Drinker

Dating a girl for two to three years is a rather lengthy amount of time to "figure out" if you "love" your girlfriend. I dated my wife for a year and married her because I "loved" her - 26 years later I "love" her more!


Exactly.

There's not a day that goes by without me telling my girlfriend how much I love her. It's important to me that she knows it, and it's important to her that she hears it. Based off that, we have an incredibly strong relationship.



OneJohn410 -> RE: Do you love her (7/6/2008 1:11:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet

Hi guys

If you were dating a girl for two to three years and someone asked you do you love your girlfriend what reason would you have for NOT answering the question. ( by the way I'm not the girlfriend ) Seems like a simple yes or no answer to me.

Thanks

I read later that this was a conversation between you and a guy friend, which helps, because that established the setting of the question. One, the girlfriend who may or may not have ever heard this, isn't there. Two, the guy in the question is being asked by someone he knows, not a stranger, and not the girlfriend.

It's not a simple question. If he hasn't told her, if he's holding on to those words for a marriage proposal, then why does he want to think about sharing any part of that with anyone but who he want to propose to? Those three words can get batted around so much in a relationship, and then something breaks it up. A new relationship gets started, the big three words get batted around... and what do they mean this time around? Do they mean the same thing? Does each person realize that the big three become almost like a greeting in passing? What makes their meaning different from the last time? Check this one out... after such a long time, she's feeling insecure because she hasn't heard them from him? What does that say about things? Is he being selfish in not sharing them, or could she be selfish in trying to shake them loose from a friend (not saying that's your situation) rather than patiently waiting for him to say them to her? There. That even looks complicated to me, and I typed all this.

OneJohn410



x0846 -> RE: Do you love her (7/7/2008 8:28:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet

Hi guys

If you were dating a girl for two to three years and someone asked you do you love your girlfriend what reason would you have for NOT answering the question. ( by the way I'm not the girlfriend ) Seems like a simple yes or no answer to me.

Thanks



No reason, I'd answer of course.

Well you know what happens when you get comfortable with someone and you're getting the 'milk' for free why would you buy the 'cow'?

You may 'love' her but not in the marrying kind of way.



Katie-Scarlet -> RE: Do you love her (7/18/2008 3:33:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: x0846

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet

Hi guys

If you were dating a girl for two to three years and someone asked you do you love your girlfriend what reason would you have for NOT answering the question. ( by the way I'm not the girlfriend ) Seems like a simple yes or no answer to me.

Thanks



No reason, I'd answer of course.

Well you know what happens when you get comfortable with someone and you're getting the 'milk' for free why would you buy the 'cow'?

You may 'love' her but not in the marrying kind of way.




Hmmm... He has since told me that he's not going to get married because he doesn't see the point, i.e. hes getting that milk for free. They live together.

As to the loving her but not in a marrying type of way, is there such a thing? I think a woman would think that if you don't want to get married then you don't truly love her because love brings you to a place where you want to marry. As a woman its hard for me to see having the love emotion without having the desire for the other ( marriage)



DaveW -> RE: Do you love her (7/22/2008 12:54:06 PM)

quote:

As to the loving her but not in a marrying type of way, is there such a thing?
Yeah - its called lust. (in the modern English usage of the word, not the biblical usage) Like you said: "hes getting that milk for free."



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Do you love her (7/31/2008 7:59:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet

love brings you to a place where you want to marry.


It does. Anything else wouldn't be classified as love.



John_O -> RE: Do you love her (7/31/2008 4:55:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet
If you were dating a girl for two to three years and someone asked you do you love your girlfriend what reason would you have for NOT answering the question. ( by the way I'm not the girlfriend ) Seems like a simple yes or no answer to me.


If I was dating a girl for two years we'd already be married. Of course I'd answer that I loved her.



buckifn -> RE: Do you love her (8/1/2008 5:05:14 PM)

I figure if someone knows me well enough to ask me that question about my personal life then they know me well enough to know the answer . I really don't like it when people pry into my personal affairs. Do you?



makarizo -> RE: Do you love her (8/3/2008 10:36:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet

Hi guys

If you were dating a girl for two to three years and someone asked you do you love your girlfriend what reason would you have for NOT answering the question. ( by the way I'm not the girlfriend ) Seems like a simple yes or no answer to me.

Thanks

I am the wrong person to answer a question like this..... I love a whole bunch of people, & it is a very necessary phrase for me to hear on a regular basis. "I love you"

if a 'girlfriend' is dating someone for 3 months, and she can't tell if he loves her...... by his actions, in his own language, by shared laughter/joy/passion/whatever.
if she is having doubts, - she needs to move on.
because it sounds like she is either going to attack him out of frustration, or she is going to get depressed.

doubt is the opposite of faith, and ya gotta have faith!



DaveW -> RE: Do you love her (8/4/2008 7:03:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreadPirateRandy
quote:

love brings you to a place where you want to marry.
It does. Anything else wouldn't be classified as love.
I would say it is not necessarily that simple. Had I not heard a "bat kol" as it is called in Hebrew, an audible voice from heaven telling me to get married 34 years ago, I still would probably be single. It was not that I did not love anyone, I did. BUT, because (personal reasons) I had vowed to never marry or have kids, I would have never taken that step. No matter how "in love" or even "in lust" I would be with a girl, nothing or no one other that God Himself could make me want to get married.

"Love," at least in our English, encompasses a number of concepts that in other languages have several different and unrelated words.



Child4Jesus -> RE: Do you love her (8/16/2008 8:53:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet
Hi guys

If you were dating a girl for two to three years and someone asked you do you love your girlfriend what reason would you have for NOT answering the question. ( by the way I'm not the girlfriend ) Seems like a simple yes or no answer to me.

Thanks


It would depend on the person asking the question. Also if I haven't said it to her yet, in reality I would have said it several times with 2-3 years, I wouldn't be saying it to another person.



Child4Jesus -> RE: Do you love her (8/16/2008 8:57:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ajlewis
Its very possible for me to be seeing someone for a several of years and not be able to say I love her. Its happened before. On one hand love is a pretty broad statement but on the other hand the person would have to be really special and our relationship really deep in order for me to say that. In other words I won't say "I love you" unless it really means something. I don't treat it lightly


So why would you remain with someone for several years who you don't love? To me loving someone also means saying it as well. I would have to question a woman I am with if after several months to a year of dating she hasn't said I love you or say it back after I have said it. I agree with you about not saying it unless you mean it not treating it lightly.



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