RE: Not sure how to handle this occasional situation (Full Version)

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Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Not sure how to handle this occasional situation (6/24/2008 12:04:23 PM)

Again, thank you, everyone. I did not get to go to the store, or to order on the Internet yet, because of things that came up at work yesterday, then later in the parking lot of the store(!!). Today should be better.

Also, I am meeting my daughter for lunch today, and I will ask how she has managed regarding the situation, if she wants to talk.

I really want to go through with this. Yes, I want it off my back, but I also think it will please G-d for me to let it go.



Shrommer -> RE: Not sure how to handle this occasional situation (6/26/2008 11:21:18 PM)

Sometimes, decades after a long hard road of forgiveness and maturing on the sides of both parties, there is a reconciliation. It is beautiful when this happens. Other times, the person may be exposed later on as a weed among the grain, or you'll just have to wait until heaven to get it all squared away.

It's interesting to read about all the different things that happened among individuals in the Bible, the times Jesus and Paul were betrayed and how they dealt with it, how David dealt with Saul and let "vengeance" in the Lord's hands, ... By all means pray for those who spitefully use you.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Not sure how to handle this occasional situation (6/27/2008 1:40:00 AM)

It has been over two decades since this all began. That is an awful thought. I don't know how I survived through the first decade. It was pretty awful. There was a day of three suicide attempts sometime around 1988-9. Thank G-d, He would not let me go through with it.

Vengeance is one thing I have never wanted. Even when I was going to their church, I tried to do the right things, but nothing ever worked. When I finally got out of the church, the thought of divine retribution on them and their supporters was too horrifying and remains so. I have never asked for it but have, rather, prayed that they would find forgiveness.

I did get to speak with my daughter on Tuesday, to ask her how she has managed. She has been able to let it go for her son's sake. I look at her son, my grandson, and see in him an extremely talented, intelligent 18-year-old -- a musician, a fine young man who graduated this year and is headed for college. G-d has been so good. I bless Him for the life of my grandson, for who he is in spite of the history.



momma_bee -> RE: Not sure how to handle this occasional situation (6/27/2008 8:05:22 AM)

Abi,

M'dear. We left our church with hard feelings caused by one family that I see all the time. I told her once that we had to at least get along, since we were stuck with each other for 13 years (sons are the same age) and she said that we didn't have to get along.

A few years later, their comments and threats made their church a place we no longer felt comfortable.

And, I tried to forgive. I thought I had forgiven them and yet when I saw him the hairs on the back of my neck would stand up and the muscles in my shoulders would tense up. You get the idea.

I talked to Poppa about it and he said that I needed to forgive him. I insisted I did. Poppa said 'then do it again.'

From that point on I found myself praying when I saw him, praying when I felt it in my neck, praying when I had to call them.

I still don't trust them. I still have to pray, especially when I need to call them or talk to their son.

You are not alone. And, I get so annoyed when folks just say 'pray and it will be alright.' That advice is good, but the worldly part of me wants to say that isn't enough. I feel like the response wasn't given any thought. But, that is how it worked with me.

I do get the impression that your wounds run much deeper than mine so please don't think I am minimizing your problem by comparing it to mine. (((ABI)))

BTW, I get the hubby thing too. [:)]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Not sure how to handle this occasional situation (6/27/2008 1:23:23 PM)

Who knows who hurts deepest, Momma_bee -- you or me! [:D] -- I thank you for your encouragement and do not see what you wrote as belittling our pain at all.

When an adult uses a loved child, the horror of it goes deep. For me, when an adult abuses any child, it stirs an anger deeper than my very soul, but the child was my own precious, beloved, fantastically beautiful girl.

The pain, for my daughter, was severe, and initially, she forgot some of the things their family had done. That had amazed me. Tuesday, she sat there and told me some of what I had known the family did, so I realized that she had remembered. That is part of the healing process, I guess: remembering and facing it with honesty then letting it go.

I thank G-d for the strength I have seen in my daughter and for the new strength I saw in her Tuesday.



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