RE: How would you take this? (Full Version)

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solarflare -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 9:50:04 AM)

Noticed a little spring cleaning went on here - that was good.

Light - if I may - I would stop talking about all this at this point - a few people have given you good advice - sounds like there may be some resolve coming anyway (found his cards) - personally, I would shut this down (to avoid further aggravation and ill advice) and then let us know how it went when you talked with him.
I am one of those people that talk things to death - I am learning it just keeps the pain going. Pray - ask for direction and an opportunity to speak with the man - have another party there - write down your points -and trust God to work it out.

That, is what I would do. At this point, some of the advice is conflicting and I think you already have an idea of how you would like to handle it.

All the best - trust in the Lord and don't lean on your own understanding.



lightshineon -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 9:51:45 AM)

Hi, thank you it was hurtful, if you knew me you would know how I hate stealing of any kind. I do not know why he called daughter, probaly, because he did not want to deal with me and a meeting, or conflict. The church is very important to me as the body of Christ. I think it is a serious thing to leave. I have prayed, and prayed about leaving and we probaly will, I just want Gods will. I cried myself to sleep last night. The comment ment the " Less than attractive people by the worlds standard." I have a heart for people who feel unaccepted. This was a compliment, to me. You know the man or woman on the back pew, with no teeth that slips in and out. The outcast. I did appreciate that he said that. I worry if I leave, who will love those people? Not that I am a saint, but, my heart is with children and those types of people. My pastor is very apperance, concious. He is not all bad either, I cannot even fathom him thinking tha I would do something like that. I have used the churches wal-mart card for things, signed off on it, returned it. This is all with permission of course. I usually use my own money also for VBS\crafts and things. My husband makes enough money, I buy what I want also. That is not bragging, but I am not in need or want for anything. I would have talked to him, instead of here, but you can not. He avoids conflict, will not meet with you. He is young 30, just turned, although at 30 my husband was the rank of Major in the Army with many men under him, and was very mature.
I was hoping I was just being overly sensitive but, I am not usually that way. It was the manner he pulled me aside, and his verbage. I am hoping this relationship can be healed, people run when offended, I am not that fragile, and as you saw the cards were found, and the Lord vindicated me. My intentions were good in cleaning his office, what I ment by " Thank You" part, was this, it would have been better that accusation. I would have stolen his checkbook, or checking account number (lol) not credit card, if I were a thief. I was so happy, thrilled to bless him by doing something important to him, hoping to repair a broken relationship. He did say his office looked awsome, as he put his arm around me, and ask me about two visa cards. Pray for him, that is what I am doing. He used to be youth pastor, and I gave him money ( he was single then and very poor), and he was very kind. I do not know what is happening to him, and why, he has turned this way. I wish people knew, I am not gossiping, just needed help with discernment. I will probaly leave, for my spiritual health, and families but, do not want to leave on bitter terms. My husband, wants to, well let me say, he is struggling not to punch him. My husband is very protective of me, and never sees me cry, until last month and this month. I just usually square my shoulders, let it go, get on the Tred Mill, work it out with the person. I honestly do not have conflicts much though. I am very friendly and love people, and will just walk away. Sorry for the long rambiling, just, see my heart and intentions, and if you do not mind pray about my heart, that is does not become embittered, the devil knows this accusation would be the worst, to ever throw at me. Blessings
quote:

ORIGINAL: kohls356

quote:

ORIGINAL: lightshineon

Last Sunday night, he did thank me for being nice to the not pretty people in church.


I just noticed that comment. What did he mean by that comment? Was he talking about what a person looks like or how they act because if he was talking about a persons looks I find that to be an odd comment.



lightshineon -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 10:05:46 AM)

Thank you, I wish I would not have written it, and I cannot shut it down, wish I could. You here on CW are the only ones I can talk too. I do not wish to slander pastor to other memebers of the body. I am so not open to others with problems except in a situation like this. I am very private, to people in real time. Thanks for your kindness, and may God bless you.
quote:

ORIGINAL: solarflare

Noticed a little spring cleaning went on here - that was good.

Light - if I may - I would stop talking about all this at this point - a few people have given you good advice - sounds like there may be some resolve coming anyway (found his cards) - personally, I would shut this down (to avoid further aggravation and ill advice) and then let us know how it went when you talked with him.
I am one of those people that talk things to death - I am learning it just keeps the pain going. Pray - ask for direction and an opportunity to speak with the man - have another party there - write down your points -and trust God to work it out.

That, is what I would do. At this point, some of the advice is conflicting and I think you already have an idea of how you would like to handle it.

All the best - trust in the Lord and don't lean on your own understanding.



solarflare -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 10:10:51 AM)

Hey there - by shut it down I meant - just let it go - quit posting on this - consider it off limits to yourself unless you pray about it - don't worry about anything you wrote - you can't change it anyway. The reality is that you can move forward and I think you should. You don't need to explain yourself any further - I think you feel gulity - you don't have to - just do what you need to do.

Thanks



willfs -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 11:15:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lightshineon

it made me feel funny the manner he ask me.


That, along with the facts of your post would be cause for concern. I have had funny feelings about people and it turned out that something was valid about that.

Okay, you said you didn't want it suger coated. I was around a friend who was constanlty talking about all the bad stuff in our pastor. She constantly complained (gossiped) and it really seemed to cause her a lot of discontentment and anger. I wondered where all of the talking about him to other people in our church was making things better and seemed to be about her letting off a lot of steam (too much). She should have talked to him or talked to someone who could help her change the situation or left the church. I would say that some actions need to take place.



lightshineon -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 1:10:39 PM)

Never talked to anyone about pastor in the church, not my style. Considering options, and praying. Thank You, for advice [:)]If possible I would talk to him, but it is not, so I will just let this go. blessings. BTW not blowing off steam, just feel as I have no one to ask advice in the real world. I am not even mad, just feel as I do not have a friend in the world, ever been there?
quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

quote:

ORIGINAL: lightshineon

it made me feel funny the manner he ask me.


That, along with the facts of your post would be cause for concern. I have had funny feelings about people and it turned out that something was valid about that.

Okay, you said you didn't want it suger coated. I was around a friend who was constanlty talking about all the bad stuff in our pastor. She constantly complained (gossiped) and it really seemed to cause her a lot of discontentment and anger. I wondered where all of the talking about him to other people in our church was making things better and seemed to be about her letting off a lot of steam (too much). She should have talked to him or talked to someone who could help her change the situation or left the church. I would say that some actions need to take place.



willfs -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 1:24:01 PM)

I'm sorry that I related your reaction to my friend too much. I'm sorry I thought it was too much about anger. Yeah, I have been to times like that where you don't know what to do and don't seem to have a friend to go to.

I am probably missing out on some other important info but I would think that if you couldn't talk to the pastor about this then you shouldn't have him as your pastor.



lightshineon -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 1:32:41 PM)

Thank You, I ask you if you would to pray for me, that my heart would be right with the Lord. Thank You.
quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

I'm sorry that I related your reaction to my friend too much. I'm sorry I thought it was too much about anger. Yeah, I have been to times like that where you don't know what to do and don't seem to have a friend to go to.

I am probably missing out on some other important info but I would think that if you couldn't talk to the pastor about this then you shouldn't have him as your pastor.



kohls356 -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 4:46:34 PM)

Not trying to beat a dead horse but just trying to offer some encouragement.

You really seem to be a tenderhearted sensitive person and it seems people like that get hurt easily. I can tell you love the Lord and your church but I just want to tell you, you can serve in other churches. I know it is hard to leave a church, and that is why we stayed longer than we should have in our old church. But when a person has such strong negative feelings about the pastor I really don't know how a person can truly serve in the manner the way God wants us to. If anything you need to really meet with the pastor and get this resolved or it will eat away at you causing much resentment and bitterness, trust me I have been there. I never really got a chance to talk it out with my pastor and his wife when we left and it took me a good 2 1/2 to 3 years before I could even think of them without anger. I knew I had finally forgiven them in my heart when I saw her in a store for the first time just within the last 6 months and was able to speak to her without any kind of negative feeling towards her. It really did just almost consume me for quite awhile and it was a waste of energy and emotion and did hurt my relationship with God and the church for awhile.

I will pray for you, I hope you can find a resolution to this and have peace about your pastor.



Jet_A_Jockey -> RE: How would you take this? (6/19/2008 6:07:11 PM)

Have you considered that this drama detracts you from your focus on Christ? One thing that will help is not even seeing the 'worlds standards' in people, and be there for everyone and anyone. I know it may not be your intention, but by your wording it sounded like you attend to the 'outcasts' partly because of pity. If you truly have the heart for those who feel 'unaccepted', then you'll surely love every true professing Christian, as the world hates us in most things that we do.

Stay out of the drama, and don't let satan take your mind off of what's important. The church is important, yes, but what church is that? Depends on if you are catholic or protestant, of course. And assuming you are protestant, tells me that you believe the 'Church' is the body of Christ, i.e. body of believers. So ditch the building/drama and go somewhere that you can achieve the affairs of God rather than those of man. God be with you.



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