Do you make your kids eat what they take? (Full Version)

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Consecrated2God -> Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 7:58:41 AM)

I wanted to reply to this statement from the other thread, but we were told to stay on topic and start another thread, so here's the other thread.

quote:

I don't think it's sinful to dish up more than you can eat. Everyone does


It's not sinful, but it's wasteful and something we are trying to teach our kids not to do. However, we don't do the "clean your plate" thing, because I think it can lead to weight issues. At home, I serve plates myself to keep them from taking more than they can eat, but at potlucks it's more difficult. How do you keep your kids from taking more than they can eat? How do you teach them not to, and what kinds of punishments do you have for letting food go to waste?



Roberta_ -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 8:10:00 AM)

When mine were little, I would fix their plates for them. As they got older I guided them in doing so, but let them do it themselves. If they didn't finish what they served themselves, they didn't get anything else to eat until the next meal. Most nights we have some type of dessert, even if it's just cookies, so they learned quickly not to take more than they could eat. [;)]



kohls356 -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 8:31:33 AM)

My kids are older and can dish up what they want and eat how much they want. If they don't finish everything it doesn't bother me. We do not like many leftovers so I try to cook only enough for the meal we are going to eat. I don't usually throw much away. If it was a problem that they were taking more than they ate most times I would tell them to not take so much but it doesn't happen too often. I have been guilty of having eyes bigger than my stomach before.

I did fix their plates when they were younger. At potlucks they walked with their dad and I and we would help them fix their plates. It was really irritating to see kids go through the potluck line first and take so much only to sit down and eat a few bites, throw the plate away, and then run off to play. I remember there being many times that a lot of the food was gone by the time the people in the back got through because certain kids would just put too much on their plates. We even announced before hand that kids were to stay with their parents, but it didn't work.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 8:42:53 AM)

At home, this isn't an issue because I dish up plates. When we are away from home, only my oldest (8) gets his own plate. He usually does pretty well with it. If he didn't, I would have my husband or I get his plate the next time as a consequence. We'd also talk with him about not wasting food and making sure there was enough for everyone in line, making it a being considerate of others issue, rather than a food issue.

When we are at potlucks or buffets, I don't care what they eat. It's a special thing and doesn't happen all that often, so the normal rules we have at home are loosened considerably.



lexie -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 8:59:56 AM)

My daughter is too young, but we have this problem with a niece and nephew of mine. They take food and then don't eat it all (often it's not too much, they just want to have the snacks). At home that is fine because we just put aside their food for later (when they ask for snacks).

But when we are out, I dish up their food and dish up less for them and tell them to come back for more if they are hungry. I can't be bothered to fight with them to eat their food, and I think it's rude if we're out and they waste food that someone else has prepared.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 10:14:13 AM)

No, I don't make them. Food is wasted whether they throw it away or eat it when they are eating beyond hunger, but in the latter case, it also is hurting the body.

With that said, my kids don't throw away much food. By trial and error, they now know about how much they are hungry for. Frequently at family dinners or at buffets, they get only one thing at a time, eat it, and then go back for another dish. They self-regulate very well at the ages of 12 and 15--something they would not have learned if I had not let them make mistakes and throw away food.

I have also watched my sister 'eat what she took' to the point of being about 30 pounds overweight at the age of TWELVE, have an extremely disordered relationship with food, and become completely unable to tell whether she is hungry or or full or in between. I have seen her gagging while shoveling in what had clearly been far too much food because of this stupid rule, and THAT IS ABUSIVE. It has NOT taught her to dish up more reasonable portions--it has taught her to lose connection with her stomach.



Roberta_ -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 10:20:51 AM)

Jenny - do you think that her eating disorders come from somewhere else?

We had to eat everything on our plates. So did most of my cousins. I have one cousin who has an eating disorder. Interestingly enough, her parents didn't care what she ate, how much or when. She's always been skinny as a rail.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 10:30:30 AM)

My father's mother was from the Depression era and they were supposed to eat everything on their plates. My father was the same way with my brother and I, and it's so bad that if we don't finish everything he will just so it doesn't waste.

I try to not make my kids do this but it is hard when grandpa does something completely different. When we go to buffets (which is rare) I tell them they do need to watch what they get so they don't waste food. Sometimes I'll have them split an adult entree so they don't have to worry about eating it all, or I'll split one with them.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 10:31:51 AM)

No, I don't think her disordered relationship with food came from any other source than parental and grandparental pressure. It was the same with my when I was a kid. I have been working hard for two years to recover from this, and one of my reasons is so that one day when my sister is ready, she can ask me how.



Roberta_ -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 11:00:32 AM)

I thought eating disorders were more of an emotional control issue than an actual eating issue.



Auben -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 11:02:35 AM)

Generally we dish their up food ourselves.

At potlucks I don't let them take more than 1 serving of any item. They go through line with us so we stop them from taking things we blatantly know they won't eat. The rest is an unknown quantity. Not everyone makes their deviled eggs or their 3 bean salad the same. Sometimes you take something you usually like and you just don't like it made that specific way. We trade a lot within the family so I don't worry too much about waste (don't like it? not hungry? ask your brother if he wants it).

I grew up with in a 'clean your plate' home (at least when my father was home) and consider it unhealthy. I still can't really tell when I'm the right kind of full (just full, not a heavy stomach). I was overweight in my teens while living at home and lost it during college when I could control my eating and activities.



Karaboo2 -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 11:25:42 AM)

We usually dish out the kids plates, but sometimes they dish their own. In that case, if they overloaded their plates, they don't have to finish it -- but can't have anything else until the next meal. We will put their unfinished food in a Tupperware container, and if they want a munchie before the next meal, they can have that.

Buffets and potlucks are basically a non-issue for us. Ds has a large number of food allergies, so on the rare occasion when we do go out, we dish his food out 100% of the time. For potlucks, he knows that anything we made, or anything that our immediate friends have made is okay (they are all well acquainted with his food problems). If he doesn't know the person who made it (in other words, they don't frequent our house) then it is off limits, just to be safe.



bzirk -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 11:32:57 AM)

When my kids were younger, I determined their servings, but as they got older, they quite naturally did that for themselves. Since no one can determine that perfectly, they are not required to eat all of the food they serve themselves unless they are serving themselves in a gluttonous manner, and after they've been warned more than once about it. Then they have to eat it all of it but not necessarily at the same meal. If they can't eat it at one sitting, then it goes in the fridge and they eat from the same plate of food at the next meal. I've only had to keep the same plate of food to eat at the next meal on a couple of occasions over the 20 years I've been a parent.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 1:13:56 PM)

quote:

I thought eating disorders were more of an emotional control issue than an actual eating issue.
I did not say 'eating disorder' I said 'disordered eating' and there is a difference.



locomom -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 3:46:16 PM)

We didn't make our daughter finish what she ate. We did make her take a reasonable portion first and then she could get seconds if she wanted it. That's just part of good manners training. When she did take to much or not finish a significant portion at home, it was put away for next meal or snack.

My brothers and I grew up under the clean your plate rule. We all ended up seriously overweight. I worked to make sure my daughter knew when to quit when she was eating.



cindybode -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 3:54:57 PM)

My youngest 2 boys are the ones most likely to be guilty of serving themselves too much, so right before getting food I will usually say something along the lines of, "There are a lot of people here who want to eat, so please watch how much you're taking. You can always go back if you're still hungry." I know that their eyes tend to be bigger than their stomachs, so most of the time I will go with them. I let them fix their own plate, but I will remind them to take small amounts. My kids tend to be grazers and won't usually eat a lot of food at one sitting, but they seem to foget that when they're in the food line. My husband and I also have a tendency to serve ourselves less than we really want so we can clean up their leftovers.



bzirk -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 3:56:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cindybode

My youngest 2 boys are the ones most likely to be guilty of serving themselves too much, so right before getting food I will usually say something along the lines of, "There are a lot of people here who want to eat, so please watch how much you're taking. You can always go back if you're still hungry." I know that their eyes tend to be bigger than their stomachs, so most of the time I will go with them. I let them fix their own plate, but I will remind them to take small amounts. My kids tend to be grazers and won't usually eat a lot of food at one sitting, but they seem to foget that when they're in the food line. My husband and I also have a tendency to serve ourselves less than we really want so we can clean up their leftovers.


What would you do if they still served themselves too much after you told them not to?



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 5:28:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

How do you keep your kids from taking more than they can eat?


You present to them a picture of a sumo wrestler and ask, "is this what you want you to be when you grow up?"



Roberta_ -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 5:28:54 PM)

LOL!



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 7:16:47 PM)

quote:

You present to them a picture of a sumo wrestler and ask, "is this what you want you to be when you grow up?"

That is ridiculous.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 7:54:37 PM)

It's ridiculous to allow your children to be spoiled and over engulf themselves and further America's issue with obesity.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/18/2008 8:23:35 PM)

And of course, treating fat people as less than human, making fun of them, and basically threatening to not love your child should they ever be overweight is such a great method of doing that.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/19/2008 5:43:03 PM)

I'm so glad you derived that all from my post.

Somebody forgot to take their sarcastic pill.



dianetavegia -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/19/2008 6:22:22 PM)

So, back on topic....... (not really). I HATE it at potlucks when parents allow their children to rush to the front of the line, pile their plates with cookies, brownies, cake and several pieces of the fried chicken to just throw it in the trash while the people who step aside and wait til the end are stuck with four kinds of baked beans and jell-o.

My mother would put my brothers plate in the fridge and that was all he was allowed to eat until it was finished..... breakfast, lunch, supper the NEXT night, etc. So, I never made my kids eat everything on their plate but I did make them eat some of everything I cooked..... squash, asparagus, liver, broccoli, okra.... everything. NONE of them are overweight.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Do you make your kids eat what they take? (6/19/2008 6:46:22 PM)

quote:

So, back on topic....... (not really). I HATE it at potlucks when parents allow their children to rush to the front of the line, pile their plates with cookies, brownies, cake and several pieces of the fried chicken to just throw it in the trash while the people who step aside and wait til the end are stuck with four kinds of baked beans and jell-o.


We actually had something similar happen at our last potluck. There were some late arrivals, and by the time they got there, we had no food left for them. One woman had sent food ahead of her with her husband and son, and even though everyone (we thought!) knew she was coming, the food was gone. Another lady showed up with her two sons, and she had picked up some potato salad from the store and there was a little bit left in the pan when she got there, but not much.

My husband was so embarrased, and was upset because the kids had gone through the line first and taken more than they had needed to. They had also gone back for seconds after everyone else went through the line. In their defense, they ate everything they took, so at least the food didn't end up in the trash, and they probably didn't understand that not everyone had eaten yet when they went back for seconds. I hardly ate anything, because I saw there wasn't much right at the beginning.

The problem wasn't due to kids eating too much as much as it was the fact that people didn't bring enough food. In two of the towns nearby, the water was off because the levee broke during the recent floods. So they weren't able to cook easily, and just ran to the store to pick up something on their way in, like a container of potato salad or a bag of chips. It was still very embarrasing, though.



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