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bzirk -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/20/2008 12:57:58 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
Here is a situation I've been discussing with a few friends lately.
If you have a large family (I'm thinking 4 or more children for this purpose), and you go over to someone's house to visit, do you bring snacks for your children, or does the person provide snacks for your child. Is it on a case by case basis?
For example, we have friends who have four children. Whenever they come to visit the kids are asking for snacks. When I do my grocery shopping, I buy enough for my family for the week. If I know people will be coming, then I will buy extra to provide for them. But if they drop by, I don't really have much to share.
The first time they stopped by and I provided snacks when they asked, they ate all of the snacks I had bought for my daughter that week (I have a set grocery budget, which is why it kind of annoyed me). The next time I gave them a set amount of food, and when they continued to come back asking for food I told them I didn't have anymore to share. They then told their mom that they were hungry, and their mom asked me for more snacks for them.
Another friend says she has the same issue with that family, that she doesn't really have the grocery budget to provide food for that many people, the way the children want to eat (the kids will snack and snack and snack as long as there is food in front of them).
So if you have a large family (or even a small family) do you take snacks with you when you go to someone's house? Do you work out something with the person beforehand? Do you tell your children not to ask for a snack, and only take one if offered? Or is it just a non-issue for you and friends?
BTW...it's not an issue I'm stressing over, it's just something that has come up in discussion (so in other words, don't tell me I'm overreacting[;)]), I'm just wondering what other people do in this situation.
That mom was wrong to ask you that. Unless it was an emergency, I'm hardpressed to think she was being considerate in asking you for more snacks.
As to your question, I deal with this on a case by case basis. There are people who cannot afford to feed all of my kids and it's not considerate to assume they should. In fact, there are numerous times that we don't go to weddings that all of us are invited to (and we're invited to a lot of weddings) because we don't want people to have to feed six more people. But there are also people who get offended if they think you are bringing your own food to their house. They take it as a slap to their ability to show hospitality. So I try to be wise in recognizing whom I'm dealing with.
As to my children asking for a snack, we have always discouraged that. Certainly, they can ask for a glass of water at anyone's house, but I've hopefully taught them to be circumspect about whom they're dealing with as well. Of course how close we are to the people is factored in. We have some people who are almost like family, and it doesn't bother me for their kids to get something out of my refrigerator or pantry to eat or drink, but those kids don't put it. They know the boundaries -- how much and what to take. My kids have that freedom at that family's house as well. But that's the exception. They are not that familiar with other people. For the most part, my kids have been taught to try to refrain from requesting things at someone's house. Sometimes they can't help it if they are in a situation where they haven't eaten for quite a while and can't get to any food and their dad or I are not around to help them get something to eat, then they can politely ask for something.
When they were little, I dealt with those issues for them, and I told them to watch how I handled it, and they realized over the years that the rule of thumb is you do not ask for food or drink in most people's homes.
I guess I'm old school, but that's how I was raised, I'm really surprised at how bold some kids are today. I've had kids I barely know go into my pantry or fridge, and I've had to tell them more or less that this was overstepping bounds. As for feeding snacks to kids who come in my house, I've learned to have snack foods for my kids and their friends and they can drink all the water they want. Anything else requires asking. As kids get older, this is a good thing to do or you will be run ragged by kids going through your pantry -- possibly including your own kids. LOL!
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