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RE: Question for parents of large families. - 6/20/2008 8:43:24 AM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4938
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
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If we have a friend here during a meal time, we feed the friend. With a family of eight, having one more isn't a big deal, but if our kids are over at one of their friends' house during meal time, we make very sure ahead of time that it's okay and they have enough and are willing to feed them, and we offer to bring sandwich stuff for them because having an additional six kids with no notice is entirely different.
quote:
See, I would find this approach to be very rude if my kids ever said that to one of their friends.
I've always taught my kids it's rude to eat in front of people, and if there's not enough to go around, they just don't eat until their friends leave.
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RE: Question for parents of large families. - 6/20/2008 9:22:19 AM
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Homegrownkids
Posts: 1161
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quote:
I've always taught my kids it's rude to eat in front of people, and if there's not enough to go around, they just don't eat until their friends leave.
This is how I should of worded it. We have kids here all day long, every day. Sometimes as many as 5 extra kids. Mrs. Wifey... do you know how expensive it is to feed a total of 10 kids every day?? Even if I did use popcorn... that is quite a bit of popcorn in a week and I don't feel like I need to be the responsible party to feed a bunch of neighborhood kids. If they were in need of food... then YES, I would feed them!!! But, most of these kids come from very well off families and are well taken care of. There are situations when my children do come in and ask me if they can have a snack. But, in general, we do not feed snacks to kids that are here everyday. I don't think hospitality needs to revolve around food.
< Message edited by Homegrownkids -- 6/20/2008 9:50:02 AM >
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RE: Question for parents of large families. - 6/20/2008 9:44:19 AM
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Auben
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From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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We weren't allowed to ask and neither are my kids.
Even when we go to visit grandparents my children come to me to ask for food and then I can assess if the request is reasonable and has good timing. If I think it is I tell them to ask the host or hostess. When I'm gone they understand they can ask Grandma directly.
I have no problem feeding guests when they're here and no problem telling kids that this is all the snacks we have. If my friend asked for them I would tell her the same. Most mothers understand and respond appropriately.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Question for parents of large families. - 6/20/2008 12:10:36 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5100
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
I've always taught my kids it's rude to eat in front of people, and if there's not enough to go around, they just don't eat until their friends leave.
That I understand but I would never, ever want them to say "sorry, we aren't allowed to eat since your over." Maybe it's regional, but it's just plain old rude where I grew up.
And no, hospitality doesn't have to revolve around food but it's certainly something I plan for when we have people over. Growing up we were the neighborhood "safe house" and my mom often fed the whole lot of us, but it wasn't ever anything more then peanut butter and jelly. When my Dad was pastoring most of our gatherings involved food and we had other people over 5 nights out of 7 for dinner(although they usually brought something to add).
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RE: Question for parents of large families. - 6/20/2008 12:57:58 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 2945
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
Here is a situation I've been discussing with a few friends lately.
If you have a large family (I'm thinking 4 or more children for this purpose), and you go over to someone's house to visit, do you bring snacks for your children, or does the person provide snacks for your child. Is it on a case by case basis?
For example, we have friends who have four children. Whenever they come to visit the kids are asking for snacks. When I do my grocery shopping, I buy enough for my family for the week. If I know people will be coming, then I will buy extra to provide for them. But if they drop by, I don't really have much to share.
The first time they stopped by and I provided snacks when they asked, they ate all of the snacks I had bought for my daughter that week (I have a set grocery budget, which is why it kind of annoyed me). The next time I gave them a set amount of food, and when they continued to come back asking for food I told them I didn't have anymore to share. They then told their mom that they were hungry, and their mom asked me for more snacks for them.
Another friend says she has the same issue with that family, that she doesn't really have the grocery budget to provide food for that many people, the way the children want to eat (the kids will snack and snack and snack as long as there is food in front of them).
So if you have a large family (or even a small family) do you take snacks with you when you go to someone's house? Do you work out something with the person beforehand? Do you tell your children not to ask for a snack, and only take one if offered? Or is it just a non-issue for you and friends?
BTW...it's not an issue I'm stressing over, it's just something that has come up in discussion (so in other words, don't tell me I'm overreacting  ), I'm just wondering what other people do in this situation.
That mom was wrong to ask you that. Unless it was an emergency, I'm hardpressed to think she was being considerate in asking you for more snacks.
As to your question, I deal with this on a case by case basis. There are people who cannot afford to feed all of my kids and it's not considerate to assume they should. In fact, there are numerous times that we don't go to weddings that all of us are invited to (and we're invited to a lot of weddings) because we don't want people to have to feed six more people. But there are also people who get offended if they think you are bringing your own food to their house. They take it as a slap to their ability to show hospitality. So I try to be wise in recognizing whom I'm dealing with.
As to my children asking for a snack, we have always discouraged that. Certainly, they can ask for a glass of water at anyone's house, but I've hopefully taught them to be circumspect about whom they're dealing with as well. Of course how close we are to the people is factored in. We have some people who are almost like family, and it doesn't bother me for their kids to get something out of my refrigerator or pantry to eat or drink, but those kids don't put it. They know the boundaries -- how much and what to take. My kids have that freedom at that family's house as well. But that's the exception. They are not that familiar with other people. For the most part, my kids have been taught to try to refrain from requesting things at someone's house. Sometimes they can't help it if they are in a situation where they haven't eaten for quite a while and can't get to any food and their dad or I are not around to help them get something to eat, then they can politely ask for something.
When they were little, I dealt with those issues for them, and I told them to watch how I handled it, and they realized over the years that the rule of thumb is you do not ask for food or drink in most people's homes.
I guess I'm old school, but that's how I was raised, I'm really surprised at how bold some kids are today. I've had kids I barely know go into my pantry or fridge, and I've had to tell them more or less that this was overstepping bounds. As for feeding snacks to kids who come in my house, I've learned to have snack foods for my kids and their friends and they can drink all the water they want. Anything else requires asking. As kids get older, this is a good thing to do or you will be run ragged by kids going through your pantry -- possibly including your own kids. LOL!
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may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: Question for parents of large families. - 6/20/2008 2:07:53 PM
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Homegrownkids
Posts: 1161
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.... like I said, I worded that wrong. My children don't say that exact phrase so this is a poor example to use. My children know that they can't feed a friend at anytime. The don't tell them they can't eat because THEY (refering to friend) are there. Yes, that does come off as rude.
For years we fed their little friends, it got to be that they would seldom go to their own homes for food. We had to make rules because we just couldn't afford it. I can't help that this seems rude, but it is just how it is. Our family is a pastors family also. We are living below poverty income level. When company is expected (invited) I offer them food. When it is children that are here daily, it doesn't bother me NOT to feed them. THey live right across the street... I just don't see the need. Our house is a neighbor hood "safe" house, too. IF I have food, I will offer it. But, I am not one of these snack moms that always has something. My own children go through more food that we can afford at times, and sometimes we go days snackless.
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RE: Question for parents of large families. - 6/20/2008 2:08:57 PM
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Homegrownkids
Posts: 1161
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I suppose I am getting off subject... I will keep my posts on subject now.
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RE: Question for parents of large families. - 6/20/2008 2:28:40 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 2945
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Where the deer and antelope play
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Homegrownkids,
Been there, done that on kids raiding my house for food. I had to set very definite boundaries about what is available, and when it's gone, oh, well, it's gone, and I don't run out and buy more until it's time to buy more. I've noticed that my kids learned to control their friends once my kids knew they were going to go without as a result of their friends having little or no control. LOL! OKay, this is mostly about my son's friends, and he's 15, so he's more than old enough to say to a friend, "Hey, man, if you eat that, I'm not going to get anymore and neither are you." But when he was little, I controlled this. What helped me is to make it clear what I find an accpetable request. It is amazing how poeple don't have a probelm if you're up front about what is available. For instance when those kids asked Lexie for more snacks, she said that was all, and frankly, she was dead on right. The other mother is the one who was wrong.
< Message edited by bzirk -- 6/20/2008 2:36:02 PM >
_____________________________
may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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