Does your view of God affect your potential list?

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joy2give2u -> Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 10:09:33 AM)
Last night as I observed two of my pastors a crazy thought came to my mind..... Lord if I can have a list then I want this characteristic from Pastor JW and these from Pastor JJ. Lord I want to marry a man who has the heart of Pastor JW. A man who is so in love with you that his every thought centers around you. A man, with such an intimate walk with you, his greatest desire, the longing of his heart ,is to see you manifested more and more in his life and the life of others. Lord I desire to marry a man like Pastor JJ who has such a passion for knowledge and history. Who comes alive when he is talking about the culture,people, activities of the people when Jesus walked the earth. A man who doesn't just read his bible but absorbs it.....lets it become a part of him. Lord I want to marry a man who doesn't want to just learn about You but desires to experience You each day and to help others experience You as well........A man who believes we can engage You through all our senses and that knowing you is more then sitting in a church pew, reading the bible and praying........A man who knows how to be still before you Lord and hears your voice..........A man who has an amazing anointing in teaching yet will humble himself, at the feet of another, because he knows God will speak if he is willing to listen. *************************************************************************** I think of my relationship with the Lord. The way my relationship with Him has grown in intimacy. I think of how close I thought I was to the Lord through out my life only to realize later how little I knew Him. A few months ago, if asked, I would have said I had a deep, intimate relationship with the Lord, but now looking back, through the intimacy I now have, I see how much deeper my relationship with him is today then it was back then.......and I know that in a few months I will look back to this day and be amazed at how much closer He and I have grown. I will know Him so differently. As my relationship grows in intimacy with the Lord my idea or list of who I desire to marry changes. I use to know God as my provider, protector, confidant and shoulder to lean on. I knew he loved me and in his arms I felt safe. As I observed men I would look for the same qualities in a potential husband. I even had a gentleman tell me the only reason I thought I was drawn to him was because of the qualities he offered as a husband. Because he would make a good husband. I have realized the last few weeks that though those things are a part of who a husband will be in my life........just as they are a part of the role God plays in my life........I want more. I no longer love God because he provides for me.........because he protects me and makes me feel safe........though he does do those things......but I love God and seek to be in is presence because he is so much more. The more intimate I become with the Lord, the more my thoughts of what I desire in a husband change, and I am no longer willing to settle for less of a relationship with my husband. My relationship with the Lord has a direct correlation to the type of relationship I desire in marriage. The more intimate I become with the Lord, the more he reveals his character to me, the more I desire those things in a husband. Does your view of the Lord play a role in how you see a man/woman as a potential mate? Have you found the closer your relationship grows with the Lord the things you thought you wanted in a spouse change? How does your view of God affect your view of a possible marriage partner? Have things which were top priorities on your list been replaced or changed as God reveals more and more of himself to you?

Focusing -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 11:15:08 AM)
quote: Does your view of the Lord play a role in how you see a man/woman as a potential mate? Yes. If our relationship with the Lord is sincere, how can it not?

joy2give2u -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 11:41:26 AM)
Hey Sam thank you for replying. May I ask you how? How has your growing intimacy with the Lord changed how you see potential husbands?

AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 11:59:11 AM)
. . . . ...... being closer with the LORD has significantly reduced the items on my 'potential' list... I know the LORD will grant me the desires of my heart... and sometimes I don't even know how deep those desires are... but He does. His gift of a mate to me will be more than I could even chose for myself... Doing away with many things.... (all things?) on my list has been freeing for me.... My SO has a few habits that would never be on my list... but the rest of him... his heart for the LORD... drowns out his short falls by a long shot. I trust the LORD with my life.... my SO is a big part of my life.... he was truly a gift from God...

Focusing -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 12:24:28 PM)
It's easy ... the closer I draw to God, and see His tender touch in my life, always surrounding me, always caring for me, always wanting what's best for me ... the more I seek to please Him. I see a potential husband similarly. God will come first in his life, and he will demonstrate his love for me in a gentle manner, and in return I will desire to do the same. Marriage vows sum it up nicely: love, honor, respect

iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 12:34:23 PM)
throwing some answers out before i think TOO much so i reserve the right to to ammend :) also i'll try to respond to the questions separately altho there is some overlap in my answers i think Does your view of the Lord play a role in how you see a man/woman as a potential mate? this might be more of a gender issue ... for a guy, there is none of this 'Jesus is my boyfriend' stuff ... my faith tells me to love my wife as Christ loved the church ... but this is an action and not a characteristic in a woman ... Have you found the closer your relationship grows with the Lord the things you thought you wanted in a spouse change? probably ... as my relationship changed from attending to church to reading His Word, praying, participating in ministries ... i've desired a spouse that did likewise ... i mean if i was at a place where i only went to church, i wouldn't necesssarily seek after someone who read the Bible daily.... knowing how important it is to read the Bible...makes me now want a spouse who thinks it's important too and wants to do bible studies together sometimes...etc How does your view of God affect your view of a possible marriage partner? well my view of God includes God's views on marriage so naturally i want our union to be a reflection of His love to others. so in this, i'd want to be on same page regarding our passion for God Have things which were top priorities on your list been replaced or changed as God reveals more and more of himself to you? i think perhaps so. i'll give an example here. i really enjoy playing board & card games and in my marriage we'd often play a game or three after our daughter went to bed or have game night at our friends. so when i first heard this whole list concept, i thought to myself, okay the next mrs. iwillfearnoevil will really need to like to play games too. then months later i started thinking, what if God doesn't really want my evenings filled with games all the time lol. i really don't know what's in store for me and what wonderful plans God will have involving myself and mrs. i willfearnoevil but i don't want to put God in a box by insisting on a trait that is not central to His purpose for my life.

shemaromans -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 1:13:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joy2give2u The more intimate I become with the Lord, the more he reveals his character to me, the more I desire those things in a husband. I agree. God is both just and merciful. I want my husband to be solidly grounded in biblical truth but also adhere to these truths with gentleness and love. quote: Does your view of the Lord play a role in how you see a man/woman as a potential mate? Yes. God is a personal God. He wants us to have an open, loving relationship with him and to trust in him in all things. As such, I want my relationship with my husband to be transparent, and I want to trust that my husband will direct our life together according to God's will. quote: Have you found the closer your relationship grows with the Lord the things you thought you wanted in a spouse change? I like what IWFNE wrote about gaming. :) I actually removed "a gaming spirit" from my mental list a couple of years ago because I know that it isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. :) God's changed me a lot since saving me (the sanctification process), the past two years especially. I'm much more interested in the thought process, motives of the heart, and commitment to growing in God than I am in particulars of personality. That said, I still think that personality traits and hobbies factor into our choice of mate. quote: How does your view of God affect your view of a possible marriage partner? God is holy and wants us to strive to be the same. "Be holy because I am holy." My potential husband should have this command as a goal and should actively work towards it (with God's help, of course). I've struggled with commitment and respect for authority throughout my life. It wasn't until God worked in me and changed me that I was able to understand and accept their purpose. Because of God and with his help, I'll be able to submit to my husband. I'll be very careful prior to getting married, though, to observe and make sure that my husband will be a man after God's heart and that he possesses the characteristics that I've written about above. quote: Have things which were top priorities on your list been replaced or changed as God reveals more and more of himself to you? My top priorities since being saved have centered on God, so they haven't changed as my relationship with God has grown. They've just become even more obvious and important.

joy2give2u -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 2:11:56 PM)
quote: Marriage vows sum it up nicely: love, honor, respect Have you found your definition of love, honor, and respect have changed as your relationship with the Lord has changed? I have. Love looks completely different today then it did 6 months, a year ago. Honor and respect have taken on a deeper meaning. I use to respect a man who could stand up for himself in an argument or debate. Now I respect a man who can humbly sit at the feet of another and hear what God is saying through their words. And honor....wow what a different. The things I use to see as honorable don't even compare to what I consider honorable now. quote: my faith tells me to love my wife as Christ loved the church How has your growing relationship with God changed how you define loving the church? Do you see God's love the same today as you did when you first became a Christian? quote: God is holy and wants us to strive to be the same. "Be holy because I am holy." My potential husband should have this command as a goal and should actively work towards it (with God's help, of course). What does being Holy look like to you now compared to when you first began your relationship with the Lord? quote: Does your view of the Lord play a role in how you see a man/woman as a potential mate? big time. quote: Have you found the closer your relationship grows with the Lord the things you thought you wanted in a spouse change? Yes. When I first began to build an intimate relationship with the Lord my heart was cold and dead. God breathed life in me and I came alive. I looked for men who made me feel alive. Later I went on a mission trip and God provided for me in amazing ways.....I knew him as my provider and I looked for a man who would be a good provider........I got involved in a relationship which was not of the Lord and God protected and rescued me....As I began to know aspects, characteristics of the Lord, personally and not just from being told he was these things I began to seek those things in a husband.......... Though I know those are things I want in my relationship, because they reflect God, in the past I would have settled for those things because I thought they were all I needed........as I grow in intimacy with the Lord, begin to see him face more and more.....here his voice more and more......I realize that to desire only the things I desired in a mate in the past would mean settling........I want so much more.....I want a man who walks hand and hand with the Lord. A man who hears his voice and sees His face........What I desire in a husband looks far different then what I desired when I first came to the Lord seeking forgiveness and love. quote: How does your view of God affect your view of a possible marriage partner? It changes my standards and requires I see a man through God's eyes and not my own. It is amazing how different a man looks when you switch the eyes through which you view him. quote: Have things which were top priorities on your list been replaced or changed as God reveals more and more of himself to you? My priorities have changed as God has revealed more and more of himself to me. When I first began to seek God my top priorities were spending time in the bible, praying, being involved in leading women's groups and trying to live a perfect life as a good little Christian girl. Now my priorities are to seek His face, listen to His voice and walk more and more in the kingdom of heaven here on earth and less in the world.....Ironically my new priorities enable me to meet my old priorities with little effort.... Yes my top priorities have changed.....Before I did know Jesus came so that we could shine His Glory on earth...Now I strive to reflect His glory....I did not know what it meant to walk in the footsteps of the rabbi.....now I seek to feel the dust of his foot upon my feet.........yes I would say my top priorities have changed.......I have changed.

WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 2:33:08 PM)
I am looking/waiting[:)] for a man who has a walk similar to my own.....I do not have a list. I am waiting with great antisipation for God to reveal His will in a husband, as he did before. As my relationship with the Lord becomes more intimate, I begin to trust Him more and more with each and every area of my life. I too enjoy seeing the qualities of God being revealed as I become closer to him, However, I never confuse God's love and characteristics with human ones, My future husband will not need to embody all of the wonderful characteristics of God, just be striving to attain as many as possible as I am. I know that I will have to allow room for failure and allow him to be the falible human that he will be and as I am.[:D] ~Blessings~

joy2give2u -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 3:06:31 PM)
quote: My future husband will not need to embody all of the wonderful characteristics of God, just be striving to attain as many as possible as I am. I know that I will have to allow room for failure and allow him to be the falible human that he will be and as I am. This is key. The more intimate my relationship with the Lord grows, the more I see others through his eyes, the less I care about his weaknesses and the more I see his strengths. When we begin to see ourselves and others through the eyes of Jesus the more we see the reflection of Him in them.

WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/19/2008 3:17:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joy2give2u quote: My future husband will not need to embody all of the wonderful characteristics of God, just be striving to attain as many as possible as I am. I know that I will have to allow room for failure and allow him to be the falible human that he will be and as I am. This is key. The more intimate my relationship with the Lord grows, the more I see others through his eyes, the less I care about his weaknesses and the more I see his strengths. When we begin to see ourselves and others through the eyes of Jesus the more we see the reflection of Him in them. Yes, I agree!

vikingfan -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 12:16:27 AM)
As my mom likes to say, "People attract people like themselves." If you want someone on fire for God, become that way yourself...in other words, look at what you want spiritually and then examine yourself carefully to make sure that you yourself are there. if not, we can all grow!

Dakotasunbeam -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 12:23:05 AM)
The only thing I am looking for in my future DH, is to look into his eyes and see the love of God. If I see that, then I'll know. Time and growth with God has given me great discerning ability. That is what I look for. I don't expect I'll have a perfect man, nor anyone that comes near to God and His great kindness toward me. My view of my future DH is very real and practical. I'm not looking for an Angel. There are no angels here. I simply need to see the love of Christ glowing warm and alive in his eyes. The closer I grow to God, and the more He refines me and I see how far away from His standard I am, the more I know, that it will be His love and devotion to God living inside him and me, that will be the only thing that keeps us together in the end and makes it all worthwhile. Blessings!

AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 9:35:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: vikingfan As my mom likes to say, "People attract people like themselves." If you want someone on fire for God, become that way yourself...in other words, look at what you want spiritually and then examine yourself carefully to make sure that you yourself are there. if not, we can all grow! . . . . ........ this is true in my experience too.... So many people 'wait' to become what they want to be.... until they get married.... Be what or who you want to be now! Take those steps!!! We don't need to wait for that man in order to better ourselves or have a closer relationship with God! .... because in the end... it's just us... and God... ya know? [;)]

joy2give2u -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 10:37:27 AM)
quote: I simply need to see the love of Christ glowing warm and alive in his eyes. I think for me I need to see a hunger to know Christ more and more in his eyes. People can love the Lord and not be hungry to know him more........ quote: His love and devotion to God living inside him and me, that will be the only thing that keeps us together in the end and makes it all worthwhile. I wonder about this........though at first glance I agree and think yes he just needs to love and have a devotion to God living in him........but then I think what does that look like? I believe God speaks to us directly. I believe God speaks powerfully through the bible but it is not the only way he speaks. If I were to marry a man who believes God only speaks through the bible and he doesn't believe the things God speaks to me through nature would our relationship work? I doubt it. The same could be true with healing or words of wisdom. I believe God still heals. If I were to marry a man, who loves God with all his heart, yet does not believe God heals how could we be one? How could we be in agreement when it comes to laying hands on someone and asking God to heal them? I think it sounds all good and wonderful to say all that matter is that he loves the Lord with all his heart and for God to be alive within Him.....but I really wonder if that is true. If I believe that the gospel message is that we can share in the glory of our Lord Jesus, that our inheritance is the light of the Glory of God reflected off the face of Jesus into our hearts and that we can walk in his presence on earth and my husband believes the gospel message is to save people from hell so that they will go to heaven.........Would the fact we both love God with all our hearts and he is alive in both of our lives be enough? I don't know. Thanks Dakotasunbeam for you post. It is giving me lots to think about.

AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 2:22:53 PM)
quote: I think it sounds all good and wonderful to say all that matter is that he loves the Lord with all his heart and for God to be alive within Him.....but I really wonder if that is true. . . . . ...... I think this walks hand in hand with what Dakota was saying.... We will mostly recognize people who love the LORD like crazy.... because they will possess familiar characteristics to what we know... ourselves... In my experience.... Dave loves the LORD in a much similar manner to the way I love the LORD.... it's one of the things that attracts me to him.... Dave loves serving the LORD through prison ministry.... so do I.... I truly don't think I could build a relationship with someone who didn't actively serve the LORD..... because it's how I live my life....

Blazingson -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 2:40:30 PM)
I believe that if you have a genuine relationship with God and not just being a pretender, it can't help but affect every part of you life. Including your potentials list. In fact, i believe that if your relationship is right and you trust the Lord the way you should, there is no list. You would be waiting on the Lord to provide out of His wisdom and love. Instead of telling Him what you think you want and need.

Blazingson -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 2:42:23 PM)
quote: In my experience.... Dave loves the LORD in a much similar manner to the way I love the LORD.... it's one of the things that attracts me to him.... Dave loves serving the LORD through prison ministry.... so do I.... I truly don't think I could build a relationship with someone who didn't actively serve the LORD..... because it's how I live my life.... Is it a requirement that he actively serve in the same way you do? Sharing the same interests, talents, passions and skills?

AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 4:18:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blazingson quote: In my experience.... Dave loves the LORD in a much similar manner to the way I love the LORD.... it's one of the things that attracts me to him.... Dave loves serving the LORD through prison ministry.... so do I.... I truly don't think I could build a relationship with someone who didn't actively serve the LORD..... because it's how I live my life.... Is it a requirement that he actively serve in the same way you do? Sharing the same interests, talents, passions and skills? . . . ..... lol! No, it's not a requirement! (I'm too much of a free spirit!) [;)] I just think it's a waste of our lives if we are here on this earth to live.... for us. If he loves doing something else for Jesus... or has other talents... that would be cool, too.... I think my relationship with Dave is closer..... because we think much alike.... and often know what each other is thinking during a conversation with just one look.... that comes from having an interest in the same area of service.... Welcome to the forums, Blazingson!

joy2give2u -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 4:24:54 PM)
quote: In fact, i believe that if your relationship is right and you trust the Lord the way you should, there is no list. You would be waiting on the Lord to provide out of His wisdom and love. Instead of telling Him what you think you want and need. LOL Hey Eric welcome by the way.......As for the list, as a new person, you would not know how much discussion has been on this site about list. I don't believe in a written, well thought out, list because I think it is too easy to search based on the list instead of listening to the Holy Spirit but I do think God is ok with us seeing his reflection in another and saying.....Lord please bless me with a man with a heart such as his...... Or as a man for you to see Jesus reflected in a woman and pray........Lord please give me a wife who reflect you in such a way. Do you?

shemaromans -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 4:47:29 PM)
quote: God is holy and wants us to strive to be the same. "Be holy because I am holy." My potential husband should have this command as a goal and should actively work towards it (with God's help, of course). quote: What does being Holy look like to you now compared to when you first began your relationship with the Lord? Good question. I've spent some time considering it. Here's what's come to me so far. I'll post more specific examples later. From the time God saved me, his character has always been one of my primary focuses. Since I learned about his character from the beginning, I still see him the same way (he doesn't change). My comprehension of the holiness of God hasn't changed, but my appreciation for him has deepened immensely. He's changed me.

joy2give2u -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 5:24:54 PM)
When I read your post Shemaromans I thought of something my pastor always says......... "When we see Him like he is we will be like Him" quote: Since I learned about his character from the beginning, I still see him the same way (he doesn't change Interesting. I am wondering though since we are continuing to learn more and more about His character and as we are changing to reflect Him more and more, won't our perspective of who he is change as well? I use to "know" God was my protector because scripture told me he was but until he sent his warring angels to circle me and protect me from someone who was trying to kill me I didn't really "know" him as my protector. He has not changed but my understanding of his protecting character has changed. No longer are they words I believe........but how I live.

AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 5:35:56 PM)
. . . . ..... I was thinking along the same lines... My perspective of God has changed... Just as when I was a child... I thought my dad was sooo tall and strong.... .... only to see a picture of me next to my dad from those days... to realize.... he wasn't as tall or as strong as I thought.... It's the opposite for me and God.... I see Him now as more powerful than ever.... Completely able.... and to be held in reverence at all times... (which doesn't mean we can't joke around... but I remind myself that He is God.... and nothing less.)

Blazingson -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 6:32:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joy2give2u quote: In fact, i believe that if your relationship is right and you trust the Lord the way you should, there is no list. You would be waiting on the Lord to provide out of His wisdom and love. Instead of telling Him what you think you want and need. LOL Hey Eric welcome by the way.......As for the list, as a new person, you would not know how much discussion has been on this site about list. I don't believe in a written, well thought out, list because I think it is too easy to search based on the list instead of listening to the Holy Spirit but I do think God is ok with us seeing his reflection in another and saying.....Lord please bless me with a man with a heart such as his...... Or as a man for you to see Jesus reflected in a woman and pray........Lord please give me a wife who reflect you in such a way. Do you? Thanks for the welcome. I do know about the discussions that have gone on concerning "The List". (Sounds so ominous, doesn't it? "The List" DUM, DUM, DUM) I've been what you call "lurking" for almost a year before registering to post. I think that having a list, either mental or physically written down on paper, is wrong. I know, being the fallible humans we are, that there will be characteristics that appeal to us as individuals. But going to God in prayer demanding, or even requesting, that a future mate possess these qualities we've set our hearts on, is taking the lead away from God and into our own hands. Or as you say, asking "Lord please give me a wife who reflects you in such a way." is useless. Being the God he is, how could he do less? No matter what we are, Christian, Athiest, Jew, Muslim, Catholic, Islam, Mormon or worldly; it will color our views on what a potential needs to be. As an Athiest, I wouldn't seek to date nor marry a Christian or any other person who worships a higher power. Likewise as a Muslim, how could I even allow the thought of marriage to an "Infidel" enter my mind. The affect will occur whether we think about it consciously or not. It can't be helped because it's part of who we are.

joy2give2u -> RE: Does your view of God affect your potential list? (6/20/2008 7:04:38 PM)
quote: (Sounds so ominous, doesn't it? "The List" DUM, DUM, DUM) Yes it does...especially with your added sound effects........[:D] quote: I've been what you call "lurking" for almost a year before registering to post. Interesting. Why would someone lurk for a year before joining all the fun [:D][:D] I probably should have lurked for a year before getting drawn in........maybe I would have stayed away then LOLOLOL......thanks Rach LOL quote: But going to God in prayer demanding, or even requesting, that a future mate possess these qualities we've set our hearts on, is taking the lead away from God and into our own hands . How is it any different then going to the Lord and praying for marriage in our lives? Doesn't God want us to come to him with our prayer request? Is a prayer request really ever about God in that he already knows what is on our hearts before we pray. Isn't the real reason we pray so that we can come along side God in the request he already knows is there? If so wouldn't noticing how another's heart reflects God really be us coming into agreement with the Lord with what we desire in a mate......since it is Him who opened our eyes to seeing the person the way and he says he will give us the desires of our hearts...... is it possible he does this so that we will be more aware when he brings his chosen person to us? quote: Being the God he is, how could he do less? True thus why I think such a request or prayer is more about us becoming aware of what we desire in a man then our need for God to be aware.......God already knows the desires of our hearts.......sometimes it is us who doesn't. quote: The affect will occur whether we think about it consciously or not. It can't be helped because it's part of who we are .True.......yet does that mean opening our eyes and seeing how we have changed is a bad thing? I posted this thread on a whim......the thought crossed my mind so I posted it without giving a lot of thought to the questions. But as I read the responses and thought about the questions, I was amazed to find how I have changed. The things I use to think were so important are no longer the most important things. As I change and grow towards the Lord my view of him grows and changes.......so does my view of potential husbands.

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