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Prairiehiker -> singleness and friendships (6/19/2008 8:18:33 PM)

How do you feel about the idea of being single for life?

I don't know about most of you, but when I'm trying to accept that God might not have anyone for me, I feel an extreme loneliness of sort. I don't want to imagine it, but I can't help feel that that's what's in store for me. And the thought is unbearable.

It used to be that when my best friend was here that I didn't feel like this. But she moved away and finding friends that you can talk to at all hours is just about as hard as finding a partner. I've prayed that if God doesn't have a mate for me, to at least help me develop some real friendship. SO far, it's not happening. I can't seem to find anyone I have anything in common with. Just because someone is a Christian doesn't automatically make it easy to connect with them.

How about you guys? How do you feel about being single and building real friendships instead of waiting for a mate that might not ever come. Do you have friends that you can talk to and confide everything to like I had with my best friend (well, we still talk for hours, but every once in a while as it's long distance). Do you think having friends would make the challenges of being single a lot easier?



Cloak -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/19/2008 9:54:11 PM)

Have you ever thought about relocation? May be the place you're staying at there are no folks that can match your style.

If you belong to a good church, chances are you're more likely to find a good friend there. Workplace is another good place to find a same gender friend, neighbourhood also, volunteer jobs.

Sometimes being alone could be an opportunity to deepen our relationship with the Lord. I have been friendless (no friends at all from both genders) for so many years and that helped me to deepen and strengthen my relationship with the Lord.

Prayers and [sm=hug.gif]



Pauley464 -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/19/2008 10:00:01 PM)

At times, I feel the same way you do. I sometimes think that God intends for me to be single for life. That there is nobody out there that will love me and I will never experience the emotional intimacy that comes with being that close to another person. And when I get to feeling that way, it is the loneliest and most frightening feeling I've ever known. It's those times that I begin to get angry and bitter. Even though I know that if that is what God desires for my life it's the best thing for me.

I have some friends that are very close, but it can never take the place of a wife. Having friends will make it easier but it can never be the same.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 12:27:10 AM)

I do not think I will be single all of my life. But, what I have learned, is to be content. I have learned to get my needs met through God. I've found that working out my own soul's salvation is quite the task. I've also learned that God wants us to give our life away. The more we hold on to it and our desires, the more we lose. Let it go. And watch it fly away into blue skies like a red helium balloon. [:)]



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 9:34:44 AM)

Dear Prairie and Pauley;

I experience similar feelings when I think of being single the rest of my life. In fact, the loneliness at those times can be almost physically painful!!

But the problem when that happens, I've discovered, lies with me; not with the possibility of singleness for the rest of my life.

God promises to give us the grace to deal with whatever He allows to happen to us. But He doesn't give us all of our grace at once for everything we're going to face in life, and then let us deal it out as we need it. He gives us the grace we need at the moment we need it--and not before.

So when I start thinking about being single my whole life, it DOES hurt, and it's almost overwhelmingly painful because I am trying to deal with something for a whole lifetime in one moment. I don't have the grace reserves to do it, so I can't!

But if I face singleness one day or one moment at a time, which is the scriptural way we are instructed to deal with life, then I have plenty of grace at each moment to deal with my singleness.

I hope this is making sense.

I am not single-for-my-whole-life today. I am only single for today. I have no way of knowing whether I'll be single tomorrow, or next year or the day I die...that's all in God's hands. If I try to cope with a lifetime of singleness with the amount of grace available to me just at this moment, it's like trying to put out a huge forest fire with a five gallon bucket. Can't be done. But if I use the grace He has given me for today to deal with the loneliness of today, then I have plenty of water to put out the little campfire. He has given me sufficient grace to face my singleness at this moment...but not enough to face a lifetime of it.

So my answer, when the possibility of loneliness for the rest of my life starts to overwhelm me, is to tell myself the truth...

I am not single for my whole life today. I am only single today.

I must discipline my thoughts and bring them into subjection to God's truth--I can not know what will happen in the rest of my life...in fact, I barely have any inkling what might be happening 15 minutes from now. But God knows. I can trust Him to handle it. For now, I must only deal with the loneliness I feel this moment. I turn my thoughts away from what might happen in the rest of my life, and focus them on this moment in time.

And I find that the fear and loneliness dissipate. There is plenty of grace to spare for THIS moment of loneliness. I can cope with life for this moment. God gives me guidance and courage for this moment.

I encourage you to see if this works for you. When you start to have thoughts about "the rest of my life", discipline yourself to tell yourself the truth. Today, this moment, IS NOT the rest of your life. Nor can you know what the rest of your life will be like. Seek God for help for the loneliness of today, this moment, only...and I believe you will find yourself quite able to cope, and will not suffer from bitterness or anger.

besiderself



Prairiehiker -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 10:17:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself

Dear Prairie and Pauley;

I experience similar feelings when I think of being single the rest of my life. In fact, the loneliness at those times can be almost physically painful!!

But the problem when that happens, I've discovered, lies with me; not with the possibility of singleness for the rest of my life.

God promises to give us the grace to deal with whatever He allows to happen to us. But He doesn't give us all of our grace at once for everything we're going to face in life, and then let us deal it out as we need it. He gives us the grace we need at the moment we need it--and not before.

So when I start thinking about being single my whole life, it DOES hurt, and it's almost overwhelmingly painful because I am trying to deal with something for a whole lifetime in one moment. I don't have the grace reserves to do it, so I can't!

But if I face singleness one day or one moment at a time, which is the scriptural way we are instructed to deal with life, then I have plenty of grace at each moment to deal with my singleness.

I hope this is making sense.

I am not single-for-my-whole-life today. I am only single for today. I have no way of knowing whether I'll be single tomorrow, or next year or the day I die...that's all in God's hands. If I try to cope with a lifetime of singleness with the amount of grace available to me just at this moment, it's like trying to put out a huge forest fire with a five gallon bucket. Can't be done. But if I use the grace He has given me for today to deal with the loneliness of today, then I have plenty of water to put out the little campfire. He has given me sufficient grace to face my singleness at this moment...but not enough to face a lifetime of it.

So my answer, when the possibility of loneliness for the rest of my life starts to overwhelm me, is to tell myself the truth...

I am not single for my whole life today. I am only single today.

I must discipline my thoughts and bring them into subjection to God's truth--I can not know what will happen in the rest of my life...in fact, I barely have any inkling what might be happening 15 minutes from now. But God knows. I can trust Him to handle it. For now, I must only deal with the loneliness I feel this moment. I turn my thoughts away from what might happen in the rest of my life, and focus them on this moment in time.

And I find that the fear and loneliness dissipate. There is plenty of grace to spare for THIS moment of loneliness. I can cope with life for this moment. God gives me guidance and courage for this moment.

I encourage you to see if this works for you. When you start to have thoughts about "the rest of my life", discipline yourself to tell yourself the truth. Today, this moment, IS NOT the rest of your life. Nor can you know what the rest of your life will be like. Seek God for help for the loneliness of today, this moment, only...and I believe you will find yourself quite able to cope, and will not suffer from bitterness or anger.

besiderself


Besiderself, that is one amazing insight which I fully believe is from God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I've tried to live my life that way for as long as I can remember, but lately, this singleness is getting to me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm turning 40 soon, and this is the stage where most people feel the need to see where their life has gone or is going. FOr a lot of singles, this happens in their 30s but I didn't experience this longing until just recently.

I also feel that GOd is telling me that this is my second stage of life where I really feel His presence in my journey.



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 1:09:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

Besiderself, that is one amazing insight which I fully believe is from God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I've tried to live my life that way for as long as I can remember, but lately, this singleness is getting to me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm turning 40 soon, and this is the stage where most people feel the need to see where their life has gone or is going. FOr a lot of singles, this happens in their 30s but I didn't experience this longing until just recently.

I also feel that GOd is telling me that this is my second stage of life where I really feel His presence in my journey.


I'm very glad God used my ditherings to bless you. It's just what I've had to learn in order to deal with my singleness. I recently moved into a new stage of my life, too...my children are growing up and I am entering the "empty nest" stage of life as my babies fledge and leave the nest...and I am facing it alone. So I do understand.

God bless you as you face each day.

besiderself



rgod -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 1:09:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

How do you feel about the idea of being single for life?

I don't know about most of you, but when I'm trying to accept that God might not have anyone for me, I feel an extreme loneliness of sort. I don't want to imagine it, but I can't help feel that that's what's in store for me. And the thought is unbearable.

It used to be that when my best friend was here that I didn't feel like this. But she moved away and finding friends that you can talk to at all hours is just about as hard as finding a partner. I've prayed that if God doesn't have a mate for me, to at least help me develop some real friendship. SO far, it's not happening. I can't seem to find anyone I have anything in common with. Just because someone is a Christian doesn't automatically make it easy to connect with them.

How about you guys? How do you feel about being single and building real friendships instead of waiting for a mate that might not ever come. Do you have friends that you can talk to and confide everything to like I had with my best friend (well, we still talk for hours, but every once in a while as it's long distance). Do you think having friends would make the challenges of being single a lot easier?



Prairiehiker - my heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel. I feel that way often too - in fact, I woke up this morning feeling like that. I think it is exacerbated because someone that I was interested in, and who seemed to be interested in me, has now become lukewarm. I really miss him a lot, but at this point, don't really know what is happening. On top of that, I relocated last year, so I no longer have support. I'm trying to make friends but it is hard. I have a friend that I speak to fairly regularly via phone - we've been friends for years - across continents - and I think that we'll probably remain friends no matter what. I can reach out to the old relationships and keep those alive, but they don't replace people in the flesh. I thank God for buddings of a new relationships/fellowships that I've found here - but they are in no way mature enough that I can really share what is on my heart - and I haven't found that automatic click with anyone. So yes, I'm going through that same thing.

I spoke with Jesus this morning about it - and he filled me so that I didn't feel lonely and I could go back to sleep. But of course when I woke up, I was lonely again. I went to him again, and he's given me grace, but I think there are different kinds of loneliness. Some are for God himself - and He can fill all manner of loneliness - but I know that for myself, no matter what my future holds, I will always long for a husband, children, and real friendships. I believe that God will grant me those things, but in the in-between time it is so hard and I have to struggle to not be depressed. So, I do the practical stuff - I've started exercising on most days (endorphines), eating well (nutrition plays a huge role), getting out in the sun, taking care of myself, keeping moderately busy, reaching out to others to be of help and service. This is in addition to keeping in contact with Jesus, reading my bible, doing what I need to do to fulfill my purpose, and trying to develop spiritually. All of these things help but nothing really satisfies that longing, though it decreases it a bit and makes it bearable when loneliness strikes.

So you are not alone Prairiehiker! And you've really blessed me by sharing this today.

quote:

Besideherself: I am not single for my whole life today. I am only single today.

I must discipline my thoughts and bring them into subjection to God's truth--I can not know what will happen in the rest of my life...in fact, I barely have any inkling what might be happening 15 minutes from now. But God knows. I can trust Him to handle it. For now, I must only deal with the loneliness I feel this moment. I turn my thoughts away from what might happen in the rest of my life, and focus them on this moment in time.

And I find that the fear and loneliness dissipate. There is plenty of grace to spare for THIS moment of loneliness. I can cope with life for this moment. God gives me guidance and courage for this moment.


This was priceless and exactly what I needed to hear. I'd like to share these words with others if that is ok with you. Thank you!



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 1:11:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rgod


This was priceless and exactly what I needed to hear. I'd like to share these words with others if that is ok with you. Thank you!


Certainly, rgod...God gave them to be used to bless. Please feel free to use them to bless others.

besiderself



rgod -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 1:25:24 PM)

Wow - that was fast! Thanks!

rgod



Pauley464 -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 2:59:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself

Dear Prairie and Pauley;

I experience similar feelings when I think of being single the rest of my life. In fact, the loneliness at those times can be almost physically painful!!

But the problem when that happens, I've discovered, lies with me; not with the possibility of singleness for the rest of my life.

God promises to give us the grace to deal with whatever He allows to happen to us. But He doesn't give us all of our grace at once for everything we're going to face in life, and then let us deal it out as we need it. He gives us the grace we need at the moment we need it--and not before.

So when I start thinking about being single my whole life, it DOES hurt, and it's almost overwhelmingly painful because I am trying to deal with something for a whole lifetime in one moment. I don't have the grace reserves to do it, so I can't!

But if I face singleness one day or one moment at a time, which is the scriptural way we are instructed to deal with life, then I have plenty of grace at each moment to deal with my singleness.

I hope this is making sense.

I am not single-for-my-whole-life today. I am only single for today. I have no way of knowing whether I'll be single tomorrow, or next year or the day I die...that's all in God's hands. If I try to cope with a lifetime of singleness with the amount of grace available to me just at this moment, it's like trying to put out a huge forest fire with a five gallon bucket. Can't be done. But if I use the grace He has given me for today to deal with the loneliness of today, then I have plenty of water to put out the little campfire. He has given me sufficient grace to face my singleness at this moment...but not enough to face a lifetime of it.

So my answer, when the possibility of loneliness for the rest of my life starts to overwhelm me, is to tell myself the truth...

I am not single for my whole life today. I am only single today.

I must discipline my thoughts and bring them into subjection to God's truth--I can not know what will happen in the rest of my life...in fact, I barely have any inkling what might be happening 15 minutes from now. But God knows. I can trust Him to handle it. For now, I must only deal with the loneliness I feel this moment. I turn my thoughts away from what might happen in the rest of my life, and focus them on this moment in time.

And I find that the fear and loneliness dissipate. There is plenty of grace to spare for THIS moment of loneliness. I can cope with life for this moment. God gives me guidance and courage for this moment.

I encourage you to see if this works for you. When you start to have thoughts about "the rest of my life", discipline yourself to tell yourself the truth. Today, this moment, IS NOT the rest of your life. Nor can you know what the rest of your life will be like. Seek God for help for the loneliness of today, this moment, only...and I believe you will find yourself quite able to cope, and will not suffer from bitterness or anger.

besiderself




Thank you for the insights. Those are things I've known for years but sometimes forget or intentionally push aside so I can wallow in my depression. It's good to be reminded of it once in a while.
But sometimes it's hard to view it that way. I think about my nephew sometimes, 21 and already happily married to his high school sweetheart. Then I think about myself and remember that I had no high school sweetheart. Or I am with a friend at church. We are the same age, only 7 days apart. He already has grandchildren.
It makes me feel like a failure in life. I want all of God's grace now, so I never have to feel that way. But I know He only gives us what we need for the moment. Knowing that doesn't make life easier though.



RosieCotton -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 8:42:40 PM)

wow......this post hit home!!!!!!
I am 30......and have found that it seems like ALL of the people at church who are around my age have families and consistently feel from like every church i go to, that unless u fit into the cliques, or have started w/the church since it began to get "into" the church is pretty hopeless, and is more like, hey i'll see ya next week.......and i'm like, what happens Tues. when i really need some fellowship, or Fri. when this or that is happening!

I really am thinking about relocating........just cuz the place where i live now is reallllllllllllllllly little, and things that i am passionate about, one would have to drive quite a distance to get involved with.

I feel like once i get involved with my passions, then the whole idea of marriage though still there, i think wouldnt be at the forefront of my brain like it is now, becuz then i would be fulfilled and not with the idea that marriage and family is the only way to feel fulfilled.

I appreciate the whole, single for today as well. Thank you!

Rosie.



Prairiehiker -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 11:00:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RosieCotton

wow......this post hit home!!!!!!
I am 30......and have found that it seems like ALL of the people at church who are around my age have families and consistently feel from like every church i go to, that unless u fit into the cliques, or have started w/the church since it began to get "into" the church is pretty hopeless, and is more like, hey I'll see ya next week.......and i'm like, what happens Tues. when i really need some fellowship, or Fri. when this or that is happening!

I really am thinking about relocating........just cuz the place where i live now is reallllllllllllllllly little, and things that i am passionate about, one would have to drive quite a distance to get involved with.

I feel like once i get involved with my passions, then the whole idea of marriage though still there, i think wouldnt be at the forefront of my brain like it is now, becuz then i would be fulfilled and not with the idea that marriage and family is the only way to feel fulfilled.

I appreciate the whole, single for today as well. Thank you!

Rosie.


I think why we have these dreadful moments of singleness/loneliness is not so much of the current moment. But it's more about how we look back into the past, and our track record as far as relationship is concerned isn't really very good and we think it's going to continue like this forever. For me, I haven't met any Christian man that I was ever attracted to and have never dated one. I've only dated 3 men in 10 years. While a lot of my friends have gotten married and divorced and remarried, I haven't made any long term commitments to anyone during those years. So yeah, during my lonely hours, I look through the crystal ball of the past to see the future, and it's not looking good. That's the time when I shout to God why He has forgotten me.

One good thing about spending years of singleness is you get the time to explore the things that has a pull on you. Things that makes life more interesting and makes you feel alive. I've tried every thing that I've always wanted to do, and most of the activities I've tried has become part of my normal routine. I enjoy doing an awful lot of things and I can't imagine not doing them. The drawback though is finding a Christian man that you have some common interests with. I haven't met anyone who's into the stuff that I'm in, which really narrows the potential partners out there. I doubt that I'd be happy to give up some of my activities so I can be with a man. It would really snuff the life out of me if I can't do the whole outdoorsy thing that I do and be a couch potato. It really would take a divine intervention for me to find a suitable partner.



joy2give2u -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/20/2008 11:19:35 PM)

Besiderself I have to agree with the others. Thank you so much for sharing.....I think I will do a rgod does and share this with a few of my Christian friends.

Thank you so much for allowing God to speak through you.



humbleinspirit -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/21/2008 2:17:26 AM)

I can relate to the whole thing about what if God wants me to remain single for the rest of my life, and thus be lonely too. I have settled on the fact that if that I can remain single providing that I have a good close group of friends that I can rely on, be close with, share my life with, etc. Those kind of friends are hard to come by. Maybe for me if I am in the ministry it could happen, otherwise I am seriously doubful instead.



ebony101 -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/21/2008 5:08:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

How do you feel about the idea of being single for life?

I don't know about most of you, but when I'm trying to accept that God might not have anyone for me, I feel an extreme loneliness of sort. I don't want to imagine it, but I can't help feel that that's what's in store for me. And the thought is unbearable.

It used to be that when my best friend was here that I didn't feel like this. But she moved away and finding friends that you can talk to at all hours is just about as hard as finding a partner. I've prayed that if God doesn't have a mate for me, to at least help me develop some real friendship. SO far, it's not happening. I can't seem to find anyone I have anything in common with. Just because someone is a Christian doesn't automatically make it easy to connect with them.

How about you guys? How do you feel about being single and building real friendships instead of waiting for a mate that might not ever come. Do you have friends that you can talk to and confide everything to like I had with my best friend (well, we still talk for hours, but every once in a while as it's long distance). Do you think having friends would make the challenges of being single a lot easier?






This post really hit home with me and I want to make two points. I hope I don't forget them.

Firstly, I had accepted my singleness, and was at peace with God and myself, when a guy came into my life and I experienced in that brief relationship what it is to have real feelings for a person who shares similar interests and has similar views. I also experienced what it is for a guy to take on the role of protector. In short I felt cared for. But for reasons that are too long to explain that relationship wasn't meant to be. So now I know what it is to feel emotional love and to feel cared for by another human being. So now the loneliness that I feel is so much different than what I had felt before. I was able to deal with the loneliness that I had experienced before, but I'm kind of struggling to deal with it now. The person who coined the phrase "'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." didn't know what he was saying,because I can tell you that having loved & lost really sucks. I was doing so much better when I had never loved at all.

Secondly no man is an island, the way God created us, having relationships is a necessity. When I say relationships I don't mean romantic ones, this encompasses all relationships - relationships with family, siblings, friends etc. Relationships with others are necessary for us to grow, and to learn how to relate to others & a myriad of other reasons. These other non-romantic relationships are even more important to single folks, like myself [&o], & I had some pretty strong friendships. But like you, I find that my friendships are dissolving one by one & now I have no one to turn to. This has to be my period of testing. I have a pretty good relationship with God, but sometimes it's good to talk things over with somebody human. And I always believed that God in his wisdom had granted us friendships for that same purpose, because He sometimes speaks to us through our friends.

So I'm going through a period of testing right now, and I can truly identify with your post.

besiderself:
I am not single for my whole life today. I am only single today.


I used to live by that quote before, but I had forgotten it - thank you for reminding me.

Well, that's my rant [&o] for now.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/21/2008 12:54:52 PM)

quote:

How do you feel about the idea of being single for life?


It depends on which day or week you ask me. Last week I had decided that I had too many health issues to ever get married, or deal with kids, I just wanted to work at a grocery store, and live quietly in an apartment with my friend A for the rest of my life.

Then this week, I was really longing for the companionship of being married, longing for physical affection, longing for children of my own, longing for a home of my own, etc. etc.

I just have different feelings on different days.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/21/2008 12:56:05 PM)

quote:

'm trying to accept that God might not have anyone for me, I feel an extreme loneliness of sort.


I certainly understand that, but keep in mind, even married people get lonely at times.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/21/2008 1:02:25 PM)

quote:

It used to be that when my best friend was here that I didn't feel like this. But she moved away and finding friends that you can talk to at all hours is just about as hard as finding a partner.


I understand this A and A are my 2 closest friends. A1 has always lived far away, but when she got married and had 2 kids that still made some changes in our relationship. A2 never lived locally either, but she was at least in the same state, so we could visit each other at least twice a year if not more, but then she had to move across the country with her parents, so that was hard.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/21/2008 1:04:04 PM)

quote:

I've prayed that if God doesn't have a mate for me, to at least help me develop some real friendship. SO far, it's not happening. I can't seem to find anyone I have anything in common with. Just because someone is a Christian doesn't automatically make it easy to connect with them.


That is so true. I've come to the point where I really consider it a miracle when any two people find themselves to be kindred spirits.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/21/2008 1:10:08 PM)

quote:

How about you guys? How do you feel about being single and building real friendships instead of waiting for a mate that might not ever come. Do you have friends that you can talk to and confide everything to like I had with my best friend (well, we still talk for hours, but every once in a while as it's long distance). Do you think having friends would make the challenges of being single a lot easier?

_______



I can talk to A and A for hours, but one lives in the midwest, and one lives on the east coast. I have good friends at church, but they are either my age but married with kids, or single but WAY younger than me, so no one is the same. Friends do make things easier, but I also understand that as a single who isn't a twenty-something, it is hard to find friends in your same situation.

Oh, I almost forgot, I do have a friend from my former work, C, who is long since divorced, and I do enjoy hanging out with her and doing things with her.



trinigirl722 -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/26/2008 9:19:16 PM)

Wow! So many good insights here! Great thread, Prairiehiker!

Besiderself, thank you for that wonderful post! It applies really to everyone, doesn't it? Not just singles. I guess God wants us to face life one day at a time, which reminds me of what Jesus said in Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NIV)

I never thought about that passage in the context of worrying about how long I would be single, but it sure ties into your post, Besiderself, and it's so freeing.

RGod, I can relate to your situation after relocating. I've relocated a couple of times in the last ten years, and it is SO hard to rebuild those friendships. The fact is that good friendships just take time, so there is a very lonely in-between time. I pray that God will give you the companionship you need at this time!

Rosie, I can also relate to what you said about church. I go to a church where it's mostly families, and it is challenging and frustrating to fit in because most of them are so involved in their kids and extended family that's it's exactly what you describe -- "See ya next week." I'm attending this church because I felt like the Lord wanted me to, but I'm really considering visiting a larger one with more of a singles group for fellowship needs. I am a relational being, and I need close relationships in my life.

Prairiehiker, in answer to your original question, I don't want to be single for life, but here in my mid-forties I've had to accept that's very likely. So I've come to see the value of investing in relationships with family and friends partly just because that's what I need to be emotionally healthy. And in past relationships I've realized that the richer my life is pre-relationship, the more I bring to the table for the other person in the midst of the relationship. And when I'm focusing on just building relationships with people in general, I usually feel pretty fulfilled and don't have too much loneliness or longing for a mate. The challenge is to keep making the effort in the midst of living alone and all of life's busyness.



RosieCotton -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/26/2008 9:22:15 PM)

quote:

The challenge is to keep making the effort in the midst of living alone and all of life's busyness.


Wow, i agree. Tis hard! [8|] and sometimes down right discouraging!!!!!!!

Like you, when I am more fulfilled in my own life.........then even though i still desire a relationship it doesnt feel so staggering!!!!



StraightAhead -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/27/2008 1:00:53 AM)

Hi everyone!

I have not posted in CW in quite some time but had to after reading this thread.

I am grieved and feeling defeated at the moment [&o][:(]. If just once I could actually be attracted to someone and have that person feel the same way for a change.........[:(]. I have not been in a relationship in 5 years now, last date where a man picked me up and took me out was almost 4 years ago!

I honestly feel there's gotta be some kind of stronghold in church singles groups to keep singles from pairing up and instead choose to form perpetual friendships that will not lead to marriage. Has anybody (who's been involved in church singles groups for years) ever thought of this before???

I don't think men and women ever related as "friends" (and I am not talking of worldly "friends with benefits") in our parents generation, either they chose to date and marry or not. As a woman of 41 yrs, I already know that if the man I am interested in really wants to be a father, I will be the wrong woman to "provide" the child as I feel my body has "expired". I am an attractive person, but I am surrounded by other attractive women roughly in the same age group maybe a few years younger and more extroverted than I. Therefore, it is hard not to feel like you're just a "dime a dozen" when I know that I am beloved by God. Sorry to vent this out but I have a headache from thinking so much [>:]
[X(] [:(] Thanks for "listening".



trinigirl722 -> RE: singleness and friendships (6/28/2008 11:02:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: StraightAhead

... I have not been in a relationship in 5 years now, last date where a man picked me up and took me out was almost 4 years ago!

I honestly feel there's gotta be some kind of stronghold in church singles groups to keep singles from pairing up and instead choose to form perpetual friendships that will not lead to marriage. Has anybody (who's been involved in church singles groups for years) ever thought of this before???


Hmmmm ... interesting thought, StraightAhead. I had never thought of it in terms of a stronghold, but I wonder if it's maybe an "easy way out" for men and women to have social needs met and get attention from the opposite gender without having to commit to a relationship requiring more effort. Although not a stronghold, this would definitely be selfish and immature, a.k.a. part of the fallen sin nature.

And, you're not alone. It's been five years since I've been on a date.[&:]



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