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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 2:47:44 PM
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sunshinesoprano
Posts: 903
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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I don't think men are scum. I quite like them. I just don't think they like me back....
_____________________________
Pure Heart-Fresh, Progressive Southern Gospel
Sing, laugh, love, PRAISE!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 3:19:17 PM
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GrowinBaptist
Posts: 28
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
I always marvel at how God's sovereignty is left out of these type of discussions. Sometimes there is no discernable reason why one is married and another is not. At least not from our own finite vantage point.
Amen! These are times when to be single is to be, to put it mildly, odd. At worst, a failure. But when we give the issue of our singleness over to the Lord instead of fretting about the fact that we don't "have" anyone special, the peace is truly amazing. The Lord will orchestrate things, and it's not for us to question (although we all do at some point) or try to figure things out. They'll never turn out quite the way we think!
Is this easy for me to say? Nope. By His grace, I was pulled out of a destructive pit I had created for myself regarding my relationships with men...and ultimately the issue of how I related to myself. Myself was the problem...as it always is! Me, Myself and I. Man, what a trio.
I completely understand being lonely. I completely understand being concerned over the idea that there isn't anyone out there for me. But I found that there is...and that's Christ. Even as recently as the beginning of this year you wouldn't have caught me saying anything like this. But He showed me that I was my own worst enemy. If you are stewing over being alone, there is no need to do so. If this has been a personal goal by a certain time in your life (of which I am guilty), the key word there is "personal." We are not to decide who or when or even IF we're to be married.
Believe me, I know this is often much easier said than done with the temptations bombarding singles these days. But once you stop being concerned about YOURSELF and see how much time you have to serve the Lord and others, you'll be amazed about how quickly your personal concerns fly out the window. And folks, you'll never have this kind of free time once you're married, and especially if you have children. Spend this time in sweet fellowship with the Lord...it will make all the difference. He is Who completes us, after all. A spouse will not.
_____________________________
I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.
Phil. 4:13
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 9:53:26 PM
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coinpurse
Posts: 98
Joined: 5/10/2008
Status: offline
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Cause the men want to chase for a lifetime someone who doesnt want them, rather than submit to a woman who does!
Bitter???? who me, no way!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/26/2008 6:08:28 AM
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Kyrillos
Posts: 23
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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I wonder sometimes...
I don't know, really. I am a committed Christian, have been told (by women, even) that I am funny, considerate, unpretentious, a good listener...all those things that my lady friends always say they're after. Seems like everything's pretty good on the personality front, so I guess I could be more physically attractive. I am 5'5" (father is 5'8", mother was 5'2", so I won't complain even if some women might; sorry!), and yeah, a bit overweight for that height. I don't take up two seats on a plane or anything, but I recognize that I should work on getting in shape; preferably a less spherical shape.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/26/2008 4:16:43 PM
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broyce1981
Posts: 1880
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coinpurse
Cause the men want to chase for a lifetime someone who doesnt want them, rather than submit to a woman who does!
Bitter???? who me, no way!
Sounds familiar. The "If I like someone they don't like me and they like me, I don't like them" situation. I can relate to that one. *sigh*
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/26/2008 10:21:53 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4182
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Above_All
I always thought that my size and looks were not desireable, even after losing some weight. I would encourage you Kyrillos that no matter how you think others may see you that there is someone out there that would look past all of that.]
i agree about the someone out there part ... however becoming more physically attractive may increase the number of potential someones ... just as working on other areas of your life can have same result ...
_____________________________
Photoblogging My Life
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/28/2008 4:03:23 AM
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andrealindy
Posts: 2
Joined: 7/28/2008
Status: offline
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Not only have I never been married, I've never been in a relationship. Is that weird?
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/28/2008 8:27:04 AM
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sunshinesoprano
Posts: 903
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: andrealindy
Not only have I never been married, I've never been in a relationship. Is that weird?
It might be weird in the world's standards, but I'm in the same boat. We are to be set apart and I feel like God's been using me to do other things, and that He's spared me a lot of emotional distress because He knows how attached I become to people.
If you feel like you're in God's will, then no, it's not wierd.
_____________________________
Pure Heart-Fresh, Progressive Southern Gospel
Sing, laugh, love, PRAISE!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/28/2008 9:27:03 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4182
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: andrealindy
Not only have I never been married, I've never been in a relationship. Is that weird?
i don't know your age ... not sure weird is the word i'd use ... to me, weird implies something 'off' that needs attention which may or may not be the case ... as sunshine says, unless you feel there is a problem, nothing may be out of place at all ...
_____________________________
Photoblogging My Life
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/28/2008 4:44:57 PM
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beachcooky
Posts: 893
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinesoprano
I don't think men are scum. I quite like them. I just don't think they like me back....
No, all men aren't scum. Remember, God is preparing a man for you.
Therefore, all men are not scum.
& don't worry, not many guys like me either!
_____________________________
www.myspace.com/xsweetheartforux
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/28/2008 6:35:55 PM
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KuKu
Posts: 920
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: Somewhere out there
Status: offline
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I was hanging with a friend yest. We are both the same age (ok he's 6 mo. & 9 days older  ) and both single, never married, no longer engaged. We started hanging out because we were in ministry at the same location, and networking. I no longer live near him, but we stay in contact and I saw him this weekend out of the blue (it's been like 9 months since I last saw him, 3 mo since last contact). He was 20 miles away and looked me up. We had a snack, bowled, I showed him around town and he left.
I had a really fun time, and was able to share some things with him that I have been unable to verbalize to anyone around me, mostly to avoid offending. He shared some things with me, ministry and personal, so I can pray for him.
There is not a possibility of romance here. We barely survive hanging out sometimes , but it was easily as fun, if not more, than many dates I have been on. We joked, talked, etc. and generally had a good time. I realized, later, that I am single partly because I like an 'unclouded' relationship- no attempts to impress, no need to 'think before I speak', no worry about a (bad) breakup, etc. Just a good old fashioned good time.
That, in a relationship, is really hard to come by. Too much need to impress, too much paranoia, too much 'what if...'. Too much baggage. I may meet a guy worth all that, but I certainly ain't out hunting it down...
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/28/2008 11:26:05 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3830
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KuKu
There is not a possibility of romance here. We barely survive hanging out sometimes , but it was easily as fun, if not more, than many dates I have been on. We joked, talked, etc. and generally had a good time. I realized, later, that I am single partly because I like an 'unclouded' relationship- no attempts to impress, no need to 'think before I speak', no worry about a (bad) breakup, etc. Just a good old fashioned good time.
That, in a relationship, is really hard to come by. Too much need to impress, too much paranoia, too much 'what if...'. Too much baggage. I may meet a guy worth all that, but I certainly ain't out hunting it down...
Very thoughtful and well stated, Buddy. 
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/29/2008 1:41:15 AM
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andrealindy
Posts: 2
Joined: 7/28/2008
Status: offline
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O.k., I just turned 43, never been in a relationship or married. Is that weird.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/29/2008 7:04:57 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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Nope - at least not around here - you'll fine more than a few who are in the same situation.
In reality, it's better, because you won't have much baggage to bring into your relationship when it does happen, unlike those of us who have dated, been married before or been in long term relationships.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/29/2008 8:47:07 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
Nope - at least not around here - you'll fine more than a few who are in the same situation.
In reality, it's better, because you won't have much baggage to bring into your relationship when it does happen, unlike those of us who have dated, been married before or been in long term relationships.
This is a very important point. Baggage. After M died I had steamer trunks (OK, they were really industrial shipping containers) full of baggage that had to be dealt with before I could enter a healthy relationship again. You don't want any unresolved issues from the past to poison the future. KWIM?
That's yet another reason why you have to totally grieve your past relationships before starting over. Grieving is a cleansing process and it lets you let go of those unfulfilled dreams etc. Each new relationship deserves and needs its own new dreams etc.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/29/2008 12:50:33 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cute-N-Sassy
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
Nope - at least not around here - you'll fine more than a few who are in the same situation.
In reality, it's better, because you won't have much baggage to bring into your relationship when it does happen, unlike those of us who have dated, been married before or been in long term relationships.
This is a very important point. Baggage. After M died I had steamer trunks (OK, they were really industrial shipping containers) full of baggage that had to be dealt with before I could enter a healthy relationship again. You don't want any unresolved issues from the past to poison the future. KWIM?
That's yet another reason why you have to totally grieve your past relationships before starting over. Grieving is a cleansing process and it lets you let go of those unfulfilled dreams etc. Each new relationship deserves and needs its own new dreams etc.
I LOVE the way you put that. 
If we want a healthy relationship, we have to be healthy ourselves.
I agree with JohnO. I was told that for every 5 years you were married, you have to wait one year for remarrying.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/29/2008 1:32:36 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4182
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: offtheisland
I was told that for every 5 years you were married, you have to wait one year for remarrying.
there are all sorts of various groups putting out different numbers ... more commonly i hear 3 or 4 years per marriage year, othertimes you see flat numbers like 7 years ... you can look at census stats to see what people actually do but i think it's very dependent on the person and what they do during that time ... deny pain, withhold forgiveness, engage in unhealthy opposite sex relationships, etc or choose forgiveness, renew your mind, and draw closer to God ...
_____________________________
Photoblogging My Life
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/29/2008 1:36:06 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7683
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: online
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I was married for just over 3 years, and seperated for the last year. It took me well over 3 years just to move passed it.
How long you were married has nothing to do with it. It's all in what you have to deal with and work out amongst yourself.
_____________________________
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/29/2008 1:44:09 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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I was in a disfunctional marriage for 23 years and it has been three years since my divorce was final. It is taking lots of time and effort to "rewire" me. My adult children see a great transformation so far.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/29/2008 1:56:57 PM
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LabGuy
Posts: 3279
Joined: 9/22/2007
From: NW Pennsylvania
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: offtheisland
I was told that for every 5 years you were married, you have to wait one year for remarrying.
there are all sorts of various groups putting out different numbers ... more commonly i hear 3 or 4 years per marriage year, othertimes you see flat numbers like 7 years ... you can look at census stats to see what people actually do but i think it's very dependent on the person and what they do during that time ... deny pain, withhold forgiveness, engage in unhealthy opposite sex relationships, etc or choose forgiveness, renew your mind, and draw closer to God ...
Good point Ed. People are individuals, and try as you might you can't reduce their behaviors to nice simple equations.
Statistical averages are just that... averages. They do not define us. So to touch on another point, it does not mean we're weird if we're in our late thirties or earlier forties or whatever and haven't had a serious relationship. So we're not average... we're us. And that can actually be a lot more interesting! 
-Robb
_____________________________
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. - II Corinthians 5:17
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