How do you bring this up? (Full Version)

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ZazzyPaws -> How do you bring this up? (6/21/2008 4:03:57 PM)

The church I go to on Saturday nights is a truly great church....except for one thing.

I really feel that their youth ministry is simply messed up. The youth pastor is obviously a great guy and passionate for Christ, and I don't understand why the teen church is the way it is. Last time I went there, the whole service was games, silliness, nonsense...even making fun of people...and then two minutes of teaching at the end. I'm not exaggerating one bit. Once the pastor started teaching, I thought, "finally, the real reason I came!" but then...it ended. Abruptly. I was really upset with them afterwards, but I didn't confront anyone.

Now, I normally don't go to the youth room. I usually sit in on the adult pastor's sermons.(he's really good) I've been avoiding the youth ministry for months because of all the craziness. And it's not just the current pastor, because it's been like this as long as I can remember. There was, however, much more teaching in the past, and the last youth pastor even started a worship band. Now there is no praise and worship at all.

My sister goes to youth every week and she has just deepened my belief that something is wrong here. She told me that on a recent Saturday, the youth pastor brought out what looked like a dirty diaper and started eating out of it.(it was chocolate pudding) Then he dared the teens to eat out of it.

Does this sound like what a youth pastor should be doing?? I'm sorry if I sound judgmental but I think something should be done. So on to my question.

How can I approach the youth pastor about this? I don't want to sound like I'm attacking him or anything like that, but I think it needs to be brought to his attention that not all teens like gross stuff, and even though it's good to try to bring in the unsaved kids, some of the stuff they are doing could be highly offensive to the teens who have been Christians all their lives, like myself. I really can't stand sitting in teen church anymore, which is a shame because I would love to be involved in a youth ministry.

Oh well...that's my rant. Please pray that I say the right things if I confront anyone and that his/their hearts won't be hardened to my opinions.



slushie -> RE: How do you bring this up? (6/23/2008 11:38:40 AM)

Yo Emily!!!

I already posted this in the other forum but I'll post it here again.

It seems like your youth ministry has the case of losing the focus - the focus has become entertainment instead of God's word. I think this is a pretty common problem, as pastors simply find it hard to keep the kids hooked and focused... sometimes they just think that the kids need to want to come, and so they put a lot of entertainment to attract the kids. But the problem is that they never move beyond that step. The danger of putting in more entertainment to attract the kids is that you may go too far and the kids may come and associate youth group with entertainment. It seems that this might have been what happened.

Our youth group was straying in that direction and the youth pastor said, "You know what, this isn't right. Let's refocus." So we've been trying to refocus.

Well.... the thing is that the kids need to know what they're coming there for. They're not coming there for free entertainment. They're coming there for a chance to get real with God - and delve into His word.

This doesn't sound like what a youth pastor should be doing. You could approach him afterwards and say, "Excuse me, could I speak with you a moment?" and then just bring up your concerns gently. I don't think you'll sound like you're attacking him because I know who you are. Most youth pastors are nice about listening to objections and concerns. At least mine is.

"Excuse me, I think you're a great guy and you're really trying to work hard to bring kids to Christ, but I have a few concerns. One of them is like, blah blah blah, and also I think blah blah blah... and this is my reasons for thinking blah blah blah now what do you think?"

At least that's what I think. If he's not willing to listen, you should to talk to a few parents of kids who go to the youth group, and you should talk to the older pastors. This isn't right.

God bless!



beachcooky -> RE: How do you bring this up? (7/12/2008 1:09:11 AM)

Hey! Name calling is NOT cool! I have a similar youth group. But we only spend a half hour playing games. And then we go into worship, and we really get into God at the end. Probably 20 minutes or whatnot.

If you want to approach the youth pastor, read Matthew 18. It tells you how to approach people the godly way. And just explain to him how you're feeling and what's bothering you and whatnot. If your youth pastor is really into God, he won't get mad because he'll want to help you through whatever you're going through :)



whisper -> RE: How do you bring this up? (7/12/2008 3:37:46 AM)

I encourage you to have a meeting with the youth pastor one on one. Some groups have a different aims for different seasons in youth ministry. It may be that you don't see eye-to-eye with what he's doing in the youth.

I know that some groups go back to a basic get-the-youth's-attention-with-games phase, or seeker-friendly phase, if you will to attract new youth and normalize what might seem completely alien otherwise: Christianity. The Youth pastor may have an aim to have very specific events which challenge the very same people to dive deeper with service events or worship/teaching nights later on in the year.

Also, ask him (not accusingly, but sincerely) what the vision and mission statement for the youth group is. It may be just a place of safety and fellowship where people can meet and greet and develop friendships where they can get deeper with each other in order to talk about God and go deeper in faith elsewhere. You know, like building up friend groups to become Bible studies or small groups.

Or, as you suspect, it could be a loss of vision and direction in the church. An important thing to ask, if this is the case, is "how can I help??" Maybe the pastor desires a youth's perspective into what's important to a Christian teen. Maybe the pastor/leader needs a hand in planning games so there is more time to develop the spiritual components of the evening. Maybe he's burnt out and actually really just needs someone to help babysit some nights. Likely there is some way that you can help him.

Approach this with grace and an attitude that desires to see positive change, and avoid the pitfall of approaching this with an attitude that just seeks to call the man out on failures and shortfalls. Believe me, youth leaders get plenty of that already!! There is usually a huge turnover in youth leaders in any church. There are many demands and responsibilities for pastors/leaders. Help him with those, even if he's not meeting them now.

quote:

which is a shame because I would love to be involved in a youth ministry.


It's not necessarily something that should keep you away!! If the pastor's vision isn't completely out of line with your beliefs when you have your conversation with him, this is really more of a reason for you to get involved than less of a reason. Take advantage of your different viewpoints and your ideas for change and make yourself available to God and your church. [:)]
Oh, and if I haven't already said it, I'm very glad that you're concerned about the state of your youth group, and that you want to see so much more come out of this.



whisper -> RE: How do you bring this up? (7/14/2008 12:34:42 AM)

How is this going, Zazzy?



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