Slacking off excercising after marraige? (Full Version)

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willfs -> Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 10:52:27 AM)

I know of several friends who were in great shape before they got married, now not so much. After marriage they were still excercising but eventually they stopped.

I work out all the time. Partially because I like being in shape, partially because I like being outside, partially because of how it makes me feel, partially because I get to excercise (tennis, biking...etc...) with friends, and partially because I like how it makes me look and I hope that my physique is attractive in order to attract someone with a good physique.

I fear if I ever marry that I will slack off after marriage in staying in shape.

Why do married couples do that? Is it because they were working out in order to get someone (which is part of the reason I do) and after marriage they stop trying or they realize that the physiques of the individuals involved isn't that important? I haven't ever been married so I do not know.

Besides all of the mental, physical, and emotional benifits, looking good physically has got to be some kind of plus in marriage. Am I right? What are your thoughts?



Miss Giggles -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 10:57:44 AM)

I am not sure. I know that some athletic people marry other athletic minded people (lots of running couples, etc)

But some of them i think get caught up with both of them working full time and they find it hard to make the time. Esp if they have kids then it takes some work to work out a balance.

then there are a few couples who grow jealous of the time the other person puts into their activities.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 11:03:49 AM)

Part of the reason is their day to day responsibilities like children, housekeeping, etc takes a higher priority than working out. I've seen that happen to about 90% of the people that I met in the gym. As soon as they got married, exercise is the first to go.

For some of us, being active is a lifestyle and we'd probably do well if we marry someone who has the same lifestyle. I know I will never marry someone who's not into the outdoors. We'll never spend any time together if he's a homebody and I'm always out hiking or mountain biking.

For me, being in shape is always a priority. It's about feeling and looking good and also being healthy which I think is very important. I'm probably in much better shape now that I'm close to my 40s than when I did in my 20s.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 12:14:05 PM)

Men often gain weight after marriage because of their wife's good cooking.

Now, with the next statement, please don't get upset, I try not to men bash on these forums, and I try to encourage all the women on these forums to be positive of their husbands, however, what I am going to say next, I really believe is true due to much observation over the years.

Women often gain weight after marriage because often their husbands don't bother to give their wife time away from the kids to go exercise, and it isn't always easy to find child care.

I think for a couple to stay in shape they need to work on healthy eating together, and either do everything they can to find childcare so they can go exercise together, or trade off nights to go work out (I know one couple that is REALLY good about this..Monday and Wednsdays are his gym nights, Tuesdays and Thursdays are hers, Fridays are off, and Sat morning, the kids go to Grandmas and they go work out together). And they shopped around for a low cost gym, then when it closed the more expensive gym honored their pay rate because it wasn't their fault the other gym had closed.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 12:48:57 PM)

quote:


Women often gain weight after marriage because often their husbands don't bother to give their wife time away from the kids to go exercise, and it isn't always easy to find child care.


Or she just doesn't have time, even with the kids being watched. Or she could be working, etc... It's not fair AT ALL to lay it on the husband.




DH and I were both active before we got married, and even during the first year of our marriage. Then I got pregnant, eventually was on bedrest, and now 10 months after our DD was born we are just starting to get active again. You have to have priorities and most people prefer to eat and wear clean clothing over going to the gym[:D]



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 1:33:45 PM)

quote:

quote:


Women often gain weight after marriage because often their husbands don't bother to give their wife time away from the kids to go exercise, and it isn't always easy to find child care.


Or she just doesn't have time, even with the kids being watched. Or she could be working, etc... It's not fair AT ALL to lay it on the husband.



Sigh. I wasn't saying it was always the fault of every husband. I tried to make that clear. However, I HAVE known couples that honestly, the husband will nitpick his wife about her weight, but then when she asks about joining a gym or getting a treadmill or him even watching the kids two evenings or mornings a week so she can go to aerobics or at least do an video at home, he says no because he is too busy selfishly pursuing his own interests like hunting or fishing all the time or whatever. And actually,
I really don't think any of the husbands represented on the forums are like that, but the OP was asking about people in general, not just the forums, and I have sadly seen couples such as I described. He wanted to know some of the reasons..and that just happens to be one of the many reasons I have seen. Also, I think the OP is male, so I thought what I told him might be a good little hint when he marries[;)], of one of the ways to properly treat his wife.



csl7037 -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 5:01:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

Men often gain weight after marriage because of their wife's good cooking.


I gained because I started eating like dh! I didn't cook like that when I was single, living alone. We'd have maybe 2-3 real meals together/week before we were married. Once we got married it was meat and potatoes 7 days/week...I learned the hard way I can't eat like that all the time!

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

Now, with the next statement, please don't get upset, I try not to men bash on these forums, and I try to encourage all the women on these forums to be positive of their husbands, however, what I am going to say next, I really believe is true due to much observation over the years.

Women often gain weight after marriage because often their husbands don't bother to give their wife time away from the kids to go exercise, and it isn't always easy to find child care.

I think for a couple to stay in shape they need to work on healthy eating together, and either do everything they can to find childcare so they can go exercise together, or trade off nights to go work out (I know one couple that is REALLY good about this..Monday and Wednsdays are his gym nights, Tuesdays and Thursdays are hers, Fridays are off, and Sat morning, the kids go to Grandmas and they go work out together). And they shopped around for a low cost gym, then when it closed the more expensive gym honored their pay rate because it wasn't their fault the other gym had closed.


I completely agree with this! Especially the part I bolded.



csl7037 -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 5:05:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

quote:


Women often gain weight after marriage because often their husbands don't bother to give their wife time away from the kids to go exercise, and it isn't always easy to find child care.


Or she just doesn't have time, even with the kids being watched. Or she could be working, etc... It's not fair AT ALL to lay it on the husband.




DH and I were both active before we got married, and even during the first year of our marriage. Then I got pregnant, eventually was on bedrest, and now 10 months after our DD was born we are just starting to get active again. You have to have priorities and most people prefer to eat and wear clean clothing over going to the gym[:D]


But you also can't draw any conclusions at all based on what life is like with a ten month old in the house! Rest assured, Mrs. Wifey, everything is different and easier a few years down the road. Life, and every part of life, goes through phases. Even the most fit, active singles can fall into busy-ness, kid-ness, and just see priorities shift after marriage, after babies, etc. Good and/or bad, we're not the same people ten years after the wedding we were when we said "I Do". It's inevitable. Sometimes I think single people worry too much about these things and you just have to live and enjoy life and take it where it and you are at the time. At the risk of sounding hokey - marriage certainly isn't a destination, it's a journey.



MamaPyratekk -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 5:52:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
Women often gain weight after marriage because often their husbands don't bother to give their wife time away from the kids to go exercise, and it isn't always easy to find child care.


That's the great thing about most gyms. Almost all gyms, especially ones that have more than one location, have free childcare for those who are members. I used to take advantage of their childcare often :)...because sometimes mommy needs a break!



willfs -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 6:11:53 PM)

The answer is probably to find someone who you can go out and be active with. If you don't share activities that you like together then you can find some. However, I know of couples who did activities together as a couple and they still ended up slacking off alot. I am worrying a lot. However, I didn't nessesarily want to hear from married people. I posted this in the singles forum to see if any other singles had this concern for themselves and for others: That they and/or their partner would slack off after marriage when it comes to staying in shape.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 8:23:44 PM)

Are you worried about yourself or your wife becoming out of shape?



Prairiehiker -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 9:09:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

The answer is probably to find someone who you can go out and be active with. If you don't share activities that you like together then you can find some. However, I know of couples who did activities together as a couple and they still ended up slacking off alot. I am worrying a lot. However, I didn't nessesarily want to hear from married people. I posted this in the singles forum to see if any other singles had this concern for themselves and for others: That they and/or their partner would slack off after marriage when it comes to staying in shape.


I don't worry about it. I know I'll never slack off because it's a lifestyle. The only reason I'd gain weight is if I start eating like a horse every day. To date, I only do that a couple of times a week. I'm very active, and inactivity literally makes me depress.

Also, when choosing a partner, one of my criteria is someone who's into the outdoors and is very active. Whether it's mountain biking or skiing or rock climbing, I don't really care because I love anything to do with outdoor activities as long as it's not just camping out and drowning a dozen beers every night. I'm not into that. I can't see how I will ever get along with a couch potato, but I can't see how I'll get along with someone who's just a gym rat. I think that maybe where the problem lies. Most people in the gym are doing things for their looks to feel attractive to the opposite sex. So, once they're married, they don't see a need to keep it up. If a person has an active lifestyle to begin with, then you won't have to worry about them giving it all up because it's part of who they are.

Of course, with age, you gotta have some allowance for slacking off. Not everyone can run a marathon at 60 (though there's an 80 year old man in my city who does a lot of them...really inspiring). I really look for a man's attitude towards being active vs being a gym rat so they can look good for the time being.



Karaboo2 -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 9:20:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MamaPyratekk
That's the great thing about most gyms. Almost all gyms, especially ones that have more than one location, have free childcare for those who are members. I used to take advantage of their childcare often :)...because sometimes mommy needs a break!


I wish that were the case around here!!! That is one of the biggest stumbling blocks to me going to the gym (that, and being 7 mos pregnant ... but I could still swim, if nothing else!) For me to go to our local Y (and yes, I'm a member), and put the kids in their tot-watch program, it would cost me $20 per hour, and they wouldn't watch one of the kids because she is too old (the cutoff age is 5, and she is 7 .. I'm a homeschooling mom) but there are no programs geared to kids ages 5+ during the day, either ... not even in the summer (unless you pay $150 per week per child for summer camp)



MamaPyratekk -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/22/2008 11:12:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karaboo2

quote:

ORIGINAL: MamaPyratekk
That's the great thing about most gyms. Almost all gyms, especially ones that have more than one location, have free childcare for those who are members. I used to take advantage of their childcare often :)...because sometimes mommy needs a break!


I wish that were the case around here!!! That is one of the biggest stumbling blocks to me going to the gym (that, and being 7 mos pregnant ... but I could still swim, if nothing else!) For me to go to our local Y (and yes, I'm a member), and put the kids in their tot-watch program, it would cost me $20 per hour, and they wouldn't watch one of the kids because she is too old (the cutoff age is 5, and she is 7 .. I'm a homeschooling mom) but there are no programs geared to kids ages 5+ during the day, either ... not even in the summer (unless you pay $150 per week per child for summer camp)

And that is yet another reason I've never been a big fan of the Y. I've always felt they were far too overpriced, and now that I know that they charge members for childcare I'm flabbergasted. I've only seen ONE gym with childcare that charged and they only charged $5 per visit (up to 2 hours in the childcare room). :(



Harvie -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/23/2008 12:05:42 AM)

Actually, I exercise more now (and weigh a lot less), than before/when I got married.

[sm=funny.gif]



timzagain -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/26/2008 8:34:46 PM)

In my case, it wasn't a matter of slacking off. Life just got in the way!!

I was active before I got married to DH! I owned a bike and rode regularly, and I also walked quite a bit. I was the more active half of our marriage.

Got married and was faced with a couple of major changes! First, I went from being a mom of one, with easy access to my parents for babysitting, to being the work-from-home parent in a blended family with four kids. In-laws live close by, but I have never been particularly comfortable with them as baby-sitters on a regular basis.

The second challenge was the area in which I live - it is next to impossible to ride safely - in daylight hours, the major road is too busy, and it's actually illegal to ride on that road (did I mention that there is no way to get out of my home without using that road).

Now that the baby is now 10 years old, and there are three teenage siblings to keep an eye on her, I now have the opportunity to exercise regularly. DH and I are now actually on the same wavelength when it comes to health and fitness, so we keep each other on track.



42servehymn -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/26/2008 9:32:38 PM)

Life changes and priorities shift. Do not be surprised if you get married and give more time to exercise than to your wife, household responsibilities and eventually children your wife will not be a happy wife. Yes staying in shape is important but many other things are important to a Godly marriage as well and yes exercising may take a back seat sooner or later.



csl7037 -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/26/2008 9:41:35 PM)

And it does all go in phases. I was super skinny (too skinny) when we got married. I put on a little when we got married and I was cooking more for him instead of yogurt or popcorn for dinner like I had when we were just dating. Then we had kids, my mom died, I got depressed...and I got FAT!! That was a phase where it was all I could do to keep my head above water. Everyone hits that point at some point in life, I think.

Dh has always enjoyed working out and he's never had to carry a baby but his commitment has waned through the last 12 years. His priorities have shifted around with kids, jobs, a wife at whits end, etc. It happens.

We're now both in much better shape than we were when we got married. We've gotten to a point where we can focus more on fitness and to an age where we're much more concerned about our health.

There are different stages of life for everyone. It's hard to see or even fathom, when you're single/young, how many twists and turns life will take and how silly some crucially important things will seem at another point down the road.



willfs -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/28/2008 11:11:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

Are you worried about yourself or your wife becoming out of shape?



Well, I am not speaking out of experience but my imagination when it comes to marriage. I imagine if I get married it will be to someone who I don't mind getting "out of shape" and vice versa. Kinda like when a guy tells the gal he doesn't mind seeing her without her make up and in her worst scrubs. He really really likes her anyway.

So I figure once one gets married they might go into the above phase. Other factors come into play like the amount of time and energy you now have to spend on your marriage and/or family. You also probably realize that trying to look like someone on baywatch isn't as important as you thought it was to a relationship. So certain things go by the way side.

However, could you be slightly hurting yourself. It is always important that one schedule some time for certain things: Bible reading/quiet time/prayer, rest/relaxation, alone time as a couple, ..etc. And you want to stay heatlhy so why not make sure you schedule some excercise as well? Also, even though you love that person whether or not they are in shape, doesn't physical appearance have some value in a relationship? I have heard of studies that back this up - I mean about couples who keep a good physique. I might like it when my girlfriend goes without fixing herself up but I don't think I want it all the time. Furthermore, couldn't finding some physical activities you could do together strenghten your bond?



42servehymn -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/29/2008 6:28:51 PM)

We have certainly found that exercising together helps strengthen our relationship. We like to bicycle together. We also tried snowshoeing for the first time a few years ago and really enjoyed that as well. We are practically empty nesters now so we have time that for a number of years we didn't have.



Godhead -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/29/2008 7:36:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

I know of several friends who were in great shape before they got married, now not so much. After marriage they were still excercising but eventually they stopped.



That is so true. I am in the same boat, I exercise every second day, and keep myself in excellent shape. I do weights and aerobics. I am addicted to working out, and get cranky if I miss a day. I have the same concerns as you. I have seen athletic single guys,soon after marriage turn fat and pudgy. It could be the sex, draining their energy? What you say happens for sure. I cannot imagine that happening to me though. As I said, I am addicted to working out, and make sure I have the time to workout. Like when I have a full study day, I get off the bus way before my stop and walk for heaps both to and from my place of study. If I do not have an opportunity to do my regular workout, I find other ways. If their is a place with flights of stairs, I will run up them instead of walking. The amazing thing is, that I am now 38, and I have seen teenager out of breath after just walking up the stairs. It is important for me to keep in shape, way too important for me to give that up. If having sex made me too tiered to workout, I would have to put a stop to it. [:D]



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/30/2008 3:36:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

Are you worried about yourself or your wife becoming out of shape?


I think a lot of couples are, whether they fully realize it or not.

Our physique controls visual attraction which plays a significant role in intimacy. I've read a story too many about couples losing visual attraction toward their spouse over the course of years they've been married due to weight gain. I can't say I blame those people, either. It's so unattractive to let yourself get in such a helpless state. The "sex appeal", so to speak, is greatly lessened.

I do find out of shapeness (the type where you gradually gain weight, and it never stops) a turn off. I hope and expect my wife to take care of her body for me, and I know she would expect the same. As long as you have that understanding and follow through with your actions, there shouldn't be anything to worry about.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/30/2008 3:43:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrapeApe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

Are you worried about yourself or your wife becoming out of shape?


I think a lot of couples are, whether they fully realize it or not.

Our physique controls visual attraction which plays a significant role in intimacy. I've read a story too many about couples losing visual attraction toward their spouse over the course of years they've been married due to weight gain. I can't say I blame those people, either. It's so unattractive to let yourself get in such a helpless state. The "sex appeal", so to speak, is greatly lessened.

I do find out of shapeness (the type where you gradually gain weight, and it never stops) a turn off. I hope and expect my wife to take care of her body for me, and I know she would expect the same. As long as you have that understanding and follow through with your actions, there shouldn't be anything to worry about.


For the most part you are on target, however, my young friend, let me remind you that when one gets older, their metabolism does slow, you won't always have a teenage metabolism..and when women go through pregnancy they can gain weight, and it can be challenging to take it off. Then there are people like me who gained weight due to an illness, and are working hard to take it off, but it's taking a while. So I agree about the effort to stay in shape, both for health, and remaining attractive to each other, but as young as you are, please be careful not to make a judgement when you have yet to walk in those shoes. And I would hope that you would make an effort to be loving toward your wife even if she's got some baby pounds on her.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/30/2008 6:49:09 AM)

quote:

And I would hope that you would make an effort to be loving toward your wife even if she's got some baby pounds on her.


Amen!

I am so blessed to be married to a man who's initial attraction to me was *not* sex appeal and who has been gracious, loving, and still attracted to me through all the changes my body has gone through, and all the weight I've gained.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Slacking off excercising after marraige? (6/30/2008 8:46:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

my young friend, let me remind you that when one gets older, their metabolism does slow, you won't always have a teenage metabolism..


I've had pretty terrible metabolism my whole life, so I get that.

quote:

and when women go through pregnancy they can gain weight, and it can be challenging to take it off.


It's kind of inevitable to avoid that during pregnancy. However, there is such a thing as a healthy and non-healthy weight you can gain during this process. I've read that 20-30 pounds is a healthy weight gained during this time.

quote:

Then there are people like me who gained weight due to an illness, and are working hard to take it off, but it's taking a while.


I was chunky for the majority of my life, so I get that, too. But based on motivation and encouragement, it can be done with time. Nobody should let themselves get in such a shape, provided you're not diagnosed with an illness that prevents it.

quote:

And I would hope that you would make an effort to be loving toward your wife even if she's got some baby pounds on her.


I'll still think she's the most attractive person alive when we're racing in our wheelchairs. As encouraging as I'll be during her pregnancy, I plan to be as much as encouraging to help her lose it afterward.



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