I was abused (Full Version)

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beachcooky -> I was abused (6/22/2008 3:50:57 PM)

Ever since age 9, I had such a heart for God. I loved Him soooo much. But then, my dad started kicking me. It started out small, but it got worst over time. In 8th grade, I started cutting and I went to the hospital. My dad looked at me and called me "crazy". What I needed the most was a Father that wouldn't judge me, but just be there for me. During 8th grade, I finally turned my back on God cos he didn't take the depression and the hurt and the pain away. I was made fun of soo much at my school. I was alone in this world, literally. Family judged me, no friends, and even God wasn't there for me.

After I was out of the hospital, my Dad made a promise to never lay his hand on me again. I believed him, because I knew he felt bad about it. However, that didn't last TOO long. 9th grade came rolling along, and my Dad got too out of control. He started throwing things at me, kicking me where I couldn't breathe, choking me, threatening to do things to me, giving me bloody noses. And after that, I hate a full hatred towards the man. I'm almost close to tears, but it wouldn't be the first time crying over how much I don't like my Dad. I tried calling the police, but my dad always pulled me away and kicked me and told me if I ever touched the phone, he would do something really awful. I finally had it and I started fighting back. I did tons of things that I am ashamed of, but I had so much hatred towards the man I called Father.

I was the one who was punished. I was sent to numerous hospitals, and they told me that it was MY fault. That it was MY behaviors that caused my Dad to do it to me. I was sent to a residential facility, where my Dad didn't get even punished. But I was. It hurt so much and I had so much guilt because I actually believed it was my behaviors that led him to do this. I mean, I was very out of control and I knew I caused a lot of harm to people. But whatever I did, my Dad shouldn't have laid his hands on me.

I am back living at home, and my Dad and I get along. But I still have some anger towards him.

But here is the prayer I am asking, I need you to pray for me and for healing. I have nightmares about my Dad and I having fights. And I wake up screaming and crying and thrashing around. I was diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.

I hope this wasn't too long. I hope you read this whole thing. But thats what I need prayer. :/



eaglelady11 -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 4:43:17 PM)

I pray protection for you. I pray you forgive, but also, work through the issues with a therapist. i pray you read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud which will help you set boundaries. ipray a spirit of courage for you so that you might be able to stand up to the devil inside your father and to confront him with the truth. I pray God give you a spirit of compassion so you can see how much pain your dad is in and how you can be a channel of healing. But i pray you work through your isseus and be filled with God's love. I also pray that you do not fear your father, but fear in reverence your Heavenly Father who has the power of life and death in his hands.



kyl -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 5:43:15 PM)

Lord I pray for beachcooky
You know all the hurt and pain that she is dealing with.
I pray Lord you will protect her and keep her safe in your loving arms.
I pray Lord you will help her to heal from the abuse and anger.
Give her the strength Lord to go forward with you and trust you to help her to get through this
Lord you know her every need and i pray you will provide for her.
May she know the wonderous love you have for her and the plans you have for her.
Lead and guide her Lord as she seeks you for direction in her life
May her life glorify you, Lord
Thank You Lord
In Jesus name
Amen



sparkleingsnow -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 5:45:56 PM)

beachcooky, I'm so sorry for all that you must have been through in your young life. The Lord does love you. You are percious to Him.

Father, I ask that You would help beachcooky to turn to You. Draw closer and closer to You. That she would ask You to help her forgive. Over and over, till she fills true forgivness in her heart. That You would help her to understand how precious she is to You and that You have a plan for her life. That You would bless her and help her in every way that You know is best. In Jesus name. Amen



colliefan -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 9:48:49 PM)

Please shelter her in your loving arms. Please force her father to seek help with his anger issues.



love4theLord -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 10:19:49 PM)

I can't even imagine what you went through with all of this at such a young age. I am so sorry you had this in your life for these years..Does the dr have you on any meds or anything right now? Did your dad go through the same sort of abuse when he was a child?

I pray for you to have a restful night tonight and know that God is there with you and loves
you so much! I pray that things continue to go better between you and your dad..

amen
kc



beachcooky -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 10:47:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Itlyn1kc

I can't even imagine what you went through with all of this at such a young age. I am so sorry you had this in your life for these years..Does the dr have you on any meds or anything right now? Did your dad go through the same sort of abuse when he was a child?

I pray for you to have a restful night tonight and know that God is there with you and loves
you so much! I pray that things continue to go better between you and your dad..

amen
kc


Hey! I'm not on anything for the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But I am on sleeping pills. But still, I wake up thrashing and just screaming. And my Dad hasn't been beated. He's been spanked with a whip, but not anything compared to what he has done to me. It's gotten much better. And the doctor that I am going to now is a Christian and he was the first doctor who has ever heard the cries and actually listened to me like I was a person, not some random crazy person. :p

Thank you for your prayers! All of you!



beachcooky -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 10:50:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sparkleingsnow

beachcooky, I'm so sorry for all that you must have been through in your young life. The Lord does love you. You are percious to Him.

Father, I ask that You would help beachcooky to turn to You. Draw closer and closer to You. That she would ask You to help her forgive. Over and over, till she fills true forgivness in her heart. That You would help her to understand how precious she is to You and that You have a plan for her life. That You would bless her and help her in every way that You know is best. In Jesus name. Amen


Thank you! I have been back with God for a couple of years now because I met a good man and he led me back to God! Life's been good :)



love4theLord -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 10:53:12 PM)

Aww, well I am happy that the dr you are seeing is a christian...I don't know, but where do you think his anger has come from, usually this is something passed down from generation to generation. I hate that he has done this to you, has he ever thought about going to get help or figure out why he did this or why he was so angry??
Well, you are certainly not crazy, not about something like this...thank you for sharing your story, and know that you are on my heart and I will pray for you everyday..I pray that you sleep
better tonight my friend....

kc



beachcooky -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 10:58:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Itlyn1kc

Aww, well I am happy that the dr you are seeing is a christian...I don't know, but where do you think his anger has come from, usually this is something passed down from generation to generation. I hate that he has done this to you, has he ever thought about going to get help or figure out why he did this or why he was so angry??
Well, you are certainly not crazy, not about something like this...thank you for sharing your story, and know that you are on my heart and I will pray for you everyday..I pray that you sleep
better tonight my friend....

kc


Well, thankfully it doesn't happen every night. Then I'd be too scared to sleep! But thank you SO much! It really is appreciated :)



beachcooky -> RE: I was abused (6/22/2008 10:59:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Itlyn1kc

Aww, well I am happy that the dr you are seeing is a christian...I don't know, but where do you think his anger has come from, usually this is something passed down from generation to generation. I hate that he has done this to you, has he ever thought about going to get help or figure out why he did this or why he was so angry??
Well, you are certainly not crazy, not about something like this...thank you for sharing your story, and know that you are on my heart and I will pray for you everyday..I pray that you sleep
better tonight my friend....

kc


Oh, and no. He doesn't think he has "anger" problems. But I don't care, I know he does. Well, I would act bad and he'll do that...but then it will get too out of control. And what hurt the most was my mom used to just stand there. And she's a Godly woman. I just think she didn't know WHAT to do. It just hurt...deeply.



barbi -> RE: I was abused (6/23/2008 8:21:08 AM)

praying for you



peaceofGod -> RE: I was abused (6/23/2008 8:48:34 AM)

Father,

Thank you for making it possible for beachcooky to see a Christian Counselor. Please use the Counselor to be a big help to her. In Jesus' name I ask that you help in the ways that you see are absolutely best to protect beachcooky and to help her to have a good life -- walking with you. Amen.



beachcooky -> RE: I was abused (7/12/2008 12:46:08 AM)

Thank you EVERYONE for your prayers. I haven't been having nightmares lately and I am so thankful. Maybe it is God. He's been working in me and I haven't realized it until just now (literally.) When I came upon this thread tonight, I'm like, "Wow, I haven't been having them lately." And so I believe that God has worked in me since then.

I'm not going to say the flashbacks have stopped. But the nightmares have. And that was the worst thing ever. Those nightmares were KILLING me. The flashbacks aren't so bad, but those nightmares were and I hated having them. I thank all of you guys. I love you all. And I never say that, because I don't like it when people say it to me! Hahah. But I'm getting over it--slowly, but surely! Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts. God's going to use all of you--his plans will never, ever fade away!!!!! I LOVE YOU!



Roberta_ -> RE: I was abused (7/12/2008 1:08:30 AM)

Praying for you!



Little_1 -> RE: I was abused (7/12/2008 2:49:18 AM)

Heavenly Father
I believe that You never leave Your children
even when it feels like this is the case.
Your child has come through so very much abuse
and hurt, fears and rejection that they have taken
their toll.
Heavenly Father, I believe that Your heart ached when
you saw your child taking these beatings just as it ached
when Jesus was beaten and his back ploughed into when He
took our sin punishment.
Beechcooky has tasted something of the cruelty, rejection and misunderstanding
which Jesus suffered and it has left it's marks upon BC's mind.
Heavenly Father I believe that You do work all things together for good
and that You can bring good out of this horrible situation also.
Father when we look to Calvary and the brutality and suffering that took
place there and how You turned something that was so ugly into something
so beautiful and the salvation of souls the world over - I praise You
because only You could do something so wonderful.
Father I do not believe that You allow anything to touch our lives which
cannot be turned around for our good and Your glory
And so I pray that Your Holy Spirit would work in this situation also
and bring healing, forgiveness and restoration as only You can do.
Please give BC beauty for ashes and the robe of joy in place of mourning.
Help them to know that when we confess our sins, You are faithful and just to
forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
You have forgiven BC their sin of rebelling in pain on their father -
It is finished! Your forgiveness is complete.
Help BC to let go and forgive themselves now.
Help BC to be an encouragement to those who will likewise suffer this kind of situation
in the future and may BC comfort others who walk the same path
with the same comfort which You have afforded to them.
In the precious Name of Jesus I pray.
AMEN.



OneJohn410 -> RE: I was abused (7/12/2008 2:57:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyl

Lord I pray for beachcooky
You know all the hurt and pain that she is dealing with.
I pray Lord you will protect her and keep her safe in your loving arms.
I pray Lord you will help her to heal from the abuse and anger.
Give her the strength Lord to go forward with you and trust you to help her to get through this
Lord you know her every need and i pray you will provide for her.
May she know the wonderous love you have for her and the plans you have for her.
Lead and guide her Lord as she seeks you for direction in her life
May her life glorify you, Lord
Thank You Lord
In Jesus name
Amen

Praying in agreement this prayer, others already prayed, and my own.
Thanks for sharing in this, that others might see and be encouraged with your updates! The Lord is surely at work in your ministry with them to us all.



beachcooky -> RE: I was abused (7/12/2008 12:28:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Little_1

Heavenly Father
I believe that You never leave Your children
even when it feels like this is the case.
Your child has come through so very much abuse
and hurt, fears and rejection that they have taken
their toll.
Heavenly Father, I believe that Your heart ached when
you saw your child taking these beatings just as it ached
when Jesus was beaten and his back ploughed into when He
took our sin punishment.
Beechcooky has tasted something of the cruelty, rejection and misunderstanding
which Jesus suffered and it has left it's marks upon BC's mind.
Heavenly Father I believe that You do work all things together for good
and that You can bring good out of this horrible situation also.
Father when we look to Calvary and the brutality and suffering that took
place there and how You turned something that was so ugly into something
so beautiful and the salvation of souls the world over - I praise You
because only You could do something so wonderful.
Father I do not believe that You allow anything to touch our lives which
cannot be turned around for our good and Your glory
And so I pray that Your Holy Spirit would work in this situation also
and bring healing, forgiveness and restoration as only You can do.
Please give BC beauty for ashes and the robe of joy in place of mourning.
Help them to know that when we confess our sins, You are faithful and just to
forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
You have forgiven BC their sin of rebelling in pain on their father -
It is finished! Your forgiveness is complete.
Help BC to let go and forgive themselves now.
Help BC to be an encouragement to those who will likewise suffer this kind of situation
in the future and may BC comfort others who walk the same path
with the same comfort which You have afforded to them.
In the precious Name of Jesus I pray.
AMEN.


WOW! What an amazing prayer!!!! Thank you!



beachcooky -> RE: I was abused (7/12/2008 10:43:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kridge

Beachcooky,
I am so sorry that you have had to go through all this physical and emotional pain. My heart goes out to you. No person should have to experience what you went through and worse off, a dad who you trusted and looked up to was the very person who betrayed you. That really hurts!! I will pray for you, but more important than that I think you need counseling. You need someone you can confide with and talk about the abuse, hospitalization and return back to the source of your abuse. You are not emotionally ready to deal with some of the challenges you still have to face living under the same roof as your dad. You need some coping tools to help you through this thing. Please visit my website at ruminateblessings.webs.com. It is a Christbased counseling ministry that I think would be a real benefit to you. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you through this difficult journey you are traveling. I will give you a free 30 minute consultation and if you need additional assistance, we can work something out. Please get some help now!!
kridge


That's very kind of you, but I'm already seeing a counselor! :)
And they were the first ones who heard me out and finally took my side on things. They aren't against me. :)



TMeeks -> RE: I was abused (7/13/2008 9:25:48 AM)

Beachcooky,

This may not be the best forum to pursue this; but, one of the best things for you to do is to recognize the importance of John 10:10 on your life. In this passage, Jesus talks about the difference between "the thief" and himself in terms of their goals for you. The thief comes into your life for three reasons and three reasons only... to steal from you, to kill you and to utterly destroy your eternal future. Jesus, however, says he came to (1) give you life and (2) to give you life more abundantly... or, 'to the full'. But, he uses the term 'may'. That means that while he has done the work, it's up to us to take advantage of that. Here is the verse:

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

The thief came to steal your happiness and your future happiness through 3 people. The first was your cousin, the second was your father and the third was you, through your acceptance of the thief's work. When you say that you will "Always have post-traumatic stress disorder" and have hatred toward your father, you are, without knowing it, letting the thief win in your life because neither of these things falls into the category of having an abundant or full life... as Jesus wants for you.

Please don't let that happen. Don't let the first 25% of your expected life control the next 75%.

You see, God made our brain, the part of us that remembers all too easily the work of the thief, so that it could be RENEWED and TRANSFORMED by the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. We just have to come to understand HOW to be willing to let go of the past and apply the Word of God to our memories so they don't control our futures negatively.

There is an excellent book and DVD series that I would suggest you consider. I believe you spoke of feeling 'numb' and that is often typical of having something stolen from us emotionally.

"Who Switched Off My Brain" by Dr. Caroline Leaf tells you why this happens and how to correct it by applying the Word of God directly to negative memories, replacing them with new, positive truthes from God's Word.

Lord, today and every day from this moment forward, may Beachcooky realize that you want far more for her life than she could ever want and may she walk in the very center of your will for her more and more each day.



lock58 -> RE: I was abused (7/13/2008 2:18:52 PM)

father be with this young lady help her and heal her through this trauma she has been through let her feel your presence there with her healing her and helping her to be a normal teenager put your unfailing grace on her and have mercy give her peace and comfort throughout this healing in jesus name amen



beachcooky -> RE: I was abused (7/13/2008 3:52:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TMeeks

Beachcooky,

This may not be the best forum to pursue this; but, one of the best things for you to do is to recognize the importance of John 10:10 on your life. In this passage, Jesus talks about the difference between "the thief" and himself in terms of their goals for you. The thief comes into your life for three reasons and three reasons only... to steal from you, to kill you and to utterly destroy your eternal future. Jesus, however, says he came to (1) give you life and (2) to give you life more abundantly... or, 'to the full'. But, he uses the term 'may'. That means that while he has done the work, it's up to us to take advantage of that. Here is the verse:

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

The thief came to steal your happiness and your future happiness through 3 people. The first was your cousin, the second was your father and the third was you, through your acceptance of the thief's work. When you say that you will "Always have post-traumatic stress disorder" and have hatred toward your father, you are, without knowing it, letting the thief win in your life because neither of these things falls into the category of having an abundant or full life... as Jesus wants for you.

Please don't let that happen. Don't let the first 25% of your expected life control the next 75%.

You see, God made our brain, the part of us that remembers all too easily the work of the thief, so that it could be RENEWED and TRANSFORMED by the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. We just have to come to understand HOW to be willing to let go of the past and apply the Word of God to our memories so they don't control our futures negatively.

There is an excellent book and DVD series that I would suggest you consider. I believe you spoke of feeling 'numb' and that is often typical of having something stolen from us emotionally.

"Who Switched Off My Brain" by Dr. Caroline Leaf tells you why this happens and how to correct it by applying the Word of God directly to negative memories, replacing them with new, positive truthes from God's Word.

Lord, today and every day from this moment forward, may Beachcooky realize that you want far more for her life than she could ever want and may she walk in the very center of your will for her more and more each day.


Yeah, well, I don't think this forum is hurting anyone :)
And thanks for your answer!



love4theLord -> RE: I was abused (7/13/2008 4:01:43 PM)

I continue to pray for you beachcooky. I am glad that you are here and that the nightmares have diminished..Keep doing what you are doing because it is obvious God is working on you
and will continue to protect you...
Lord, continue to protect beachcooky, protect her mind, her dreams when she sleeps at night. Give her rest and assurance that you are there and will always be there. Give her strength, peace and comfort, so that she may continue to grow stronger and heal completely from all that she has been through...

We love you Lord, and we love you beachcooky!

amen
kc



Roberta_ -> RE: I was abused (7/13/2008 4:07:55 PM)

Hi beachcooky- just wanted to let you know that you are still in my prayers. You are a very strong woman!



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