RE: How would you react.

RE: How would you react. (Full Version)

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Roberta_ -> RE: How would you react. (6/27/2008 3:41:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Calea37 I have dysfunctional people in my life and no matter how much counseling I have gotten these people continue to be dysfunctional. LOL Very true, but it's not about changing them. The therapy would be so show her how to deal with how she handles them. quote: Kat_D Light, you know, they may use all those reasons they give you for not taking their meds, but in actuality it may be because they know they cannot drink when they are on them. Anti psychotics and alcohol can be deadly and they probably are well aware of this fact. I had two friends who told me that if I follow drs. orders, then they couldn't be there for me. I tested them and they stood by that. quote: agapetos: It may mean that it's classed as therapy, but that doesn't mean there's something unbalanced with you ~ just that you've spent so long doing things one way you can't always see things in a different way ~ sometimes it's useful to have an outsiders input. Exactly.

allisonbrett -> RE: How would you react. (6/27/2008 4:53:50 PM)
{{{{{Light}}}}} I can see your frustration with your brother. I'm sure I'd be there too. I also read where you feel so resposnsible. In some ways I understand your feelings but you can't allow your brother's illness to be an excuse for his rudeness. You are not responsible for him. Are there any social services in your area that can help? Don't allow his illness and his issues to lead you to co-dependency and taking on his problems. I'm sure you have enough things on your plate without having to take on responsibility of a mentally ill brother and SIL with addiction issues as well. While we all sympathize with his illness and the struggle you all face, the reality is much tougher to deal with it. Just don't allow him to be such a jerk which is not a symptom of his illness. It does seem as though you reacted to him as you may have when you were both kids. (i.e. turning up the radio when he didn't like the music, kind of that "I'll show you" mentality) I can see us doing that as kids. Don't let him bait you into reacting like squabbling siblings. You are too far above that. While I certainly understand it, it doesn't get you anywhere or change his response. Since we know we cannot change anyone else, we can change how we react to them. Maybe try a different tack with him. If you have to play the parent then go for it. If he behaves as a child then you may have to play mommy. (can you get a carseat that big?). I do see your issue with your car. I'm the same way. I work hard for what I have and do have a problem with others that seem to treat my things as their own and trash it. Set down some grounds rules if and when he gets in the car. I don't want to smell smoke nor clean up tobacco spit either! It's nasty. Those that disrepect that don't need to ride in your car at all. The mechanic that got into your car with a cigarette.... I'd have said something to him about the smoke. It seems rather disrepectful of someone getting into your car with a cigarette anyway. (I personally own a classic/vintage/performance shop and never allow my employees anywhere near customers cars with tobacco. In fact they can't have it in the shop at all they go outside.) My shop, my rules, my reputation. All in all, I suggest some serious prayer for help in dealing with them. There must be some sort of help/services available to families of the mentally ill. Ask the Lord to give you peace when you deal with your brother. Careful about praying for patience, you'll end up having to earn that the hard way. (been there done that too!) [:D] I'll be praying for you too. Blessings!

lightshineon -> RE: How would you react. (6/28/2008 12:23:51 AM)
Thank you all, I have learned alot, maybe right I wish I knew in my small town, someone avalible. Here is the latest, This morning I went to pick up SIL to take her to the store. Randall walked out with her, he had the Tobacco in his hands, coming towards the car. I said " No, Randall no Tabacco on my car. He said "S" You and "F" you two words with the same meaning, turned around walked back to his apartment. Lisa got in the car, semed upset making excuses for the cussing. I explained to her why, I told him no. She said he sometimes spits tabacco in the floor at home. ( gross). I took her to store, and right back home. He calls me on my cell phone and says " Do not ever come back to my house again!", and hung up on me. That really ticked me, because I ws there doing them a favor, which I did not mind. BTW, husband said that he could get in car with out tabacco, because he walked out with Lisa, which was unexpected, so I called him. I went to work, and my thought about my tone which was harsh, but, it did not condone his actions. I talked to mom while I was at work, Mom said Lisa called, and told her I had talked to Randall very meanly." She also said though he spits it in the floor, he would not in my car> I thought why not? Tommorow is his B-day. We used to be very close, he always had problems, but before drugs was kind and sensative to God. My SIL looked defeated, she is so sweet, and humble. Yes the music is like we acted as kids, no I have not found a baby huey carseat, but there may be diapers to fit him. He is so ate up with bitterness, I wish he was not that way now. Ok, this not co-dependent, maybe I should have not sound so harsh, but, I was still mad about Sunday night. I am a person who does not enjoy being harsh, not because I am a coward. I am a spitfire at times, and not scared of any person ( how many TOS) have I had? I will be kind when I can. I do not know why God put me in the situation, but he did. I know he has a reason. Maybe it is to develope fruit, maybe boundries, maybe many reasons. I learned from everyone and the encouragment has been great. Maybe Iwill pray to find a Therapist ( a Christian). And I m so glad my friend that owns a shop cares about the reputation, and the no smoking. I do not know why I did not say anything, It was spechless moment, I guess.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: How would you react. (6/28/2008 1:21:40 AM)
First of all, you have a wonderful husband, because he was doing his job and making an effort to protect you. Secondly, to all those who said Schizophrenia does not affect manners that is NOT NECESSARILY true..my good friend has it, and she is normally a polite, kind person, but when she gets into an episode, she can really get belligerent, and sometimes say bad words she would never say otherwise. Also, when I had lyme disease, in the early stages, I was affected mentally, and it could cause me to have negative behaviors at times. That's not to say my friend and I aren't responsible, but we do have, what our parents (3 out of 4 which are counselors), call diminished responsibility..sort of like we are responsible and we aren't all at the same time. I think one of the biggest issues here beyond the incident in the car is your brother not taking his meds. That is the first situation that has got to somehow be dealt with. I will say more later, but it's getting to be bedtime, and I'm losing my coherence.

GregandJenny -> RE: How would you react. (6/29/2008 12:31:56 PM)
Pray! I don't mean a little prayer, a mean a prayer that will literally move the hand of God to intervene. You really need God's help in this. God can still move the Mountains. G

lightshineon -> RE: How would you react. (7/2/2008 9:25:53 PM)
Thank You everyone. for prayers and encouragement. I went ahead and bought him a 25 dollar, Wal-mart card, for his B-day. They do not sell beer at this wal-mart. I sent my daughter, over his partment with it. I knew they were broke until the 3rd, so I fiqured they needed things, so I bought the card. Later he called on my cell phone, and apologized to me, saying he was disrespectful. I forgave him of course, I love him. He said he would not, do tabbaco in my car anymore. I told him, it was mainly that he said I was full of "S", though the car mattered of course too. Dealing with people with problems is not easy, and I do not know why, I was born into this family situation, but, God must of had a reason, maybe to make me a better person. It maybe to learn boundries, and compassion, I do not know I still am in the learning, growing mode. Thanks again.[:)] Like I said,he is family, and whatever his faults or mine, we still will always love each other.

Kat_D -> RE: How would you react. (7/2/2008 10:02:48 PM)
So happy to hear that it turned out that way, Light. It was a very loving thing to do to send the gift card and your brother seems to have responded to that love. You are right, we are often put in difficult situations, especially family ones, and only God knows why. I pray He would continue to give you wisdom and insight in your relationship with your brother and that He would bless you big-time! Hugs!

lightshineon -> RE: How would you react. (7/2/2008 10:06:33 PM)
The same to you sister, and thank you. I was thinking of the verse love never fails, when I bought the card. quote: ORIGINAL: Kat_D So happy to hear that it turned out that way, Light. It was a very loving thing to do to send the gift card and your brother seems to have responded to that love. You are right, we are often put in difficult situations, especially family ones, and only God knows why. I pray He would continue to give you wisdom and insight in your relationship with your brother and that He would bless you big-time! Hugs!

Roberta_ -> RE: How would you react. (7/3/2008 3:16:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lightshineon I went ahead and bought him a 25 dollar, Wal[:'(]mart card, for his B-day. They do not sell beer at this Wal[:'(]mart. Just to let you know, he can still use that gift card to buy beer. All he has to do is find a Wal[:'(]Mart that sells beer. Most of the Super Centers sell booze.

agapetos -> RE: How would you react. (7/3/2008 6:42:18 AM)
quote: Dealing with people with problems is not easy, and I do not know why, Perhaps because none of us are perfect and in pointing out the faults of others we are at risk of either giving the impression we think we are perfect or opening ourselves up to have our own faults pointed out. Again, I do think that it may benefit you to get some support to look at ways you could deal with issues with your brother. If you can't get it, there may be books that you could borrow from the library on the subject.

lightshineon -> RE: How would you react. (7/3/2008 9:44:56 AM)
Our super-walmart does not as of yet, thankgoodness. quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva quote: ORIGINAL: lightshineon I went ahead and bought him a 25 dollar, Wal[:'(]mart card, for his B-day. They do not sell beer at this Wal[:'(]mart. Just to let you know, he can still use that gift card to buy beer. All he has to do is find a Wal[:'(]Mart that sells beer. Most of the Super Centers sell booze.

lightshineon -> RE: How would you react. (7/3/2008 9:47:36 AM)
I am getting the book boundries, and have set in in a connection group at class, that deals with people with addictions, and people who have families with addictions, also deals with people with family problems. So see I took advice, I quite enjoyed the class, and learned things.[:D] quote: ORIGINAL: agapetos quote: Dealing with people with problems is not easy, and I do not know why, Perhaps because none of us are perfect and in pointing out the faults of others we are at risk of either giving the impression we think we are perfect or opening ourselves up to have our own faults pointed out. Again, I do think that it may benefit you to get some support to look at ways you could deal with issues with your brother. If you can't get it, there may be books that you could borrow from the library on the subject.

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