RE: Dating or Courtship? (Full Version)

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blueshadow -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/5/2008 5:45:04 PM)

New to the forums here...

I've been "dating" a wonderful young man for over a year. I say "dating" because, while we call it that, in some ways it's a lot more like courtship. I spend a lot of time with him and his parents, and he isn't afraid to come over and brave my many siblings either - once he made lunch for my entire family. We do go out by ourselves a lot, as well. It's not typical dating, though - typical dating I don't think you ever go around family. Ever.

There is a lot of good in official courting. I wouldn't be able to do it, though - I'm 19 now, and my parents' view is that I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. They wouldn't want to be involved in courting. They're very hands-off parents, which is quite uncommon from what I've seen at college. That being said, they do like him a lot, which I'm glad about. I think they actually wanted us all to court at first, but somehow that didn't work out..their viewpoints on things changed a lot between when I was 11 and now.



Snoopyroxmysox -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/5/2008 6:40:37 PM)

I think that it is VERY UBER important to be BEST friends with the person you plan on dating/courting or whatever. If you aren't their best friend then you don't know how they act when they aren't around you. If a person likes you they may act sweeter with you than with their friends or random strangers. You want to make sure you like this person for who they are not just who they are around you.

I understand if you don't agree with me seeing as I have never "dated/courted" anyone in my short life. I think I agree most with the Christian dating stuff you guys were talking about earlier. Like holding hands, hugging, etc. This is just my opinion so feel free to disagree.

[sm=hammerhead.gif]



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/7/2008 4:52:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rae_of_light

Courtship is a wonderful way to do things!


Based from the definition within this thread, I disagree.

I'm not going to look down on anyone who practices this form of a relationship, but it isn't something that I would personally partake in.

I think labelling yourself is lame. You don't need to be "courting" or "dating" in order to have a strong relationship. Since when did we have to live by stipulations in order to love someone?

quote:

I've never seen any kissing, thank GOODNESS


I'm baffled by why kissing sends up a red flag for most Christians. Everyone acts as if you're having sex itself while kissing.

They are nothing related.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blueshadow

typical dating I don't think you ever go around family. Ever.


That is in contrast to my own perception of dating.

Dating, to me, is the transition from friendship into your eventual spouse, with the boyfriend/girlfriend process being in-between. While the basis of your friendship remains in take, it evolves into a more intimate significance than just a typical friendship.

Nowhere in the laws of dating does it state to never make it a point to inquire the approval of parents/family. Before I allowed myself to feel confident in my relationship, I wanted to feel approved by the parents. It's common sense, not just a specific in courting.



_MavericK_ -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/7/2008 4:41:06 PM)

nothing like being stared down over lunch by your best friend's dad. Specially considering your not even dating. Gave me the creeps it did.



_MavericK_ -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/7/2008 4:44:06 PM)

nothing like being stared down over lunch by your best friends dad. Specially when your not even dating your best friend. Gave me the creepers, it did.



rae_of_light -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/7/2008 7:31:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
quote:

I've never seen any kissing, thank GOODNESS


I'm baffled by why kissing sends up a red flag for most Christians.
It doesn't send up red flags... I just think it's gross for ANYONE to do it in public, unless it's at the altar. I don't even like those tacky wedding reception games....



jesusfreak94 -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/8/2008 12:14:56 AM)

whats the matter with kissing in public? i honestly dont see anything wrong with it. but as the matter of courting or dating. i honestly wouldn't want to court. because some of that i dont completely agree with. and besides, i believe that you should be friends with that person before you date them. i mean, i wouldn't want to start dating a total stranger. and i believe that since your dating (or courting) in order to find the person your gonna marry, you should connect first spiritually, then emotionally, THEN sexually. i mean you should base it on God first and then how ya'll feel about each other and then note that they're totally hot. the person i marry, i want to be able to trust him with completely and totally everything. just to be able to pour out my soul to him.



JesKlu -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/12/2008 2:29:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
Yes, I am making out with my future wife. There's no 'someone else'. Not ever.


Hello GrapeApe.

I know you are n ot going to like my advice. I am not a teenager, I am 20, going on 21. The comment I quoted is not a very holy way of thinking. Let me say something. There is NO commitment until she has a betrothal (engagement) ring on her finger, and a date set. Then at betrothal, there is commitment. But before that, there is absolutely no commitment at all. You're just boyfriend/girlfriend. And making out can lead to sex, so you should be aware of that possibility. Now, I am not saying you cannot touch her at all. I think a friendly hug, and light kisses are ok. But making out is definately not light kissing. You should save that for marriage.

You should show her the amount of affection you would for your mom or sister. Would you make out with your mom or sister? Then don't do it.

Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica



rae_of_light -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/12/2008 2:38:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jesusfreak94
whats the matter with kissing in public?
Nothing.... If you like seeing that sort of stuff. Call me immature, but I'm totally grossed out by it, ESPECIALLY in the grocery store or a restaurant. *grumbles*



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Dating or Courtship? (7/12/2008 9:10:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JesKlu

I know you are not going to like my advice.


Since it's just advice, I can handle it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to accept it.

However, this "advice" gets so ridiculously tiring when you have the lot of people jumping down your throat with the same opinion.

I'm entirely aware of all things that come with a relationship. I'm not an infant and just now learning how to walk. I wish people would stop preaching this "advice" to me as if I'm unable to comprehend it.

My own personal decisions are between God and I. While I do appreciate people giving advice as to help build and maintain a relationship, I don't appreciate the advice that is nothing more than a opinion being forced as a statement of fact.

quote:

The comment I quoted is not a very holy way of thinking.


Thinking that the one I'm kissing now will also be the one I'm kissing fifty years from now isn't a holy mindset?

I would hate to see what you people have to say about those that have no desire for a commitment in a relationship.

quote:

There is NO commitment until she has a betrothal (engagement) ring on her finger, and a date set.


A commitment is a promise. I don't need a materialistic piece of jewel to display my commitment to her.

And marriage talk isn't something new to us, fyi.

quote:

And making out can lead to sex, so you should be aware of that possibility.


I've been aware of that for the majority of my life. But it can only lead to sex if that is your intention. I've stated so many times that my hearts intention is nothing sexual. It's a mere display of affection.

quote:

Now, I am not saying you cannot touch her at all.


Some here would argue the point by saying touching a woman is wrong.

By this logic, when an eldery woman is walking across the street, and a car is oblivious to her, I suppose I should just avoid helping her. Because, ya know, I wouldn't want to touch her! That might start a burning passion in my soul.

[8|]

The Bible says the act of carnal copulation is wrong. Copulation is defined as sexual intercourse, not as holding hands or the like.

quote:

You should show her the amount of affection you would for your mom or sister. Would you make out with your mom or sister? Then don't do it.


I'm not going to marry my mother. I'm not going to be intimate with her in our married life as if she was my mother.

That is simply nasty.

I treat her as the woman God gave to me. I show her affection, but by no means does it dare to step the boundaries of carnal copulation.



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