RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (Full Version)

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hotsaucygma -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (6/30/2008 2:28:36 PM)

ChoirDJ, I think many of us that have gone through divorce feel that way, I do not personally know of one person that took it lightly. So often in posts it is implied that "we" do, I think that is untrue.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (6/30/2008 4:33:27 PM)

i think the divorce care daily email devotions should be mentioned. i have never gone through DC classes but have been very proactive myself with counseling, reading and meditating on God's Word, various self-help books, and these emails. they are themed from day 1 to day 365 and are free and take only 5 min max to read. of course you may find yourself thinking about the email later on. plus the best part is there is no spam, they seriously only send you 1 email a day and unsubscribe when you ask.



ChoirDJ -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 2:14:37 AM)

Just got back from group meeting a little while ago and it was a great topic. The topis was on "Looking in the Mirror" and how important it is in making wiser choices in the future. One of the main points is that we have a natural tendency to blame the other person for the failure in the marriage because it is so uncomfortable looking at our own faults. There are some people in the group that tend to focus more on what their spouses have done but I figure I am there to look at what I have done because that's the only person I can change.

We also talked about how we can miss that connection with the spouse even though we have the best of intentions. The examples I gave was the man who prides himself in working hard and being the provider only to become disillusioned by the wife not feeling the husband "is there" for her emotional needs. The converse would be the Mother whose life becomes so centered around taking care of the children to the point she neglects her husband's needs. He comes home and says "what have you been doing all day? Where's dinner and why is the house in shambles?" The flustered wife says "don't you get it? I've been taking our children and they have been such a handful. I'm so overwhelmed." He comes home exhausted from a hard days work and she bombards him with discussions about the bills, problems with one of the children's behaviors, when is he going to fix the leaking sink and mow the lawn, and his need to help out around the house. He says, "you have no idea what I have been through at work today and now I have to come home to an ungrateful and nagging wife?" Both spouses fail to acknowledge each other's contribution to the family and meet each other's needs emotionally. The point was that God and then the marriage must be priorities above all else. If these are going well, it doesn't matter how successful we are in any other area.

Lastly, we touched on the 5 languages of love and the importance of loving the spouse the way he/she needs to be loved, not the way we want to love him/her.



Roberta_ -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 2:50:55 AM)

I have never heard of DivorceCare. I'm currently separated and will probably be divorced before long, unless the Lord intervenes. We have been married 13 years.

Do they have DC for teens?



zoebob -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 9:20:22 AM)

Unfortunately not for teens...only through 12. Maybe someday though.

You can attend before you are divorced too. I went to it last summer and started about 2 months after separating



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 11:11:31 AM)

btw the emails are really good for people who are separated too! i've been through them a couple times..



ChoirDJ -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 11:37:50 AM)

They actually talk about a lot of things that marrieds could benefit from and they don't restrict the meetings to just those who are in the process of divorce. I would highly recommend the groups to people even if they haven't decided to get divorced because it may very well save the marriage.



1mlasp -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 11:53:32 AM)

quote:

As always I heartily endorse DivorceCare, and suggest taking lots more time than you think you need to heal before dating!
In total agreement with this. The idea of a new relationship makes me ill. I just see being open and trusting as giving someone the power to hurt me. Not the healthiest attitude with which to go into a new relationship. Besides, my divorce isn't final yet, so it's a moot point.
quote:

To any of you...did it at times feel like a slow death? Not in a suicidal way but did it just feel like a part of you was dying?

Did the enemy pound any of you with feelings like you were a failure?
yes. and yes. But I'm learning to see myself as God sees me...and that my value doesn't go down because someone else rejected me.

As for DC. It is a good program. I think I got more out of the discussion time than the videos. For others, it was the opposite, so it's good that they have a variety to what they do.



hotsaucygma -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 11:53:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
They actually talk about a lot of things that marrieds could benefit from and they don't restrict the meetings to just those who are in the process of divorce. I would highly recommend the groups to people even if they haven't decided to get divorced because it may very well save the marriage.

At the time I went, their first priority was to save marriages if people were not already divorced, and reconciliation was also discussed for those that thought it was a possibility. In fact, we did have one woman in our group that did reconcile. All in all, it is good information and support.



ChoirDJ -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 1:37:00 PM)

quote:

At the time I went, their first priority was to save marriages if people were not already divorced, and reconciliation was also discussed for those that thought it was a possibility.


So far, the one I go to takes a neutral stance on the issue and the program welcomes whoever feels a need to be there. They will refer people to resoruces that might be helpful for their given situation. We have people in various stages and a few that are not even sure they want to get divorced yet.



CherishedbyGod -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/1/2008 8:33:29 PM)

My dear sisters and brother,

I cry as I read your words...I am so sad for all of your pain and grief and sorrow...I feel your wounds...I truly do.

As I sat here and read through your pain, Todd Agnew's song about searching through the world for words to give glory to our King came on. At one part he sings "speak to me", speak to me"

Your sharing with me is acutually God speaking to me about your pain and, I being a writer, pray that I will be able to incorporate some of your pain in messages I give to the hurting. Brokeness can lead to the blessing of others, often, can it not? And, as I am certain you realize, it is never in vain when we are His....

Although I am not writing about the pain of divorce just right now, I am almost certain I will be sometime in the future. I will keep your answers and may want to use some of your replies as a quote...but I would always PM you first and ask you first and protect your anonimity.

For the dear one that was abused, I wonder if you have seen this website? I am reading her book and hope to lead a study on it one of these days...

http://www.setfreetoday.com/

Please! If you have any more feelings to share, would you share them with me?

Thank you so much!

...Cherished



keepingfaith -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/2/2008 10:26:27 AM)

quote:

At the time I went, their first priority was to save marriages if people were not already divorced, and reconciliation was also discussed for those that thought it was a possibility.


I believe reconciliation should not just be considered for those who are still married. It can happen even years after divorce and it has- even after marrying another.

I've found the counsel of divorcecare to be unscriptural. The Lord's counsel (command) is to remain unmarried or be reconciled (1cor7:10-11). Our vows say for better for worse, in sickness and in health, TIL DEATH... Scripture says marriage is a permanent covenant only broken by death, not divorce. (1 cor 7:39, Rom 7:2-3, Luke 16:18)

We can remain faithful to our vows with the Lord's help and with His love, mercy and grace can love a wayward spouse while praying for them to come to repentance the same way Jesus waited for us... We should have the same compassion for that person that Jesus does. He loves them too.

He committed to us the "ministry of RECONCILIATION- not counting men's sins against them." He told us not to case stones unless we are without sin- even using the example of an adulteress. Read Hosea for His heart toward the unfaithful.

We are commanded to love/forgive above all else, even our enemies. Jesus doesn't give us a timetable to repent- he leaves the door open to reconcile to Him until death, just as our vows say we should. I don't believe a follower of Christ should ever remain irreconcilable. We should have His heart and He is a Reconciler.

There is ALWAYS HOPE in Christ... if you believe He rose from the dead, then you believe that!



ChoirDJ -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/2/2008 11:50:39 AM)

quote:

I've found the counsel of divorcecare to be unscriptural. The Lord's counsel (command) is to remain unmarried or be reconciled (1cor7:10-11). Our vows say for better for worse, in sickness and in health, TIL DEATH... Scripture says marriage is a permanent covenant only broken by death, not divorce. (1 cor 7:39, Rom 7:2-3, Luke 16:18)


Once again, my experience with DivorceCare is that they don't tell people what they should or shouldn't do whether it comes to reconciliation, divorce, or marrying a different spouse and such. It seems their goal is primarily to help people heal from the pain of a divorce and to do some self examination on what led up to the divorce. What the individuals do with that information is between God and the individual and I think that's the best way to approach it personally.



Ps103 -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/2/2008 1:22:08 PM)

MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE

KeepingFaith, please take that discussion to the Remarriage After Divorce One-stop.

Thank you.



Please do not reply to this message within the Community.

Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.

Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.



ChoirDJ -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/8/2008 3:36:05 PM)

Last night's group was on "Hide and Blame"courtesy of Adam and Eve. Both disobeyed God but neither one accepted responsibility for his/her disobedience but they ran and hid. Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the Serpent. Falls happen when we take our focus off of what God tells us to do through his word. Eve was deceived by her desires and Satan's craftiness. Nonetheless, everyone is this story suffered consequences for the disobedience. Adam and Eve didn't escape by evading responsibility; they only prolonged the inevitable by hiding. When we fail to take responsibility, things don't get resolved and they will most certainly escalate. The question came up about why it's so hard for men/women to take responsibility for their mistakes and blame the other person. That question generated a lot of discussion.

Can anyone relate?



hotsaucygma -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/8/2008 3:48:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ

Can anyone relate?

LOL, Yes, sadly enough I can relate. We are always on the lookout for that speck in "his/her" eye, but really don't want to acknowledge the log in our own!

I know I still have issues to work on that were my part of the failure of my marriage. I have a million "excuses" or "reasons" for my behavior, but still the bottom line is the behavior needs to change! It is very hard to do though.



allisonbrett -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/8/2008 3:49:22 PM)

DC does cover scriptural grounds for divorce and remarriage. They discuss the interpretation that remarriage is only Biblically allowed in divorce cases of infidelity or if the unbeliever choose to leave the marriage. They also discuss that remarriage after divorce for a any reason other than scriptural grounds is sin. They really encourage people to focus on healing and restoration (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) before even considering remarriage.

I believe DC is very scriptural even though some may interpret scripture differently on various topics.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/8/2008 4:03:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
Once again, my experience with DivorceCare is that they don't tell people what they should or shouldn't do whether it comes to reconciliation, divorce, or marrying a different spouse and such. It seems their goal is primarily to help people heal from the pain of a divorce and to do some self examination on what led up to the divorce. What the individuals do with that information is between God and the individual and I think that's the best way to approach it personally.


ChoidDJ, if the class follows a general outline of the email devotions or their online bible study, reconciliation will probably be covered toward the end of your class. Early weeks probably focused on survival and getting healthy, being able to forgive, how to form future relationships, staying sexually pure, etc all that needs to happen interntally before someone would even entertain notion of reconciliation. So I would expect you will hear more about reconciliation in weeks to come. From my experience, DivorceCare encourages reconciliation in all cases where it is possible. (ie, they don't encourage the breaking up of new families to return to a former spouse as a vocal minority here at CW promotes - thus the false claims about DC being unscriptural but that discussion belongs in the other thread)



ChoirDJ -> RE: DivorceCare Support Groups, So... (7/8/2008 5:53:35 PM)

Not sure if it follows the same outline as the online devotionals so I'm sort of going along for the ride and making the personal applications of the material. I would also encourage reunification if that were possible but it's just not feasible in some cases. I'm not going to comment on the remarriage issue as I'm sure that would be opening Pandora's Box on this thread. My general impression is that very few (if any) on this forum would take the issue of divorce lightly because the scriptures are clear that God hates it. I would presume anyone who's been down that path has thought long and hard about it before making the decision.



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