Sex and A Saved Single

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Blindone -> Sex and A Saved Single (6/27/2008 1:06:41 AM)
Like most single women in their mid-20s, I long for that someone special. Sexual temptation takes on a different meaning when you're single. It's not just resisting the other man," it's resisting all men. But how do you obey God's command to save sex for marriage when society says, Go for it!"? [Edited by moderator - copyright violation]

ChoirDJ -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Woman (6/27/2008 1:17:10 AM)
Great Post! I was actually contemplating posting something similar about why God gives us the desires so soon before we can actual fulfill them through marriage and this is what I have come up with. Because men and women are so different, even marriage is incapable of meeting those sexual desires. Anyone who's been married will tell you that sex and money issues are among the top issues that many couples fight about. I believe God allows us to go through singlehood in order to teach us the discipline and self-control we'll need to keep us on the right path when we face droughts in the marriage. People who don't learn that self-control are at a mch higher risk for getting into porn, affairs, or some form of addiction. You touched the most important aspect though dealing with temptations and that is having a close and intimate walk with God. When we do this, His grace teaches us how to bring the passions under our control rather than the other way around.

StraightAhead -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Woman (6/27/2008 1:17:21 AM)
Take 20 years of doing what you have described above (counting from early 20's) and see if it doesn't get old if STILL unmarried by 40. It won't get any easier should you not be married later on [:o]. Thanks for sharing.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Woman (6/27/2008 1:28:19 AM)
It's funny you started this thread. I had been thinking about starting a thread along the lines of, "If God says it's better to marry than to burn, than why are some of us still single?" And, some days, I really just don't know.

mutinywxgirl -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Woman (6/27/2008 6:27:39 AM)
I was saved at 21. I am now 47. You do the math. To me, it doesn't get old - at all. In reality, now, I rarely think about such stuff. God has become SO important to me. And should He allow me to marry, then the sexual part of the relationship will be that much better, because we both will have waited on Him. Yes, I have been tempted, and yes, I have fallen. I am far from perfect in this area, however, it is something I really don't think about all that much any more - there is so much more to life!

iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Woman (6/27/2008 9:15:40 AM)
not sure how this issue is only applicable to women as title suggests ... unless you only want women replying?

mutinywxgirl -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Woman (6/27/2008 9:17:16 AM)
Yeah, I was kind of wondering the same thing......am going to change it so it's applicable to both.

Focusing -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 12:11:05 PM)
Ah yes, a sensitive issue ... There are very good Bible studies and Christian books discussing this subject. They have helped me understand God's position on physical intimacy ... and why it's so important to save that for a marriage relationship. I have done a couple studies on this subject and it has really helped me focus my mind through understanding God's reasons. If anyone would like to know what these are, please feel free to PM me, I am happy to share. After having been married for many years, it was something I definitely struggled with for a while. Something that a friend shared with me regarding their view about allowing our minds to wander and dwell on these intense desires and thoughts is this (and as we know, thoughts can oftentimes lead to action): it separates us from God. Consider that satan has won control of your mind, even if it's only for a short period of time. That is powerful! I don't want that, I want God to control my thoughts.

jlp1 -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 1:10:10 PM)
Saved form what? Lets say you do fall sexually are you still saved? Would you have feelings of guilt, regret, etc.... would you still feel you are a christian and continue to go to church and read your bible? and if you do go to church would you then feel like a hypocrite? Do you tell anyone? Do you repent and go on as though nothing happen and tell yourself I will never do that again? ....and then You do it again, what do you do? Are you then the worst christian ever? Does your walk in Christianity start all over again? If you have been with your significant other for a while and you fall do you keep falling? Has anyone triumphed this sex thing? I mean never, ever fell? .....and if so how did you do it and for how long? Does your sexual status defind your stand with God? These are realistic questions when it comes to sex. see, I know what you can do to keep from falling, I know the rules....staying away from temptation....putting yourself in compromising situations.....loving God more than yourself, all theses things I know but when desperation set in what do you do?

mutinywxgirl -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 1:12:15 PM)
Let's not get this into a salvation issue, please - otherwise, it's getting moved.

jlp1 -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 1:23:25 PM)
It's not about salvation, and I don't want it to be, it's about delusion how we set ourselves up just to fall. We can say what we will and wont do today but when tomorrow comes and it's all said and done what do you do? I't amazes me how people profess what they will do and can't live up to it, and God knows this but we don't want to accept it.

mutinywxgirl -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 1:24:22 PM)
Just making sure that it doesn't turn into it - that's all......just doing my job.

iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 1:36:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl Let's not get this into a salvation issue, please - otherwise, it's getting moved. i don't think he's bringing up the issue of salvation. but bringing up the thought process that can occur when people struggle with this. i think it's very easy to slip into the mindset of ... i know a certain action is sin according to God, but i still do it anyways, you can start thinking that if i really loved God than i wouldn't have done the behavior' and the downward spiral of one's walk ...

Focusing -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 1:44:28 PM)
Saved form what? We are saved from eternal damnation; believers and followers of Christ. Lets say you do fall sexually are you still saved? Yes. Would you have feelings of guilt, regret, etc.... would you still feel you are a christian and continue to go to church and read your bible? No, I confess that I messed up, and ask for His strength. Regret - I don't believe in regrets, we cannot, no matter what, ever go back and change the past. We can only move forward. and if you do go to church would you then feel like a hypocrite? I can only answer this question for myself: No. We all mess up. A hypocrite is one who says one thing but intentionally, on purpose, and continually does something contrary. Do you tell anyone? Yes. God. If this is a continual struggle in your life, an accountability partner, someone of your same gender, who can encourage you and ask you personal questions - help hold you accountable - is a good thing. This cannot be just anyone. Mine is an older woman whom I trust implicitly. She has provided me with scripture, she inquires into my relationship with my boyfriend, I am completely open and honest with her. And, above all else, she prays for me. Do you repent and go on as though nothing happen and tell yourself I will never do that again? We confess, ask God for His forgiveness, and repent - which is consciously making an effort not to do it again. We aren't perfect, and we do fall. It happens. ....and then You do it again, what do you do? Rinse and repeat. [;)] Are you then the worst christian ever? Absolutely not! We are all sinners, saved by grace. Does your walk in Christianity start all over again? Every day is a new beginning. Sometimes when we are struggling, it's a new beginning several times throughout the day. It's important to put on the armor of God every day. Print scripture that you find helpful on little pieces of paper that you can stick to the mirror, on the dashboard of your car, at your desk, in your wallet ... little reminders throughout the day to stay focused on the Word. These scriptures can change daily. If you have been with your significant other for a while and you fall do you keep falling? See answer above about confessing, asking for forgiveness, and repenting. Has anyone triumphed this sex thing? I mean never, ever fell? I do know some people who have. They inspire me and give me hope. .....and if so how did you do it and for how long? That will vary from person to person. Does your sexual status defind your stand with God? No. It will not prevent Him from loving you, although I believe it blocks you from having a truer intimacy with Him - but that is from your heart, a window that is closed rather than open and allowing you to receive the fullness of Him. These are realistic questions when it comes to sex. see, I know what you can do to keep from falling, I know the rules....staying away from temptation....putting yourself in compromising situations.....loving God more than yourself, all theses things I know but when desperation set in what do you do? Yes, you are absolutely correct jlp1. It is a struggle for many people. It's easy enough to read the scripture, we can make an effort to not read certain books or magazines, not watch certain shows, avoid being around people who choose to dwell on this subject and choose to live a lifestyle we intentionally choose not to live. It's hard. It's a difficult struggle. It's almost impossible to avoid .. it's everywhere!! But when desperation sets in, cry out to God with a humble heart. Ask Him to help you. Spend some time alone where you cannot be interrupted when you do this. Don't be afraid to seek out an accountability partner. Search the Bible for scripture. How many places can you find the words sexual immorality ... read those chapters. Try to understand the context. Try to understand how the struggles from two thousand years ago still affect us today. Read about Baal worship. Compare it to what's going on today. It's amazing and can really open your eyes to even more things than you would have ever thought possible. The Christian book store has books and studies on the subject. Yes, it can be embarrassing, but I can assure you that if you discreetly talk with a mature person who works there, they will be happy to help you. And even if they aren't specifically telling you so, they are probably going to be praying for you. Think of all the prayer that has already gone out in the preparation of such books ... prepared specifically for those who are struggling with this issue. Know that God wants to lift you up and bring you closer to Him. He is there extending His hand, reaching out with love, waiting patiently for you to reach out for Him. This is something that can be overcome.

trainfan -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 2:02:14 PM)
Great post Sam. I think it deserves stars.

Focusing -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 2:10:35 PM)
[sm=icon_smile_blush.gif] Thank you. All I know is this is something I have struggled with in the past big time (and occasionally now, although quite rarely), and had to have a serious heart-to-heart with God about it.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 2:13:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focusing [sm=icon_smile_blush.gif] Thank you. All I know is this is something I have struggled with in the past big time (and occasionally now, although quite rarely), and had to have a serious heart-to-heart with God about it. Perhaps you should find a living situation in which you can be held accountable..I know that living with my parents is a big thing that has helped me not mess up.

Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 2:45:47 PM)
That isn't always feasible (or however you spell it), OOHJ. And I do want to comment more on this, but I'm in the middle of a project and will return as soon as I can. [:)]

Mrs.Above_All -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 3:08:49 PM)
Great topic and a very important one indeed. We all know ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to sexual temptation. For those who don't struggle with it, they often times don't understand the views of those who do struggle with it. Take Joshua Harris for example. I think the people who respect him the most are the ones you struggle with it the most. His message is for people, young and old on guarding yourself in situations that are difficult to deal with. So his goal is to help others be mindful of their own strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes though, we can can be too rigid and it can affect our potential relationships with others. It can affect our ability to open our hearts to another. We become so afraid of giving in to our temptations that we lose faith in our ability to have meaningful relationships.

mutinywxgirl -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 3:11:22 PM)
Josh Marris? Do you mean Harris? Just making sure there isn't someone else out there who I am unaware.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 3:29:25 PM)
quote: That isn't always feasible (or however you spell it), OOHJ. Oh, I know it isn't ALWAYS feasible, but I was just saying if she had the opportunity, it might be a good idea. We all struggle with purity in our thought life, but as far as the actual deed, there are many things we can proactively do, such as making sure we are never alone in a home with a member of the opposite gender that we are attracted to. I don't want to come across as judgmental, but if this thread is going down the road of justifying unmarried sex, I certainly can't agree with that either. To repent means to turn from, so I understanding about messing up and repenting, but that can't be an excuse to go back to the deed over and over again. That would be like a man who hits his wife, repents, and does it again. It can't be like a shampoo cycle, wash, rinse, repeat over and over again. God is very clear on this issue, and I believe we need to do everything we can to not put ourselves in compromising situations. Those of you have kids have an optimum chaperone right there, because surely you would want to be a good example to your children.

jlp1 -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 3:41:50 PM)
Sam, you did GOOD, great post, it does deserve stars *****

ChoirDJ -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 3:43:38 PM)
quote: I believe we need to do everything we can to not put ourselves in compromising situations. Those of you have kids have an optimum chaperone right there, because surely you would want to be a good example to your children. Actually even this could give a false sense of a safe situation. My girls (actually my stepchildren) were very young when I started dating my ex. My Ex and I set a boundary about never being alone but started to compromise by rationalizing the girls were with us. Yes they were with us but they were too young and too locked to TV and such to be aware. Impurity certainly became a struggle for both of us and it could have very well progressed into immorality. I'm not saying it's wrong to ever spend time alone but there certainly has to be parameters to protect both persons because satan can get a foothold very quickly in a situation like this.

Focusing -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 3:48:21 PM)
Oh no, nobody is trying to justify sex outside the marriage. The rinse and repeat comment was a lighthearted comment that although we may keep messing up in our struggles, we need to go right back to the beginning of Confess, Ask for forgiveness, and Repent (C-A-R). This process applies to all areas of our life where we struggle. The Bible is also very clear that no matter how many times someone messes up, we are to forgive them. And every single time we mess up, no matter how good our intentions are that we "will never to that again, I promise" ... oftentimes we will mess up. It's our human sin nature. Especially when we are just beginning to turn away from certain actions. I was raised with the whole guilt thing and I abhore when someone tries to pull that nasty little manipulative trick on me. I think it's important for people to acknowledge and admit that they messed up, even if it's just a conversation with themselves, bring it to the feet of Jesus, and C-A-R ... and to do this each and every time. Eventually it will happen - if they truly desire the change within themselves. To me, I see guilt as a feeling that we get stuck in. And it leaves one in a place where they aren't taking action. We need to take action to effect a change in our lives, and without change we stay stuck in a routine that is not glorifying God. I really don't like to see anyone stuck in guilt mode. Edit: OOHJ, I think your suggestion that someone move in with their parents if they can is a great idea. Or even with a roommate who is also a believer. As far as myself, the couple times a year I may struggle with it doesn't necessitate such a move. (And when it happens, it's reaching for those studies to remind myself of God's will [:)]) But I do think it's something that others can keep in mind ... even if it's just for a period of time that gets them to the right path. [sm=thumbsup.gif]

makarizo -> RE: Sex and A Saved Single Person (6/27/2008 5:50:27 PM)
quote: To me, I see guilt as a feeling that we get stuck in. And it leaves one in a place where they aren't taking action. We need to take action to effect a change in our lives * the metaphor * guilt (and other emotions) is a red light on the dashboard that tells us to get serviced soon - to get our engine checked.

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