RE: Expectations (Full Version)

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Focusing -> RE: Expectations (6/30/2008 1:22:06 AM)

I hope what happened to that thread is a done deal and this thread can stay on topic ... the point of this thread is that we look ahead in a realistic manner, keeping in mind Biblical guidelines, and determine what we expect in a future spouse.

I hope lessons have been learned from that now infamous thread and we have no more bashing of certain persons and their desires. (no names being listed on purpose in order to protect the privacy of certain individuals)



Focusing -> RE: Expectations (6/30/2008 1:45:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

Okay, no one answered my above questions but thats okay[:(] I have more thoughts.

Could part of a women's expectation that the guy will change be routed in truth. I still hear about guys on first dates who are clueless about how to treat a girl. I used to be clueless but spending time around women has changed me. Think of all the goofy, immature things guys do. Then think about that guy a couple years into marriage. I am not saying her expectations can't be too high.

Sorry, willfs, wasn't sure you were serious.

I think both men and women need to look to the Bible for examples on how each should be in a marriage relationship. In today's world, roles have been blended and turned around so much, it's really not too hard to figure out why we can be so confused as to what to expect from a future spouse. I went into my marriage many years ago with certain expectations, only to find out that his unbringing was so contrary to mine that he felt I was unreasonable and expected me to fill not only the wife's role, but many of the things that I felt were the husband's role.

[sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif]

As one might imagine, it didn't work out very well.

As a single mom, I now have the task of filling all roles in the running of the house, never mind being both mom and "dad". It is rather overwhelming. Okay, that's an understatement. But, I am also realistic in that I can easily admit that I am not Super Woman. Not by a long shot. So, if I do get remarried (which I hope to one day), I have certain expectations of my future husband. And if I get remarried while still raising my son, then I will also have certain expectations for him in that regard.

I think those of us who have been married, and are now either divorced or widowed, may have a different list of expectations for a future spouse than someone who has never been married. I'm hoping that this thread will be a place for people to come and consider what others expect, and hopefully ask questions if they don't understand why. I think it could be a source of encouragement and an opening of communication into the way our minds work.



ju-ju -> RE: Expectations (6/30/2008 3:37:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blazingson
I've told people for years that too many women view choosing a mate the same way a man views choosing a house:
They both stand back, take a good look at their "project" with their fists on their hips and a look on their faces that's a mixture of pride, satisfaction and determination and say, "Yep! That's a fixer-upper. I'll have it/him in shape in no time."

Personally, I'd rather have a spouse and a house that's ready to go as soon as I move in.

And the only changes I expect are those that come naturally with age. Namely; Wisdom, Character, Grace and Strength in the Lord and the inevitable physical deteriorations.


Blazingson, I have read several of your posts a Crosswalk newby, and I love how you have a right-up-front way of talkin', solid and sound.

From a woman's perspective, who has a made an awful lot of mistakes, I am takin' notes, prof!! :)



John_O -> RE: Expectations (6/30/2008 6:06:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

Okay, no one answered my above questions but thats okay[:(] I have more thoughts.

Could part of a women's expectation that the guy will change be routed in truth. I still hear about guys on first dates who are clueless about how to treat a girl. I used to be clueless but spending time around women has changed me. Think of all the goofy, immature things guys do. Then think about that guy a couple years into marriage. I am not saying her expectations can't be too high.



Read the hair thread. Linked in my previous post. There we've discussed changing and not changing.

In most cases I see of a woman wanting her new husband to change, he never does. It's always a bad move for her to marry someone with flaws that need to be changed for her to be happy.

"It'll be different with me, he loves me" famous last words.



willfs -> RE: Expectations (7/1/2008 9:27:04 AM)

So a guy MAY change. But you have no idea if he will be the type of guy to change in the way you want and if he will even change at all. I see some good Christian men, myself included, who seem to hold onto some lifelong flaws... lifelongly(if thats a word).

But what I don't get is the other part of that saying: Guys hope the women won't change.

Won't change what?



Focusing -> RE: Expectations (7/1/2008 9:45:12 AM)

Hi willfs. From what I have observed, some men believe women should remain physically the same as when they met ... size, hair color/style, fashion sense ... when the reality of life is trends come and go, bodies may possibly change over time, what they wear may change. These are all "fluff" things as I refer to them. And of course the physical intimacy, which can ebb and flow through various phases of life. These are all dependent upon the individual. Since this is a Christian forum, I would love to hear from the men on this subject to see if they have these same views towards women, or if they are more focused on a future wife's Godly characteristics (a Proverbs 31 wife). The "hair thread" that has been mentioned was a rather contentious thread ... I don't care to have this thread go that way ... the intended purpose of this thread is for us to look forward to what we "expect" from our future spouse. I believe it's important to consider what qualities we desire in a future spouse, and I also believe it's crucial to have open communication with someone we are considering marrying, that way we can prevent those "unexpected expectations". And in discussing the subject, perhaps we can redefine what we are looking for. This applies to both the men and the women. We can consider if what we "expect" is reasonable in Biblical terms or if they are views that are thrown to us from the world.



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