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monicaleap -> Desperately Need Marriage Advice (6/27/2008 12:31:52 PM)
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Married 25 years - 3 children (15,11,10). Both Christians for last 10 years. Deeply involved in church and service. Feel lost right now. I feel my husband doesn't love me and is only with me out of obligation, the kids and pity. I'm attractive but I think he thinks I'm a mess. I'm wise enough to realize that him staying is a good thing and that divorce "because we're not happy" won't help anyone and will make matters a lot worse. I can handle it, I think. He's faithful and a good man but how do I (when those moments arise) deal with that harsh truth? I'm not good at hiding my emotions and this is making my ususally bubbly, happy self almost constantly sad. My kids see it. I don't know what to say. I pray, but the tears still come. This could be a passing mid-life crisis thing but I don't think so. He's always been this way - it's just now he can put a label on it. I've just always believed that he was a more reserved personality. Now I know that it's me. Please help.
ANWER TO QUESTIONS: I'm sorry I wasn't clear. He has always been reserved and I've THOUGHT certain things. He has actually told me now that he's "fed up" with waiting for me to change (better housekeeping, dinner on time, laundry done, back him up more with punishing kids) all legitimate grievances. I don't know whether I'm just too immature or what - but I've obviously not been able (or willing) to change these things. I try, I mean well, I just feel overwhelmed. He helps - he's not a bully. I would just rather do something with the kids or watch a good movie than have a clean house. I guess our priorities are scewed. Does that mean I don't care that much about pleasing him? I don't know. Anyway - he's told me because of years of this that he is only staying with me for the kids, etc. I'm not one of those "lets him walk all over me" type of wives - it honestly is me. I wish I was a Stepford Wife - I really do. I'd love that life of always looking pretty, the house spotless, all the chores done. I know I can't be that perfect but I do aspire to it for awhile then just stop and go back to my old ways. Maybe I need counseling?
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