RE: Return to Sender or Not? (Full Version)

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BugLady -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 1:23:33 AM)

quote:

Another issue to consider about posting pictures is that we share some very personal things on here (that I would only share with a very select few in person). I would be a little concerned about lets say a coworker recognizing me and sharing some of the details of what I share here but this is a whole other topic altogether.


And this ^^ is why I treat this place as a public meeting place. I avoid discussing anything here, I wouldn't discuss in a room full of strangers. Plus half of what I say only makes sense to certain people. There is no such thing as true anonymity anywhere on the internet.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 1:23:56 AM)

quote:

About this race thing--that is a pet peeve with me because I don't think Christians, those who believe in the bible should not reject someone because of their race.


I'm attracted to hispanic guys first, and black guys second, but that doesn't mean I would reject the right white guy. It's just my preference, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 1:30:18 AM)

quote:

not superficial interior such as race, etc...


It is wrong to be PREJUDICEd against a certain race, and to say judgemental things such as "Chinese people always...", but it is not wrong to be more ATTRACTED to one race over another.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 1:34:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

To be brutally honest, Yeah, I'd say Return to Sender. Looks of the person matters to me. I have to be attracted to the person. I'm not saying that he's got to look like Brad Pitt, but if his physical appearance doesn't appeal to me, no matter how godly the man is, I just don't think anything will develop between us in terms of romantic potentials. I would react the same way to someone who comes in a great package, but is empty inside. I'd send him back, too. I'd have to be attracted to the whole package. I know most of you will think I'm superficial. I know I'm not, so I won't argue.

But I doubt I'd come to the point of meeting a person without knowing what he looks like. I won't even correspond with anyone who doesn't put a picture on their profile (when I used to have an active profile in a dating site). I fear that a person is hiding something (married??) when they don't post a picture, so no matter how great they describe themselves, I'll just ignore them.


Ditto. Especially the part about Brad Pitt, cause I never found him all that cute, I think Adam Rodriquez is far cuter.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 1:38:48 AM)

quote:

imagining your ideal person has a full head of hair and looks like a cross between Brad Pitt and Ben Afflect.


I try not to imagine what a person looks like if I haven't seen them.



ChoirDJ -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 1:41:29 AM)

quote:

Ditto. Especially the part about Brad Pitt, cause I never found him all that cute, I think Adam Rodriquez is far cuter.


LOL...Okay OneOfHisJewels...Adam Rodriguez it is. Now we have to choose a back-up. How about Denzel Washington or Terrence Howard?

quote:

And this ^^ is why I treat this place as a public meeting place. I avoid discussing anything here, I wouldn't discuss in a room full of strangers. Plus half of what I say only makes sense to certain people.


Yea I know but sometimes it's hard to resist the temptation to share when others hit on something you can totally relate to (lol).



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 1:54:50 AM)

quote:

quote:

Ditto. Especially the part about Brad Pitt, cause I never found him all that cute, I think Adam Rodriquez is far cuter.


LOL...Okay OneOfHisJewels...Adam Rodriguez it is. Now we have to choose a back-up. How about Denzel Washington or Terrence Howard?




LOL, they are pretty cute. My friend A2 thinks Denzel Washington is THE CUTEST THING EVER. Her mom was engaged to a black guy once(but she didn't marry him, she married my friend's dad who is white), and now my friend likes black guys. Guess it's in the genes.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 2:06:54 AM)

"How beautiful you are my darling, how beautiful you are, your eyes are like doves.."

"How handsome you are, my beloved, and oh so pleasant..."

Song of Solomon 1;15, 16a

"My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand, his head is like gold, pure gold, his locks are like clusters of dates, and black as a raven." Song of Solomon 5:10,11

"Who is this, that grows like the dawn, as beautiful as the full moon?'.....Song of Solomon 6:10a

"How beautiful are your feet in sandals, oh prince's daughter"..Song of Solomon 7:1a

I think we have some biblical defense for physical attraction between a couple considering marriage.



okrox -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 7:30:21 AM)

I would exchange photos as soon as possible...within the first two e-mails. Not because it matters what the person looks like, but because it absolutely matters what that person feels about himself/herself. I say this because, in my case, I know that I am a completely different person than I was when I was 50 pounds heavier. Not because being thinner magically transforms you into the perfect person, not because I now act like I'm such a hottie (I'm not and I don't!) but because the process itself changed me in ways I needed to be changed. I anticipate that finishing the weight loss, if I do, will change me even more. That wouldn't come across in an email, but it does in person.

So looks do matter, but not in the way you might be thinking. Not because someone needs to look a certain way for me, but because being OK with who you are matters to me. Concern about health and commitment to quality of life very much matters to me. So if a man won't send me his photo right away, I am concerned.

But even more importantly, I always arrange to meet ASAP. I think it's important to meet way before you let your imagination run away with you. Even with phone calls and photos, it is impossible to get a good grasp on who someone is before you see each other in person. It's just too easy to have someone built up a certain way in your mind (you can edit yourself online much easier than real life) and then when you meet you are either disappointed, or, worse yet, can't see the real person because you're imposing your fanatasy person on him.

Remember, the internet is just an introductory tool. You still have to do all the hard work of digging out the real you and the the real him/her. Which is a daunting task no matter how you go about it. So why not make it as easy as possible by gathering as much info as possible as soon as possible?



David_D -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 7:54:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ

Do you put a "Great Contents but Wrong Package, Return to Sender" Sticker on him/her or might this person's qualities cause you to look beyond the packaging?


If I did I'd have to put a sticker on myself, too! I'm not ugly but I'm no Adonis. I try to eat right and exercise, but I'm not winning any Mr. Universe contests any time soon.

To be honest, I think I'd be relieved. [:D]



jlp1 -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 9:30:27 AM)

LOL, I like white guys[:)], and I do need to be attracted to the person



KuKu -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 10:04:27 AM)

It would be interesting to know how age and life experience contribute to the answers here... I suspect it makes a difference



ju-ju -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 10:34:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 9drtr

What you do is keep in mind that your fantasies are fantasies. Your date's failure to live up to unrealistic expectations is your problem, not his.


(newby here....just been mostly readin' since I joined).....WOW! That was solid!



sunshinesoprano -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 12:49:13 PM)

I think something else to consider about appearance is not necessarily race, size, etc. but just overall care and grooming of oneself.

You can tell a great deal about someone by the way the keep their hair, dress, if they look clean.

I'm on a singles site and I won't look twice at someone who is gothic-looking or who has yucky hair, or who just appears to lack motivation to care for himself. I may be a larger-than-average girl, but I do care about what I look like, whether my hair is neat, my clothes are clean, and so forth. I wouldn't want to be with some skanky, crusted-over looking thing.

It happens in real-life, too! One of the three dates I've been on turned out that way. He was all nice and polished in the restaraunt where he waited, but when the date came, he was wearing boots, nasty shorts, a ratty old t-shirt, and smelled of wet dog. [:'(]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 1:54:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: Godhead

Especially when she is the one doing all the talking [8D]


If she's the only one doing any talking, then she needs to stop. [;)]


I agree.....kinda been there.

But on the other hand I think there is something really incredible about being attracted to a persons faith first, not even knowing what that person looks like, not being distracted by a gorgious smile or overly bushy eyebrows[:D] I have no imagination so I would neve come up with a fantasy in my head. I can see how it could be a problem for some though. I do think exchanging pictures before meeting is a good idea.[;)]



John_O -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 6:20:44 PM)

Looks are important. But a more average looking girl with a great inside will look better than a model with a corrupt inside. The evil within always seems to seep out into a persons face.

I know what I am attracted to and it would be a disservice to date someone whom I wasn't ever going to be physically attracted to.

As to the sub question of race... I've seen incredibly attractive women of all races. I've also seen incredibly homely women of all races.

Fortunately every women is attractive to some man so I don't have to worry about the ones I don't find attractive. God has made them beautiful to some other guy.



cammo2006 -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 11:02:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

Looks are important. But a more average looking girl with a great inside will look better than a model with a corrupt inside. The evil within always seems to seep out into a persons face.

I know what I am attracted to and it would be a disservice to date someone whom I wasn't ever going to be physically attracted to.

As to the sub question of race... I've seen incredibly attractive women of all races. I've also seen incredibly homely women of all races.

Fortunately every women is attractive to some man so I don't have to worry about the ones I don't find attractive. God has made them beautiful to some other guy.


Personally I think the bolded line nails it. It sums up my view. Actually, I'm weird in that I find what most would call "ordinary" extremely attractive, appearance wise.

After all, it is the beauty within is what counts.

(Oh, and does anybody else have the song running through their mind when they see this thread? [:D])



Prairiehiker -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (6/30/2008 11:42:31 PM)

quote:

But on the other hand I think there is something really incredible about being attracted to a persons faith first, not even knowing what that person looks like, not being distracted by a gorgious smile or overly bushy eyebrows


I tend not to agree with this statement. I know this guy who is such a Jesus freak. He walks around with a bible all the time, and charm the ladies. I think he's a sleaze because he uses his faith to charm weak and naive Christian women. When you finally see him, he looks gross. His hair is growing in all direction, he looks very unkept, and he almost resembles someone who lives in the street. But if talk to him before meeting him, he might charm his way into your life because of his "faith". I think he's just another form of a scum. Maybe even the lowest form. Ugh. He dated my sister. I shrudder at the thought of it.



gaylel1 -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (7/1/2008 12:30:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

quote:

The only way I would return to sender if that person is walking with the Lord or not.


What about poor personal hygiene? What if you had nothing in common? You like music, don't you? What if he thinks music is stupid? What if you enjoy traveling, and he never wants to leave the neighborhood? I think there are a few more factors that come into play besides just Godliness, although Godliness IS the most important.


First of all, I believe in a person to be neat and clean. In my 49 years (and I have a lot of life experience than many of you), I know that a person is not kept, right down to taking a bath, certianly I will reject him. I will reject a man if he has an abusive attitude, a person in drug treatment, dealing in porn and other vices that are ungodly. These are people who call themselves Christians who appear online and decive people on these sites, including the Christian ones.

This is how women who are belivers are ripped off and the enemy will plant a seed that we as Christian women cannot trust men who say they are Christian because of actions of a few.

And the reason why that Christian women cannot find their jewel is because the men who say they are Christian spoil it for those who are true, honest and trying to walk in the spirit.

I'm sorry if I offended some, but I have to get on my soapbox to get this out because I've been burned online and I had these return to sender moments because I'm tired of deception and wishing I had someone who is honest, look beyond the race and the facial features and appreciate me as his sister in Christ and treats me as someone who is godly and encourages me and not rejecting me because of some stupid reason.








John_O -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (7/1/2008 12:41:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cammo2006
(Oh, and does anybody else have the song running through their mind when they see this thread? [:D])

[Elvis voice]
Yes I do. Thank You, Thank you very much.
[/Elvis voice]



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (7/1/2008 1:10:09 AM)

quote:


I'm sorry if I offended some, but I have to get on my soapbox to get this out because I've been burned online and I had these return to sender moments because I'm tired of deception and wishing I had someone who is honest, look beyond the race and the facial features and appreciate me as his sister in Christ and treats me as someone who is godly and encourages me and not rejecting me because of some stupid reason.


You didn't offend me at all. It was just a discussion back and forth. I thought you gave a very honest, reasonable answer to my question. I'm sorry if you have been hurt by being treated in a certain way. But if there were men who treated you hurtfully, I'm glad you did not marry them, because I wouldn't want you to continue being hurt.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (7/1/2008 1:11:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

quote:

But on the other hand I think there is something really incredible about being attracted to a persons faith first, not even knowing what that person looks like, not being distracted by a gorgious smile or overly bushy eyebrows


I tend not to agree with this statement. I know this guy who is such a Jesus freak. He walks around with a bible all the time, and charm the ladies. I think he's a sleaze because he uses his faith to charm weak and naive Christian women. When you finally see him, he looks gross. His hair is growing in all direction, he looks very unkept, and he almost resembles someone who lives in the street. But if talk to him before meeting him, he might charm his way into your life because of his "faith". I think he's just another form of a scum. Maybe even the lowest form. Ugh. He dated my sister. I shrudder at the thought of it.

This is definately scary. There had to have been some red flags with the guy you describe. I am not recommending that we throw caution to the wind and use no discernment. Though I am neither weak or naive I know that there are those who are, and if they cannot trust their ability to discern, they should not pursue an online relationship. I am not pursuing an online relationship myself I just think it would be nice to see a persons heart before the outer layer. That was the only point I was trying to make.[:D]



okrox -> RE: Return to Sender or Not? (7/1/2008 7:03:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

quote:

But on the other hand I think there is something really incredible about being attracted to a persons faith first, not even knowing what that person looks like, not being distracted by a gorgious smile or overly bushy eyebrows


I tend not to agree with this statement. I know this guy who is such a Jesus freak. He walks around with a bible all the time, and charm the ladies. I think he's a sleaze because he uses his faith to charm weak and naive Christian women. When you finally see him, he looks gross. His hair is growing in all direction, he looks very unkept, and he almost resembles someone who lives in the street. But if talk to him before meeting him, he might charm his way into your life because of his "faith". I think he's just another form of a scum. Maybe even the lowest form. Ugh. He dated my sister. I shrudder at the thought of it.


I SO SO SO agree, Prairiehiker! A person's faith should be a part of who he/she is, and should naturally reveal itself as you see him/her living it out. That kind of faith is very attractive. The kind of guy you are talking about uses it as a means to an end. Ick. I've known both men and women like that and it's NOT attractive.



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