NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (Full Version)

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gabs-dynasty -> NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (6/30/2008 3:13:53 AM)

FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THOSE WHO WILL READ AND REPLY.

5 YRS AGO I WENT TO MY PARENTS HOMELAND TO VISIT THE FAMILY. I WENT THERE TO KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT MY BACKGROUND. MY PARENTS BROUGHT ME TO U.S.A WHEN I WAS FOUR AND PRETTY MUCH I NEVER HAD ANY CONTACT WITH ANY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS OTHER THAN MY PARENTS AND BROTHERS.

DURING THAT TIME I WAS DEPRESSED SO I KNEW THAT GOING THERE WOULD BE HELFUL.MY BROTHERS AND I DECIDED TO SPEND 2 MONTHS IN OUR PARENTS HOMELAND.

ONCE THERE, I MET DANNY, MY FATHER'S COUSIN (2 YRS OLDER THAN ME). HIS PARENTS AGREE TO LET MY BOTHERS AND I STAY AT THEIR HOUSE FOR THE WHOLE 2 MONTHS. HIS FAMILY WAS THE NICEST PEOPLE I EVER MEET, BUT DANNY GOT MOST OF MY ATTENTION BECAUSE HE WAS ALWAYS VERY ATTENTIVE TO OUR NEEDS DURING OUR STAY.
THOSE TWO MONTHS WERE SOON OVER AND WE RETURNED TO U.S.A.

I WHOLE YR PASSED AND I DEDICED TO GO BACK. THIS TIME A WENT BY MYSELF.DANNY BECAME MY PERSONAL TOURIST GUIDE; SO WE SPEND ALOT OF TIME TOGETHER AND SOON ENOUGHT I NOTICE THAT I STARTED LIKING HIM. I BECAME A LITTLE DISTANT BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID TO SHOW WHAT I WAS BEGINGING TO FEEL, AND WENT HE NOTICE THAT, HE TOLD ME HOW HE REALLY FOR ME. HE SAID HOW HE HAD LIKE ME FROM THE VERY FIRST TIME WE METAND HOW AFFECTED HE WAS WHEN I LEFT.

MAYBE BECAUSE I LIKE HIM I NEVER REALLY FELT RELATED TO HIM, BUT I STILL HAD IT VERY CLEAR THAT HE WAS MY FATHER’S COUSIN!
NEVERTHELESS, WE WERE STILL GOING OUT. NOW IT SEEM WE WERE GOING OUT ON DATES. WE BEGAN ACTING LIKE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND. TIME WAS UP AND I HAD TO COME BACK TO L.A. WE CRIED ALL THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT, AND I THOUGH I WOULDN’T SEE HIM IN A LONG TIME BECAUSE HE HAD TOO MUCH GOING ON IN HIS LIFE. HE WAS A YEAR FROM GETTING HIS DEGREE IN ECONOMICS AND WAS PLANNING ON DOING MANY OTHER THINGS.

ONCE HERE, I STARTED GETTING DEPRESS AGAIN. MY PARENTS DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON, SO MY MOM WAS CONSTANTLY TELLING ME TO GO OUT WITH FRIENDS FROM CHURCH. AT TIMES IT SEEM HARD FOR ME BECAUSE I HAD LEFT CHURCH.
ONE DAY I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM DANNY’S BROTHER ASKING ME TO CALL DANNY BECAUSE HE WAS VERY WORRIED ABOUT HIM. APPARENTLY DANNY WAS HAVING THE SAME PROBLEM I WAS HAVING. I CALLED DANNY AND HE PRETTY MUCH SAID THAT HE HAD TO COME TO U.S.A. THAT THERE WAS NO WAY HE COULD STAY KNOWING HOW HE FELT FOR ME. I THOUGH HE WAS CRAZY AND SINCE HE DIDN’T EVEN HAD A PERMIT TO BE HERE, I THOUGH IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO GET HERE. I TOLD HIM THAT SOON WE WHERE GOING TO GET OVER IT AND THAT HE SHOULD FOCUS IN FINISHING SCHOOL AND ALL THE PLANS HE HAD IN MIND.

I WAS VERY CONFUSED, I KNEW OUR PARENTS WERE GOING TO OPPOSED OUR RALATIONSHIP AND I WAS TOO SCARE & EMBARRASS TO EVEN BRING UP THE SUBJECT WITH MY PARENTS.
I DECIDED TO GET BACK WITH ONE OF MY EX-BOYFRIENDS. I THOUGH THAT MAYBE THE FEELING I HAD FOR DANNY WOULD DISAPPEAR.

2 ½ MONTHS LATER I RECEIVE A CALL…IT WAS DANNY HE WAS IN SAN DIEGO AND WAS PLANNING TO BE IN L.A. THE VERY NEXT DAY. I WAS SURPRISE…HE HAD LEFT EVERYTHING AND HAD BEEN IN TIJUANA TRYING TO GET HERE FOR A WHOLE MONTH.

I CRIED WHEN I SAW HIM AND I FELT SOMETHING IN MY HEART THAT I HAD NEVER FELT BEFORE. I WAS IN LOVED WITH HIM.
SOON I TOLD ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP AND HE WAS DEVASTATED. HE SAID HE WAS SURE I DIDN’T LOVED MY BOYFRIEND AND KNEW THAT I WAS WITH HIM JUST BECAUSE I WAS TOO SCARE TO FIGHT FOR WHAT I REALLY WANTED.

TO BE HONEST WITH EVERYONE… IT WAS TRUE.

DURING THAT TIME I WAS STAYING AT MY PARENTS HOUSE, AND SINCE DANNY HAD NOWHERE ELSE TO STAY HE STAY AT OUR HOUSE FOR 2 WEEKS. DURING THAT TIME HE CALLED HIM MOTHER I TOLD HER WHY HE WAS HERE AND HOW HE FELT ABOUT ME. SHE ASKED HIM TO GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DISAPPROVED OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.
DANNY WANTED TO TALK TO MY PARENTS BUT I WAS TOO SCARED AND BEGGED HIM NOT TO. MY FATHER SOON REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON. ONE DAY…DANNY AND I WERE COMING BACK FROM THE STORE AND I WAS PARKING MY CAR. MY DAD SAW WHEN DANNY WAS LEANING OVER TRYING TO KISS ME. OBVIOUSLY I PUSHED DANNY AWAY BECAUSE I KNEW SOMEONE COULD SEE US. DANNY DIDN’T REALIZE THAT MY DAD HAD SEEN HIM. THAT DAY MY DAD WENT TO WORK, BUT AT NIGHT WHEN HE CAME BACK HE CALLED ME INTO HIS ROOM AND STARTED BEATING ME UP. HE PUNCHED ME, KICKED ME, AND SLAMMED ME. HE CALLED ME AWFUL NAMES, AND SAID HE WOULD NEVER APPROVED OF MY RELATIONSHIP WITH DANNY BECAUSE IT WAS INCEST AND I WAS BRINGING SHAME TO THE FAMILY. BY THIS TIME ONE OF MY BROTHERS WAS KICKING THE DOOR BECAUSE MY DAD WOULDN’T STOP HITTING ME. SOMEHOW MY MOTHER OPENED THE DOOR AND MY BROTHER GRABBED A HOLD OF ME AND TOOK ME TO HIS ROOM.
HE CALLED DANNY AND WHEN DANNY SAW ME HE BROKE INTO TEARS…HE NOW REALIZED WHY I HAD BEEN SO SCARED OF MY FATHER. HE HAD TO LEAVE MY HOUSE AND WENT BACK TO SAN DIEGO TO STAY WITH A COUSIN OF HIS. FOR A WHOLE YEAR WE WERE SECRETLY MEETING EVERY SATURDAY. SAN DIEGO WAS 2 ½ HRS FROM WHERE I LIVED AND IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO SEE EACH OTHER EVERYDAY. MANY TIMES I TOLD HIM TO GO BACK WITH HIS FAMILY, AND TRIED PUSHING HIM AWAS BY TELLING HIM THAT I WOULD STOP MEETING WITH HIM. HE REFUSED TO GO BACK AND SAID HE WOULD KEEP GOING TO OUR MEETING PLACE REGARDLESS.
I WANTED TO SEE HIM, SO I WAS THERE EVERY SATURDAY FOR A FULL YR. DURING THIS TIME I WAS WITH MY BOYFRIEND, AND I NEVER TOLD HIM THAT I WAS MEETING WITH DANNY. DANNY WAS AWARED THAT I WAS STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP AND ASKED ME MANY TIMES TO BREAK UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
I DIDN’T BECAUSE I FIGURE THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD GET TIRED AND STOP COMING, AND HE DIND’T GET TIRED UNTIL ONE DAY I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS PREGNANT. I CAN’T FORGET THE PAIN I SAW IN HIS FACE THAT DAY. TO THIS DAY I CAN’T FORGIVE MYSELF HURTING HIM SO MUCH.
HE LEFT BUT DIDN’T GO BACK TO SAN DIEGO, HE MOVED TO PORTLAND, OREGON. HE WANTED TO BE AS FAR AS POSSIBLE FROM ME BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT HE WOULD KEEP LOOKING FOR ME HAD HE STAY AT SAN DIEGO. WE DIND’T TALK FOR 6 MONTHS, AND ON MY BIRTHDAY HE CALL ME JUST TO WISH ME HAPPY B-DAY AND ASK ABOUT MY BABY. WELL, I CRIED AND I TOLD HIM I HAD A MISCARRIAGE. HE ASKED ME IF I WAS HAPPY WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND DURING THAT TIME I WAS VERY UNHAPPY SO I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT. (my pregnancy and miscarriage wasn’t a lie)

I HAD MOVED IN WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHEN I LEARNED THAT I WAS PREGNANT, BUt I WAS NEVER HAPPY BECAUSE DEEP IN MY HEART WHO I REALLY WANTED TO BE WITH WAS DANNY. MY BOYFRIEND WANTED TO GET MARRY BUT I DIDN’T.
WHEN DANNY CALLED ME I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT HE WAS QUIET FOR A VERY LONG TIME, THEN HE ASKED ME ABOUT WHAT CLASSES I WAS TAKING IN COLLEGE, HE ASKED ABOUT OTHER THINGS AND SOON OUR CONVERSATION WAS OVER. I THOUGH HE WAS JUST TRYING TO DISTRACT ME, BUT THE FALLOWING WEEK AFTER OUR CONVERSATION I WAS WALKING OUT OF MY CLASS AND I SAW HIM STANDING THERE. WE HUGGED FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND CRIED THERE, EVERYONE STARED AT US BUT WE DIDN’T CARE.
HE BEGGED ME TO GO WITH HIM TO PORTLAND BUT I REFUSED.
ITS SO FUNNY…EVEN THOUH I WAS LIVING IN FORNICATION WITH MY BOYFRIEND I FELT THAT ESCAPING WITH DANNY WAS WORSE. I FELT I WAS BETRAYING MY PARENTS AND I WAS AFRAID THAT MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER BE PART OF MY LIVE AGAIN IF I LEFT WITH DANNY.

HE STAYED IN CALIFORNIA AND HE VISITED ME AT SCHOOL AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. WE WOULD TALK FOR HRS AND UNFORTUNATELY I BEGAN TELLING HIM MY PROBLEMS WITH MY BOYFRIEND. HE WOULD GET FURIOUS ABOUT THE WAY MY BOYFRIEND WOULD THREAT ME.

I REALIZE HOW MUCH I WAS HURTING HIM AND STOP SEEING HIM.
I WENT BACK TO CHURCH AND STAYED WITH MY BOYFRIEND.

A YR HAS PASSED SINCE THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO DANNY, BUT THERE ARE NIGHTS WHEN I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. HIS CONSTANTLY IN MY DREAMS, I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I STILL FEEL SO ATTACHED TO HIM. I TALKED TO THE PASTOR’S WIFE ABOUT IT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH I DON’T SEE HIM ANYMORE I STILL FEEL AM SINNING IN MY HEART. I DON’T WANT THIS TO BE AN OBSTICLE IN MY SPIRITUAL LIFE ANYMORE.

THINGS ARE GOING FINE WITH MY BOYFRIEND, WE MIGHT GET ENGAGE THIS YR AND I FEEL THAT I’VE LEARNED TO LOVE HIM. I DON’T WANT TO LIE TO HIM IN ANY WAY, I WANT OUR RELATIONSHIP TO WORK OUT AND BE BLESS BY THE LORD.
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO MOVE ON! I DON’T WANT TO FEEL THIS PAIN IN MY HEART ANYMORE. I WANT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT DANNY AND ALL THE WHAT IFS. [8|]



peacebearer -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (6/30/2008 7:28:26 AM)

Danny is your father's cousin so that would make Danny your second cousin... Um... how far removed does a relative have to be for a marriage to be safe? (Biology/heredity/genetics, etc safe, that is..) Gosh... sorry that your pa beat you up so bad...



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (6/30/2008 9:11:00 AM)

Many states do not consider 2nd cousins dating to be incest. Perhaps all of them I am not too sure about that though. I know in the county I live in it seems everyone is related. So I am sure there are plenty of people who are related before they were married. I too am sorry your father treated you that way. What your father did to you is way more horrible then any feelings you have for Danny.



jaimestarcross -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (6/30/2008 10:51:56 AM)

quote:

ONCE THERE, I MET DANNY, MY FATHER'S COUSIN (2 YRS OLDER THAN ME).



I'm very Sorry for how your dad physically abused you but I seriously think he over reacted to this situation! If memory serves me correctly your dad's cousin would be a cousin once removed(since he's from a different generation of the family.) Other factors come into play - such as to what the cousin-ship between him and your dad actually is, is Danny a first, second or third cousin to your dad?

How do you get over your feelings for Danny?
Perhaps you aren't suppose to get over them... Danny has showed love for you and no one can say he didn't go the extra distance to show you he loved you and wanted to have a life with you. It time for you to carefully reflect upon the choices you made and not repeat the bad behavior - (engaging in pre-marital sex and dating someone you were using for your own means, while sneaking around dating Danny. Lowering your standards to pacify your parents and not upholding the Lord's standards.)

It was a cruel thing to do to Danny - having sexual relationship/getting pregnant & living with the boyfriend (someone your family approved of... that is according to what I can tell in your post.) It is also hurtful to your faith walk and relationship to God but you probably know that already!

* I do hope you have removed yourself from living with your boyfriend and are working diligently on repairing your relationship with the Lord first!
As for Danny - you owe him a very big heart-felt apology for the hurt/pain you caused him!
I don't know what the future holds but I do know it's best to stay faithful to God and live for him... and flee from worldly behavior and temptations!



deermousie -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (6/30/2008 12:01:26 PM)

Gabscar, first of all, let me give you a hug. (Hug)

There is a lot of sin here and your first step is to understand what it is, tell God you know it was sin, and turn away from it (don't do it anymore). 1 John 1:8,9 tells us we all sin and that God will forgive it when we call it sin and turn away from it. Other places in the Bible tell us that we are not to live in sin but to avoid it (Romans 6:1 for instance). We have to decide if we will do what God says or if we will reject God and continue in our sin as a lifestyle.

Let's see where the problems are so you can fix them:

quote:

ORIGINAL: gabscarr
HE WAS MY FATHER’S COUSIN!
NEVERTHELESS, WE WERE STILL GOING OUT. NOW IT SEEM WE WERE GOING OUT ON DATES. WE BEGAN ACTING LIKE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND.


OK, you knew your family would object to this, but you indulged yourself anyway. You'd rather do what you want to do instead of preventing tearing your family apart. That was wrong and destructive. Tell yourself "no" and get this fixed with God by confessing and repenting.

quote:


AT TIMES IT SEEM HARD FOR ME BECAUSE I HAD LEFT CHURCH.


We are told not to forsake the gathering together of saints (that's you and me - "set apart ones" that God has given salvation). It's time to fix this.

quote:

I THOUGH HE WAS CRAZY AND SINCE HE DIDN’T EVEN HAD A PERMIT TO BE HERE, I THOUGH IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO GET HERE.


Danny broke the law. God doesn't give us blessings that can only be gotten by breaking laws and tearing up families.


quote:

I WAS VERY CONFUSED, I KNEW OUR PARENTS WERE GOING TO OPPOSED OUR RALATIONSHIP AND I WAS TOO SCARE & EMBARRASS TO EVEN BRING UP THE SUBJECT WITH MY PARENTS.


You knew this would tear up your family and you were right to try to end your relationship with Danny.


quote:

I DECIDED TO GET BACK WITH ONE OF MY EX-BOYFRIENDS. I THOUGH THAT MAYBE THE FEELING I HAD FOR DANNY WOULD DISAPPEAR.


This wasn't fair to the ex-boyfriend, to be used to fix your problems. You could have turned to God to fix your broken heart.

quote:

SOON I TOLD ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP AND HE WAS DEVASTATED. HE SAID HE WAS SURE I DIDN’T LOVED MY BOYFRIEND AND KNEW THAT I WAS WITH HIM JUST BECAUSE I WAS TOO SCARE TO FIGHT FOR WHAT I REALLY WANTED.



This may have broken his heart. At the least, it was selfish and exploitive. Did you ask for his forgiveness and decide to never do this again?

quote:

DURING THAT TIME HE CALLED HIM MOTHER I TOLD HER WHY HE WAS HERE AND HOW HE FELT ABOUT ME. SHE ASKED HIM TO GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DISAPPROVED OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.


But he didn't go back but stayed even though it would tear your family apart, and you didn't avoid him, either. Both of you were being self-indulgent and destructive.


quote:

OBVIOUSLY I PUSHED DANNY AWAY BECAUSE I KNEW SOMEONE COULD SEE US.


You were willing to be in a relationship that you couldn't let anyone see. "We'll act like it but not look like it." That's deceitful. Fix it. Be honest about everything in your life.

quote:

DANNY DIDN’T REALIZE THAT MY DAD HAD SEEN HIM. THAT DAY MY DAD WENT TO WORK, BUT AT NIGHT WHEN HE CAME BACK HE CALLED ME INTO HIS ROOM AND STARTED BEATING ME UP. HE PUNCHED ME, KICKED ME, AND SLAMMED ME. HE CALLED ME AWFUL NAMES, AND SAID HE WOULD NEVER APPROVED OF MY RELATIONSHIP WITH DANNY BECAUSE IT WAS INCEST


It was biblically wrong for your father to beat you, and it was illegal. Did you know he would do this? You did know he'd never approve of your relationship with Danny but you did it anyway.

quote:


HE CALLED DANNY AND WHEN DANNY SAW ME HE BROKE INTO TEARS…HE NOW REALIZED WHY I HAD BEEN SO SCARED OF MY FATHER.


You saw this coming but you had a relationship with Danny anyway.


quote:

HE HAD TO LEAVE MY HOUSE AND WENT BACK TO SAN DIEGO TO STAY WITH A COUSIN OF HIS
.

He should have left sooner... no, he should never have come, and you should have avoided him.

quote:

FOR A WHOLE YEAR WE WERE SECRETLY MEETING EVERY SATURDAY.


Even tearing your family apart and getting beaten didn't stop you from doing this. You want what you want, no matter what it costs you or others. This is selfish and unloving to Danny and your family.

quote:

MANY TIMES I TOLD HIM TO GO BACK WITH HIS FAMILY, AND TRIED PUSHING HIM AWAS BY TELLING HIM THAT I WOULD STOP MEETING WITH HIM. HE REFUSED TO GO BACK AND SAID HE WOULD KEEP GOING TO OUR MEETING PLACE REGARDLESS.
I WANTED TO SEE HIM, SO I WAS THERE EVERY SATURDAY FOR A FULL YR.


You said it right but didn't do it right.

quote:


DURING THIS TIME I WAS WITH MY BOYFRIEND, AND I NEVER TOLD HIM THAT I WAS MEETING WITH DANNY.


You were being deceitful with your boyfriend. Fix it.

quote:


DANNY WAS AWARED THAT I WAS STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP AND ASKED ME MANY TIMES TO BREAK UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
I DIDN’T BECAUSE I FIGURE THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD GET TIRED AND STOP COMING,


So you were "using" Danny, too. This makes Danny an object in your life instead of a person. God isn't selfish like that to us.

quote:


AND HE DIND’T GET TIRED UNTIL ONE DAY I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS PREGNANT
.

So you added fornication (sex before marriage) to this long list of wrong doing.


quote:

I CAN’T FORGET THE PAIN I SAW IN HIS FACE THAT DAY. TO THIS DAY I CAN’T FORGIVE MYSELF HURTING HIM SO MUCH
.


But you did it. You hurt your family, Danny, your ex-boyfriend and the baby. This is very selfish and unloving.


quote:

HE LEFT BUT DIDN’T GO BACK TO SAN DIEGO, HE MOVED TO PORTLAND, OREGON. HE WANTED TO BE AS FAR AS POSSIBLE FROM ME BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT HE WOULD KEEP LOOKING FOR ME HAD HE STAY AT SAN DIEGO.


He finally knew he had to protect himself from you and your selfishness.

quote:

I HAD MOVED IN WITH MY BOYFRIEND


I'm starting to tear my hair out, Gabscar. This is sin. Fornication. God condemns sex outside of marriage, and you're doing it with a second guy. Confess it, turn away from it and don't have sex anymore until you are married.

quote:

BUt I WAS NEVER HAPPY BECAUSE DEEP IN MY HEART WHO I REALLY WANTED TO BE WITH WAS DANNY.


You are sinning greatly and only worried that you aren't *happy*? Your priorities should be first getting your life right with God: no sin unconfessed and turned away from.

Let me point out something and ask you a question: your story reads like a person who has no relationship with God and no sense of sin pressing down on them; so are you a Christian? If not, this all makes sense, as the person who isn't in a relationship with the living Lord of the universe has only themselves to please and doesn't see the horrible complications that sin does to us (tearing families apart, tearing relationships apart, children born outside of loving, stable families, and so on).

quote:

MY BOYFRIEND WANTED TO GET MARRY BUT I DIDN’T.


Poor guy.

quote:

EVEN THOUH I WAS LIVING IN FORNICATION WITH MY BOYFRIEND I FELT THAT ESCAPING WITH DANNY WAS WORSE. I FELT I WAS BETRAYING MY PARENTS AND I WAS AFRAID THAT MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER BE PART OF MY LIVE AGAIN IF I LEFT WITH DANNY.


Yes. The consequences of your actions are very big and bad. You are hurt, Danny is hurt, your boyfriend is hurt, your family is hurt.

quote:

MY BOYFRIEND WOULD THREAT ME.


You stayed with a guy who threatened you? Are you hoping he will hurt you?

quote:

I REALIZE HOW MUCH I WAS HURTING HIM AND STOP SEEING HIM.


You did this right.


quote:

I WENT BACK TO CHURCH AND STAYED WITH MY BOYFRIEND.


Good for going back to church. Did you confess your sin to God and stop doing it? If you stayed with your boyfriend, then you are still in fornication. Your family must be heartbroken to have a daughter who has had sex with at least 2 guys and isn't stopping it.

quote:

A YR HAS PASSED SINCE THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO DANNY, BUT THERE ARE NIGHTS WHEN I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. HIS CONSTANTLY IN MY DREAMS, I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I STILL FEEL SO ATTACHED TO HIM.


You have chained your heart in so many wrongs ways I can understand why you are confused. Please, start by getting right with God (confess, repent, receive God's forgiveness. Then start living God's way - living without sex and putting other people before yourself in an unselfish way) and then get right with your family and the various guys in your life. You aren't married, so live like it. When you've lived God's way and have learned to avoid sin and live for others then you might consider who to marry (not someone who threatens you).

Our bodies and our hearts and minds are closely tied together and you have tied some big knots. Start untying the knots by living God's way, and take the time to heal. It might take a few years. So do it.

quote:

I TALKED TO THE PASTOR’S WIFE ABOUT IT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH I DON’T SEE HIM ANYMORE I STILL FEEL AM SINNING IN MY HEART. I DON’T WANT THIS TO BE AN OBSTICLE IN MY SPIRITUAL LIFE ANYMORE.


YAY!!! You got it! May God bless and help you as you follow Him!

quote:

THINGS ARE GOING FINE WITH MY BOYFRIEND, WE MIGHT GET ENGAGE THIS YR AND I FEEL THAT I’VE LEARNED TO LOVE HIM. I DON’T WANT TO LIE TO HIM IN ANY WAY, I WANT OUR RELATIONSHIP TO WORK OUT AND BE BLESS BY THE LORD.


You got it! I am jumping up and down in joy!

quote:

TO BE ABLE TO MOVE ON! I DON’T WANT TO FEEL THIS PAIN IN MY HEART ANYMORE. I WANT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT DANNY AND ALL THE WHAT IFS. [8|]


Yes! It will take time, and there will always be a little part of you that thinks about Danny. When that thought comes up, push it away.

Lord Jesus, I lift this young lady up to You and ask You to bless her as she follows You. Please continue to do good work in her heart and bless her life with all the good things that You give us. Thank You that she has turned back to You and desires to live in Your truth (because it's the only truth there is). Thank You for loving her and drawing her back to You. Thank You for forgiving her sin like You have the rest of us believers. Please give her supernatural wisdom to know what to do, and heal the lives of everyone involved here. I thank You in Your strong Name, amen.

I am praying for you today, Gabscar. May you be blessed as you walk with God! (((Hugs)))



slushie -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (6/30/2008 1:01:36 PM)

I have a question: Do you have a strong relationship with God, and are you still living with your boyfriend?

I hope it works out. I'm very sorry to hear about you and Danny - and that your father physically abused you.

Be careful with the boyfriend - I hope it's not that you just turned to him because you were lonely and sad after everything happened with Danny. If it was like that, then you were using him.



gabs-dynasty -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (6/30/2008 7:26:09 PM)

I JUST WENT BACK TO CHURCH ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO. SO I GUESS MY RELATIONSHIP IS NOT SO STRONG YET SINCE AM STILL LIVING WITH MY BOYFRIEND.

I BEEN PRAYING FOR GOD TO GUIDE ME. I HAVE CONSIDER MOVING OUT, BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT WOULD BE A SOLUTION IN MY CASE. I BELIEVE THAT THE DAY I MOVE OUT WILL BE WHEN I KNOW FOR SURE THAT THIS IS NOT THE GUY I WILL MARRY.

SO FAR GOD HAS FIX SO MANY THINGS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP THAT I THINK GOD WILL SOON MAKE THE CHANGES NEEDED SO THAT WE NO LONGER LIVE IN FORNICATION.



Godspropheticwarrior -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (6/30/2008 8:18:59 PM)

God will not make the changes Dear .. YOU have to ... God gives us free will ... God gives us the responsibilty for our choices and actions . You are living in sin and if you continue to live in disobieance to God and His word then you are going to reap the consiquences to YOUR actions . Turn from this sin baby girl ... not for us but for yourself .. If you really love God and want His blessings and want a relationship with Him (GOD) then turn from doing what you know is wrong!........ i will be praying for you to Get right with the Lord He loves you but he doesnt like what you are doing .. it grieves him ... please my dear ... live for him and do what is right !



preserved -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/1/2008 6:04:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Godspropheticwarrior

God will not make the changes Dear .. YOU have to ... God gives us free will ... God gives us the responsibilty for our choices and actions . You are living in sin and if you continue to live in disobieance to God and His word then you are going to reap the consiquences to YOUR actions . Turn from this sin baby girl ... not for us but for yourself .. If you really love God and want His blessings and want a relationship with Him (GOD) then turn from doing what you know is wrong!........ i will be praying for you to Get right with the Lord He loves you but he doesnt like what you are doing .. it grieves him ... please my dear ... live for him and do what is right !



This is so true...gabscarr..I don't know why you feel that God has fixed so many things in your relationship as you are co-habitating, fornicating. God blesses us as we please Him not of ourselves nor any man...Godsproheticwarrior...has said it so clear...



mayfly -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/1/2008 6:37:14 PM)

gabscarr, it sounds like you are moving in the right direction, but please, please stop living with this man and having pre-marital sex! I must confess that is a sin I was guilty of before I became a Christian, but when I converted I realized what a mistake I was making and I told my boyfriend that we needed to either get married or break up. Breaking up with him, even though I loved him, is the best thing I have ever done for myself and my relationship with God. He was not a bad person, but he was not a Christian and he was not helping me along my path. I know God has forgiven me for my sins, and He will forgive you too, but how can He forgive you when you haven't stopped doing it?



slushie -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/1/2008 6:59:55 PM)

I agree. I think you have to break up with him, even though it's hard and even though you love him. God says it's WRONG, and as cruel as it seems, it's true, though there's a lot of reasoning behind that as well.



truthrevealed -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/1/2008 7:14:06 PM)

Gab, I agree with others that you must decide to change your living arrangements and I can imagine how difficult it is emotionally to do this considering EVERYTHING you've gone thru. However, you'll experience greater peace of mind by doing things God's way no matter how it feels in the beginning. And I must ADMONISH you to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE not marry your current boyfriend simply so you can live together without sinning. You are obviously so emotionally vunerable right now. You were dating your current boyfriend while loving someone else, don't start a marriage this way. Please scroll thru the marriage thread sometime and read the testimonies of sooooo many people who decided to marry knowing/feeling/believing it wasn't right but they didn't want to be alone or many other things that had NOTHING to do with waiting on God's timing and wisdom. It's a hell that you don't want to expose yourself to or future kids. The pain that you experience now it's no where near the pain of a marriage decision that you spend yrs. regretting. God isn't angry with you for anything, let Him help you make the right decision and let Him heal you from your disappointments, hurts and abuse, then you won't turn to anyone else to do it!
God bless



gabs-dynasty -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/1/2008 10:42:46 PM)

God has fix many things in my life. I am not worthy of them, but his merci has been great with me. and yeah, i also wonder why God has made changes in my life that only Him and i are awared of.
i am looking foward to making the changes needed. nevertheless, i should say that some sound more like pharisees sometimes.



slushie -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/2/2008 7:40:47 AM)

i'm sorry if that's how you feel. But I think that you'll see that it's what God wants.... often times God asks of us to do things that are difficult. And he has his reasons. I don't think you want to move out of living with your boyfriend, but the Bible says it very explicitly that it IS sin to live with someone you're not married to. It sounds very heartless and cold and "Pharisee-like". I'm sure God wants there to be changes in your relationship, but then he doesn't want you to continue doing something that's wrong.

I and the other posters don't mean to sound unkind here. I'm also sorry if what we all say is not what you want to hear.



Sadey -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/2/2008 7:59:12 AM)

Hon I think your biggest problem is that you seem to believe that you have to have a man in your life to survive. That is the last thing you need. Others have told you to stop living with your boyfirend and I suggest that you take a vacation from him and all men and work on you.

You have bounced around from man to man and you are still unhappy so doesn't that tell you something.

I know you aren't liking what others are saying to you, but God won't change his word to make you happy. It is a sin to be with someone with out being married and God will not exuse it because its you and you have special circumstances. You are using these men to fill an empty spot in your heart that only God can fill. And unless you get the help you need to figure this out, you will continue to go from man to man and you'll wake up someday and wonder how you messed up your life like you did.

Please get some Christian counselling so you can figure out why you are doing the things you are doing. God has so much better for you than all this drama and heartache.
God bless you and I hope you can stop the craziness and get the help you need,.



preserved -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/2/2008 8:11:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gabscarr

God has fix many things in my life. I am not worthy of them, but his merci has been great with me. and yeah, i also wonder why God has made changes in my life that only Him and i are awared of.
i am looking foward to making the changes needed. nevertheless, i should say that some sound more like pharisees sometimes.


God may have repaired some things in your life...But to continue to live with your boyfriend and committing fornication is not of God thru the Lord Jesus Christ His Son...I think you need to re-evaluate who or what God that you are serving!! It is apparent here that you seem to think that God is approving of this situation!!



ebony101 -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/5/2008 4:01:40 AM)

Is your boyfriend a Christian? Are you sure that God is the one making the changes in your life?

Sometimes the evil one is the one making the changes, so that we will be fooled and remain in his clutches. If it is at all possible, you need to get out of the living situation with you boyfriend so that you will be able to see things clearly.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/5/2008 4:07:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peacebearer

Danny is your father's cousin so that would make Danny your second cousin... Um... how far removed does a relative have to be for a marriage to be safe? (Biology/heredity/genetics, etc safe, that is..) Gosh... sorry that your pa beat you up so bad...


Actually, no her father's cousin is her first cousin once removed. The cousin's CHILD (if he had one), would be the second cousin.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/5/2008 4:11:42 AM)

quote:

Many states do not consider 2nd cousins dating to be incest. Perhaps all of them I am not too sure about that though. I know in the county I live in it seems everyone is related. So I am sure there are plenty of people who are related before they were married. I too am sorry your father treated you that way. What your father did to you is way more horrible then any feelings you have for Danny.


But they are not second cousins. Danny is her first cousin once removed. See my previous post. My mom is a very brilliant woman, and knows about all this stuff and she has explained that to me.

And, usually, the closest relatives that can marry legally anywhere are second cousins. So, legally, if this was the cousin's CHILD, it wouldn't be such a problem, but as her father's cousin, it is.



peacebearer -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/6/2008 7:52:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

quote:

ORIGINAL: peacebearer

Danny is your father's cousin so that would make Danny your second cousin... Um... how far removed does a relative have to be for a marriage to be safe? (Biology/heredity/genetics, etc safe, that is..) Gosh... sorry that your pa beat you up so bad...


Actually, no her father's cousin is her first cousin once removed. The cousin's CHILD (if he had one), would be the second cousin.


oh! okay, thanks for the info.



DaveW -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/6/2008 8:18:49 AM)

"Cousin" without some kind of qualifier is an ambiguous term. Even 4th or 5th cousins are still called cousins in some circles. We do not know what degree of cousin this young man and the OP's father are.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: NEED TO HOW TO GET OVER THIS EXPERIENCE. (7/7/2008 2:26:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaveW

"Cousin" without some kind of qualifier is an ambiguous term. Even 4th or 5th cousins are still called cousins in some circles. We do not know what degree of cousin this young man and the OP's father are.



Good point. I just assumed first cousin since she did not say 2nd or 3rd, etc., but she never said 1st either so I shouldn't have assumed that.



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