RE: What's my line? (Full Version)

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okrox -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 7:11:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

well i think this is where ideas from the thread in praise of casual dating can be helpful. if someone is shy, nervous, new to dating, afraid, etc ... becoming more familiar with the opposite sex through no pressure "dates" will certainly help relax someone and get them more comfortable maintaining conversation and learning "lines". if something is a problem, why avoid it and not gain experience to develop yourself.


EXACTLY my point. How do you get better at something? Practice. How do you reduce anxiety about a situation? Set yourself up to succeed in small, safe situations.

Roxie
AKA the "Casual Date Crusader"
(I just will not let it die, will I?)



trainfan -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 7:44:42 PM)

quote:

That's what you need. You need something that will make you feel confident in yourself to take with you so when you see an opportunity you don't hesitate to grab it. *huggles*


That is exactly the type of thing I am looking for. Things I (or others) can have ready to say to start a conversation. Once a conversation is going I generally can keep it going after a minute or 2. It's getting a conversation started (which is generally the most important part) where I have the most problem.



trainfan -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 7:46:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: okrox

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

well i think this is where ideas from the thread in praise of casual dating can be helpful. if someone is shy, nervous, new to dating, afraid, etc ... becoming more familiar with the opposite sex through no pressure "dates" will certainly help relax someone and get them more comfortable maintaining conversation and learning "lines". if something is a problem, why avoid it and not gain experience to develop yourself.


EXACTLY my point. How do you get better at something? Practice. How do you reduce anxiety about a situation? Set yourself up to succeed in small, safe situations.

Roxie
AKA the "Casual Date Crusader"
(I just will not let it die, will I?)


That makes sense, assuming you can find people in your area.[&:]



DrivenbyGod -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 9:06:43 PM)

I don't try to pick up women at the Grocery store or anywhere since I have no clue who they are or what they believe, although I'am tempted to at times.

If the situation does call for action - one thing that's very simple is if you're in the same isle is just say excuse me have you tried this brand of whatever it is... although, hopefully you're not looking at toilet paper.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 9:22:50 PM)

The thing about grocery stores got me thinking... a while back, I read a book with some really good dating advice. I'll have to pull it out to remember everything. But basically it gives you an "assignment" of meeting five people of the opposite sex -- per week. You have to go a lot of places (including the grocery store) and talk to a lot of people... it's an assignment. Basically what it's doing is getting you out of your comfort zone and getting you comfortable with interacting with people. You're not trying to "pick up" these people, you're just making conversation. After a while, people just naturally start coming up to YOU to make conversation because you're becoming more approachable.

I'll admit, I get lost in my own little world... a trip to the grocery store is just a stopping-place on the way home. I don't stop to interact or even make eye contact with others most of the time. I think I need to get this book out again and brush up on my people-meeting skills... maybe I'll share with the group a thing or two. [;)]



okrox -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 10:37:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trainfan

quote:

ORIGINAL: okrox

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

well i think this is where ideas from the thread in praise of casual dating can be helpful. if someone is shy, nervous, new to dating, afraid, etc ... becoming more familiar with the opposite sex through no pressure "dates" will certainly help relax someone and get them more comfortable maintaining conversation and learning "lines". if something is a problem, why avoid it and not gain experience to develop yourself.


EXACTLY my point. How do you get better at something? Practice. How do you reduce anxiety about a situation? Set yourself up to succeed in small, safe situations.

Roxie
AKA the "Casual Date Crusader"
(I just will not let it die, will I?)


That makes sense, assuming you can find people in your area.[&:]


That's why God made Yahoo.



okrox -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 10:38:59 PM)

I wish I could figure out how to add smileys.



kj88il -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 10:44:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: okrox

I wish I could figure out how to add smileys.


just click on one of the smileys to the left of the screen....or click on "more smileys" and click on one or more from the grid. smiley to your heart's content!!! [sm=dance.gif][sm=flower.gif][sm=funny.gif][sm=blush.gif][sm=icon_smile_sing.gif][sm=wave.gif]



okrox -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 10:49:21 PM)

[sm=thumbsup.gif] Oh! I get it thanks!



kj88il -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 10:53:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: okrox

[sm=thumbsup.gif] Oh! I get it thanks!


you're quite welcome. believe me....i asked tons of questions on how to do things. nobody cares...everyone's willing to tell you what to do! (giggle....well, some more than others...and one's a princess sometimes...so be careful.)






(i'm just kiddin....but just you wait...i bet she'll pop up here....in her fairy disguise. giggle)



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 11:00:20 PM)

What?????



[8D]



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 11:01:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kj88il

quote:

ORIGINAL: okrox

[sm=thumbsup.gif] Oh! I get it thanks!


you're quite welcome. believe me....i asked tons of questions on how to do things. nobody cares...everyone's willing to tell you what to do! (giggle....well, some more than others...and one's a princess sometimes...so be careful.)






(i'm just kiddin....but just you wait...i bet she'll pop up here....in her fairy disguise. giggle)


Kimberly, you crack me up!!! [:D]

okrox... feel free to ask lots of questions. We all had to start out not knowing how this works... then we became addicted and, well, it's all downhill from there. [8D]



kj88il -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 11:14:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

What?????



[8D]


told ya so!!!!!!



hi, sweetie! ((((tink))))



kj88il -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 11:16:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy

quote:

ORIGINAL: kj88il

quote:

ORIGINAL: okrox

[sm=thumbsup.gif] Oh! I get it thanks!


you're quite welcome. believe me....i asked tons of questions on how to do things. nobody cares...everyone's willing to tell you what to do! (giggle....well, some more than others...and one's a princess sometimes...so be careful.)






(i'm just kiddin....but just you wait...i bet she'll pop up here....in her fairy disguise. giggle)


Kimberly, you crack me up!!! [:D]

okrox... feel free to ask lots of questions. We all had to start out not knowing how this works... then we became addicted and, well, it's all downhill from there. [8D]



yeah.....i heartily suggest you PM GnM whenever you have a question. she knows everything!!! (runs away...ducking)



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 11:20:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kj88il

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy

quote:

ORIGINAL: kj88il

quote:

ORIGINAL: okrox

[sm=thumbsup.gif] Oh! I get it thanks!


you're quite welcome. believe me....i asked tons of questions on how to do things. nobody cares...everyone's willing to tell you what to do! (giggle....well, some more than others...and one's a princess sometimes...so be careful.)






(i'm just kiddin....but just you wait...i bet she'll pop up here....in her fairy disguise. giggle)


Kimberly, you crack me up!!! [:D]

okrox... feel free to ask lots of questions. We all had to start out not knowing how this works... then we became addicted and, well, it's all downhill from there. [8D]



yeah.....i heartily suggest you PM GnM whenever you have a question. she knows everything!!! (runs away...ducking)


LOL!!!!! I was ready to throw this book at you even before you ducked!! But you made it just in time... lucky you.

I know everything? Yup... I see all and know all... and I can see what you're doing behind that computer screen.... and I might tell [sm=eek.gif] Be afraid... be very afraid. [8D]



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: What's my line? (7/1/2008 11:31:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kj88il

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

What?????



[8D]


told ya so!!!!!!



hi, sweetie! ((((tink))))

*huggles*



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 7:47:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: okrox

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

well i think this is where ideas from the thread in praise of casual dating can be helpful. if someone is shy, nervous, new to dating, afraid, etc ... becoming more familiar with the opposite sex through no pressure "dates" will certainly help relax someone and get them more comfortable maintaining conversation and learning "lines". if something is a problem, why avoid it and not gain experience to develop yourself.


EXACTLY my point. How do you get better at something? Practice. How do you reduce anxiety about a situation? Set yourself up to succeed in small, safe situations.

Roxie
AKA the "Casual Date Crusader"
(I just will not let it die, will I?)


Okrox, I think that you've got a point here. But it doesn't have to be dating, of course. And I will make the point that some people need some preparation to feel more confident when they finally DO meet someone in person.

Taking something with you to start a conversation about is a great idea. Craig, do you have something: an unusual piece of train memorabilia or something small enough to carry with you? That could help you get started on any number of topics that are of interest to YOU and something YOU would be comfortable talking about.

But there's also other things that can be done. I once went through a training seminar for Christians: most of the stuff I learned there has since been proved unscriptural. But one of the things I learned was to prepare questions in my head to ask ahead of time. For the purpose of this discussion most of those questions are too personal. Nevertheless, we could all come up with good questions for each other to customize for our own use and practice in our heads so we have them ready for the opportunities God puts in front of us.

John_O is prolly really good at this: hey John...are you around? Could you contribute some good lines to help start a conversation with a perfect stranger?

I personally have already shown one way, even though I wasn't the actual starter of the conversation. I was able to discern that Onstar was a topic of interest to the person and offer some knowledge of mine that got a conversation started.

I think asking questions is a good beginning. When I do this, I usually try to find something in the person's last comment that I can springboard off of into another question that will get them talking. Yeah, with some people, this is hard or even impossible: they obviously don't want to be bothered. Fine. I leave them alone. But some people will open up and give you all sorts of clues and voila', you have a great conversation started.

besiderself



John_O -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 9:45:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself

John_O is prolly really good at this: hey John...are you around? Could you contribute some good lines to help start a conversation with a perfect stranger?



With a perfect stranger?

OK How about "You're perfect please marry me!?"

Oh. Wrong kind of perfect. You mean someone I've never seen before?. Hmmmmmm.


If they have kids or animals that's always an easy in. but you've got to check the ring finger before approaching.

1. Oddly enough, even though it is cheesy, an inquiring look followed by a "Don't I know you?"* normally works pretty well. Almost everyone looks like someone you know and you can usually talk long enough to find if they are interested and available. Most people reply "(hesitantly as if they are trying to remember you) I don't think so, where are you from" or something like that. If they respond that opens the door to ask where they go to church, where they grew up, those sorts of questions. The key transition is the change from trying to figure out who they are to establishing the conversation as new friends. "well apparently I don't know you yet. But I sure have enjoyed talking with you" If they respond positively then you can ask if they'd like to sit down somewhere and talk some more, or perhaps get together later.

* Please note that I would only do this if I really think I know them, I run into people like that at least once a week.

2. Asking questions almost always works. If she thinks you're cute etc she will respond positively. Just keep talking. Again end with "I've really enjoyed talking with you, would you like to sit down somewhere and continue our conversation or perhaps get together later?" or some other asking out but not quite asking out question.



Important notice: I've not used any of these techniques in quite a while as I've only recently begun searching again. However they did work well back then.



ju-ju -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 4:16:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

Depending on the woman and the situation any line or approach can make you seem like a creep, moron or desperate guy. You can't let that stop you. Some women are just like that or are having bad days etc.

Normally if you can get her laughing you're most of the way home. The approach would differ according to where you are and who she is.

I'll admit I seldom meet people in stores etc (But then I've not been looking too long). I am a master of the drive by compliment though. Just a few hours ago in teh airport I approached a lady in passing, caught her eye and said "You have beautiful eyes" She kind of blushed, smiled and said thank you. If it wasn't for my plane boarding I would have had an opening to talk some more "Traveling on business or vacation?" "where are you going?". Ask questions that need more than a yes or no to answer and read her mood as she answers. If she's receptive or enjoying the conversation then keep going.

And of course the weather always works.

Just be confident (for some reason women like that) be cheerful and have fun.


Dear John, I've read a lot of your posts since I started on CW and you have some really good insight when it comes to women. You are right on the money, or at least in my opinion as a woman.

I have to agree that, even though it would be fairly obvious a guy is trying to start up a conversation with me, a non-invasive, non-pushy, unscarey topic like the weather would be a good start. If I'm not interested or just having a bad day or whatever, I can at least stay friendly for a moment and then leave him with a polite smile. No harm done to either of us (i would hope).

I have to say that I'd be THOROUGHLY embarrassed if some man came up to me and just straight out said I have beautiful eyes......(but I would smile and blush profusely, most definitely). But it would catch me off guard and I have NO idea what I would say other than a quiet little "Thank you."

But the weather, yes, that's a good starting point.[/b]



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 4:25:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself
John_O is prolly really good at this: hey John...are you around? Could you contribute some good lines to help start a conversation with a perfect stranger?


actually he started a thread very much like this a few months ago with the same type of issue that craig is struggling with now and this thread might have some ideas:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_2999285/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#2999285


quote:

ORIGINAL: ju-ju
I have to say that I'd be THOROUGHLY embarrassed if some man came up to me and just straight out said I have beautiful eyes......(


that seemed to be the female consensus in the other thread too...



mutinywxgirl -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 4:29:36 PM)

Oh, I LOVE when I get told I have beautiful eyes, and also my smile. [:)]



okrox -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 6:11:58 PM)

Ok, Trainfan, I've been thinking a little more about this.

Maybe you should back up a little. Maybe you should just be practicing learning to chit-chat with anyone comfortably, before worrying about Women with a capital W.

If you can get practice in striking up conversations with strangers in general--men, women, young, old, whatever--then you can use those same skills when you are confronted with an actual prospect.

Which, come to think of it, is a better approach to a woman, anyway. The few times a stranger has approached me in person and turned out to be a viable prospect were when the conversation was neutral, casual, run-of-the-mill-he-could-have-just-as-easily-have-been-talking-to-my-dad kind of conversation.

Much less terrifying for both of us, that way.



kj88il -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 10:44:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself

John_O is prolly really good at this: hey John...are you around? Could you contribute some good lines to help start a conversation with a perfect stranger?



With a perfect stranger?

OK How about "You're perfect please marry me!?"

Oh. Wrong kind of perfect. You mean someone I've never seen before?. Hmmmmmm.


If they have kids or animals that's always an easy in. but you've got to check the ring finger before approaching.

1. Oddly enough, even though it is cheesy, an inquiring look followed by a "Don't I know you?"* normally works pretty well. Almost everyone looks like someone you know and you can usually talk long enough to find if they are interested and available. Most people reply "(hesitantly as if they are trying to remember you) I don't think so, where are you from" or something like that. If they respond that opens the door to ask where they go to church, where they grew up, those sorts of questions. The key transition is the change from trying to figure out who they are to establishing the conversation as new friends. "well apparently I don't know you yet. But I sure have enjoyed talking with you" If they respond positively then you can ask if they'd like to sit down somewhere and talk some more, or perhaps get together later.

* Please note that I would only do this if I really think I know them, I run into people like that at least once a week.

2. Asking questions almost always works. If she thinks you're cute etc she will respond positively. Just keep talking. Again end with "I've really enjoyed talking with you, would you like to sit down somewhere and continue our conversation or perhaps get together later?" or some other asking out but not quite asking out question.



Important notice: I've not used any of these techniques in quite a while as I've only recently begun searching again. However they did work well back then.


isn't that a sign of aging??? [:D]



kj88il -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 10:47:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself
John_O is prolly really good at this: hey John...are you around? Could you contribute some good lines to help start a conversation with a perfect stranger?


actually he started a thread very much like this a few months ago with the same type of issue that craig is struggling with now and this thread might have some ideas:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_2999285/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#2999285


quote:

ORIGINAL: ju-ju
I have to say that I'd be THOROUGHLY embarrassed if some man came up to me and just straight out said I have beautiful eyes......(


that seemed to be the female consensus in the other thread too...


then count me in the minority!!! i can graciously accept a compliment any day!!!! (not that they come along every day, mind you........)



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: What's my line? (7/2/2008 11:04:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kj88il

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself
John_O is prolly really good at this: hey John...are you around? Could you contribute some good lines to help start a conversation with a perfect stranger?


actually he started a thread very much like this a few months ago with the same type of issue that craig is struggling with now and this thread might have some ideas:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_2999285/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#2999285


quote:

ORIGINAL: ju-ju
I have to say that I'd be THOROUGHLY embarrassed if some man came up to me and just straight out said I have beautiful eyes......(


that seemed to be the female consensus in the other thread too...


then count me in the minority!!! i can graciously accept a compliment any day!!!! (not that they come along every day, mind you........)

Ditto!

I was blushing like a banshie when someone told me I had great looking kids and they must have got it from their mother. I think he was being kind (or blind) but it still had me blushing yet I loooooved it. [:)]



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