RE: The easily offended

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solo_soprano22 -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 1:21:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sue244 Yeah, and I've gotten to the point where I will at least warn people by saying 'do you really want to know what I think?' But like I said I don't care if people take my opinion or not. People can take it or leave it, which remindes me I have also known people that are offended if you don't take their opinion and run with it so it can go all ways. I have a friend who you can't really tell the truth to. You CAN, but she'll get upset and uber dramatic... even if it's to help her out. Her own parents can't tell her anything without her getting mad. She's slammed doors in their faces and gotten into arguments with them... when it was no big deal (from what she's telling me transpired). Then if you don't agree that that person she's mad with was wrong, she gets offended at you for not agreeing with her. [8\|] It's to the point where the only people that tell her like it is is strangers... and I really don't care to be around her much anymore. You have to be fake around her unless you're just like she is. I remember her telling me some things that other friends had said to her that made her upset, but honestly, they were nothing to get in a huff about at all. It seems like they said it to HELP her. I really think she just can't handle the truth... and I know the truth sometimes hurts; it's hurt me before plenty of times. But sometimes you need that in order to better yourself, and I've learned to try to use that honesty for good. I've just decided that my friend can keep on the way she's going... she just only hears herself, and she's set on that.

sue244 -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 1:27:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22 quote: ORIGINAL: sue244 Yeah, and I've gotten to the point where I will at least warn people by saying 'do you really want to know what I think?' But like I said I don't care if people take my opinion or not. People can take it or leave it, which remindes me I have also known people that are offended if you don't take their opinion and run with it so it can go all ways. I have a friend who you can't really tell the truth to. You CAN, but she'll get upset and uber dramatic... even if it's to help her out. Her own parents can't tell her anything without her getting mad. She's slammed doors in their faces and gotten into arguments with them... when it was no big deal (from what she's telling me transpired). Then if you don't agree that that person she's mad with was wrong, she gets offended at you for not agreeing with her. [8\|] It's to the point where the only people that tell her like it is is strangers... and I really don't care to be around her much anymore. You have to be fake around her unless you're just like she is. I remember her telling me some things that other friends had said to her that made her upset, but honestly, they were nothing to get in a huff about at all. It seems like they said it to HELP her. I really think she just can't handle the truth... and I know the truth sometimes hurts; it's hurt me before plenty of times. But sometimes you need that in order to better yourself, and I've learned to try to use that honesty for good. I've just decided that my friend can keep on the way she's going... she just only hears herself, and she's set on that. Yeah I have known about people like that as well. You can guess that they learn quickly not to even ask me my opinion.

DreadPirateRandy -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 1:32:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: phosadaud I've posted here long enough to know that I have ruffled more than my share of feathers on these boards. I can't seem to say 2 words without them getting upset. This rings so many bells.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 1:45:56 AM)
I'm just going to answer the OP. Yes, I have a tendency to be like that, BUT I know it's completely wrong. I pray for God to help me change every day.

FurGodWurLivin -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:20:14 AM)
This is a dual sided issue. First off, as a person that offends other people, we need to learn some humility, tact, diplomacy and when to shut up. Sometimes I think I'm one of the worst at this. Second issue. Many people (especially in Christianity) are offended to easily. These people need to be able to extend grace to others, lighten up a little, and realize that not everyone has the same personality, biases, or mannerisms that they do. It's one of those things that most people fall into one extreme or the other because Jesus not only offended people, but did it without actually being offensive (ie, swearing or being overly combative)... and yet the Psalmist said of Him, "grace is poured upon your lips" (psalm 45). So, if you are like me and offend people a lot... learn to interact with people differently. If you are someone who is offended too easily, you probably need to lighten up. What did Jesus say about it? "If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn and let him slap the other also." How many of us would get slapped and then protest most vehemently to it? Adam

SonInMe1 -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:56:30 AM)
quote: Woe, woe, woe, He says....It would be better for them to have a millstone around their neck and drown than to offend another. The actual scripture is...Matthew 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Jesus offended many people...to the point they wanted Him dead. The truth is a double edged sword. quote: We seem to love to feel victimized In fact to be a victim in our modern society is to garner power...and financial gain. quote: Sometimes truth hurts. ...and ya know? As christians we should welcome rebuke from our brethern. Sometimes we NEED to be offended and not only that..we should pray about that to happen. Some of the stuff I have posted as before I read the entire thread so sorry if I have repeated things. That said, being a christian is offensive to worldly people. Its just the way it is. You can't walk your walk without offending some people. I would rather be honest than having everyone like me. Diplomacy is over rated. To BE an OT prophet meant you were going to offend people. God offends many people. For the most part I will say what I have to say. If that offends...maybe someone needed to be offended. I never say anything just to offend, but to make a point, bluntly and without reservation. I try not to be offended and most of the time, unless the Lord is blaphemed, I am not offended. I know where I came from. I know the mistakes I have made and when I see others do the same, hopefully I have insight that could help them. Often they just get offended...or call me prideful in my faults. Eh. No biggie. I would rather offend you than to have my personal knowledge go to waste. These things happened for a reason in my life...to keep me humble...to learn from..and hopefully to help others with the same problems. Being challeneged is one thing I come here for. Now, some posters, I can't communicate with so..I try not to. Being opinionated, sometimes that is tough. I also believe, most of the problem here with people getting offended...is gender realted. Men and women communicate differently and often the confusion generated just by gender differences leads to offence. Men tend to be blunt and factual. Women tend to vent..and look for solace. Neither is wrong. Its just we come from different directions and miscommunication can come about.

Liveloved -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:02:12 AM)
quote: Is there a moral issue here? At what point does being "overly-sensitive" cross the lines of being manipulative for attention or simply "self-absorbed"? Or does it? How do you know when someone is just genuinely extra-sensitive to something because they are wounded or they are just looking for reasons to be offended or taking aggression out on you? How do you deal with folks/posters like this? Do you try to appease them? Just keep apologizing? Or push them away? I don't know if this is a moral issue but it certainly is a spiritual one. We don't want to be offensive. But for me, the more important issue is I don't want to TAKE OFFENSE. Because for me to take offense is to walk in the flesh and I am commanded to walk by the Spirit. Psalm 119:165 says Those who love Thy law have great peace and nothing causes them to stumble (or nothing offends them). I understand this to mean that when I truly love Jesus and have surrendered to Him, His peace is resident within me and my ruling disposition. AND THEN and only then will I be in that place of not stumbling or being offended. So when I feel my defenses rising, I know I have been offended and I cry out to Jesus. I have been called to let the peace of Christ rule in my heart. I believe it was Roy Hession in his book, The Calvary Road, who likened this to an alarm going off that should alert us to the fact that when we are no longer at peace, Christ is no longer ruling within. And the Holy Spirit cannot rest on a restless target. So while I do not want to give offense, I know I will because I cannot be responsible for responses. But I can choose to not take offense, to walk by the Spirit, and to have the peace of Christ ruling in me. Edited to add: This is a thread I almost started many months ago. I think it is a very needful discussion.

car2ner -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 8:08:47 AM)
quote: So while I do not want to give offense, I know I will because I cannot be responsible for responses. But I can choose to not take offense, to walk by the Spirit, and to have the peace of Christ ruling in me. This is what I would have posted, had you not posted it first. I was listening to "listener responses" on an NPR Station. They had an article where someone said that the name of a park was larger than the park itself. Being a radio article, the reporter has some trouble pronouncing the name. Perhaps he should have figured it out before reporting the story. Someone wrote in to say that the reporter, named Smith, should have been more sympathic about people who have struggled with long names all of their lives. I am quite certain that Smith had no intentions of offending this listener. It was the listener who was responsible for getting upset over it. Smith, on the other hand, may want to practice pronouncing these names before going on air from now on, to be graceful.

bluestone -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 8:44:50 AM)
Years ago our local Christian radio station had a youth gathering at a local lake, with picnic, swimming, games, etc. I was in charge of the youth group, and at the next church board meeting, they saw on the calendar of upcoming events that we were going to the gathering. I got a call from the pastor the next day saying we could not go. A man on the board was very upset, as he thought "mixed bathing" was sinful, and our church should not be represented there.[8\|] In fact, the man had called for my resignation for even THINKING about taking the teens. This guy had thrown tempertantrums at the pastor on other issues, so pastor backed down fast, and the board ruled the youth group could not go. If we allow the easily offended to get their way, they soon take over. A great fellowship and fun opportunity was missed because ONE guy who did not have teens got to call the shots. I agree with Phosodaud. Pretty much all the time.[;)]

earthless -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 9:04:40 AM)
Some Christians *REALLY* need to lighten up, big time. They only serve to chisel in the Ned Flanders stereo-type even more in our culture.

Qtman -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 9:20:27 AM)
Phosy in the immortal words of our esteemed District Attorney, The prosecution rest your honor. I think your point has been proven. I too have ruffled some feathers in these threads. I do try to refrain from making personal attacks and on the rare occasion when I have I made a very public apology in the same threads. But some people are going to be offended simply because you do not agree with them. Some people elect to be offended. To those I say Deal With It.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 9:21:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Liveloved quote: Is there a moral issue here? At what point does being "overly-sensitive" cross the lines of being manipulative for attention or simply "self-absorbed"? Or does it? How do you know when someone is just genuinely extra-sensitive to something because they are wounded or they are just looking for reasons to be offended or taking aggression out on you? How do you deal with folks/posters like this? Do you try to appease them? Just keep apologizing? Or push them away? I don't know if this is a moral issue but it certainly is a spiritual one. We don't want to be offensive. But for me, the more important issue is I don't want to TAKE OFFENSE. Because for me to take offense is to walk in the flesh and I am commanded to walk by the Spirit. Psalm 119:165 says Those who love Thy law have great peace and nothing causes them to stumble (or nothing offends them). I understand this to mean that when I truly love Jesus and have surrendered to Him, His peace is resident within me and my ruling disposition. AND THEN and only then will I be in that place of not stumbling or being offended. So when I feel my defenses rising, I know I have been offended and I cry out to Jesus. I have been called to let the peace of Christ rule in my heart. I believe it was Roy Hession in his book, The Calvary Road, who likened this to an alarm going off that should alert us to the fact that when we are no longer at peace, Christ is no longer ruling within. And the Holy Spirit cannot rest on a restless target. So while I do not want to give offense, I know I will because I cannot be responsible for responses. But I can choose to not take offense, to walk by the Spirit, and to have the peace of Christ ruling in me. Edited to add: This is a thread I almost started many months ago. I think it is a very needful discussion. Great post! Some of my own thoughts . . . Diplomacy is not overrated. People can very well give their opinions; even their very strong opinions, and still be gracious and diplomatic about it. Just because I disagree with someone doesn't mean that I have to shove it down someone's throat. I have very strong opinions . . . about myriad of things. [:D] But just because I'm passionate about certain topics doesn't mean that everyone has to agree with me. It doesn't even mean that I'm correct regarding whatever I may be opining at any particular time. Sometimes I am right; other times, I'm so far from the mark that it's not even funny. Neither does it mean that I should walk around on tiptoes around people when sharing my thoughts. That type of relationship is never healthy for any of the people involved. Expressing one's opinion and receiving others' opinions . . . they're two sides of the same coin, and how one responds with one of the sides is very telling how they will respond from the other side. Additionally, what's my heart motive in expressing my thoughts on any particular subject? Is it to show how much I know or to indicate how strongly I feel about something? Or am I actually being Spirit-led to verbalize my thoughts? For me, I know that when Sharon-Marie goes off on a tangent, things can get really messy. However, when she first listens to Our Lord's Holy Spirit and asks for His Wisdom and Guidance, things turn out a lot better. I can take the very same opinions . . . and based on WHO (me or Our Lord) is really expressing them, they can be received by the very same person with very drastically differing results. When I am following Our Lord's Willl and utilizing His Wisdom and His Guidance, I can say some things that, while tough for the listener to hear, will also be received much better by them than it would have been if I had haphazardly said what needed to be say with the attitude of, "This is what you I'm going to tell you and I frankly don't care whether you like it or not." There's an spirit of arrogance when people (myself included) forget to ask Our Lord to guide the words (and tone) of whatever is being said to another person. Many times, Our Lord's Holy Spirit will tell me to remain silent (whether here or offline). Additionally, many times, Our Lord's Holy Spirit will tell me to open my mouth and start speaking (whether here or offline). The times that I actually listen and obey to Him are the best. The times that I let my self-will run rampant are absolutely the worst. HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 9:31:11 AM)
(of course, none of that was really regarding the OP) [sm=rolleyes.gif] [:D] SO . . . Being easily offended is the opposite side of the same coin that I referred to in my previous post. Just as there's an arrogance in thinking that our opinions are oh-so-valuable and that they can be expressed "whenever" and "however", there's also an arrogance in allowing oneself to become easily offended by other people's opinions. It's along the lines, "How dare you say THAT to ME!" Humility (or lack of humilty) is really at the root of both sides . . . and again, for me, I know that when I'm not walking in humility, I can be quite obnoxious with my opinions and I can also be quite insufferable with other people's opinions.

bluestone -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 9:33:33 AM)
Some people are just waiting to be offended. A martyr complex ala internet.

LifeisGalatians220 -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 10:17:42 AM)
Hi phosadaud~ Thanks for your posting because this is something I deal with also. I'll just stick with your OP cause I've learned from reading through forums that things can be drawn off topic WAY to easily by "the easily offended". [;)] (Maybe another thread can be started like "How many times have we had to go in humility and ask forgiveness and how long did we take before we did it?" [:D]) When I became a believer in Jesus Christ, I was taught that He alone had the power to heal me of the emotional scars I carried, but if I wanted that I had to walk in belief of that. I had to count myself "dead" to the flesh if I was going to walk in the abundant newness of life He promises. If my flesh has been crucified with Christ, why the heck was I trying to resurrect something so stinky and rotten just because someone said something I took offense to. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happens to us spiritually when we choose to take offense against what someone has said to us, whether they intended to offend or not. God gave me plenty of opportunities to practice staying "dead". (Let's just say that I have been "misunderstood" more times than I care to remember [;)]) I have been attacked a few times by those who are "easily offended", and at first I wanted to defend myself, but then I started to walk in that "crucifixion of the flesh", and I would make the decision to place my eyes on the cross where my flesh was nailed. There's something about remembering our Lord's suffering on our behalf that takes all the fight out of me. I don't have to be understood, right, or even responsive to the attack. When my eyes are on the Lord, I am so overcome by His love for me that the only thing my attacker sees on my face is my gratitude for His love. As I focus on Jesus' love for me, I am immediately convicted of the thoughts I just had about doing an emotional "Z for Zorro" on that brother or sister of mine who has forgotten Him for the moment. Mostly, I find myself responding with love and with words that are spoken to bring the moment back to Jesus. Sometimes this works, other times the EO is too wrapped up in their own flesh to allow God's peace to speak to them through His Spirit. Sometimes I end up blowing it completely. [:(] But I know He is patient with me and gives me ample opportunity to walk humbly and at peace with man. Hmmmm yep, that other thread... May I say, I have really appreciated and grown in my walk with the Lord as I have read some of the postings here. Maturity in Christ shows on these boards when I see brothers and sisters post in the peace of God. Blessings, Melanie

GroupW -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 10:21:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ps103 But then, I upgraded to the Offensiveness Detector with the optional Transponder Unit[8D] Ooooh. I want one. Which aisle in Wal-Mart carries those?

Ps103 -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 10:53:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GroupW quote: ORIGINAL: Ps103 But then, I upgraded to the Offensiveness Detector with the optional Transponder Unit[8D] Ooooh. I want one. Which aisle in Wal-Mart carries those? Sorry, Brian--Walmart only carries the basic model. You'll have to drop the whole dime to get the full-featured version.[:D]

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 10:54:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LifeisGalatians220 Hi phosadaud~ Thanks for your posting because this is something I deal with also. I'll just stick with your OP cause I've learned from reading through forums that things can be drawn off topic WAY to easily by "the easily offended". [;)] (Maybe another thread can be started like "How many times have we had to go in humility and ask forgiveness and how long did we take before we did it?" [:D]) When I became a believer in Jesus Christ, I was taught that He alone had the power to heal me of the emotional scars I carried, but if I wanted that I had to walk in belief of that. I had to count myself "dead" to the flesh if I was going to walk in the abundant newness of life He promises. If my flesh has been crucified with Christ, why the heck was I trying to resurrect something so stinky and rotten just because someone said something I took offense to. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happens to us spiritually when we choose to take offense against what someone has said to us, whether they intended to offend or not. God gave me plenty of opportunities to practice staying "dead". (Let's just say that I have been "misunderstood" more times than I care to remember [;)]) I have been attacked a few times by those who are "easily offended", and at first I wanted to defend myself, but then I started to walk in that "crucifixion of the flesh", and I would make the decision to place my eyes on the cross where my flesh was nailed. There's something about remembering our Lord's suffering on our behalf that takes all the fight out of me. I don't have to be understood, right, or even responsive to the attack. When my eyes are on the Lord, I am so overcome by His love for me that the only thing my attacker sees on my face is my gratitude for His love. As I focus on Jesus' love for me, I am immediately convicted of the thoughts I just had about doing an emotional "Z for Zorro" on that brother or sister of mine who has forgotten Him for the moment. Mostly, I find myself responding with love and with words that are spoken to bring the moment back to Jesus. Sometimes this works, other times the EO is too wrapped up in their own flesh to allow God's peace to speak to them through His Spirit. Sometimes I end up blowing it completely. [:(] But I know He is patient with me and gives me ample opportunity to walk humbly and at peace with man. Hmmmm yep, that other thread... May I say, I have really appreciated and grown in my walk with the Lord as I have read some of the postings here. Maturity in Christ shows on these boards when I see brothers and sisters post in the peace of God. Blessings, Melanie WOW!!! [sm=thumbsup.gif] Melanie - I was going to welcome you to the threads (based on your post count), but then I saw that you have been around for a couple of years. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Blessings, Sharon-Marie

GroupW -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 11:01:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LifeisGalatians220 As I focus on Jesus' love for me, I am immediately convicted of the thoughts I just had about doing an emotional "Z for Zorro" on that brother .... I particularly liked this part - a very colorful description of what I do to others sometimes. Thanks for the little reminder. BT

Liveloved -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 11:30:13 AM)
If I can offer one word of suggestion. . . even though it is too late (I think) because can a thread subject be changed??? Perhaps the thread title is the problem. "The easily offended" is to cast a label, a derogatory label on someone and that is something I try to avoid doing. . . as it can easily spark defense. So titling the thread something like "Let's talk about being offended" or "Responding when offended" or something like that might have be less offensive in the long run. Actually the thread subject IS a good way for us to process what it means to not give offense. By being careful (although I know we can be so careful that we are paralyzed) about how we state things, we can sometimes avoid difficult situations. And I'm talking to myself here. I live in a Norwegian area and I have to be careful in what I say. I have no Norwegian blood and some of their ethnicity can get under my skin so I have to watch what I say. I don't always.[sm=shakinghead.gif] So that's my story.

crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 11:48:36 AM)
quote: If I can offer one word of suggestion. . . even though it is too late (I think) because can a thread subject be changed??? Perhaps the thread title is the problem. "The easily offended" is to cast a label, a derogatory label on someone and that is something I try to avoid doing. . . as it can easily spark defense. I understand you are being gracious, but I personally don't have a problem with the title. The thread title is a factual title. There are some who are easily offended. At times, all of us are easily offended. If we are taking offense to the title, we probably should examine ourselves a bit.

crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 11:51:42 AM)
I appreciated this: quote: ORIGINAL: LifeisGalatians220 There's something about remembering our Lord's suffering on our behalf that takes all the fight out of me. I don't have to be understood, right, or even responsive to the attack. Which made me ponder-- Sometimes people have a great aversion to conflict, and they see all disagreement as a "fight". As soon as someone disagrees with a thought they have posted or expressed, they get their overalls in a knot thinking that this person is fighting with them in a personal way.

Qtman -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 11:52:18 AM)
Crankius I agree. As far as the thread title goes "If the shoe fits, Wear it".

stellaluna -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 11:58:17 AM)
I know several people who consider themselves victims--everyone is out to get them, everyone hates them, no one understands them, etc. I have learned that trying NOT to offend them is often actually enabling them to remain a victim. There comes a point that you just have to start being responsible for yourself and your reactions to things. I'm not saying that we should all walk around trying to offend people, so don't misunderstand. I am saying that trying not to offend isn't always the loving thing to do if it keeps someone from seeing a truth that needs to be seen. I have pretty thick skin and I don't take very much personally. I'm not important enough to think everything is aimed at me.

crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 12:01:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SonInMe1 I also believe, most of the problem here with people getting offended...is gender realted. Men and women communicate differently and often the confusion generated just by gender differences leads to offence. Men tend to be blunt and factual. Women tend to vent..and look for solace. Neither is wrong. Its just we come from different directions and miscommunication can come about. As a female, I take great offense to your post! [sm=nosestuckup.gif] [sm=redhairsmile.gif] Seriously, there is a difference between how many men post and how many women post. Some of us women though often get mistaken for being a man, so I don't think it's a universal thing.

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