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FROG-FullyRelyOnGod -> Hi (7/2/2008 6:19:27 AM)
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I grew up attending church and went to Christian schools. When I was about 16 I walked away from God. Several awful things had happened in my life by then and I tried to end it all with a couple bottles of pills. I spent the next 10 years believing that surviving was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
About 3 years ago I found myself missing church, and missing the relationship I used to have with God, but after 10 years of calling myself an atheist I felt that there was no way I could return to the flock. I used to be able to quote the Bible, but I don't even know how to read the Bible anymore. I started listening to Christian radio stations and was only getting ministry through music.
I've recently started attending a great church, with an amazing Pastor, but I am ashamed to discuss some of the things from what I now called my "lost years" with him. I've never blogged, been on a forum, or even posted anything online before, but I hope the anonymity of a forum like this will help me to ask some of the questions I have.
I was recently listening to a Casting Crowns song and the 1st verse sums up what I feel in church:
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
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