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RE: Why the urge? - 7/15/2008 10:34:43 AM
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garsyt
Posts: 2278
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: the bottom of the laundry basket
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MC4JC
That is all true, however we have seen the results of kids too fast. Of course a lot of this is non-Christians. I don't think it has to be Bible based to offer advice on waiting to have kids.
We are both Christians and don't understand why you guys are so against waiting. I gave my opinion and believe its sound advice. Song of Solomon is a love story - and it does have Biblical stuff about getting to know each other completely - nothing about getting pregnant and having kids right away - but nurturing the love between the new husband and wife WITHOUT kids involved.
Yes its in God's timing, but still think its sound advice for any newlywed couple.
I don't think it's a problem with being "against waiting." Many folks wait and have wonderful relationships and wonderful children and their family lives are wonderful too.
BUT I also know many many long wonderful marriages between a man and a woman that had children early on. In fact I know several couples that fit into both catagories.
There are several right in my own family. My parents, for example, had my older sister 10 months after being married and after only dating 6 months prior to that. (unfortunately they also had to endured the loss of that baby only 6 months later) 6 more children later all within 15 years, and they've been married 42 1/2 years now, happily. They travel together, are in business together, work at the same factory together, and still enjoy each other's company. Friends of mine were married for 5 years before their first baby arrived on his mother's 29th birthday. They then had 3 more babies ( a set of twins and a single) within then next 4 years. They celebrated 17 years a couple of weeks ago. My brother and his wife are waiting - but for medical reasons. They've been married just a couple years now, but they plan on starting as soon as they get the "good to go" from my SIL's doctor. Of course they've been married for 2 years but have known each other for at least 6 years now and she's seen my brother through his worst and he's seen her through her worst and trust me their worst is enough to blow anybodies minds! I'm impressed that they made it - but it's only because of the grace of God.
It's the assumption that one way HAS to be RIGHTand the other way of doing things HAS to be WRONG
If a couple is in prayer about this and has their answer from God himself - who can say what they are doing and the outcome of that is wrong?
The relationship between a husband and wife, while changed at the arrival of a child, isn't doomed by the arrival of said child early in the marriage, just as it is not doomed if children never come. It's the work the couple themselves put into the relationship, THROUGHOUT the marriage - not just before or after children.
Blessings,
Garsy
_____________________________
My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/15/2008 10:42:37 AM
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karlie
Posts: 16933
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Central California
Status: online
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quote:
If a couple is in prayer about this and has their answer from God himself - who can say what they are doing and the outcome of that is wrong?
The relationship between a husband and wife, while changed at the arrival of a child, isn't doomed by the arrival of said child early in the marriage, just as it is not doomed if children never come. It's the work the couple themselves put into the relationship, THROUGHOUT the marriage - not just before or after children.
Great post, Garsy 
_____________________________
You can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/17/2008 2:42:04 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 8685
Joined: 6/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: justjennhere
at the OP's original assumption that it was WRONG for anyone to get married with the intention of having children immediately. (I'm not sure that he stated this clearly or if it was just implied through his questioning of why anyone would have children so soon after tying the knot, then stating that he wouldn't do that, as if it was morally wrong.)
I NEVER said having children, at any point in time, was wrong. I have clearly said that my desires are to wait, and we've agreed on that. Ultimately, God will decide the timing, there's nothing I can do to prevent that.
But I would like to wait as long as possible, nevertheless.
I did, however, say it was wrong for one's motive to marry is to solely gain a child from it. That should never be the primary reason any couple marries. You could end up disappointed with such intentions.
quote:
It's a real shame when we have to defend our belief that children are a blessing, even early on in marriage.
I beg you, point out one occasion where I said something in the opposition.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/17/2008 2:43:22 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 8685
Joined: 6/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I can honestly say that pregnancy and caring for a child has had a significant effect on my libido. It's been a struggle, quite honestly.
That is something I definitely don't look forward to.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/17/2008 8:57:52 AM
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justjennhere
Posts: 112
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
quote:
ORIGINAL: justjennhere
at the OP's original assumption that it was WRONG for anyone to get married with the intention of having children immediately. (I'm not sure that he stated this clearly or if it was just implied through his questioning of why anyone would have children so soon after tying the knot, then stating that he wouldn't do that, as if it was morally wrong.)
I NEVER said having children, at any point in time, was wrong. I have clearly said that my desires are to wait, and we've agreed on that. Ultimately, God will decide the timing, there's nothing I can do to prevent that.
But I would like to wait as long as possible, nevertheless.
I did, however, say it was wrong for one's motive to marry is to solely gain a child from it. That should never be the primary reason any couple marries. You could end up disappointed with such intentions.
quote:
It's a real shame when we have to defend our belief that children are a blessing, even early on in marriage.
I beg you, point out one occasion where I said something in the opposition.
My apologies. I see that you didn't come right out and say this in no uncertain terms. I think the general attitude towards children early on in marriage in your post, reinforced by other posters who felt similarly, led me to conclude that you had this view to some degree. If you don't -- great! Just trying to give some reasons WHY a couple might marry, seemingly with just the intention of having children.
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