Do you get along with your mom?

Do you get along with your mom? (Full Version)

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Bubblegum051 -> Do you get along with your mom? (7/11/2008 10:47:22 PM)
My mom and I have never gotten along since the day I was born, it seems. We are so different. We have different personalities, different interests, nothing at all in common. Since I don't share the same qualities with her, she looks down on me and says the meanest, most hateful things to me. I finally told her that it is probably best if we just don't communicate anymore, as it just ends up with both of us upset every time we're together or talk. I've tried to forgive her, but it is so hard. Does anyone else have this with their mothers? Sue

Bubblegum051 -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/11/2008 10:50:00 PM)
I should have said I'm 40 and she's 65. Sue

lightshineon -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 12:26:02 AM)
Before my family became born again, I hated mom, she was so mean. Then truthfully I became born agian as did my household ten years ago. I love mama now, she is the kindest, sweetest woman to me. I love her so much, and she loves me. we were nominal Christians before 10 years ago. There ishope, ask the Lord how, he is aGod of restoration.

TorchHeart -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 12:39:01 AM)
My mom is usually the eternal optimist. I get along with her, even though I don't always see the world the same way she does. She's always had faith in me, though. She used to say that she believed I was destined for something great. Well, so much for living up to expectations. [:D]

deermousie -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 2:01:25 AM)
I hear ya, Bubblegum. My mother couldn't talk to me without reminding me that I had ugly skin color (she was Mediterranean and tried very hard not to be. I was born dark skinned, and she never forgave me for it). Her "script" was that I was stupid and immoral. It really hurt because my IQ was higher than hers, and I was the only moral person in the family. So no matter how kind I was to her or what I accomplished (first college grad in the family, first professional, etc.), I was met with insults and discourtesy. If I tried to talk to her about it, she'd talk over me and tell me in detail what she had for lunch. She never admitted to being wrong about anything. So she was hard to carry on a conversation with, because everything she talked about was based on her twisted view of family and reality and no one was allowed to dispute it. I basically just listened and enjoyed what little there was there. I would talk to her on the phone on a regular basis but with short conversations. We'd take her out to dinner on special days and just grin and bear it. Agreeing with a liar is being a liar, and it finally came down to we had to tell the truth. We were trying to deal with a brick wall, and it was either play along with the craziness, or tell the truth and eventually tick her off. We can make sure our parents have food and a roof over their heads. If they need care we can go do it for them, or hire someone to do it. Sometimes taking care of their physical bodies is all you can hope for. I'm guessing that you, like me, decided that this nonsense ended with our generation, and that you will never do this to your kids. That makes us a "pivot" generation - the one God uses to turn the family around. May God bless all of us who choose to leave the craziness behind and walk with Him in His truth and love, even while caring for the people who in a sense have failed us. We forgive, move on, and trust God to fill the holes in our hearts. And take the old gal out for ice cream.

gobucks2073 -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 9:51:46 AM)
I don't know what I would do without my MOM.I can talk to her about anything and she always seems to have the right answer.

woodsandfield -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 10:27:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bubblegum051 My mom and I have never gotten along since the day I was born, it seems. We are so different. We have different personalities, different interests, nothing at all in common. Since I don't share the same qualities with her, she looks down on me and says the meanest, most hateful things to me. I finally told her that it is probably best if we just don't communicate anymore, as it just ends up with both of us upset every time we're together or talk. I've tried to forgive her, but it is so hard. Does anyone else have this with their mothers? Sue Hi Bubblegum, Do you look a great deal like your dad or if not are you more like his side of the family? I know it doesn't sound right, but if you remind her of a in-law she doesn't care for, that could be the basis of her dislike! ( go figure !) She might be a left brain person; all order and practical; and you might be a right brain or middle of the road person. Look at Martha and Mary in the Bible when Jesus came to visit. Martha was criticizing Mary for sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to what he had to say instead of helping Martha with the practical stuff ( serving). I would check out what Jesus had to say. It could be that simple; if she didn't care for you much since you were a small child. Other things could come into play besides that: other siblings, her age and how she spends her time. For an example: if there are other siblings; she might not want to spend too much time with a baby and resents you for what she feels she had to do. Or she might have wanted more time traveling, socializing then taking care of a baby. These are just ideals, not conclusions. But remember this God loves you and you were created for his pleasure. (REV) and God is no respecter of persons.

NotDoneYet -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 11:48:56 AM)
NO!!! My mother and I have never "clicked". She wanted the quiet, petite, girly-girl who'd end up working and living in a big city...instead she got the rowdy, not petite, tomboy who likes cars, science stuff, loud music, and works in the engineering field. She is emotional, I am logical. She has lots of friends, I am a loner. She still thinks I am totally incompetent to raise a hamster, let alone children. And now I am her caretaker...it ain't fun. NDY

beachcooky -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 12:35:27 PM)
For the majority of the time, I do get along with her. But a lot of the times, she treats me very differently from the rest of the family. But I wouldn't know what I would have done without my mom there. Seriously.

saraimay75 -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 6:57:15 PM)
Yes I do. Although I understood her more after I got my best friend who is just like my mother.

bzirk -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 7:14:53 PM)
I've been to each end of the spectrum with my mother. When I was growing up, we were so close, and we remained that way until my early 20s when she started getting weird on me. The weirdness was in essence her extreme emotional dependence on me. She came from a family with severe emotional problems (read that: rampant mental illness). Of her and her seven siblings, five of them have been insitutionalized for mental issues (including her). She'd had a pretty severe mental breakdown when I was three to four years old, and my dad did everything he could to get her help. He did get help, but he spent most of the time he was married to her (until his death) having a difficult time dealing with her. I guess he could have just left her, but he didn't, and I'm glad he didn't. Anyway, it was a drain at times, and I didn't realize how really bad things were until I moved out of the house and got some perspective. This is when my problems with my mother began to occur. She really cut me off emotionally, and I didn't know what to make of this. It took me years to understand it. She also turned to alcohol little by little and was an alcoholic about 5 years into that. I would have been about 30 at the time. It took me another 18 years to come to grips with her being an alcoholic. If someone had told me I would be doing that when I was 20 or 30 or even 40, I wouldn't have believed it. My mother was always so moral, and she did do a lot for me and a lot for other people, and she just had a lot of redeeming qualities (and still does). But she was very codependent, and about wore my dad out -- but of course he let her. The crux of her problem lay in not trusting the Lord as she should have and in receiving condemnation from her parents and continually walking in that and trying to overcome it in her own power. That's what made her a continual overachiever. I'm glad to say that she is recovering from that. I'm not down on her for it taking so long, because I'm horrified at the things she's endured and very thankful for the Lord keeping His hand on her even when she was not responding quickly. Now we've come full circle and for the last year and a half have been working back towards what we were years ago but on healthier terms. Thank you, Lord!

bzirk -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 7:17:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bubblegum051 My mom and I have never gotten along since the day I was born, it seems. We are so different. We have different personalities, different interests, nothing at all in common. Since I don't share the same qualities with her, she looks down on me and says the meanest, most hateful things to me. I finally told her that it is probably best if we just don't communicate anymore, as it just ends up with both of us upset every time we're together or talk. I've tried to forgive her, but it is so hard. Does anyone else have this with their mothers? Sue Sue, I read a book a few years ago that really helped me. It's called I Should Forgive But... by Chuck Lynch. The author, who is a pastor in Kansas, deals with what the scriptures actually say about forgiveness and what they don't say. The thing that helped me so much was dealing with the wrong definitions so many of us have of forgiveness. It was eye opening.

Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 7:19:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bubblegum051 My mom and I have never gotten along since the day I was born, it seems. We are so different. We have different personalities, different interests, nothing at all in common. Since I don't share the same qualities with her, she looks down on me and says the meanest, most hateful things to me. I finally told her that it is probably best if we just don't communicate anymore, as it just ends up with both of us upset every time we're together or talk. I've tried to forgive her, but it is so hard. Does anyone else have this with their mothers? Sue I had that trouble until long after the day she died, Sue. Sometimes, people are just ~~hard~~ impossible to get along with. I wish, however, that I had been able to take care of it before she died, but while I can say that I tried, she would not allow it. My mother's and my relationship was similar to yours with your mother: I never liked her, and the love I had for her was similar to that I have for strangers: I reach out to strangers who needed help, but after I have helped them, we go our separate ways, never longing to kindle a relationship. Mother was also jealous of the relationship I had with Father, and she did everything she could to dissolve it. She succeeded when I was in my late thirties. He and I never had any relationship since then; rather, he denied that I was his offspring three times. I found that to be interesting, because in doing so, he degraded the woman he was trying to protect. But fortunately, G-d gave me good parents-in-law -- two sets, in fact: with my first husband and with my present husband. I have been blessed. If you look for someone, you will likely find someone to fill the shoes your mother refuses to wear -- if you want that.

bzirk -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 7:24:06 PM)
Abiyah, I'm sorry that happened to you. I think that coming to the conclusion that another should fill our mothers' shoes is so personal. I'm not sure I would advise that, but frankly, it's hard not to speak from my own experience, and it's hard to even imagine someone filling my mother's shoes -- warts and all. But then I'm aware that's my experience. Just thinking out loud and not calling into question what you've said at all.

Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 7:50:46 PM)
Oh, of course, my friend Bzirk! I understand! I also have had to learn the down-side of allowing someone to fill the shoes G-d did not place them in. I just forget that a lot, because it is painful and recently-learned. I have had to let Mom (my first husband's mother) off the hook, because I realized that I was expecting too much of her. I have completely let her off the hook, but I still love her. It's just that I now understand the natural abyss that must be between us. I forget at times. I really wanted her to be my Mom.

bzirk -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 8:07:52 PM)
Oh, I understand so well. It truly is so painful. I took 20 years to grieve something I didn't have any longer, and sometimes I've wondered if I ever did have it.

Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 8:11:21 PM)
Yeah -- you understand. [sm=s14.gif]

lightshineon -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 8:20:45 PM)
I think it is really hard to balance ourselves as moms, when our mom was unbalanced. We can either be cold, or, over protective making little princes or princess out of our kids. Not in every case I am sure, I just see my mother in myself, before we all became born again, if I am not careful.

bzirk -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 8:34:22 PM)
Good point, Light. I'm constantly aware of trying to keep focus on what the Lord would have instead of just trying to be completely different. I also have realized that I would be throwing the baby out with the bathwater to be completely different from my mother.

Roberta_ -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/12/2008 8:38:16 PM)
My birthmom- no. We didn't get along until we were reunited, which was about a year and a half before she passed away. My mom- we didn't used to get along. She looks a lot like my birth mom and acted a lot like her. We've been working on our relationship for about the last five years. We're still not close, but we are working on things.

PatricksPeaches -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/13/2008 12:59:49 AM)
My mom and I are very alike. We have had our share of arguments but being so much alike helps to understand the other. She doesn't judge me for my life choices even though she is not a christian and I am. She just wants me to be safe and happy. Most of my family issues come from my one sister who only wants to judge me and not try to understand me.

stampinlady -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/13/2008 8:08:40 PM)
Get along, hmmmmm .... . I've been keeping my distance from both parents for the last few years and am now just seeing my mother for who she is and I'm not liking her one bit. Oh, we get together for birthdays and holidays, but seeing/talking to them weekly is out right now. We're all believers, but I'm very confused in how they incorporate Christ in their daily living and attitudes. I've made my attitude a prayer issue and know that God is working on our relationship, just not sure whats going on at the moment. This is gonna sound bad, but I don't see a need for them in my life at this moment. [:o]

sunshine4God -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/13/2008 11:29:51 PM)
I am very close to my Mom and she is like a best friend to me.I am blessed to have her as a Mom.[:D]

mayfly -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/13/2008 11:41:20 PM)
I wish I could, but I really really don't get along with her. She stole a number of things from me (most of my worldly possessions, not to mention my two beloved dogs) and she is very anti-Christian. Perhaps someday we will be able to get along, but for now it's a lot healthier for us to keep our distance.

BLUIENAVYGIRLIE3 -> RE: Do you get along with your mom? (7/15/2008 10:39:11 PM)
Hello, I can relate to your situation with mother... My mother had me when she was age 17.... She didn't really want me to be born... She almost had me aborted but thankfully my step grandmother "saved" me... She told my mother that my aunt can raise me if she don't want to raise me herself... But she decided to keep & raise me herself in the end... She didn't raise me that well... She punished me terribly such as slapping me on my rear with anything she would have hands on such as belts, rulers, cords, hangers, etc... as my punishments big or small or even at times when I was actually innocent... She even humiliates me in front of anyone she pleases to tell She even humiliated me in front of my husband(boyfriend/fiance at that time) when she met him for the first time! She didn't teach me much skills such as cooking, sewing, any womanly stuff when she was raising me... She thinks that I may set up the home on fire if she ever lets me to cook on the stove... She only allows me to use microwave if I want to cook something... She didn't even teach me how to drive because she told me that she has no patience... When I was too much for her to handle she sends me to places such as hospital, special school, etc... so it would be less burdens for her... She had 2 more children after me out of wedlock as well plus different father... She isn't a Christian plus she isn't even a moral mother at all! I wished many times that I would have either good parents or a mother who would treat me in the right way & teach me about everything... When I met my husband, I met his mother... She was a wonderful moral mother... Since I don't connect that well with my mother like normal mothers and daughters should.... It is hard for me to connect with others such as my husband, his family, etc... I did try to connect with my mother when I got older... She seemed to be abit better but mostly still have the same old personalities/traits/attitudes/etc... Cassie

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