Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (Full Version)

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willfs -> Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/12/2008 12:47:26 PM)

I have heard girls who get offended when some guys say they want a girl with a certain amount or type of physical beauty.

I have heard guys who get offended when some girl says that she wants a guy with a certain level of financial stability.

Do you think its because the groups who are offended fear that this person is speaking for everyone of the opposite sex? But not all guys have physical attraction at the top of their list and every guy is different in what he finds attractive. And not all women have financial security at the top of their list; furthermore, each girl has her own idea of what financial security means.

So outside of faith and character traits; couldn't it all be about personal taste?

If a girl wants a guy with a heaping load of confidence then Mr. Introvert just won't do it for her; however, Mr. Introvert might just have a goofy sense of humor that some other gal adores.

The same is true with just about any trait you want to name.

I heard two singles argueing. One said that physical attraction is important to who you want to marry. The other person said it wasn't and this person pointed to a couple who married based on others characteristics besides phyisical appearance. Couldn't it be about personal taste?

I agree that there are some traits we all need in ourselves and we all need to look for in those we date and marry. These traits have to do with our character and faith. We should all strive to grow in our love of the Lord and we should look for the same in a mate. But we all don't have to wear stylish clothing, have a great sense of humor or the same sense of humor, look like David Hasselhoff, love the outdoors, love to travel, love to dress up as Star Wars characters on the weekend, like churches with a rocking band, ....etc....

And we all don't have to look for individuals with the same set of personality/physical/emotional traits.

I am willing to over look a wide variety of flaws in who I date. However, there are some things that I can't overlook that are outside the realm of faith and character. Its not that I wouldn't want to be friends with those individuals. I just don't want to date them.



ChoirDJ -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/12/2008 1:23:35 PM)

Finding a marriage partner is a lot like shopping for or selling a home. The caveat is that you are the buyer and the seller at the same time. As the buyer, you keep in mind the things you "need" and the "wants" are the icing on the cake to make that home even more attractive. Those needs and wants vary from person to person. As the seller, it's important to keep your demands reasonable given the condition of your home. You will price yourself out of the market for a potentially great match if you are overly demanding in what you are looking for in a partner. Now, you have a right to put as many demands on the list as you please but those demands could keep your house on that market indefinitely. Should we settle? No. Should we be reasonable on the list of demands instead of setting the bar so high? Absolutely. It's unreasonable for the average Joe to expect to marry a supermodel. This only happens in the movies. Conversely, most men would probably not be willing to marry into a ready-made family, depending on the circumstances of course. Now I was one of the men who did but I would think long and hard before going down that road again because of some of the challenges it presented.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/12/2008 4:12:54 PM)

I would rather hear a guy tell me upfront he's not interested in me because of looks, shape, personality etc... than for him to date me for months and then tell me he's not interested in me for the aforementioned reasons!

As for it being about personal taste... it's possible --- I've known so many guys/girls
who dated/married someone because of them being good looking & having money!
I tried to talk a girl friend out of getting married because she was marrying the guy because he had a great job/money - No, she didn't listen and the marriage didn't last!
It's a shame ... at the time she was about 35 and had been married 5 times!



Auben -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/12/2008 7:36:12 PM)

People are usually upset with those things because they have hurt them in the past (ie someone didn't chose them because they thought they could do better).

Personally I think both of those reasons are severely limiting to your dating pool. Sure you can wait and only date gorgeous girls or rich guys but don't stand around whining to me that there is 'no one to date.' [:D] You're doing it to yourself.



bzirk -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/12/2008 7:46:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Auben

People are usually upset with those things because they have hurt them in the past (ie someone didn't chose them because they thought they could do better).

Personally I think both of those reasons are severely limiting to your dating pool. Sure you can wait and only date gorgeous girls or rich guys but don't stand around whining to me that there is 'no one to date.' [:D] You're doing it to yourself.


[:D] Yeah.



rgod -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/12/2008 11:53:07 PM)

quote:

People are usually upset with those things because they have hurt them in the past (ie someone didn't chose them because they thought they could do better).


I totally agree with this!



ebony101 -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/13/2008 6:24:22 AM)

It is a lot about personal taste, but let's face a certain unpleasant truth: You won't date somebody if you're not attracted to them. You've got to have some reason to want to go out with them. And whether you're a man or a woman - let's face it, if you don't look good then the person will not want to go out with you. So we've all got to make an effort to make ouselves appealing.

Now, I'm not saying that you have to make drastic changes to yourself - NO - then you'd be marketing a fake you. Certain things like basic hygiene and avoiding ill-fitting clothes (if it's fashionable, but not flattering - then don't wear it) could make a difference in getting a yes or a no.

Once you get the initial go ahead then personal taste will come into play - you either like the person and enjoy their company, conversation and wit or you don't.

[;)] P.S. The market should have availables.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/14/2008 10:02:59 AM)

Of course personal tastes matter.


My best friend is the kind of woman who prefers looks first. She won't consider a man she isn't physically attracted to.

Me on the other hand am extremely attracted to brainy men. Or geeks to put it bluntly. [8D] Looks aren't as important but they do matter somewhat. I always find myself attacted to someone's mind and personality before I am attracted to his physical being.

*shrug*



willfs -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/14/2008 5:44:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Auben

Sure you can wait and only date gorgeous girls or rich guys but don't stand around whining to me that there is 'no one to date.' [:D] You're doing it to yourself.



I think one could be too perfectionistic in what they are looking for. However, I would much rather be single for the rest of my life than settle for someone who I am not attracted to. I think this is smart. If I can't find someone, its not that I am "doing it too myself." I have tried dating(hanging out to get to know) girls who I don't find that attractive and continue to do so. I really don't think it works and I THINK that most women want to be attractive to their guy. If I can't find someone its because I just can't find someone. It very well could be because the dating pool is small or whatever.

If it makes me feel better, can't I whine?[sm=hammerhead.gif]



free-to-worship -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/14/2008 8:27:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

I am willing to over look a wide variety of flaws in who I date. However, there are some things that I can't overlook that are outside the realm of faith and character. Its not that I wouldn't want to be friends with those individuals. I just don't want to date them.

Wow, this is the same point I have been trying to make and share with a lot of people. It is okay to have personal taste, every individual knows what they like in the opposite sex, and there is nothing wrong with that. Faith and character should be absolutes for every single Christian when considering dating and/or marriage. Let's face it, we all like who we like. We are all individuals with different taste, and everyone of us has flaws, whether we can readily see them or not. The person who looks for the perfect person has probably already missed out on a great person.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/15/2008 3:56:07 AM)

quote:

I would rather hear a guy tell me upfront he's not interested in me because of looks, shape, personality etc... than for him to date me for months and then tell me he's not interested in me for the aforementioned reasons!


Ditto to that! I always say a girl whose guy/husband who can honestly tell her how attractive she is to him is going to be a lot happier then a woman who senses she is just being tolerated is going to be. And that goes beyond looks. If you choose to date someone who let's say, is a good artist, but you really admire good piano players more, and art bores you to death, then that makes no sense. Date the piano player, kwim? I don't think it's bad people are attracted to certain things..God can use those things to bring people together. Ok, the rich guy one is probably bad, because God does speak against materialism, but on the other hand, it is not wrong to want a guy to be the type of guy that would be a good, hard working, obedient employee, and a good money manager, in other words responsible. If a guy wants extra income, then he should date a career women, but if he wants a homemaker wife, then he should date a woman inclined that way.

I have seen married couple settle just not to be single, and then been very unhappy, while people that were honest with themselves, have been happier even if they had to wait longer and/or not marry at all.



preserved -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/15/2008 6:22:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ebony101

It is a lot about personal taste, but let's face a certain unpleasant truth: You won't date somebody if you're not attracted to them. You've got to have some reason to want to go out with them. And whether you're a man or a woman - let's face it, if you don't look good then the person will not want to go out with you. So we've all got to make an effort to make ouselves appealing.

Now, I'm not saying that you have to make drastic changes to yourself - NO - then you'd be marketing a fake you. Certain things like basic hygiene and avoiding ill-fitting clothes (if it's fashionable, but not flattering - then don't wear it) could make a difference in getting a yes or a no.

Once you get the initial go ahead then personal taste will come into play - you either like the person and enjoy their company, conversation and wit or you don't.

[;)] P.S. The market should have availables.


I agree with ebony101....If a man is not pleasing to me in looks...He's will be as a friend nothing more. However, I also do not fall head over heels just because he looks good either...There are a lot of "pretty boys" who think they are that and then some...The personality would then be what I look for next



slushie -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 1:48:19 PM)

I agree. I want to be attracted to my future husband. That doesn't mean that I'm going to marry someone who looks like Superman, though. Some guy who may look ugly to one girl may look like he came from heaven to another, if you know what I mean.



Auben -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 2:34:26 PM)

Interesting points all.

I dated a friend that I didn't find attractive (not that there was anything wrong with him he just didn't fit my list..too short, too young, too thin, etc). I became attracted to him over the course of a few months and 13 years later we're married and still very attracted to each other. To this day I can't figure out why I didn't see it immediately.

I knew that who he was as a person worked (mentally) before I felt us click (physically) and we kept everything low key. We grew together.

I don't really feel like I settled and we seem to be much happier then a lot of our friends who started out with incredible physical attraction right off the bat.

Not that I'm saying go out and start dating your best opposite sex friend or anything. Just that people aren't nearly as flexible as they think they are. Most people give up if there isn't an immediate spark. Most people immediately categorize others into friend, foe, dating material and don't seek out like minds to grow with.



bzirk -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 2:34:46 PM)

I think the problem comes in when people do not even let themselves get to know someone (even as just a good friend) if they don't like the way the person looks. Yet there are people who become very attractive and down right hot just from the personality they exude. I know for some people it's hard to picture that, but it does happen. [8D]



shadowspring -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 2:41:56 PM)

quote:

Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste?


Probably, but relying on instant attraction may not be your best bet for a long term love affair.

I was not instantly attracted to my husband. My initial response was not flattering to him at all. It's kind of embarrassing to think of now, but I pretty much wrote him off as a dork.

However, over time I got to know him as a person and I really respected him. Respect became admiration, and eventually attraction.

Now my dh is one fine fifty year old who runs every day and takes good care of himself. He is way more attractive than many who were considered good looking back when we were all in our twenties.

I made Psalm 112 my prayer for a husband. Looks are not mentioned one time in that Psalm.

Believe me, it is hard enough to find a man who "fears the Lord and takes great delight in His commands" without demanding a certain look/style/body/hair color/etc. [;)]



shadowspring -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 2:46:17 PM)

quote:

while people that were honest with themselves, have been happier even if they had to wait longer and/or not marry at all.


I can so agree with that! I would rather be unmarried forever than be married to a luke-warm believer, or a lazy undisciplined man.

It matters not at all how handsome a man might be if he fails the Psalm 112 test. [:'(]

Trust me sisters! It is much better to remain single than to marry a fool. It only takes ten minutes on the marriage forum to figure that one out. [&:]

(Ditto for my brothers, but switch out the genders in the above comments. [;))



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 3:11:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

quote:

Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste?


Probably, but relying on instant attraction may not be your best bet for a long term love affair.

I was not instantly attracted to my husband. My initial response was not flattering to him at all. It's kind of embarrassing to think of now, but I pretty much wrote him off as a dork.

However, over time I got to know him as a person and I really respected him. Respect became admiration, and eventually attraction.

Now my dh is one fine fifty year old who runs every day and takes good care of himself. He is way more attractive than many who were considered good looking back when we were all in our twenties.

I made Psalm 112 my prayer for a husband. Looks are not mentioned one time in that Psalm.

Believe me, it is hard enough to find a man who "fears the Lord and takes great delight in His commands" without demanding a certain look/style/body/hair color/etc. [;)]


So, so true!!!!!!



bluestone -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 3:17:53 PM)

The problem with looks and money is that they can fade away.
Will your marriage fail if she puts on weight, or he goes bald and his teeth no longer shine?

Getting to know someone normally makes them more attractive. Only dating brain surgeons or barbie dolls really limits your chances. And always take a good look in the mirror. If you only ask out models, and you are a troll, you need a better game plan.[;)]



shadowspring -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 5:17:01 PM)

quote:

If you only ask out models, and you are a troll, you need a better game plan.
ROFLOL!!!



slushie -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/16/2008 8:31:31 PM)

Well, I guess to be interested in someone, you have to be attracted to him in some way. [:D]

ROFL, bluestone!!!!!!!



willfs -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/17/2008 12:46:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Auben
I dated a friend that I didn't find attractive.....

...... I became attracted to him over the course of a few months and 13 years later we're married and still very attracted to each other.




quote:

ORIGINAL: bzirk
Yet there are people who become very attractive and down right hot just from the personality they exude. I know for some people it's hard to picture that, but it does happen. [8D]



quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

Probably, but relying on instant attraction may not be your best bet for a long term love affair.




quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone
Getting to know someone normally makes them more attractive. Only dating brain surgeons or barbie dolls really limits your chances.



This brings up another topic - how and when to know that someone is someone you would like. I really think its about personal taste/personal preference/ personal choice even in that case. I still "get to know" girls, even if they aren't the prettiest girls I know. I give some girls a chance even though I have some reservations. Some of them I don't. I choose kinda based on how much I like what I know of her, how much I feel like giving a girl a chance, how convenient it would be to date her (does she live three hours away). I don't think anyone should fault me or judge me saying, "you should give so and so more of a chance." I have had people who challenge me with stuff like, "Why dont you date this person." I just didn't like them and didn't want to. Years later, after really getting to know them - I still don't.

Maybe I shouldn't bring this out but all of the quotes above about not liking the person until after getting to know them almost always pertain to women. I had a lady tell me that I should give a certain girl (who liked me) a chance. She told me about her husband who she just didn't like after the first date with him but after the first date he was sure he would marry her. She told me how getting to know him changed her mind. She said the same might be true with me. I pointed out that her husband knew on the first date (I hear this all the time from guys) while it took her awhile and she eventually became attracted (I hear all the time from women). I don't just date supermodels but I have to have a certain amount of physical attraction toward her or it just won't work. Believe me I have tried and tried to force it with girls who I didn't find attractive and it just doesn't work. Now after I get to know I also look for other things like a personality I will like as well as values that are compatible with mine.



bzirk -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/17/2008 10:41:05 AM)

There's no question that personal preference comes into play, and that's fine. It's when people are os rigid (read that: somewhat unrealistic) in their perosnal preferences that a problem can occur.



fantom -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/17/2008 11:47:02 AM)

Of course it's about personal taste.


I had some female friends in HS and college that were beautiful, funny, smart.... all the right stuff but I wasn't attracted to them for girlfriends. Some of my male friends didn't understand if I COULD date _____, why I didn't.

I was immediately attracted to my wife even though at the time I met her, my best friend was interested in her so she was off limits. That changed and we started dating.

I love cousin's wife dearly but I would never have dated her. My cousin clearly was attracted to someone different than I .... personal taste.

My wife was friends with my cousin before I met her. She thought he was funny and smart and all but she knew she wouldn't be a good match for him. Before she and I dated, they celebrated her birthday together and she had great time, when she got home she told her mom that she hoped that ___ would always be in her life but she couldn't imagine how... and then she ended up being his cousin-in-law.



LkM07 -> RE: Do you think that who you are attracted to is alot about personal taste? (7/17/2008 1:22:50 PM)

what a great thread. Here is my 2 cents..
My opinion/experience matches a few of those above. I think personal preference can play a part ok BUT it should not hinder us from keeping an open mind, open heart to God leading in who we should be with... You need to be attracted to who you are with no doubt, but you can sometimes be suprised that the preferences you thought you had that would never change could change, so in other words, dont give them too much value. The most important value naturally as we have beat in the head so far IS Faith values, and Character.

My story is this. I seemed to always be attracted to tall, blonde, athletic, or talented guys, with a cleaver goofy sense of humor, Looks naturally caught my eye too. Even as a teenager I managed to learn that looks shouldnt be too important so I dated a couple different guys who impressed me with a variety of all my other prefs but were a bit overweight, or not overly attractive. They caught my eye with their tallent, charm, and sense of humor, but lacked character, and faith... as you can imagine I went through ALOT of trial and error seeking guys that route. Lots of pain, guilt, and .. well id say waisted time BUT I learned SO MUCH about what really matters in a mate.

My husband was right under my nose for years, I also saw him and a nice genuine guy, who I respected but thought he was a big dork, and he was :) I was forced to get to know him better (Thankfully) through us being in a group together, that is when things started to Change. I started to see how genuine he was, kind, compassionate, and.. goofy (a little more goofy than typically liked but it worked). He isnt athletic, doesnt have a huge talent to bloat, but his character and faith are amazing. I grew attracted to him easily after seeing who he really was. He is a good looking guy, only thing he lacked back then was fashion sense but I still fell for him despite that AND we have taken care of that now that I do his shopping ;) LOL!



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