I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (Full Version)

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RubySparkles -> I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 6:33:19 PM)

I got off the bus this afternoon and was aware of a man on my right looking at me as I walked toward my house. He spoke to me & I totally freaked out. I kind of turned and glanced at him and gave a weak smile. Then he asked me did I live in the area and I shook my head at him but kept walking.

I'm so dumb. Thinking about it now he was young and spoke quite nicely and I could have talked to him. But I just freaked out at the fact that a stranger was talking to me on the street and automatically thought I needed to get away asap. I usually do this because the men that talk to me are old enough to be my Dad or Granddad. I did the same thing a few years ago. I'm so stupid I should have been friendlier but it was kind of like a reflex action: stranger danger!

The thing is that if he'd approached me at work, at church, at a party anywhere I would have been more comfortable and would have talked to him. I just have a (stupid) thing about guys approaching me on the street. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this? I can just imagine my friends saying he could have been your husband and you just ignored him!

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simplybeautiful -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 6:42:53 PM)

you are not stupid! I would have done the same thing. Just talking to someone on the street might not be safe. Becareful who you talk to. You will find the one.



Pauley464 -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 6:55:40 PM)

I agree. You did the right thing. It is very unwise to tell a complete stranger where you live no matter how politely he spoke.



trainfan -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 7:02:16 PM)

Cautious never equals stupid!



Elena1030 -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 7:03:20 PM)

Pauley and trainfan were far more succinct than I. But perhaps my rationale will help ya, RS.


Sparkly Ruby,

Please do not beat yourself up about that!!

#1. He should not have asked such personal information. Stranger danger, indeed!!

#2. If he really was being merely polite, he could have come up with some other friendly but not intrusive comment or question.

#3. God gives us our "gut" for good reason!!


On the other hand, the incident did get you to reflect about how you respond to men. Am I too skittish at other times when it really would be safe to be a bit more open and friendly and willing to get to know a new person?

God can help you review past experiences and help you know whether you seized up rashly or if your caution was indeed wise and warranted.

And then He can help you formulate some mental approaches to situations that might arise in the future, when you could show yourself a bit more open --- still wisely cautious... but not an ice queen. ;o)


Again, in this instance, you did right. [:)]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 7:33:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trainfan

Cautious never equals stupid!

Exactly.



shemaromans -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 8:32:17 PM)

Instead of focusing on how you reacted today, which was cautious and wise, have you considered the fact that a man approached you to talk to you? How cool is that? Someone--a man--noticed you and struck up a conversation! Granted, we don't know his intentions, but it should show you that men exist that are interested in you. And if men are interested in you, then the possibility of you marrying someday exists. [:D]



saraimay75 -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 9:07:33 PM)

Ruby, you were not stupid. I take the bus also. I never tell a strange man were I live.
If he asks me how I am. I say fine
If he ask me where I am going I say I am going to meet a friend.



rgod -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 9:19:29 PM)

Ruby,

I'm echoing what everyone else said here. You did the right thing. I think that most well-meaning men, who understand what kind of world that we live in, would never ask a woman right off the bat where she lives. (What is the whole purpose of that?) Actually he would say hi, make some sort of small talk, and at the most, might want to see if you'd like to meet him at a coffee shop or would give you his phone number (so that you can call him since to give him your phone number would be dangerous) or something like that. That sounds a bit creepy to me. (He might be a good guy, but you have no way of knowing.)

I think your gut was right, and that God used that to protect you. So don't beat yourself up. And I don't think that God is going to have you miss out on your husband in such an arbitrary manner.

rgod



Prairiehiker -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 9:33:02 PM)

Ruby, I'm gonna go against the crowd and say that it is a silly thing to do, lol. But I understand. It's not easy to do something you're not used to doing. Having a stranger just come up and talk to you can be nerve racking if you're not used to it. But if you want to meet people, you have to learn to welcome these things and eventually, it'll get easier. Remember, we're all strangers at one point.

So next time it happens, just smile, and relax and talk to him/her and be friendly, but not overly friendly. He could be a psycho for all you know. Don't give any personal information. Just continue with the small talk. Who knows where it might lead.

Being too cautious isn't the best way to live. At times, you gotta learn to take some risks. Having said that, I totally understand how you reacted. I've been there. I'm not like that anymore. In fact, I'm always the stranger that approach people where ever I meet them, whether it's on the trail or the parking lot or a book store. I wasn't always like that, but I've learned and it's actually quite fun, even uplifting at times, to talk to a total stranger. You never know the difference you've made in their lives. When I'm at my lowest points, even just a smile from a total stranger can create something positive in me.



gaylel1 -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 10:13:33 PM)

If a guy approches me, I give him the number of TBN (Trinty Broadcasting Network).

It works every time, believe me, hoping they get a clue..



Mrs.Above_All -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 10:17:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gaylel1

If a guy approches me, I give him the number of TBN (Trinty Broadcasting Network).

It works every time, believe me, hoping they get a clue..


[:D]

Somehow this is funny to me.

Ditto on what Elena said. Asking where you live is not wise.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/14/2008 11:31:39 PM)

Hi Ruby,

I agree with many of those here who have said that you made a wise choice in being cautious. I am uncomfortable being approached by a man I don’t know, in an unlikely place as well. I can usually handle it okay, unless my children are with me. There-in lies my problem.
When a man approaches me in public when I am with my children, the first word that pops into my brain is “predator”. They are not all predators, I know this, but I just freak out. I just shared this with you to let you know that you are not alone. [&:]

~Blessings~



TiaT -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/15/2008 8:17:46 AM)


Familiar theme! I've fought those thoughts as well---what if he was the one and I blew it?
I've decided that God is big enough to handle my blunders! His word promises me that His purposes WILL prevail in my life (Pro. 19:21 NIV). This is easy to believe in my head but not to walk out with my feet and emotions.


As to the young man asking if you live in the area, he may be shy and that was the first thought that came to his head but . . . not a wise question. Here's my testimony about such a thing.


One Sunday a man asked the same about me from fellow children's church workers, he made little small talk just, "where does so-n-so live?" It caught them so off-guard, one mentioned the side of town she thought. She had a strange feeling about it and told me. I freaked! It was the same stranger who had opened his arms to me after service some weeks before and asked me to marry him, I didn't even know his name! My brain raced thinking, "This guy's serious but why would he accept a 'no' if he is asking a perfect stranger?" I dragged him to our associate pastor for backup! A most unusual story began to unfold on this man's history: He is (as of 3 years ago, he was still at it) the "town stalker", which I learned from my mom because he had been banned from her workplace for stalking a probation officer. She told my mom to have me becareful and not let him find out my address. He had mailed her threatening letters but refused to sign them as that would be a reason to arrest him. Although several men in my life said that he was harmless, I drove different routes home for a few months. God is faithful and protected me, I trusted Him to do so. Walking wisely with trust in my Creator is necessary in this life.

Today, I don't walk through life in fear but I do have some safeguards for times when I'm caught off-guard, especially since moving to a metro area. The main one is men in my church who are protectors. Any guy who wants to "get to know me better" needs to meet with them first. It shows that I don't stand alone (when face-to-face with my pastor, the "town stalker" started muttering to himself-male presence changed the 'proposal' situation). This gives me an automatic response when approached by any man--"here's _____ #, he's the one to talk with about getting my #." or "do you know _______, he's an adopted dad who likes to know the men that I have coffee with." This gives me room to be friendly without revealing/commiting to more than I want. This also tests for integrity and perseverance on the part of any interested parties. Any potential suitor of good character will understand/appreciate my safety. Strange how it weeds out the weirdos that I used to attract, alas, that's another testimony!

Sorry this is long, being a wise single with purpose is a soapbox of mine!

Ps-more dittos to Elena



ChoirDJ -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/15/2008 2:05:12 PM)

Good post Tia...I like to make it a point to meet unfamiliar people (especially men who seem to only be interested in approaching the women) at church if for nothing else than to watch out for my sisters in Christ. Recently, we had two unfamiliar teenagers come into the building while we were having choir rehearsal and immediately bolted up upstairs where we keep a lot of expensive sound equipment. One of the choir members immediately asked them what they were doing upstairs. They said the wanted to watch the rehearsal (which I personally have no problem with). When this choir member instructed them to watch it from downstairs, they came downstairs and walked right out the building. You want to assume the best about people's motives but you never know in this day and age.



jika -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/15/2008 8:55:54 PM)

Rubysparkles,
when I saw the title what came to mind was, you gave back the ring or he proposed and you said NO. But when I read on, I was like you cant be sure what his intentions were and even if they were as pure and lovely as adove, we all know not every one good turns out to be our spouse and by the way Prairie I agree some risks are worth taking.
Ruby you did well, But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew there strength;



beachcooky -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/16/2008 5:27:58 PM)

Hey girly! I've been approached by men on several occasions. And it's sometimes awkward. For me, I just act like myself. If I get nervous, then so be it. If I dont, then thats alright. But if you get nervous just because a guy took an interest in you, doesn't mean that you're stupid. You're stupid because you didn't know how to react? No. You were nervous. You didn't know WHAT to do. You were taken back because you aren't used to that kind of affection.

Don't beat yourself up over it. It's not worth it. It seriously isn't. You think that's going to be the only man that thinks you're attractive? I doubt that. Theres going to be more opportunities. Way, way more. You need to build up your confidence. You need to get up, each day, and tell yourself that you're beautiful. This is how I got over my shyness and whatnot. And now, when guys approach me, I just talk to them because I got over the awkwardness and whatnot. Except some guys ARE kinda freaky.

And keep in mind, God has a man out there for you. Don't say, "All guys suck." Because God is preparing one for you. If you finding a right guy is part of God's will, then He will surely give it to you. God will give you the desires of your heart if you delight in Him.
He loves you & he wants to give you many things.
Even a man! :)



ladioffaith -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/16/2008 7:11:30 PM)

My side business involves talking to strangers ... so I guess I don't see anything wrong with being bold.

He'd have to earn a level of trust to get my phone number, though.

I think I'd say something like, "Tell you what. I'll be at XYZ coffee shop at 7 p.m. tomorrow. You're welcome to join me for a cup of coffee and a chance to talk then."



song -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/16/2008 10:57:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans

Instead of focusing on how you reacted today, which was cautious and wise, have you considered the fact that a man approached you to talk to you? How cool is that? Someone--a man--noticed you and struck up a conversation! Granted, we don't know his intentions, but it should show you that men exist that are interested in you. And if men are interested in you, then the possibility of you marrying someday exists. [:D]


This was good and I wanted it repeated :)



shemaromans -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/16/2008 11:16:02 PM)

Thank you, song. [:)]



Josiah_7 -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/17/2008 11:54:42 PM)

its ashame you are single beachcooky cause you are a very pretty lady



Godhead -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/18/2008 12:01:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RubySparkles


I'm so dumb.


I wuld love to mary a dumb women [:D]



furrypurrykitty -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/18/2008 12:10:52 AM)

Ruby, my very first thought when I saw your thread title was, "Hey, wait a minute -- I know plenty of stupid people who are married!" Yes, I know, I'm a bad person. [;)]

I think it's better to be a little too cautious than to be not cautious enough and have something happen that you'd regret. Maybe the guy was just wanting to ask for directions for all we know, but I don't blame you for being nervous. You didn't feel safe. That's all.



beachcooky -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/18/2008 12:39:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Josiah_7

its ashame you are single beachcooky cause you are a very pretty lady


Ha, thanks.
Something like that!
But thanks again.



GrowinBaptist -> RE: I'm so stupid I know I'm never gonna get married (7/18/2008 3:28:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans

Instead of focusing on how you reacted today, which was cautious and wise, have you considered the fact that a man approached you to talk to you? How cool is that? Someone--a man--noticed you and struck up a conversation! Granted, we don't know his intentions, but it should show you that men exist that are interested in you. And if men are interested in you, then the possibility of you marrying someday exists. [:D]


Ditto! The Lord isn't limited by our mistakes, which in this case probably was NOT a mistake. You never know, he may cross your path again in a non-threatening manner and you may strike up a friendship. Or you may see his picture in the newspaper as a serial rapist! Just leave it in the Lord's hands...He'll send you someone when the time is right. Shoot, I've been nervous in SUNDAY SCHOOL with someone showing interest in me! (He doesn't make me feel threatened, though...I actually feel good around him, so that's not an issue.) Seems like everyone on here has given you the same idea of how you reacted. I would have done the same thing.

What happens if you don't listen to your gut? A couple years ago I had a much older man that tried to stick to me like fly paper (different church than the one I attend now). The first Sunday I showed up he "took me under his wing." I immediately felt uncomfortable around him, but couldn't understand why. Actually, it was beyond uncomfortable...my flight adrenaline always kicked in. He never did or said anything inappropriate. But I should have listened, because it was really the Lord telling me to stay away from this man. Nothing happened, thank You, Lord!....but I could have spared myself some spookiness by not going back to that church after the first Sunday or two. I wasn't looking for a relationship with this person beyond friendship, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he was using his divorce proceedings to get sympathy and...ahem...something else out of the deal.

SO...your fellow may have just been trying to make friendly small talk and picked a bad question to ask...or he could have had something else in mind. If it persists in bothering you about this particular person, pray about it! Ask God to show you what this person's intent was, and listen after you pray. Believe it or not, He will show you one way or another. I had another man ask me out, which I declined without a second thought. When I later asked the Lord to show me what this man wanted to confirm a suspicion, boy, did He ever. I about ran to the toilet to throw up.



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