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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/22/2008 7:29:22 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6026
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: preserved
I do know black females who has reasons or issues as you want to call it about dating outside of their race...I am not about to get into...it a preference...wonder why people have problem in realizing that it is everyone's preference who they choose to date or marry...
Actually, for Christians, should it not be about who God wants us to date/marry, rather than on who we think we might prefer? Shouldn't our preference be for His choice?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/22/2008 7:58:03 PM
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Twofish
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pman.
How do you feel about interracial relationships...being honest (lol)...
Would you date someone outside your race?
Would you marry someone outside your race?
If not, why?
I enjoy my interracial relationship. I do date somebody outside my race, and I hope to marry her.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/22/2008 10:39:10 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1253
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From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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quote:
ORIGINAL: preserved
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: preserved
I to have noticed black men choosing to date outside of their race more so than the black females... Could be geographically
Could be geographic - could also be that you only know black females who have particular issues about dating outside their race. And, in my experience, those black females often also have issues over black men dating outside their race, for historical (and sadly sometimes not so historical) reasons.
I do know black females who has reasons or issues as you want to call it about dating outside of their race...I am not about to get into...it a preference...wonder why people have problem in realizing that it is everyone's preference who they choose to date or marry...
But I disagree about preferences because I still believe a Christian should have a preference not because of the color of one's skin, but if the person believes in Jesus and in equally yoked, not unequally yoked.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 12:45:32 AM
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ChoirDJ
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From: So Cal
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Preferences in and of themselves aren't necessarily wrong. It's what's at the heart of the preference that counts. Some people prefer to date within their race because they are prejudiced and that is indeed wrong. Others might prefer to date within their race because of their geographical location and the undue hardship that might create for the children or a myriad of other acceptable reasons. In the latter, it has nothing to do with one race being better than the other but what's best for the overall family situation. We cater to our preferences all the time. Some people prefer chinese food, some like mexican, others (like myself) like both. Some have a thing for blondes whereas others have a thing for brunettes.
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"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 8:53:21 AM
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landabee
Posts: 2853
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From: Central Florida
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quote:
scottiezsister...I am going to date and marry the woman that God makes it clear I'm supposed to be with regardless of her race. I am attracted to Blacks but I am also attracted to women of other races. As I mentioned in a previous post, it's really a toss up at this point. I may end up marrying a Black woman and I may not. It doesn't mean I have some sort of self-hatred or hostility towards Black women if I ulitimately end up marrying outside of my race. As for the other Black men (who date outside their race), I can't speak for them...all I can do is speak for myself.
I just wanted to re-quote DJChoir. Please note the first sentence.
Also, DJChoir just repeated the idea that I said earlier (yesterday):
quote:
Preferences in and of themselves aren't necessarily wrong. It's what's at the heart of the preference that counts.
As I said, we CANNOT assume a preference to be a prejudice.
Also, those that do not share our preferences are not automatically in a poor state of Christian fellowship and love.
I cannot repeat that often enough.
_____________________________
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 9:54:07 AM
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lexie
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From: Toronto
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quote:
Actually, for Christians, should it not be about who God wants us to date/marry, rather than on who we think we might prefer? Shouldn't our preference be for His choice?
My husband was very honest to me and told me he didn't think he would ever date a white woman. When we realized that we were headed towards marriage he became extremely worried about things and thought maybe we should break up. They were raised to believe certain things about other races (some pretty extreme things), and my husbands gut feelings were that I could never understand his culture, where he came from, what he goes through, etc.
But God had a different plan. Everything in our relationship points to it being done by God. Both of us had asked God for direction in choosing our spouse, we met completely by "accident" and we are perfectly matched in areas we never found someone similar.
While my husband had a preference, he was willing to put it aside when God gave him something different.
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I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 10:00:34 AM
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landabee
Posts: 2853
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From: Central Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
quote:
Actually, for Christians, should it not be about who God wants us to date/marry, rather than on who we think we might prefer? Shouldn't our preference be for His choice?
My husband was very honest to me and told me he didn't think he would ever date a white woman. When we realized that we were headed towards marriage he became extremely worried about things and thought maybe we should break up. They were raised to believe certain things about other races (some pretty extreme things), and my husbands gut feelings were that I could never understand his culture, where he came from, what he goes through, etc.
But God had a different plan. Everything in our relationship points to it being done by God. Both of us had asked God for direction in choosing our spouse, we met completely by "accident" and we are perfectly matched in areas we never found someone similar.
While my husband had a preference, he was willing to put it aside when God gave him something different.
Thanks for sharing a beautiful love story walked out with a heart for God.
When the two of you looked at the underlying reasons for your preferences, there was a decision to be made. Both of you allowed God to do a work in you. 
For some folks, like yourselves that may be the reality. How they choose to deal (or not deal) with it speaks volumes about their spiritual health.
But a preference in an of itself isn't sinful, I don't believe. Again, it is the underlying reasons for preference.
_____________________________
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 11:05:47 AM
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lexie
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quote:
But a preference in an of itself isn't sinful, I don't believe. Again, it is the underlying reasons for preference.
Very true. A lot of my husbands preferences were born out of some hateful things towards white people. While my husband got along well with white people at school, work and society in general, he chose never to be close to any of them.
I remember him saying to me one day that myself and my mother changed the way he thought about white people completely. We were the complete opposite of everything they were taught about white people growing up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, no matter what we learn growing up, or how our experiences have helped to develop our preferences, we can't shut ourselves off to something outside of them. You never know what will develop.
_____________________________
I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 12:09:41 PM
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preserved
Posts: 753
Joined: 6/12/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: preserved
I do know black females who has reasons or issues as you want to call it about dating outside of their race...I am not about to get into...it a preference...wonder why people have problem in realizing that it is everyone's preference who they choose to date or marry...
Actually, for Christians, should it not be about who God wants us to date/marry, rather than on who we think we might prefer? Shouldn't our preference be for His choice?
manda59...I noticed you and your comment keeps attacking me because I indicate that I have a preference to date within or outside of my race...It's my choice...not for you to try and convince me otherwise..I never attacked you for what you prefer...why....because it is your choice...God gave us a right to choose...No where in the scripture does it say what color of a person we are allowed to or not to date/marry within the races...So I am trying to figure out how you can enter about how a christian should see it...The way you keep counteracting is to say that I would not be blessed by God since all of my life I've date african american or mixed. God is and has been in the mist of all of my relationship whether friends, or dating...
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 12:45:57 PM
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landabee
Posts: 2853
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: preserved
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: preserved
I do know black females who has reasons or issues as you want to call it about dating outside of their race...I am not about to get into...it a preference...wonder why people have problem in realizing that it is everyone's preference who they choose to date or marry...
Actually, for Christians, should it not be about who God wants us to date/marry, rather than on who we think we might prefer? Shouldn't our preference be for His choice?
manda59...I noticed you and your comment keeps attacking me because I indicate that I have a preference to date within or outside of my race...It's my choice...not for you to try and convince me otherwise..I never attacked you for what you prefer...why....because it is your choice...God gave us a right to choose...No where in the scripture does it say what color of a person we are allowed to or not to date/marry within the races...So I am trying to figure out how you can enter about how a christian should see it...The way you keep counteracting is to say that I would not be blessed by God since all of my life I've date african american or mixed. God is and has been in the mist of all of my relationship whether friends, or dating...
In defense of Manda..... it was a thought provoking question. It wasn't a direct attack.
Why do you feel defensive about your preference?
Have there been insights that have given you pause?
I have in this discussion found that what I believed about preference and underlying motive to be substantiated by lexie's story. *Motive is paramount*
In other discussions I have found what I believed to be right and true to be in error. It was uncomfortable, yes. But I was helped by it.
If you truly feel and believe that you are in the will of God...no one here is challenging that.
The question is why do you feel so?
Blessings.
_____________________________
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 1:40:03 PM
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AdrianaS
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quote:
You know, I think it could be a matter of perspective too
Yes I think it could be a perspectives matters comming from many fonts: family,community, historical, individual experiences and etc. And individuals just need to express from their own mouths what are they, because if not how we will know what is cooking in their pots?
To me the experience starts in the mothers womb, well even before that as the Lord planned each one of us. A brand new baby keeping poping up into many different circunstances, tribes, communities and will belong and learn, etc some are very "lucky" in having the basic human rights applyed to their lives, as to be feed, taken care off, and etc and to be loved and accepted by who they are is great start, still without meet and knowing The Love Himself at some appointed point in ones life, the earthly heritage by itself is another genealogical tree. Some walked with the Lord many others did not, some did great things before men but not efore God. Who knows their standings is the Lord Himself.
The genealogical tree remembrance arised in my mind as I remember one of my maternal greatgrandmother who was a racist but color blind in her own home, she was "arian white looks" married with a mulato, had 8 babies looking like her husband and still despise the same looks of people outside her home as black. She grew old with the same attitude and in her last years had a "dark black" nurse taking care of her. She was difficult to deal with and her 7 daughters could not deal with her at all but Jurema (the nurse) and grandma Marcia in their combative relationship became attached to each other in their dealings with one another. Some people are very hard to love, there ar not excuses to rudeness and etc but sometimes people are called to keep pressing until the armor of stuff people craft to protect themselves from pain, hurt, rejection etc etc cracks up. It is not easy, but it sure have its rewards and lessons.
I come from a country with lots of racial mixings and people call themselves white but they are in reality brown...  Well, 43% of Brasil is brown, lots of mixing went on between the Native Indians Peoples, Portuguese and Blacks since colonization. Brasilian slaves was bought to Brazil mostly from Nigeria, until this day particularly in Bahia the state I was born, 88% of its population are black descendents from the slaves, the food, the language and custumes are many the same..still today when I meet a Nigerian I enjoy to talk about food and some familiar words from Ioruba language. Its obvious that the Portuguese mostly single males that arrived in Brasil as the whites colonizers were in much less numbers then the Native Indians and Nigerian slaves and they all kept mixing with each others..now of course the reality we see at least in Brasil is that a minority of rich white people are the ones in command and etc and the poor majority are the browns mixings. Prejudice and rascism exists every where but it shows different, some are about social class and casts systems into place. How to explain people from the "same color" fighting, killing, each other around the world ?
Well...each one have their own perspectives for sure. To me people need to tell their own and keep telling and learning and etc. The only One who really make sense and can and will lighting up understanding from it all, to wrap up one to another, gifts of love, is God.
Thanks!
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 9:24:24 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
The Old Testament doesn't forbid it either, just marrying outside the group of believers (who were Jewish/Hebrew at that time). And, if you look at Christ's lineage, you will find at least two people who were not only not Hebrew, but were most likely dark-skinned. I have never understood why someone who reads their Bible would believe that it was wrong.
Actually middle-eastern jews were dark-skinned.The Sephardim, those jews who remained in Israel/Palestine after the Diaspora and were still there when Israel was resurrected in 1948 are very dark complected.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/23/2008 10:14:37 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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From: WA
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Not as dark skinned as people from Ethiopia, lol. I think that is where Ruth was from, isn't it?
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/24/2008 2:11:10 PM
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Bridgitt
Posts: 237
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quote:
How do you feel about interracial relationships...being honest (lol)...
Why not?
quote:
Would you date someone outside your race?
Yes, as long as he shares the same beliefs I have.
quote:
Would you marry someone outside your race?
Yes, as long as he is a Christian.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/24/2008 2:15:32 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6026
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
She was from Moab. Not sure where that was geographically.
FYI Wiki says Moab was:
quote:
... bounded on the west by the Dead Sea and the southern section of the Jordan River; on the east by Ammon and the Arabian desert, from which it was separated by low, rolling hills; and on the south by Edom. The northern boundary varied, but in general it may be said to have been represented by a line drawn some miles above the northern extremity of the Dead Sea.
ie :
quote:
the historical name for a mountainous strip of land in modern-day Jordan
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/25/2008 12:04:24 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1549
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
Could be geographic - could also be that you only know black females who have particular issues about dating outside their race. And, in my experience, those black females often also have issues over black men dating outside their race, for historical (and sadly sometimes not so historical) reasons.
I'm wondering if it isn't so much geographic as it is generational? I'm a generation X "kid" (I hate these names for generations but I'm still using it in this instance). My generation was born just after height of the civil rights movement. I've noticed that a lot of my black female friends who are my age and older tend to be a bit more hesitant about dating outside of the race, whereas younger black women seem to be less hesitant. For some, they fear that a white man will want to add another notch to their belt - if you know what I mean - or they don't want to be talked about by family and friends. What is interesting is that I hear more hesitancy when it comes to white American men more than any other group. I too think a lot of it is about is tied up in the issue of race in the US and the relationship in the past between black women and white men (these things are subtly handed down generationally). At least this is what I have observed. Or they'll assume that a white guy isn't interested - when in actuality they might be.
I think though, that we'll see a shift over time. Because there are so many black women who are unmarried, and because the younger generations seem to be more open, I believe that there will be more interracial marriages between black women and white (and other races/cultures of) men. I live in an area that is fairly young and diverse. I usually don't notice people hitting on me (or trying to chat me up) until the moment has passed - but it could equally be a white, hispanic, or black guy. Interracial couples are pretty much the norm here.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/25/2008 4:11:39 AM
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scottiezsister
Posts: 51
Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
quote:
It is my observation that many more black men such as yourself choose to date outside their race than black women. Reasons that I'm not even going to go into. Black women, although they do it, are less likely to.
scottiezsister...I am going to date and marry the woman that God makes it clear I'm supposed to be with regardless of her race. I am attracted to Blacks but I am also attracted to women of other races. As I mentioned in a previous post, it's really a toss up at this point. I may end up marrying a Black woman and I may not. It doesn't mean I have some sort of self-hatred or hostility towards Black women if I ulitimately end up marrying outside of my race. As for the other Black men (who date outside their race), I can't speak for them...all I can do is speak for myself.
I didn't infer or make even hint that you have "self-hatred or hostility" towards black women. What I said is that I believe black men date sometimes date interracially for reasons other than love! BTW, women that date these black men date for reasons other than love too, it goes both ways. I don't have any problems with interracial dating if the motives behind are pure. Sometimes, that isn't the case on both sides!
< Message edited by scottiezsister -- 7/25/2008 4:17:55 AM >
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/25/2008 4:30:34 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6026
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scottiezsister
What I said is that I believe black men date sometimes date interracially for reasons other than love! BTW, women that date these black men date for reasons other than love too, it goes both ways.
Surely this doesn't just apply to black men- there are some men, of any ethnicity, that date for reasons other than love, and some women too.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/25/2008 4:42:23 AM
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scottiezsister
Posts: 51
Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: scottiezsister
What I said is that I believe black men date sometimes date interracially for reasons other than love! BTW, women that date these black men date for reasons other than love too, it goes both ways.
Surely this doesn't just apply to black men- there are some men, of any ethnicity, that date for reasons other than love, and some women too.
Of course, but I was referring to what I've observed of black men and the interracial women they date.
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