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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/19/2008 10:17:32 AM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
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Well we are still together. I feel as if I'm at WAR with demons. As a matter of fact I KNOW that's what's going on.
I am very physically strong. I train as a boxer, 5AM boot camp and weight train. I'm not in perfect shape but I am very very strong. I said all this to say this spiritual warfare can be physically exhausting. I have had few hours sleep with very little to eat. I am too busy praying and reading my word. At night they really come at us so a few nights I've stayed up and prayed over him, for him. for us, for me.
I'm not tired yet. I've sent Satan packing a couple of times.
My husband is so confused and emotionally exhausted....and doesn't want to talk about any of the problems right now. I feel the Lord working. We are still seeking counseling but just taking a break for a minute.
His emotions have settled for the moment. His need to run has been squashed for the day.
Got to get back on my prayer. I'll check in again soon.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/19/2008 2:43:31 PM
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carl54
Posts: 66
Joined: 5/31/2005
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newlywed50 -- sometimes when a couple is under attack one person has to pull all the load when the other one is out of it. It looks like you are it in this battle. The good news is that God is on your side. He will never leave you nor forsake you. That is His promise to those who endure. We will be overcomers because he has already overcome. Your husband could snap out of his stupor and join the fight or he could go down in flames. Either way, you need to keep fighting on. God is on your side. He loves you and will work it all out for your good.
_____________________________
Walk in the Sirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Gal 5:16
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/19/2008 2:48:59 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1788
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
I appreciate your words....but he doesn't think its warfare.
Most people dealing with all the emotional baggage he is dealing with don't see things as they really are. Go to counseling yourself and keep on encouraging him to join you. Do you have a group of praying partners you can get to stand with you on this? Surround your home, your marriage, and esp. him with interceding prayers. The more prayers the better.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/24/2008 3:16:49 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
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My husband and I took a break from talking about this and decisions. He seemed much happier for awhile. I'm still up all hours of the night praying. He has started genuinely praying too.
He told me today...he thinks he is having a nervous breakdown. Alot going on at work (very stressful), family (recent deaths and murder) which is affecting our marriage and his life in general
He said he thinks he needs some help....probably meds. The therapist he has been talking to cannot prescribe drugs for me.
I'm still not tired. The Lord will provide and guide
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/25/2008 8:50:20 PM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 460
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newlywedat50
He is trying to fix this. I just told him to soften his heart to the Lord...and ask forgiveness. He says God gave him the feelings so how can he ask forgiveness for it. I told him ask forgiveness for acting on the feelings. He is having an emotional affair...that could lead to divorce over phone conversations.
So he is blaming God for giving him feelings for another woman?
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/25/2008 8:55:09 PM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 460
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newlywedat50
Well he just told me he is moving out to figure out what he wants to do. He's not sure if he loves the other woman. He needs to go be by himself and decide how he feels.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you and he is allowing satan pick him off like this. What he needs to do is tell this woman to leave him alone, he leaves her alone and take his vows seriously. He is treating the covenant with you and God as if it is meaningless. He needs to straighten out his act.
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/26/2008 10:20:41 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
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Yes he is blaming God for having feelings for another woman
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/26/2008 10:39:26 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6025
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newlywedat50
He told me today...he thinks he is having a nervous breakdown. Alot going on at work (very stressful), family (recent deaths and murder) which is affecting our marriage and his life in general
He said he thinks he needs some help....probably meds. The therapist he has been talking to cannot prescribe drugs for me.
I'm still not tired. The Lord will provide and guide
Sounds like he really needs to see a doctor for a full top-to-toe examination/check-up - blood pressure, heart, etc. It would be good to ascertain his physical health before going for any kind of meds to help his mental state. There could be physical symptoms too which are exacerbating how he is feeling.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/28/2008 3:43:07 PM
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Flintejae
Posts: 2600
Joined: 4/11/2005
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I hope that I can some how give you hope. My marriage was EXTREMELY rocky for the first 4 years of our marriage. During that time an old beau contacted me through a high school website. I was his first 'love' and he was one of the first guys I connected with. (not sexually) It didn't end well - I finally ended the roller coaster, but when he contacted me I forgot all of that. He was so engaging. He constantly complimented me, told me I knew him better than anyone else ever did, etc. It was exciting to talk to him and connect with someone. This relationship almost ended my marriage. The only thing that kept me with my husband, at that time, was knowing right and wrong. I distinctly remember sitting on the bathroom floor telling my dh the full truth of our conversations and asked him to fight for me. I realize that sounds ludicrous, but in our situation he gave me very little attention and I needed that before I let the devil destroy everything.
That was a turning point for us. I made the choice to end it, but secretly pined for him for quite some time. It was such a soul tie. Eventually, with my choice - and the blossoming the communication in my marriage - that soul tie is finally broken.
Know also that around that time my husbands father killed himself. For a while there our marriage got WORSE before it got better. The shock of such trauma took a toll on our already weakened marriage. We did seperate for a short time, but in that short time God showed us how selfish we were as individuals and brought us together as a couple.
I tell you all that to encourage you. Your marriage can be healed. This soul tie can be broken. You and your dh can communicate and grow together. There is hope. I will pray that the fog will lift so that the both of you can see and hear more clearly. I will pray that your husband honors you, the lord, and himself by ENDING that relationship with all severity. He must chose to run from this demonic temptation.
_____________________________
- Janine
Jadon, 3/12/08. Thank You, Lord, for Your Amazing Miracles
 Moo!
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/28/2008 10:30:47 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
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THANK YOU.
That is really encouraging. What does DH stand for? I assume something to do with husband. DEAR HUSBAND. lol
I asked him to at least when he is talking to her to not do it in our home. So he just spent an hour riding around talking to her. When I left him at the bowling alley he was in a great mood. I asked him what happened betw the bowling alley and home (as if I don't know he's been talking to her) and he said he didn't want to talk about. I guess something has happened in her life that's making him sad.
He can't financially leave me right now and I don't think he wants to but today I really felt like asking him to PLEASE LEAVE.
He's sad because he has been in deep sin and doesn't realize it.
Thank you so much. I'll hold on and keep praying. Today is a very weak day
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/29/2008 12:04:22 AM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
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Now he's quiet again as if we have regressed back 3 weeks ago. I'm really upset and weak and angry today. I want to just scream BUT I'm not. I'm just kind of typing a trying not to shake him and say LEAVE!
I mean if he is so so miserable with me and WANTS her so much........I wish he would just leave.
But that is the pressure of the Father of lies. He's happy because we are BOTH in turmoil. But just having you guys here to talk to helps me. I've started laughing (which I haven't done in days) and I feel peace and hope
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/30/2008 2:51:08 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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well he just applied for a job to be near the other lady. Do I give up. Someone please talk to me. He says WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH AN UNHAPPY PERSON
I told our marriage never had a chance because there has been 3 people.
I've been praying day and night for 15 days. I'm barely sleeping or eating.
Should I pray he doesn't get the job? I'm praying God's will....and that is for us to be married...but we have free will too....
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/30/2008 3:41:30 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 6993
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
Status: offline
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Keep praying for God's guidance.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/31/2008 6:38:54 AM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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The plan is he is to save money so he can move out.
He says he wants to be in love with his wife and be excited to be near her. Be excited when he touches her...kisses her......and wouldn't be able to wait to see her.....get home to her..
....he doesn't have any of that feeling with me.
He says he will not leave the area right away. He wants to get away from everyone (me and the other woman) and see how he does on his own.
He says he is tired of hurting people...and if he just decided to run to her he would probably do the same thing.....because after his therapy he is seeing a pattern.
We agreed once he moved out we would be separated for 6 months then see what happens. I guess that's time to try her out and me too but under the guise of being single.
He says he thinks there's something seriously wrong with him.
I do appreciate his honesty. I know I'm rambling...but my life is turning upside down. I feel in love with his kids and family. They love me too.......
He said he has had problems before with other women in his marriage. But at those times....he wasn't with such a wonderful woman like me. So this is crazy. I'm all he has been looking for...but he can't give me 100 percent because he has feelings for someone else.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/31/2008 8:16:12 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6025
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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If he runs away, as he seems to be planning, will he still be able to see his therapist? I am also wondering if this therapist is the best one for him as the therapy does not seem to have changed anything. I know that might be just his choice, but not all therapy is good therapy. I wonder if he has even told the therapist that he is intending on leaving.
It sounds to me like he may have some deep-seated issues that he perhaps has never told anyone about - maybe from childhood - and that instead of facing them and dealing with them, he's seeking attention from the other woman, because attention temporarily makes him feel better. But it's all an avoidance, to avoid dealing with the pain deep down and he'd even rather self-medicate on sin than face it.
I am sorry that you are having to go through this - you must feel so helpless.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/31/2008 11:22:48 AM
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Roberta_
Posts: 6993
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newlywedat50
The plan is he is to save money so he can move out.
He says he wants to be in love with his wife and be excited to be near her. Be excited when he touches her...kisses her......and wouldn't be able to wait to see her.....get home to her..
....he doesn't have any of that feeling with me.
He says he will not leave the area right away. He wants to get away from everyone (me and the other woman) and see how he does on his own.
He says he is tired of hurting people...and if he just decided to run to her he would probably do the same thing.....because after his therapy he is seeing a pattern.
We agreed once he moved out we would be separated for 6 months then see what happens. I guess that's time to try her out and me too but under the guise of being single.
He says he thinks there's something seriously wrong with him.
I do appreciate his honesty. I know I'm rambling...but my life is turning upside down. I feel in love with his kids and family. They love me too.......
He said he has had problems before with other women in his marriage. But at those times....he wasn't with such a wonderful woman like me. So this is crazy. I'm all he has been looking for...but he can't give me 100 percent because he has feelings for someone else.
((((hugs)))) Stay strong.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 8/3/2008 7:01:11 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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He decided today that he wants to move out of our house so he can decide what he wants to do with himself. He says he thinks he really loves the girl but is afraid God is going to punish him for not being with his wife and going off to be with someone else. And he says he's not sure that the Devil might be tricking him
The other woman has someone in her life too that wants to marry her after 5 years of and on and off relationship.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I know I need prayer really bad. I feel totally sick. I know God will make a way for me. But I just can't believe this is happening.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 8/3/2008 10:03:55 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
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He's been sitting out in the driveway for 2 hours now talking to her. I'm starting to feel like an idiot. I looked at him and still see my husband.
God put us together. But we have free will. He has chosen to do this. Let no man put asunder....does that mean one of us in the marriage.
I'm praying now that he doesn't ever save enough money, never finds a job near her and pray that this sinful emotional strong hold will be broken with prayer in the meantime.
In a few days he will be back to.....I don't want to leave you. That's when God can do His work when he is in the mindframe of the man I know.
He said today that being a christian is LABELLING. He says he has never called himself a Christian but says he believes in GOD.
I told him he was being deceived by this great love and excitement in his stomach. He says he hopes he isn't being fooled because he would have messed up the best woman he has ever been with
I know yall are sick of hearing this....
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 8/3/2008 10:38:40 PM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 7729
Joined: 6/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newlywedat50
He says he has the strong feeling in his stomach for her.
It's probably indigestion.
quote:
He told me today that the old feelings are back.
Feelings are experiencing an emotional status, in this case, a nostalgic feeling of something from the past. Your husband thinks, as in assuming, that those feelings are back. However, that may not be the case.
Nostalgia is longing for something past, a preceding feeling you experienced during a certain time. He thinks about the time he was infatuated with her, and suddenly those feelings return, but it isn't necessarily a reality. He only assumes those feelings are back based on a prior experience he had with her in the past. He assumed that what he felt in the past could also be applied to the future, but his future isn't with married to this woman. His future is married to you.
quote:
But that he thinks I love him more than he loves me; and that he wants to give us a chance but that he doesn't think it will work. He is more sure that the relationship with her will work.
He's willing to throw away a year and a half of marriage to you for someone he's never even dated? For someone he only thinks he loves? That's ridiculous.
quote:
He is a strong christian.
If this were so, he wouldn't be tempted so easily by another woman.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 8/3/2008 10:56:50 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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I just walked out to the car and said THIS IS RIDICULOUS. You need to come inside. And by the way GIRL ON THE PHONE.........YOU WIN!!!
Instead of hanging up and asked her to hold on...... He came in and said I ruined his chance with her. Because she is such a great person to wait for him and know he has a wife and still be dedicated to him. She cheats on the men she is with..he told me that long ago before I was to know he loved her....... She is not being dedicated to him. She just wants a GOOD MAN as she says because they are hard to find. She knows exactly what she is doing. She is a fornicator and adultress.
I've just come the realization. HE NEEDS JESUS. He is NOT saved. He can't possibly be.
Now he is back outside on the phone with her
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 8/3/2008 10:59:04 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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It seems the only way to get his true feelings is to not chase him. He just threatened to leave ...normally I chase him. I didn't this time. And he calmed down
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 8/3/2008 11:18:40 PM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 25
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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Now all this is my fault. I'm difficult to get along with and talk to. its my fault. I don't make him feel like a man of the house.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 8/4/2008 12:48:20 AM
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Beth67
Posts: 29
Joined: 7/4/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newlywedat50
I just walked out to the car and said THIS IS RIDICULOUS. You need to come inside. And by the way GIRL ON THE PHONE.........YOU WIN!!!
Instead of hanging up and asked her to hold on...... He came in and said I ruined his chance with her. Because she is such a great person to wait for him and know he has a wife and still be dedicated to him. ...
Now he is back outside on the phone with her
You're right...it is ridiculous! How dare he treat you this way!! And to actually say that you ruined his chance with her....this man is your HUSBAND! Having a chance with her is not supposed to be an option. How hurtful this must be for you.
And to say that she's a great person for waiting for him when she knows he has a wife?...C'mon! How blind can he be? I know you love him, and I know he's obviously lost at the moment, but there comes a point where you have to put your foot down. This behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. You've done more than enough and now he's just manipulating and using you. As hard as it may be, I think a separation is in order. I know you don't want that, but do you want your marriage to be one where he's constantly thinking about her, is resentful towards you, and where you're always wondering what he may be doing behind your back, or when he will leave...like when he saves enough money! Why should you allow him to do that? I'm not saying that divorce is the answer at this point...stress to him how much you love him and how much you want your marriage to work...but I do think he needs a reality check! And don't let him turn the tables on you and say that if you loved him, you would be more patient. You can still love him while he's out of the home, but I don't think God expects you to put up with, or to allow, what he's currently doing. Then keep on praying that he will see the light, and pray for this woman as well.
I feel for you, I really do.
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