Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite sex (Full Version)

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DrivenbyGod -> Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite sex (7/17/2008 1:07:37 AM)

Someone posted something about this in another thread and I couldn't find it. The issue was when people do this they are with holding one another from a real relationship that could go some where... like marriage. What are your thoughts?



Prairiehiker -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite sex (7/17/2008 1:43:45 AM)

Short answer, because they are friends

Long answer. I'll post tomorrow as I"m tired,lol.

By the way, I know the point you're making and soemwhat agree, but not totally agree because I'm guilty of hanging out with opposite sex friends. There's not very many women who are interested in what I do, that's why. I'll still post my long answer tomorrow.



vikingfan -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/17/2008 2:08:49 AM)

Why not?

Ahead of dating/marrying, we are called to be first and foremost encouragers as brothers and sisters in Christ. There are girls I know that even though it would never work out to date, I can still encourage them and hang out with them and they teach me much I would never learn otherwise.

Obviously, it's different if one is taken, but...



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/17/2008 5:40:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: totalfaith

Someone posted something about this in another thread and I couldn't find it. The issue was when people do this they are with holding one another from a real relationship that could go some where... like marriage. What are your thoughts?


Okay, here's how to search for that thread - because we've had several and have had some GREAT discussions on this exact topic.

Click on Search.
In the upper left corner - type in friends.
In the upper right corner - find "Singles" and highlight it.
Hit Ok

Your search will bring up the last 300 times the word "Friends" (or whatever you use) will come up.

I hope that helps you find your thread!

Also, when you are in the general Singles forum - and you want to find something older - make sure that your default "days" setting is more than the 30 days. It goes back to 365 days.


I am not going to try to search this for you - as only you know what thread you had in mind.



DrivenbyGod -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/18/2008 8:54:24 PM)

Thanks for the tips mutinywxgirl, but I still couldn't find it...oh well.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/18/2008 10:22:44 PM)

Ooops, sorry, I forgot to give my answer as to why I hang out with opposite male friends.

There's a lot of reasons.
1. They are easier to talk to. I don't have to tip toe around them for fear of hurting their feelings too often because they do not process conversation the way women do. What you say is what they hear. The only time I have to be careful is when I have fears of being misunderstood like if my friendliness is taken as something else.

2. They are fun to be around with when it comes to sports activities. I can play against them, scream with them during a football game, outrun them during hiking. You can almost have a farting competition with them and they still think you're the coolest thing.

3. They are easy to please. Give them food or a gift certificate for any help they've given, and they are happy. They don't hold on to grudges if you apologize. It's almost as though the even didn't happen. They don't recall it a later date.

4. They say what they mean if you ask them straight out. Maybe i expect less sensitivity from men, so I don't take a lot of what they say as criticism.

They're like big brothers to me.



DrivenbyGod -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 12:34:10 AM)

quote:

They are easier to talk to. I don't have to tip toe around them for fear of hurting their feelings too often because they do not process conversation the way women do.
All Guys are this way

quote:

What you say is what they hear. The only time I have to be careful is when I have fears of being misunderstood like if my friendliness is taken as something else.
Ok, well this is the problem... because whether you think they are all into this for the FUN of it.. you most likely are mistaken. I personally could not hang out with an attractive female that I'm having a great time with and not start to have feelings for her. This is just a normal thing for any species... [:D]

quote:

They are fun to be around with when it comes to sports activities. I can play against them, scream with them during a football game, outrun them during hiking (pffft you wouldn't out run me). You can almost have a farting competition with them and they still think you're the coolest thing.(I wouldn't recommend this one)
This is just about building a close relationship... Do you really want to do this with someone when it won't go anywhere? Also, when you spend a lot of time with these guys others will see this and think you're dating.

My personal experience with this is it turns me off. If I see a woman that is always with their male buddy(s) .. I've found it's difficult to approach them and they seem more aloof... I'm guessing because they're getting some of their needs met from these relationships.. overall it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I may be the minority.

quote:

They are easy to please. Give them food or a gift certificate for any help they've given, and they are happy. They don't hold on to grudges if you apologize. It's almost as though the even didn't happen. They don't recall it a later date.
Again all guys are this way.

quote:

They say what they mean if you ask them straight out. Maybe i expect less sensitivity from men, so I don't take a lot of what they say as criticism.
Ok, so once again all guys are this way.

So, you're saying that these guys you hang out with that you like... you have no attraction to? If so, do you think they all feel the same way towards you? Personally, I doubt they could enjoy your company for long with out feeling attracted to you and wanting to build a closer relationship.

Maybe I'm crazy but I personally would not spend much time with a woman that's not going to lead to a long term relationship.

God Bless



Prairiehiker -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 1:19:09 AM)

quote:

This is just about building a close relationship... Do you really want to do this with someone when it won't go anywhere? Also, when you spend a lot of time with these guys others will see this and think you're dating.


Again, you're assuming I spend a lot of time. No, not a lot. I don't have time to spend with anyone else outside of my daughter, so when I do have time, it's anyone of my friends, whether it's male of female. But the times that I spent doing the activities I mentioned, those are not very often. A couple of games a year, a few hikes here and there, not even once a month. I don't have male friends over and I barely hangout with them without my daughter. I guess we're part of a bigger group and when no one is available, it's whoever there is, and usually, it's the guys (or one particular guy).

It has developed feelings in the past, and I nip it in the bud right at the start by pulling away. I've also develop feelings for a certain male friend, but knowing that we're not a good match, I don't act on this feeling, nor do I allow it to grow.

I see your point though. I've asked that question in the forum before about men only hanging out with women if they want a relationship or want to sleep with them. I think it's partially true, but not in all cases. Like I said, I have true male friends that would have nothing to do with me other than invite me for coffee if they want to talk to someone about something. I actually like that.

I also see your point about hanging out with the opposite sex makes us less available for a relationship because our social "needs" are being met. Actually, it's also true with having a lot of female friends. I find that when I am part of a big group of friends, I don't care too much about finding a relationship. I'm changing that now by being open because I know that whether I have friends or not, I'll always want to find someone special in my life that a friendship won't meet.

And I don't think I'm meeting much of a man's needs that can only be met by a romantic relationship![;)] Also, I guess friendship with men and women would be more genuine if both people are both butt ugly...heh heh. (please don't take that seriously. I was just referring to your term "attractive" when describing this friendships)

Edit: Unless you're a runner, I doubt you can outrun me. But if you are a real runner, then, I sure hope you can outrun me, lol.



gaylel1 -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 11:07:10 AM)

As Christian brothers, See Hebrews 10:25, which is says not to forsake the fellowship as the time nears. Maybe because for the christian, hang out with each other to give each other encouragement, in a non-sexual way and to love and respect one another as Christians. For non-christians, we are to be in the world, but not of it. but the only thing is that we are not to be "unequally yoked" with those who are not of the faith when there is a dating situation. (2nd Cor 6:14).



shemaromans -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 12:08:13 PM)

quote:

Someone posted something about this in another thread and I couldn't find it. The issue was when people do this they are with holding one another from a real relationship that could go some where... like marriage. What are your thoughts?

[Disclaimer: writing in the general sense for the sake of convenience and space]

It's a matter of choice. They can only be held back from a real relationship if they choose to be held back.



DrivenbyGod -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 3:52:30 PM)

Your approach to male friendships sounds smart to me... Thanks for the feedback!

quote:

Edit: Unless you're a runner, I doubt you can outrun me. But if you are a real runner, then, I sure hope you can outrun me, lol.


I'm not a runner just bike, but a girl will never beat me! ..[8D]



ebony101 -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 4:04:12 PM)

My singles group had a discussion seminar on dating the Christian way and I can sum it up like this:

Our singles leaders (married) actually encourage the male and female singles group to mix. The idea being that the basis of an extended relationship is friendship. By hanging out with each other at group activities, friendship bonds tend to be built. Out of friendship with everyone, you may eventually find yourself drawn to one specific person. This friendship period is intended to serve the purpose that dating serves (in the real world). Except that it's taking place within a group structure as opposed to the one on one that we all know.

Now, if everything works as it should, and the two people involved realise that they are sharing a mutual attraction and more than a few common interests. Then the guy will eventually ask the girl out on a few dates - thereby getting to know each other in a deeper more personal way. Not too long after, hopefully, the man will "declare his intentions". Then we should be hearing wedding bells in the not too distant future.

Ok, that's what we discussed in our dating forum - don't attack me I'm just letting you know, because it does kind of answer the question that was originally posted. Having said this please note - it doesn't mean that I agree with it all. At the forum we females had a lot to say!

P.S.
1. We all know that things don't always work out as smoothly as stated. It's just a smooth projection of what hopefully should occur.

2. The leaders also believe that by encouraging these Christian friendships, the chances that you'll end up with a Christian mate were greatly increased.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 4:12:40 PM)

quote:

I'm not a runner just bike, but a girl will never beat me! ..


I wouldn't be too sure of that if I were you. I'm sure if we're ever hiking and we come across a hungry grizzly, you'd get eaten before I do[;)]

And I'm a cyclist too, so I'm double gooder than you, lol.



KuKu -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 9:31:58 PM)

I answered this earlier, but it is now permanently in post purgatory, so I will try to reanswer.

When I was on the mission field, my absolute best friend was a guy. When we met, we were both in relationships, but we had missions, and our present ministries (as well as english LOL) in common... so we started hanging out a few times a month, for pizza or something. We continued to do so until I left the field, and actually are still in touch.

Since we were never hanging out as anything more as friends/coworkers, it never turned into anything more. It also never affected our relational situations with others... he had his life, I had mine... we just hung around to encourage and support each other.



shemaromans -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 10:32:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KuKu

I answered this earlier, but it is now permanently in post purgatory, so I will try to reanswer.

When I was on the mission field, my absolute best friend was a guy. When we met, we were both in relationships, but we had missions, and our present ministries (as well as english LOL) in common... so we started hanging out a few times a month, for pizza or something. We continued to do so until I left the field, and actually are still in touch.

Since we were never hanging out as anything more as friends/coworkers, it never turned into anything more. It also never affected our relational situations with others... he had his life, I had mine... we just hung around to encourage and support each other.

That's a cool friendship, Kuku.

But I have to ask. Did you call each other buddy? [:D]



KuKu -> RE: Why do Christians hang-out as "friends" with other Christian or Non-Christians of the opposite s (7/19/2008 10:44:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans

quote:

ORIGINAL: KuKu

I answered this earlier, but it is now permanently in post purgatory, so I will try to reanswer.

When I was on the mission field, my absolute best friend was a guy. When we met, we were both in relationships, but we had missions, and our present ministries (as well as english LOL) in common... so we started hanging out a few times a month, for pizza or something. We continued to do so until I left the field, and actually are still in touch.

Since we were never hanging out as anything more as friends/coworkers, [8D] turned into anything more. It also never affected our relational situations with others... he had his life, I had mine... we just hung around to encourage and support each other.

That's a cool friendship, Kuku.

But I have to ask. Did you call each other buddy? [:D]


Occasionally LOL. And Cahill calls Ponch that too!!! [8D]



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