Stopped Sinning

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jcd777 -> Stopped Sinning (7/18/2008 7:02:28 PM)
Guys, I have stopped sinning with my girlfriend who lives with me. However, its difficult, sometimes I cant control it, and end up masterbating either without any thought at all, or by watching some porn. Dont know what to do to stop this. I have only been with 2 woman my entire life, my ex-wife (6-7 years), and my girl friend (2 years). Need help, advice, etc... Thanks, jcd

19ramman85 -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/18/2008 8:31:52 PM)
OK- I know I might get some flack on something I am about to say, but oh well- I don't care! First off - masterbation, in itself- isn't sinful! And jr isn't gonna fall off either, nor is your gf going to think different of you, nor think you are going to want to cheat on her. Its been estimated that 90% of us men, and at least 65% of women masterbate(most of that- at least weekly). So get over that part! To tell ya the truth- I'd be a liar if I said I didn't do it, and I've been married to the same woman for 20 years. The other part - your addiction to porn. Yes- in my opinion, you are seriously addicted to porn- face it! Get counseling (whether Christian or not, is immaterial)! Porn addiction, like alcohol addiction - is not going to be cured - ever! but YOU can over-come it, so its not a serious problem, like it is now. I too, have a small problem - yet, looking and or wanting (mostly) to look at porn. What works for me- is to get myself distracted by - FORCING, myself to do other things, for example; stop what I am doing and pray to God, grab the Bible (or any other printed media) and read, call a Christian friend, go for a ride/walk/run, take a cold shower, and anything else that I can think of to get rid of the temptation. And while you are at it - pray to God for his suppport to help you. Even if He is just sitting on the sidelines cheering you on to victory - that would still be a major boost of moral. And don't forget to repent of this sin, and ask God to help you with the battles of temptation in regards to this addiction. Get your gf involved with your recovery - w/o her there by ya, you're screwed! Hope this helps! -charles

rofaith -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/18/2008 8:32:43 PM)
Hi JCD... I have struggled all my life with the "m" thing as well as lusting after women. Not hard to do given our sexually charged culture. Here's a todo list... 1. Get involved with getting closer to God. This for me was being part of a men's recovery program for sexual addiction, codependency etc. etc. The program I participated in was/is Celebrate Recovery which is a Christ centered 12 step. If you are still masturbating, there is an underlying reason of which you are probably in denial about. It has to be addressed before you find true, lifelong repentance. The program has help 1,000's of men overcome. 2. Get close to God everyday. I would write at least a page in my journal about not the events of the day but rather the pain and feelings I had experienced throughout my life that exacerbated my current and past sinful condition and acts. Read the bible... I read a psalm a day, a proverb and a kept a prayer list. 3. Pray everyday. This will help you become intimate w/God. Regardless, of the masturbation, it is a artifact of your sinful condition as documented in Romans 3 and Romans 6. Don't sweat it but take it seriously as God's grace is enough for you. Period.. that's it ... it is. Eventually, you will develop a real live relationship with God and there will be a day when it's the last time you will ever do it. But, remember, don't get legalistic by counting days etc.. it doesn't work. What attracts you and me to God, is His love and grace, not His rules. On my last day, afterwords, God literally dropped a piano on me and I knew it was over, because I had done it, and really didn't need to. It had gone from an addition to a habit to an habit that no longer needed to be had. God is so wonderful.... in a sense, this is called deliverance. 4. This will come as part of the recovery program, but, get accountability partners and a mentor that you can talk to about this habit and what really drives you to do it. It's more than testosterone that's driving you; something much moew powerful that is bigger than you, but God is much bigger than it. Exchange phone numbers and call each other everyday.... 5. Finally, remember that God is for you not against you and He is not keeping score. See 1 Cor 13 for verification of that. He is loyal to you and dedicated to seeing you through this to victory.... there is no other Name, In His grip gratefully, rofaith

19ramman85 -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/18/2008 8:40:26 PM)
rofaith .......... get accountability partners and a mentor that you can talk to about this habit and what really drives you to do it. I forgot about that one, rofaith! -charles

OneJohn410 -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/19/2008 1:41:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jcd777 Guys, I have stopped sinning with my girlfriend who lives with me. However, its difficult, sometimes I cant control it, and end up masterbating either without any thought at all, or by watching some porn. Dont know what to do to stop this. I have only been with 2 woman my entire life, my ex-wife (6-7 years), and my girl friend (2 years). Need help, advice, etc... Thanks, jcd I had not read you were at one time sinning with her, so congrats on now being able to not be sinning with her, with her. That just about sums up my advice in one sentence, but I'm not out to make you think I'm trying to be funny here. I think your whole problem will be taken care of if you are with her, and if you two are married. What you've got there is one huge situation for hurt, for unwanted words and actions, for temptations, and for temptations to tempt each other, and there's so much room for non-commitment, misunderstanding, ... almost but not quite a real mess. Can you sense any of that at all? There's no way I could date someone, want to be getting to know them better, and be living with them for two years without being married to her those same two years. The other things mentioned by others are fine and good, but in the setting you are in, just looking/thinking about your girlfriend can bring on the lust, and you are right back sinning with her, with her again. By your subject, is a goal in life to become sinless? First no longer with your girlfriend, and now you are looking for being sinless by yourself with her, but yet not with her. Don't get me wrong, those are great goals. Prayer is going to be a big part of things, and you didn't mention having sought any help from the Lord with things. OneJohn410

rofaith -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/19/2008 3:40:33 AM)
One last thing JCD... move out... ASAP... as long as she is near like this, temptation will stalk you. This sexual thing which could be an outward expression of abandonment, rejection or some other painful event is yours to conquer with Jesus Christ as your power, Lord and Savior. As long as the gf is so available, it can be a problem. Plus the whole, "abstain from all appearance of evil" thing... Remember, God is for you not against you... and you "can do all things through Christ who continually strengthens you". When you walk in faith, and make a choice to deal with this thing one day at a time, when God speaks or acts on your behalf, nothing will be able to stand before Him on your behalf... He is as determined to conquer this through you or moreso, than you are.. In His grip, rofaith

ChoirDJ -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/19/2008 3:25:33 PM)
quote: I too, have a small problem - yet, looking and or wanting (mostly) to look at porn. What works for me- is to get myself distracted by - FORCING, myself to do other things, for example; stop what I am doing and pray to God, grab the Bible (or any other printed media) and read, call a Christian friend, go for a ride/walk/run, take a cold shower, and anything else that I can think of to get rid of the temptation. Looking at porn is never a small problem. I wonder what your wife would say about this issue and your attitude towards masturbation (and that's assuming she knows about it). But don't feel inclined to answer that question here. Would she say she feels emotionally close to you and at peace with what you do or could she be one of the many women posting in the married's section about how frustrated she is with her husband's attitude and behavior. Just a thought. quote: Its been estimated that 90% of us men, and at least 65% of women masterbate(most of that- at least weekly). And this makes it justifiable? As Christians, aren't we called to not conform to the pattern of the world? quote: And while you are at it - pray to God for his suppport to help you. Even if He is just sitting on the sidelines cheering you on to victory - that would still be a major boost of moral. I think this is a very irreverent and unbiblically sound way of looking at God...C'mon a Cheerleader? That's even worse than the "Man Upstairs" description of God. quote: And don't forget to repent of this sin, and ask God to help you with the battles of temptation in regards to this addiction. Get your gf involved with your recovery - w/o her there by ya, you're screwed! You have got to be kidding me! You are advising a man who is immoral with his girlfriend to involve his girlfriend (not a spouse) in his recovery? Seriously 19ramman85, on what biblical principles are you basing your counsel since this is a Christian forum afterall? As rofaith stated, jcd777. You (or her) need to move out. You need to get right with God again and get a hold on your purity before getting into another relationship. It sounds like things are resolving themselves from the sound of things in your other posts. If you can't get a handle on your purity before you get married, you are not going to be pure after marriage and you will end up devastating your future wife with your "habits."

terryjohn -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/19/2008 4:38:49 PM)
Your problem is that you do not love enough. Once you love your girlfriend you would marry her and in the same way if you loved God you would not use her as you do. Marrage is demanded by love, hence, if you will not marry, you should leave for the last thing women need is for men to take advantage of them only to throw them out when they find someone better. Now the secret is love, for as long as I can remember I have never been able to have lustful thoughts about women I truely loved. Even the first chirstian girl I fall in love with, I could not even begin to think of her in any other way but as a beautiful sister in Christ. In the end my love for her demanded that she should marry someone better than me. Strange I know but that is love. Now when it comes to porn, I also find the same, for while I will not deny the beauty of the female form which is becoming harder and harder to avoid in todays media, I am also stunned, shocked and saddened by the perversion of the female soul and spirit in it and find no pleasure in their dishonour and self destructiveness, especially when I see the potential for the love of Christ in their lives. I then find myself wanting to tell them of the love of Chirst and not about abusing them as men would. If you will but learn to love as Christ loves your world will be transformed in an instant. Love like this; 1 cor 13 - 1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

19ramman85 -> Ur gonna love this ChoirDJ (7/21/2008 9:18:30 PM)
ChoirDJ - Yes, in most cases, looking at porn is a major problem- to some. To some people like the O.P, and others. And to those of - "us", who have basically over-come our previous life-styles - YES, porn is a minor issue. This is because- and this is my rational, based on my own recovery, and life-learned lessons; 1) We realize we are powerless, without a Higher-Power (in my case - that would be God himself). 2) Porn - destroys the true meaning of sex, sexual pleasure. 3) Demeans/berates people. 4) Satisfies nothing more than the lustful desire of the flesh. 5) Porn addiction- like its cousin, alcohol addiction and other mind-altering addiction- is an addiction that wants more- and is never fully satisfied while one is engrossed within the addiction. 6) Porn addiction- as well as other mind-altering additions, cannot be completely cured. It will be a thorn in ones side for the rest of their life. How one deals with it - is another matter. 7) Porn addiction- as well as alcohol, cocain, mary jane,etc - need human intervention to get control over and becoming a successsful recovering addict (like me and a few million more!) And so on and so forth. As far as what my wife would say about my temptations to looking at porn. Lets just say she's not worried about it. Because unlike you (and everyone else)- she remembers all too well what I was like before rehab. And as far as the masterbation point you pointed out? She also knows all about it- and is fine with that also. Here's a 4-1-1 for you; My wife could care less if I - "Did it", or not My wife is also not much of a -"Believer", nor does she care about anything remotely computer related - so save your spin! Several years ago, it had finally dawned on me - "Why do I even bother looking at other women, in a sexual way?, especially since I am quite happy with my wife, and I really don't want any other woman? And besides, now that I am over the age of 40- my sexual needs/wants are drastically differant than when I was 20, so why bother? Well, believe it or not - my wife and I had a nice little discussion about that. And for the sake of the arguement (and space!) - she saw/understood/etc where i was coming from, (beside saying- from a womans perspective- because you're being a typical male) and we had both agreed that I was finally reaching that point of sexual maturity - that if you were to tell me 20 yrs ago, I'd run into - I'd call ya a liar! But it is the truth. And here is another shocker for you - I have erectial dysfunction. And I happen to be one of those people. that those types of drugs have no effect on me. OK? Now I don't know where or what you learned about the male sexual drive at. But from what I have learned - is that - "it", is a normal function for us guys. And if you happen to be in the 10% that doesn't need to do - "it" - hey! that's great!. But don't call the rest of us - "sinful, dirty people" , just because we are doing something - "NATURE", has engrained into us! And don't get started on the tangent that God prohibits masterbation. Because there are only two references in the whole Bible about it. And I can think of a lot more serious desires of the flesh- that God speaks about, when he is refering to- not conforming to the world; coveting our nieghbors whatever, in-hospitality, false witness, dishonoring those; in authority/parents, drunkedness, envy, strife, anger, jealousies, sexual immorality, witchcraft, and others. But I do not believe, from what I have learned - that masterbation, in its self - is a dreadful, awful sin. Justifiable? Guess we'll find out - eh? My next point - you're gonna love me on! From what I have learned, regardless if its my old Catholic up-bringing, life-learned, Church /other Christian teachers teaching - one main piont between mine and Gods relationship is this - *God helps those who help themselves!* Meaning - if one does not put any initiative into changing their ways - then don't expect God to do much for you either! Maybe you're one of those - that truely believe that God will zap us into being -"perfect lil' 'Christians", like yourself. But most of us were born and raised in typical American homes. We need to work out our salvation, if you will, each and every minute of each and every day. History lesson; I too, at one time - used to believe that all I had to do was to wait on God - and he'll change me. Well, geuss what? That never happened! All the time I was wallowing in self-pity, alcoholism- and crying to the Lord, to the point were I practically believed God had no use/care for me, and right down to losing all faith in God. I mean, I wanted to be part of these happy Christian people that I seen - yet I couldn't get God to get me there. And I could never figure out- "why" that was. Not at least untill I started thereapy. Which is what jcd777 needs to do. Because for all the hollerin', boo-hoo-hoo, poor poor pitiful me- he is doing, he is not going to change one iota - not in the secular world, nor in God's world - unless he gets busy and gets into therapy. Preach all ya want about God will zap you into the -"Perfect Christian", if you just confess your sin -but brother - that aint the real world. And I really don't think God works that way, either. And yes - if he and his g/f are really serious about him over-coming his addiction then by all means- let's not stop them! And besides - you are you to judge his girlfriend? have you met her?, do you know her heart? do you "know", if she is a "immoral", as you seem to portray her? If you dont have any rational answers to these, then I suggest you to just shut-up! Because it sounds like you are a legalist. And I base all my views on what I have learned in life- both in the secular, and Religious worlds. And I totally agree with OneJohn410 - especially if she really, really wants to help him, and if she is sincere that she loves him - then by all means, they should get married. It would do them both good! So this is a - "Christian Forum? that's nice of you to acknowledge that fact. But just remember one thing, if you will - please - Just because this is a -"Christian Forum", by no means - means that there are no hypocrites, atheists, agnostics, Muslims, Jews, Wiccans, etc. here -charles

ChoirDJ -> RE: Ur gonna love this ChoirDJ (7/22/2008 2:18:51 PM)
19ramman85...in the interest of not quarreling, I am going to remove myself from any further dialogue with you on this particular issue. Edited to apologize for this comment... quote: Looking at porn is never a small problem. I wonder what your wife would say about this issue and your attitude towards masturbation (and that's assuming she knows about it). But don't feel inclined to answer that question here. Would she say she feels emotionally close to you and at peace with what you do or could she be one of the many women posting in the married's section about how frustrated she is with her husband's attitude and behavior. Just a thought. I went back and read my post and I apologize for making these remarks. They were absolutely unnecessary.

jn1010lf -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/22/2008 4:56:12 PM)
Hello jcd777 Okay, to all guys in your situation I wonder. What is your relationship with the Lord? Do you udnerstand what holiness is? Do you have any clue as to the sanctity of marriage? What has God told you about the life style He wants you to lead?

AboundinginHisGrace -> RE: Ur gonna love this ChoirDJ (7/22/2008 10:23:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 19ramman85 7) Porn addiction- as well as alcohol, cocain, mary jane,etc - need human intervention to get control over and becoming a successsful recovering addict (like me and a few million more!) -charles I have to disagree with this statement. I mean God can and will use people to help with addictions, but to say that you NEED human intervention is untrue. Before I was a Christian I had multiple addictions some were mental addictions and some were physical, some I quite easily, some were hard, but some I never even shared with people and with the help of God I was able to quite. I not telling him that he shouldn't seek help by no means. But with God all things are possible, if its within His will, and I can guarantee you that it is within God's will for a Christian to not have any addictions.

19ramman85 -> CHOIRDJ _ Plz Read This! (7/24/2008 10:43:36 AM)
ChoirDJ - apology accepted, u r forgiven - and likewise (we arent going to get into a hissy-fit w/ each other, because no one will win) Aboundinginhisgrace ........ OK then, if that is the case, then where was God when I cried, prayed, et al. when I was reaching out for him? hmmmmmmmmmmm? Why didn't He answer me? How come he didn't - "zap", me into a alcohol, porn free addict, instead of having me go thru about 9 yrs of therapy and A.A? Why did He allow me to get to the point that I really didn't want to believe in him any more, and that some how - for whatever reason, I was already condemned, and it didn't matter anyways? Where was He during those very serious thoughts of suicide that I was having? Not saying that it DOESN'T happen - just saying don't go waiting for something that MAY NOT happen. After all - God Blesses whom - "HE", wants to Bless. -charles

546587931 -> RE: Stopped Sinning (7/29/2008 9:48:05 AM)
I was once very addicted to porn, then I gave it up for Lent. During this period I learned just how murky the world of pornography is. Now I'm indifferent on the subject of porn. If you can be free of it, do so as much as possible. Yet, I would not guilt myself if I looked at it occasionally. The point is, pornography is generally a waste of time, and it only satisfies for the moment. Meanwhile, your relationship with your girlfriend (and with God), jcd777, can be very fulfilling. Pornography blinds us from seeing the wonders that God has in store for us. Ask yourself, what is your relationship based on? Love, or Lust?

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