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p.progress -> RE: Is there any hope for my marriage: husband still has sexual addiction. (7/28/2008 3:26:51 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
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ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
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I KNOW that God has removed me from the burden of carring a sinful mans consequences. A man who refuses to repeant (truely) come clean and do what is right. Now He is telling me to dust off my feet and leave the home or town of a sinful people who will not listen or change their ways.
*You didn't have to stay in a home where porn and lies were an ongoing thing --- here's the verses of scripture:
"I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat." {1 Corinthians 5:9-11}
I agree. LilyJolene, I'm so sorry that your husband has chosen this path. IMO you aren't required to stay with a man who is constantly being unfaithful. In fact, in some situations like this it comes to a point where staying could be more harmful than leaving. It sounds like you've done all that you could do (and then some) to save this marriage but it takes two people to have a marriage.
I don't think that sexual immorality/adultery can be compared to eating unhealthy foods. It's just not even in the same ballpark. There's a big difference between unhealthy eating habits and cheating on one's spouse. At least when you eat unhealthy foods you are mainly harming yourself but when a husband looks at porn he is breaking his marriage vows and commiting adultery in his heart/mind which directly affects the wife.
ETA: If I knew that my choosing to eat a deep fried twinky would break my husband's heart I would not even think of looking at one. It would be a great incentive to never eat one again. So if a husband knows that looking at porn will break his wife's heart why would he go ahead and do it? God has given us freedom. We aren't slaves to sin anymore. Therefore it is possible for ALL Christian men to give up porn cold turkey. Sadly though IME most choose not to. It may be hard but it is a choice.
To both you and jamiestarcross:
You have cited ONE SINGLE solitary passage - an ISOLATED passage, and taken IT OUT OF the contextual setting of EVERYTHING ELSE that the Lord has expressed in his Will (the Scriptures and the instructions and commands therein), that must be examined on this question of 'separation' from sinners.
Are you really trying to claim that there are no other passages to find and 'weigh in the balance' here? That this passage and this passage ALONE - or simular passages like unto it, are the ONLY instructions given to believers when facing the prospect of being in the company of and with sinners...those who obviously are disobedient and obey not the Word of God? Is that what you are saying here? Is this your advice? In the absence of hearing (reading otherwise) what else am I to conclude?
You quote 1Cor.5:9-11 as if IT is "ALL the counsel of God" to take into consideration here in this sad and grievous situation that LilyJolene has laid out in her posts. You have failed to - or shunned to declare all the counsel of God on the subject at hand, takiing into consideration that LilyJolene is not speaking about some professing brother and 'member' of an assembly here or there; but is speaking about and asking advise about what she ought to do in the circumstances she faces as a wife; the wife of a husband that apparently obeys not the Word. So what DOES the Lord instruct a wife in such a case as this? Does he say ANYWHERE to take him away from her presence? Purge him from her life and his own household? Cast him out? Or depart from him? Is that what the Lord says? ''
LilyJolene, you have admitted to being argry and frustrated (etc., and not admited to some other things that your posts reveal about your spiritual state of health at present)...you, it sounds like, have 'come to the end of your rope', so to speak. You have lost hope in her husband every changing, and that includes lost hope in him being for you what you need him to be. Yes? Yes!
But can I say this without you thinking I lack empathy for you, for I have; or that I am condemning of you, for I am not. But I see things differently, based upon: one, my own experiences I have been made to pass through; and two, those I have been responsible for having been the cause, others I love, to pass through; but three, and more importantly, I see that God's Word, though perhaps tough to swallow and continue to holdfast to in the midst of suffering and trials even grievous afflictions; yet there is no better alternative to cling to and have hope in. WE all need to be reminded of this, though we 'know them', that our...the HOPE of God, is NOT in people, and must not be placed in them at any time. And your hope has got to be stripped from you that is in that which God never intended you to place it in. Your hope for peace, joy, contentm,ent and fulfillment IS not and CANNOT be in your husband, or his restoration to sanity; that is, to fulfill his responsibilities before God, meaning, to fulfill God's will as a husband, a husband to you.
Your hope CANNOT be in anything other that ETERNAL things - the temporal hopes you have in any, your husband included, to provide peace and joy (etc.) in your life and heart are only as solid as God's Word promises to provide you with these through him. And the good news is that God has not promised you such things through your husband!!! So you can give up on that vain hope and know that you have just fuliflled God's will for you at least in that one thing!
I am not making light whatsoever of your husband's sin or how it has affected you. But you need not concern yourself with changing him (as you say you now know and are not trying to do). Your focus needs and must now be (as it has always needed to be) to trust solely in God, not in man for your contentment and joy. Though it is grievous to pass through the sorrows and afflictions and whatever else will be associated with being subjection to your "own" husband, there is a promise of peace and joy that does indeed pass ALL UNDERSTANDING! It is though in the abiding in Christ, remaining in his love or "keeping in the love of God" as the apostle depicts it, that the child of God can only be assured of this sustaining and perserving peace and joy.
It is easy to ignore the need for this when much or all that is outward (of a temporal nature) is seemingly fine in one's life: "I have a good and gentle and godly husband, my children are sound and well adjusted, I have a nice home, I have good health, I have no pressing financial concerns, I have good standing among my peers.", and so on. There are I fear, many who lean on these things and mistake the lack and absence of such conflict in their lives for the peace of God that truly ONLY is experienced by the cultivation of the soul in the presence of Christ when they meet with him to refresh themselves in him.
I am not speaking pie in the sky or trying to appear or wax spiritual. What I speak of is labor intensive. There is a real battle and perhaps even sweat - certainly tears involved in keeping in the love of God, abiding in this presence. The more you do so in times of solitude and prayer and worship (say in the early morning), the more that you will carry that experience into and throughout the day.
Do as it instructs and gives insight to you as a wife in Peter's letter (1pt.3.1-6; 2.18-3-6) and as a believer (these passages and all of that letter). It 3:1-6, you are told to trust in God. To say it another way (as other passages clearly express this) you are not to trust in man - any man, including your own husband. That does not mean to be suspicious of them in a unhealthy way, but to not lean upon them where only God is to be counted on and trusted to be ever faithful to perform.
You are clearly instructed by the Lord to obey (submissively) your husband and to do so with a reverence (fear: phobos). And get it once and for all clear that it says this, obviously anticipating the natural reactions within the woman, that would tend to cause her to justify sidestepping this and find a way to outright refuse to conform your behavior to these commands. Obedience needs to be in accordance to these instructions - in total and in accordance to the other passages throughout scripture that speaks to this call of God to the woman and to wives, and how they are to live before God, dwelling with their husbands. To mix these instructions with a vain hope that in doing all this stuff, I'll be rewarded with a good an godly husband who'll love and cherish me is to focus on what is not absolutely promised by God. There is no promise of his changing, but there is the promise of from God of peace and joy to the one who flees not from her husband, but flees to God; and the promise of hearing well done thou good and faithful servant; and the promise that you will be called a daughter of Sarah - "as long as you do well, and are not afraid with any amazement". It may be that your husband may change and come to his senses, come to God and find the power of Christ to be delivered of his sins of the flesh (lusting after other women, etc.). It is more likely I believe that this could occur as you consistently manifest before him your love and fear of God, your trust in and leaning upon God alone, for your needs to be met, and your reverence for him, as manifested by having reverence for your husband - disobedient as he is, or as he sounds to be.
When it says "that if any obey not the Word" it is speaking of just what your husband is displaying. He is not obeying, he is not persuaded sufficiently enough to be sure that God's commands are meant to be kept by him. The enslavement that has gripped him is real and very strong. As a man I can assure you that he is not pleased with himself and is mortally ashamed deep with in himself for this weakness that has control of him. It is easier to give up drinking or gambling or whatever other vice one might become enslaved to of such nature. But when it comes to sexual sins...with a man, and I know you cannot really appreciate this fully not being one (as I am not a woman and cannot fully grasp issues with them), but think of it: We are designed to be agressive - its hormonal, as much as you are in your womanly hormonal issues... but it is hormonal and moreso. We are designed to be stimulated by sight, and it is strong within us - not absolutely uncontrolable, but strong. You all know this, hence the great emphasis upon the enhancement of the feminine forms natural allurement with manmade additives (make up, clothing, walk, etc., etc., etc.). The only thing that makes women so 'irresistable' is that we were designed to be strongly attracted to your feminine form, mannerisms and primary functions God designed in you and you for. But that thing is very powerful - just see where it got the Roman Catholic nonsensical dogma of the 'vow of celibacy' for those that become their priests, as one example of trying to 'out smart' that drive.
Your husband has had to face the fact that there is NO WAY he's EVER going to GET AWAY FROM and ESCAPE Being visually 'attacked' by and 'broadsided' with 'sallies' of the feminine form...it is everwhere...YOU are everwhere. And here in South Florida, it is even more pronounced.
You REALLY can avoid the bars, the cigarettes, the dounuts, the ice cream, chocolate and race tracks and the like...and they are not even natural to our appetites, and they are not EVERYWHERE like the feminine form is EVERYWHERE to be SEEN.
He can try all he wants to (when in the times I can guarentee you he has tried to) avoid noticing the forms of which he as a man is irresistably and I mean here naturally drawn to both appreciate in a good sense, or overly 'appreciate' in a lustful way; but it is futile. End of story. It is futile because he is a man and he was made to is driven to desire the things that God originally intended for the woman and the form of the woman to satisfy in the man.
But having said, that I am not admitting of the futility of having those drives for and the appreciation of the feminine form being harnessed and wholesomely kept in check, on a percentage scale that is. We are afterall fallen creatures - both men and women. Your husband is a son of Adam, as you are a daughter of Eve (and Adam). At the fall...after the fall God commanded the woman to do that which seems mad in that he called her to accept the rule of her fallen husband, except the rule of man and to accept her role to be a submissive and subservient one to him. If you are offended by this, see it for yourself in the scriptures. If are unwilling to accept this and would rather label me what I am not, then you're relatrionship to your husband is most likely through on a horizonal level. I am not advocating anything but the will of God that will allow you to see your situation from his perspective, so that you might find peace and joy in spite of the circumstances of being the wife of a disobesient husband. Love God is to obey him. Obey and love God truly and sincerely will cause you to gird your loins and be a good and godly woman and wife to this man and leave his restoration to God in God's hands, and to wait patirnetly for God to do with this man as he sees fit to. Love him and IF OR WHEN he comes to his senses and finds victory to overcome his sins, he will bless you and praise you in the gates, to all and later before God. Don't doubt that. But do your own will, justify leaving him, and see where that will leave you and those looking on in the time to come.
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