RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . .
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RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house!... - 8/2/2008 5:54:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25990
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
Well, if we have people coming over it's generally to eat dinner, and I don't want them to be afraid to eat my food.  
So, Kath, because I don't deep-clean my house before I have company, does that mean that you would be afraid to eat my food?
I didn't say I am afraid. :)
Example: Well, I didn't clean out the silverware tray, didn't even occur to me, and at dinner Brenda freaked out when she looked at her fork and at the end of it, not the part that goes in your mouth but the handle, there was a ball of rolled up fuzz, and she just froze staring at it. I just reached over and pulled it off and told her she could get another one if she wanted. That kind of thing would not bother me, it doesn't bother me, but it sure did her. I'm not sure if I would clean it out just because they were coming over but I might clean it out sometime between now and then, just to clean.
If there was a ball of rolled up fuzz on the end of my fork at your house I would not be afraid to use it.
But, then I see the dust that builds up on the walls in the utility room and it doesn't bother me, I know it's not going to blown down on my food, but Brenda or my mom might think so. I clean it up but I don't stress about it. I know the yellow stain behind the seat of the upstairs toilet is clean water that blows out of the water tank when we flush because it isnt' sealed properly but company would think that yellow stain is something else and be afraid to sit.
Ah. Ok, I understand what you're saying now.
There's a woman I know . . . she came over for dinner the other day, and there was a water spot on a knife that I gave her. She scrunched up her nose and made a horrible face, like I was trying to poison her. I just rolled my eyes at her and gave her another knife. I'm sure my response wasn't very gracious; but with this particular woman, everything is an overly dramatic moment, and I just wasn't in the mood for it.
If I were over at anyone's house and saw a fuzzball on my silverware, I would try to discreetly remove it without my host seeing me do so because I would not want them to feel bad about something like that. If they did see me, I would probably just try to make a joke about it to let them know that it didn't bother me.
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Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house!... - 8/2/2008 6:14:45 PM
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kimberlysfrog
Posts: 1609
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: Northern California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: kimberlysfrog
Thinking on this a bit more, I think this behavior comes from being shamed and made to feel not good enough when you were a child.
I know that's still basically what has been said, but it was just a small "a-ha!" moment for me.
I agree, Kimberly (and others).
I wasn't really raised by anyone (i.e., I wasn't taught one way or another how to do things), so I really can't relate to that.
I very much, however, can related to being shamed and made to feel quite inferior (by different people) when I was a child; and I grew up (and I believe, consequently so) with no self-esteem and huge perfectionistic issues.
One of the deepest issues I've struggled with throughout my adult life and as a Christian is this...if the people who are supposed to love you the most (parents/family) don't seem to do so and rather seem to find unending faults with you and hardly ever think you did something well, why would anyone else be any different?
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ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
I wasn't really raised by anyone (i.e., I wasn't taught one way or another how to do things), so I really can't relate to that.
I very much, however, can related to being shamed and made to feel quite inferior (by different people) when I was a child; and I grew up (and I believe, consequently so) with no self-esteem and huge perfectionistic issues.
I think this is key, Sharon-Marie. It's the very idea that were weren't taught one way or the other, we were just shamed no matter what we did. We couldn't win no matter what we did! Thus, we determined that perfection was the only option. Who could find fault with perfection?
Exactly!!!
To take it a bit further, over 15 years ago, I was living with a roommate who was completely exasperated with me and my messiness. To her shock, one of her friends told her I was a perfectionist and she didn't believe him. What she (and I!) didn't realize is that there are different types of perfectionists out there, and one of the types simply gives up when they can't reach their perfectionistic standards. That was me (and still is to a degree). If I can't do it perfectly, I don't do it at all. That's how I avoid the stress of not being perfect. (I think we found out more about it from this book)
Like that worked, though :P Over the last 10+ years I've been retraining myself to do what I can and accept that it isn't perfect.
I also struggle with not letting what others think about me influence my choices and keep me from trying new things.
Oh, I don't shave my legs, I haven't for years 
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RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house!... - 8/2/2008 6:24:04 PM
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CoeurdeLeon_
Posts: 9474
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kimberlysfrog
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: kimberlysfrog
Thinking on this a bit more, I think this behavior comes from being shamed and made to feel not good enough when you were a child.
I know that's still basically what has been said, but it was just a small "a-ha!" moment for me.
I agree, Kimberly (and others).
I wasn't really raised by anyone (i.e., I wasn't taught one way or another how to do things), so I really can't relate to that.
I very much, however, can related to being shamed and made to feel quite inferior (by different people) when I was a child; and I grew up (and I believe, consequently so) with no self-esteem and huge perfectionistic issues.
One of the deepest issues I've struggled with throughout my adult life and as a Christian is this...if the people who are supposed to love you the most (parents/family) don't seem to do so and rather seem to find unending faults with you and hardly ever think you did something well, why would anyone else be any different?
I could have written this!
But, what I am on the road to realizing is that, while the 2 people who should have cherished me didn't, there are tons of people, and always have been, who think I'm semi-great. I'm convincing myself to listen to them and not to those lying tapes in my head recorded by people who shouldn't have been allowed in in the first place.
The other thing is, I've been praying to see myself as Christ sees me. Or as God sees me through Christ. For a long time I had a warped view of God as someone who also demanded perfection from me. He happens to be the One who cherishes me more than all the others combined, so I want to listen to what He says about me. 
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This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house!... - 8/2/2008 6:26:59 PM
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Kath
Posts: 17146
Joined: 2/28/2005
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I think I'm a messy because my mom was so clean. ocd clean. If I was reading in the living room and got up to go to the bathroom I had to take my book in case I didn't come back and it just sat there. She'd make me scrub the floor over and over on my hands and knees till there were no more streaks. One time I scrubbed it 6 times, no joke. We'd have to scrub the walls and yes, if there were streaks we'd have to do it over again. She'd dump the contents of my closet floor and dresser drawers onto my bed and I'd have to clean it before I went to bed. I think I just got so sick of it I went the other way.
Poor Larry saw my moms house and thought that is the way I'd be too.
So I'm a messy and it just doesn't bother me much but it does when company is coming. Not that I'm embarrassed but just because I don't want to offend. If it's just a friend coming for coffee I don't rush around cleaning. Just for Brenda and my parents.
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RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house!... - 8/2/2008 6:39:09 PM
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kimberlysfrog
Posts: 1609
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: Northern California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
I think I'm a messy because my mom was so clean. ocd clean. If I was reading in the living room and got up to go to the bathroom I had to take my book in case I didn't come back and it just sat there. She'd make me scrub the floor over and over on my hands and knees till there were no more streaks. One time I scrubbed it 6 times, no joke. We'd have to scrub the walls and yes, if there were streaks we'd have to do it over again. She'd dump the contents of my closet floor and dresser drawers onto my bed and I'd have to clean it before I went to bed. I think I just got so sick of it I went the other way.
Poor Larry saw my moms house and thought that is the way I'd be too.
So I'm a messy and it just doesn't bother me much but it does when company is coming. Not that I'm embarrassed but just because I don't want to offend. If it's just a friend coming for coffee I don't rush around cleaning. Just for Brenda and my parents.
That would for sure turn me into a messie!!! BTW, I just discovered a neat website for people like us, Kath :)
I'm thankful my mom and my father weren't like that, but my stepdad ranked close!
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RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house!... - 8/2/2008 7:38:53 PM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 7735
Joined: 6/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
Well, I don't shave my legs so I am not really sure who I am trying to impress at all.
You're missing out.
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Do we make things harder on ourselves trying to be perfect . . . or trying to give the illusion of perfection?
Most certainly. Striving for something unachievable seems entirely time consuming. Perfection is viewed differently in the eye of the beholder, but our sin nature makes us blind, so we really don't have a percept glimpse of perfection, just this false imagery we've created for ourselves.
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The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house!... - 8/2/2008 8:22:07 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 10609
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Kristin, I like to spoil people also, and I also like to extend hospitality as well.
I think I may have mentioned earlier in the thread . . . I don't consider hospitality to be the same thing as the topic of this thread. To me, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
Aww! Gotcha! I need to read the op better...
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~Kristin~
Resume Quotations: "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."
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What harm did you do to the person who unexpectedly came by for a visit while the house is a bit untidy? 
I've thought I hit reply to a post but goofed and hit edit instead. Then my reply shows up under their handle. I've done it twice. 
