RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or Help Him?!?!
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[Poll]
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Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or Help Him?!?!
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| Get over it and let God use him like he is. |
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| You're the one with the issue, not him. |
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| By all means, help him improve his speech and ministry! |
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| Ask him how he feels about it and help only if he wants it. |
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| Just keep praying & believe that God will change him if it's HIS will. |
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| If it doesn't bother him, it shouldn't bother you. |
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Total Votes : 12
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(last vote on : 8/22/2008 7:39:47 AM)
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/21/2008 5:41:56 PM
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pianofirstlady
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/18/2008
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Thanks for the continued responses here. I truly appreciate all of your feedback. I'm gonna attempt to address all of the questions posed here:
To sisrev: no, his speech issue is NOT a dealbreaker. As I noted in the OP, I would love him all the same if he never did a thing about it. To make it such would be like declaring that I'm perfect and unwilling to accept his imperfections. And Lord knows I know better than that! Nothing bothers me worse than people who look down on others for having weaknesses in an area that they're strong in. Like an ex of mine who was 'model-quality' attractive and always calling other people ugly. It unnerved me! I was always quick to remind him that his looks could be taken away from him at any time. Ask some of the people who have had horrendous car accidents or who've suffered burn accidents. So it is with this speech thing. And this is why I feel "evil" for even taking issue with it. I mean, I live in a city with some of the worse traffic in the nation. One wrong move from one of these 18-wheeler dudes driving and texting and I could be left without a voice AT ALL...or the day-to-day mobility that most of us take for granted...or soundness of mind...or the ability to make decisions for my life. Ok, I know it's a bit of a grim picture, but that's how I make myself put things in perspective. Life is extremely fragile and I try to focus more on what is "right" about him than what he needs work in. There are days and moments when I love him so deeply that it's like I don't even notice his speech.
BUT! On those "other" days and moments, my thinking is more along the lines of what wonder_woman and youthrev and bluestone have shared here. There are areas in our lives that, if we're willing to work on and improv them, it makes us better people and opens up doors for greater opportunities.
For everybody that mentioned Moses, yes, I think about this all the time. It makes it that much tougher to address this issue, but at the end of the day, this is about honesty. And to give him anything less is not right. What I'm feeling is what I'm feeling and buckifn hit the nail on the head. If I don't address it now, while it's just a "simmerin" pot, I run the risk of allowing it to become a boiling stew and insulting him about it in a moment of anger. And I could never forgive myself if I did that.
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/21/2008 6:11:44 PM
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pianofirstlady
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/18/2008
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To bluestone: The ordination process in his denomination is not terribly restrictive. And this is not big-city life we're talking here. The town he preaches in is VERY small and I think sometimes they're just glad to get a preacher. Because the church is so small, many of the preachers in their denomination consider it an insult to be assigned there, or to other small congregations like it. (Imagine that!) And I'd have to agree with the poster in that I don't think his speech issues should've stopped them from ordaining him, but for those of his brothers in the ministry that call on him to preach in their churches, they should be willing to help him. And I KNOW they notice it. But hey - if they're willing to look past it, then apparently it's not issue for them. And he actually gets quite a number of invitations to preach. He's quite a fiery preacher, but I think his cohorts appreciate his spirit a lot too. Humility seems all but extinct among many modern-day preachers, and he has such a humble and loving spirit. I also think God opens up doors for him because of his faithfulness. I've been in the store with this man, and he ran into one of his coworkers who started lamenting about his family's hard times...car getting repo'd, etc. and my fiance stood right there and took the time to minister to this guy...just letting him know that everything was gonna be alright, to just keep serving and trusting God and that God would bring him something better. (The guy was a relatively new convert.) And he does stuff like that all the time...with black and white folks alike. And whoever else. It's very touching to see that his role as a preacher and pastor does not stop when he walks out of the pulpit.
GregandJenny: LOL! Wow, all I can say is thanks for your candor. I totally understand what you’re saying. Trust me when I say that it doesn’t sadden you nearly as much as it saddens me. If you will refer to my OP, you’ll understand the “battle” within me concerning this. It’s like one part of me can look beyond it but another part of me feels like I’m “cheating” him to not let him know my honest feelings. Yeah, I’ll admit some of it’s an image thing, but at the end of the day, the most important thing is that he is UNDERSTOOD. Both in the pulpit and at home. And when it comes down to talking to a person and you’re “losing” some of what they’re saying, you do them a disservice to not let them know that. But I’m not going anywhere. I believe that God put us together to become one and work as a team for his glory, and part of that is helping each other to get better.
This brings me to the point that KuKu brought up: no this is not SOLELY an environmental /socially-influenced speech issue here. My OP suggested that SOME of his speaking is likely to be that, but we’re talking about a real speech impediment even beyond any social influence of speaking. As I said in my OP, it’s terribly hard to describe. I wish I could offer you something more “definable,” but I’m just not sure how to define it. But I’m more inclined to believe that a speech impediment is in the genetic code (notice OP says his mom has an identical impediment). If not genetically caused, then the environmental/social cause could be having “learned” those speaking patterns from ‘Mommy.’
I continue to pray though. Mostly for my own heart and spirit concerning this.
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/21/2008 8:48:46 PM
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Sadey
Posts: 541
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He sounds wonderful and you know something so do you. Are you sure this is the real thing you are upset about? Sometimes there is a deeper thing going on that we don't recognize.
After reading your last post, that he will stop and minister to anyone, anywhere, anytime and that other preachers ask him to fill their pulpits, I'm wondering if maybe he has such a pastor's heart that folks don't hear his speech impediment. Don't laugh I've heard some ministers who weren't that great at preaching but they loved their church and God so much, no one noticed that they weren't strong in the pulpit.
I hope you can come to grips with this and if you do talk to him that it goes well.
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/21/2008 10:00:11 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2742
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Raleigh, NC
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1 Cor 2:1 - 5 (ESV) 1And I, when I came to you, brothers,£ did not come proclaiming to you the testimony£ of God with lofty speech or wisdom. 2For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, 4and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/23/2008 10:30:27 AM
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Szaftoo
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This post and some of its replies surprises me, however, I am just curious. When did his way of speaking start to bother you? Were you bothered by it at your first meeting and while you were dating? Did it start to bother you when you got serious or got engaged?
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/23/2008 12:29:53 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2474
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From: Sunflower State
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David Ring is a wonderful evangelist who has a tremendous speech impediment yet is used mightily by God!
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/24/2008 4:38:01 PM
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KuKu
Posts: 889
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: Somewhere out there
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Pianofirst,
My sister thinks I am changing clothes to do something this afternoon, but in fact I am writing you. I spent the morning thinking about you and praying for you.
The reason I thought of you is Pastor Scott. Scott is a part of another church who comes to ours to preach on occasion. He is our 'potluck' preacher, and he is incredible- from the kids to the eldest love him, and many people stay just because he is the one preaching after lunch.
Scott has a very pronounced problem with pronunciation. In fact, it can take him up to a minute to say his own name. Scott has a MAJOR stuttering problem, and has had it since he was a child. He has the perfect excuse to warm the pew, and to just kind of 'follow along' in the church. But he doesn't.
He was preaching today and there were some pauses of up to 30 seconds, as he tried to make a word (fifty for example). But everyone waited through the pauses because they knew what was coming was worth listening to. And they were right. :) Interestingly enough, he asked us to read aloud with him from the Bible, and as we read together (1 Cor 9), he didn't miss a word... and he is the same way when he sings. Only when he preaches. Which he does on a regular basis. And God uses it, in a big way.
He also mentioned that his 30th wedding anniversary is next month. He stuttered before they married, and after, and as a preacher, but he will tell you that he is a blessed man. And it shows.
Just a thought 
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/29/2008 1:04:40 PM
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pianofirstlady
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/18/2008
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quote:
This post and some of its replies surprises me, however, I am just curious. When did his way of speaking start to bother you? Were you bothered by it at your first meeting and while you were dating? Did it start to bother you when you got serious or got engaged?
Well, as I mentioned in my op, the speech thing almost stopped me considering a relationship with this man. I knew him for a couple of years before we started dating, when I would visit there church, so I've always noticed the issue. I guess the answer to your question is that it bothered me even before we were in a relationship, but not enough to stop me from giving love a chance. I eventually came the same conclusion that a lot of people have alluded to here...that is, that God uses us with all our flaws and that his speech would not stop him from being faithful to God and a good husband. But I dunno...make it was not wise to "look over it" if it was still looming in the back of my head.
quote:
1 Cor 2:1 - 5 (ESV) 1And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. 2For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, 4and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.
Thank you graciously! This is an awesome source of encouragement. I will continue to meditate on this.
quote:
Are you sure this is the real thing you are upset about?
It's funny you should ask. Yes, it is a very "real" thing that concerns me, but there are other concerns too. And you may be quite right that they play heavily into how I see this particular situation. Our marriage will be a remarriage for him, and that gets to me sometimes. Ya know, the whole notion of being #2. He has a kid (of which he's the custodial parent). Great kid, but I have none and even though I've worked with oodles of kids (it's my "calling"), I do have some anxieties about playing "Stepmommie" when I still have so many things in my own life I wish to accomplish. We do plan to have a couple more, but there's no anxiety about that. They'll be mine and I'll have full authority (along with hubby) of those children...different from having to help be responsible for a kid you don't have full authority over. We've talked about these things, so he knows how I feel in this area. Now I know a bunch of folks are gonna be bound to say "too many red flags"..."too many issues for you" blah, blah, blah. And yeah, I think about this too, but I also have to know that with hard-to-please types like myself, I'll be old and wrinkled waiting on the ideal or perfect scenario to marry into. Mind you, this is my 5th engagement. I broke all the others for much less substantative reasons (was younger too). Oh, but that's a whole 'nother book! 
KuKu, thanks for sharing the story about "Pastor Scott." How touching. Thanks too for praying. I've been doing the same. Funny enough, I was having my devotional time the other morning, and you know how you just grasp the Bible and put your thumb in to open it. Well, it fell open to Psalm 138. I meditated on 138 and 139, but I kept being drawn to 138:8...
The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/29/2008 1:32:07 PM
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pianofirstlady
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/18/2008
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quote:
Finally, if a minister is allowing tv time to make his ministry suffer then by all means that should be addressed.
The Bible is very clear about this- "study to show thyself approved, a workman that needeth not be ashamed rightly dividing the Word of Truth.
We are called to lead yes, but we are also called to a deeper level of accountability to God as a leader.
It kills me sometimes to pass up attending my fav. team's football games when I already have season tickets, but if my leadership responsibility demands extra preparation time then so be it. God's Work comes before my entertainment.
buckifn... I meant to comment on this previously. Your dedication and sacrifice to your ministry is commendable. I pray that my fiance' will grow in this area. Sure, he studies, prays and meditates every day, and I don't rag him too much about his "relaxation" time since his F/T work involves manual labor and I know that he works hard and is very tired afterwards. But a calling is a calling. Judging from this issue and some of the comments he's made, it's like he's waiting for God to elevate him to a bigger ministry before he really starts to put more time into studying.
Of course, then at that point, I'll be back on here screaming that he doesn't make enough time for family.
But one of his brothers in the ministry recently talked and prayed with us in his office when we visited his church. He encouraged my fiance to get serious about growing the church NOW and operating in the five-fold ministry gifts NOW. He wanted my fiance to understand that working on progressing the church with the handful of people is what's gonna take him to the next level.
In his defense though, I will say that he is faithful with his services. The pastor before him walked out and quit on this small church because there were so few people. My fiance, on the other hand, shows up faithfully and preaches just as hard whether 3 people show up or 33 people show up. I do love this man! And I know that God is taking him/us places.
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RE: Pastor/Fiance's Speech Impediment - Ignore It or He... - 8/29/2008 1:42:58 PM
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pianofirstlady
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/18/2008
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 Well, I just had a chance to watch the David Ring video. I'm absolutely speechless. And in tears. What a testimony!
Everything is indeed relative and a matter of perspective.
Powerful, powerful, powerful!
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