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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 12:17:11 AM
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everythingat
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One of my closest friends joined the adoption process this year. Letting the child go, that is. It was a great decision. The family that adopted him were wonderful, loving people who couldn't have children themselves. They were Christian, but the kind that isn't insincere or insane. Yet she had a child before this one that she kept. That's one of the happiest kids I've ever seen. So, as many have reiterated before...it really depends on the situation.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 12:34:28 AM
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bboudrot
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It depends. I would say that giving the baby up for adoption while difficult is always a very good option. Concerning marriage: What if the father would make a bad husband? Just because he might be a good father that doesn't mean he would be a good husband.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 12:43:28 AM
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bboudrot
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quote:
ORIGINAL: miasma
No, it is not better, especially in this situation. Marrying the poor girl off to a self-proclaimed "expletive redneck" who doesn't want kids...Palin should be ashamed of herself.
I had strong negative feelings about Levi myself but when he said all that on his myspace page it was over a year ago and it hadn't been updated in over a year. From what I've read recently he's either changed or matured and wants to be a father.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 10:40:33 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1573
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From: Northern IL
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quote:
Do a lot of conservatives see adoption as "the easy way out"?
I don't like the label "conservative", but yes I sometimes do. The woman is looked as as good because she didn't kill her child, but if some how getting off. I know that sounds bad, but .... . I don't know what news program had this documentary, but there were 4 or 5 pregant teens, all form different walks of life and they talked about what they were going to do with their babies. Some were keeping them and others were giving them up for adoption. The family that stuck out to me the most was the middel class christian who was giving her child up. The parents had no intention of adopting and they felt that their daughter shouldn't be tied down with a child. I see this as the "easy way out." I'm sure it's not an easy decision to make, but she won't be tied down and I think it can be a very flippant way of dealing with it. I could be wrong, but .... .
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 10:57:02 AM
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keepitreal
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I catch all the other references. But is it documented anywhere that he is agnostic? Where did you hear it? Can you give a link?
I'm interested in this situation from a lot of different angles.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 11:01:31 AM
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ekserekseez
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Actually, I did sort of mean this particular couple in the original post, although my interest is theoretical, and broader than that. On the now-defunct, obscenity-laden MySpace page, the guy described himself as an agnostic (and a redneck!).
[Edited by moderator TOS 5]
< Message edited by ta_mosquito -- 9/5/2008 12:25:09 PM >
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 11:33:20 AM
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JesKlu
Posts: 549
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quote:
I have no problem with a young couple getting married while still in college, but I'm not sure I understand the opposition to adoption here, especially in the case of a teen girl.
But since there is so much fornication, why not let your late teen/early college age kids marry if they want to marry? And they can still finish their high school and college education as a couple. I do believe there is a lot of fornication, and that can be mostly fixed with marriage.
I know that would mean that the kids would still be living under the parent's roof as a couple, but seriously, I think it is a LOT better than having them fornicate and just brushing it off, which is what a lot of Christian parents do.
Seriously, why not just marry early and finish your college education, and do the rest of your growing up, as a couple? I seriously, believe that is a much better solution than telling your kids to just wait until you get out of college to marry.
I am going to disclose my age. I just turned 21 and I am a newlywed. According to scientific studies, my brain is not fully grown. They say your brain doesn't fully mature until you are 25. So that, in a way, makes me somewhat of an adolescent still. Yes I am a young adult, but not fully an adult until 25. But I am married. You really shouldn't tell your kids to be fully mature before you marry. A lot of times that doesn't happen until you are 25, 26? Some even believe you don't fully mature until you are 30! Most women are holding off marriage until their 30's and 40's, which is way too late. So really, I believe marrying younger is the solution to fornication.
Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica
_____________________________
And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 11:38:07 AM
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ekserekseez
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I knew married couples in college, and being married didn't keep them away from the hook up culture of campus at all! What it did was add adultery to the already existing fornication.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 11:42:17 AM
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Sideways
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I married at 23, and my mom at 19, but she had her LPN (licensed practical nurse) and the means to make a decent living.
I'm talking about high school kids getting married here not folks in their 20's, and in my opinion, it is rare that a HS kid is prepared for the responsibilities of marriage, even on the assumption that they have found the right person.
I agree premarital sex is wrong, but I don't think we should be marrying off our 15, 16 and 17 year old children just to avoid the sin of fornication. Marriage is for life, and I wouldn't want my child stuck in a bad marriage just because I was afraid he'd fall into bed with someone as a teenager.
Every person is different, and for some it is God's will that they wait until their 30's and 40's to get married. Others will marry earlier, and that is right for them too.
Marrying young is not the answer to fornication. Following God's Word and His will for our lives is the answer to sin, not simply getting married to the first available person, no matter how bad the person or the situation.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 11:51:01 AM
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JesKlu
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I married at 23, and my mom at 19, but she had her LPN (licensed practical nurse) and the means to make a decent living.
I'm talking about high school kids getting married here not folks in their 20's, and in my opinion, it is rare that a HS kid is prepared for the responsibilities of marriage, even on the assumption that they have found the right person.
I agree premarital sex is wrong, but I don't think we should be marrying off our 15, 16 and 17 year old children just to avoid the sin of fornication. Marriage is for life, and I wouldn't want my child stuck in a bad marriage just because I was afraid he'd fall into bed with someone as a teenager.
Every person is different, and for some it is God's will that they wait until their 30's and 40's to get married. Others will marry earlier, and that is right for them too.
Marrying young is not the answer to fornication. Following God's Word and His will for our lives is the answer to sin, not simply getting married to the first available person, no matter how bad the person or the situation.
Ok, I agree. But what if they did find the right person, say, in their senior year of high school? And that person was godly too. Would you hinder your 17 year old son from marrying, just because he couldn't make a living? Seriously, 50 years ago, it wasn't uncommon for teenagers, who were married, to still live with their parents while finishing their education.
So, if your son found a godly woman to marry, and they were both senior in high school, would you let them marry and allow them to finish their college education as a couple?
Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica
_____________________________
And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 12:01:57 PM
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Sideways
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To be completely honest with you, I'm not sure. We'd be doing a lot of talking and praying about it before any final decision was made.
If they both seemed mature enough to handle the responsibility, if we were getting a positive response from our prayers and they both had a plan in place to finish their educations... I would certainly consider it.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 12:16:31 PM
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cow451
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There is no one shoe for all feet. The mother's wishes should be highest priority on keeping vs adopting. But the best route should consider her support system, the father's wishes, etc. There is no free ride (or, in golfing terms, no mulligan).
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 12:27:23 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11457
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From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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quote:
There is no one shoe for all feet.
I like that sentence.
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"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 12:41:22 PM
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Liveloved
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quote:
Do a lot of conservatives see adoption as "the easy way out"? As a way of avoiding the responsibility that comes with having sex? So often I see pressure on a young couple to marry, and a lot of negative responses to the idea of adoption.
Do you guys see it as some sort of cop out?
Interesting. I see putting a child up for adoption as the selfless choice. Certainly young girls who become pregnant (at 14, 15, 16, etc) aren't mature enough to make these kind of decisions. That is why they need godly counsel.
Many of those who keep the child (and I'm speaking more of the parents of the pregnant girl) are doing it out of selfish reasons---it is 'their' grandchild, 'their' pride that is at stake. I know many will fuss and fume about this statement but only God gives us insight into ourselves, our motives, our hearts and most don't want to know what He thinks or why we are doing what we are doing. Pride blinds us.
If all the 'self' is taken out, then I think we can see as God sees and love this child enough to give them up to a couple who is longing to be parents. That is not the one shoe fits all formula. I know there are exceptions and it all depends on the individuals. But if we truly believe what God says we have to begin to acknowledge how selfish we are and that most of our decisions are borne out of 'me' rather than Him.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 2:00:03 PM
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kohls356
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I don't see adoption as the easy way out or getting off the hook at all. Even as young girls or teens I would think giving up your child would be an extremely difficult thing to do. Women look for their children when they are older to try and mee them and get to know them. I would imagine that child is thought of often by the birth mother.
I have three daughters and I would not encourage any of them to marry at all, no matter how old they are. If anything I think I would try as hard as I could to discourage a marriage under those circumstances. Some marriages make it and are good but the majority of them do not. I don't see adding more trouble to an already difficult situation.
I would though support them in any decision they would make. It would be hard but I would offer all the support and encourage that they would want, if they chose marriage or adoption.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 2:11:03 PM
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miasma
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Adoption is NOT an easy choice/way out, not at the time it is made, or at any point later on the mother and child's life (not to mention the family members also involved). It is not necessarily self-less either; in fact, in can be just as "selfish" as abortion. Just cheaper. Sometimes profitable.
Truly, it depends on each individual situation; this is not a "yes" or "no" question.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 2:39:40 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
Many of those who keep the child (and I'm speaking more of the parents of the pregnant girl) are doing it out of selfish reasons---it is 'their' grandchild, 'their' pride that is at stake.
I absolutely think you are right on this, many folks I've talked to will openly admit that they don't want to see 'their' grandchild given away. They somehow can't put their own wants and desires aside and do what is best for their daughter.
I've talked with people who see raising the child as part of the "consequences" of having sex, and adoption as a way of getting out of those consequences. Almost as if the baby is a punishment that the teen girl must endure for her evil deed. (And there is still a strong double standard for a girl getting pregnant vs. a guy getting a girl pregnant.)
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 2:41:22 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: miasma
It is not necessarily self-less either; in fact, in can be just as "selfish" as abortion. Just cheaper.
How do you figure that one? Adoption still requires a woman to be pregnant for nine months then give birth, and speaking from experience, that ain't easy.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 2:55:56 PM
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miasma
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I didn't say the physical experience was easier; that is not going to change whatever the decision (keep it v. adoption) made is.
And, again, the reasons for adoption or keeping a child will vary from situation to situation.
However, someone could give a child up for adoption because they don't believe in abortion, but they still don't want all the responsibility of having a child (the reason some women choose to have an abortion).
Or it's too late for them to get an abortion (or they can't afford one, or there's no clinic close enough, etc.), so they don't have a choice.
Or the money they get (outright payment, medical bills taken care of, etc.) makes it seem an attractive offer.
Perhaps their family is forcing them to give the baby up for adoption.
quote:
Truly, it depends on each individual situation; this is not a "yes" or "no" question.
ETA:
quote:
Because the same choices are involved: convenience, etc. As far as expense, I don't know about that one.
It varies (once again). It could be through an adoption agency that offers no compensation. Or, a woman could do it privately and have a couple wanting a child pay all sorts of stuff (monthly stipends, medical bills, etc.).
Though a different situation, just being an egg donor is fairly lucrative, starting at several grand per month.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 3:08:27 PM
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Liveloved
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quote:
They somehow can't put their own wants and desires aside and do what is best for their daughter.
This statement is why we miss the very heart of Christianity. Jesus said that unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains by itself alone. Dying to 'me' and all of my selfish wants and desires is the imperative of LIFE. If we haven't died and aren't dying daily, moment by moment, we really aren't Christ's.
Yes, selfishness can be involved in ALL aspects of this question. Keeping a baby can be for selfish motives. Giving a baby up can be for selfish motives. And at 14 or 15 when we are in the midst of 'me'dom, we can hardly expect anything else. But the parents who profess to be following Christ are the ones who need to ask, have I died with Christ and am I dying to my own desires and needs? am I allowing the searchlight of His spirit to search my heart and root out my selfishness? am I looking out for the good of the other (which is what love is and does) FIRST and FOREMOST or am I thinking of myself, my child, my reputation, etc?
Oh, this is hard. It is hard to be so honest and to allow the Holy Spirit to search us and expose our 'self'. But it is so necessary.
How can we lead and teach these young ones if we are not doing this ourselves? How can we lead and teach selflessness if we aren't living it?
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 3:23:03 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WesP
Regarding selfishness, adoption can be just as selfish as abortion. Why? Because the same choices are involved: convenience, etc. As far as expense, I don't know about that one.
And that's why adoption is seen as a second class choice in the Christian Church. Because it's "convenient", ie. the easy way out.
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RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? - 9/5/2008 3:35:11 PM
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cow451
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito
quote:
There is no one shoe for all feet.
I like that sentence.
profound, huh?
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