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Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 12:52:40 AM
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ekserekseez
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My sister has a nine year old boy. He's gone to good (read: VERY EXPENSIVE) private schools his whole life. Now my sister has this thing that, all of a sudden, she want to homeschool this kid.
Here's the problem, as I see it: my sister has never finished making a sandwich, much less completed a major project in her life. She doesn't have to work, gets lots of alimony, and my folks and I see that she and my nephew have everything they need, or even want.
So if my sister homeschooled, what is most likely to happen is she'll get bored after about ten minutes and just take the kid shopping. Is there a directory of people you can just hire to homeschool your kids for you? Sort of like a nanny or governess like on "Sound of Music" only without making clothes out of the curtains.
Seriously though, can you just hire a teacher to teach your kid at home? If it would make my sister happy, I'd pay. I would hate to see the kid just pulled out of school, where he does very well, because my sister is going through a phase.
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 1:13:04 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2549
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
Seriously though, can you just hire a teacher to teach your kid at home?
The laws for that vary state by state. In my state, a non parent can home school up to 50% of the time and no more.
I have more thoughts on your post, but I......am........too......tired.....right......now....
Lord willing........
I..........
will...........
come............
back..........
later.
_____________________________
"We basically use what I have seen referred to as "get off your butt" parenting. It employs more interaction, more redirection, more prevention, and usually less spanking."
-Mrs. Wifey
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 1:18:30 AM
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ekserekseez
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I think it's just a little bit my "beeswax" because I like my nephew and my sister has a habit of sort of screwing up his life until someone bails her out. The poor kid's had enough.
As for lifestyle, it would have to have a lot of Virginia Slims and Bombay Sapphire to appeal to Sis for long. And I never called her a loser; she is quite an accomplished flautist. She asked me to help her with this, and I am. Sorry if our "lifestyle" doesn't fit into some cut-out of what "home school" looks like.
Thanks for the information about the difference in state laws. Maybe I should ask my attorney to look into it.
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 1:23:12 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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Listen, SHE is the parent, not you. And it seems he has another parent, as well, who is also not you. If your sister has a problem following through, it seems to me from what you have said that it's very likely because too many rear ends are in the way--because you and your parents keep butting in.
You want to declare her incompetent and take away her dream before it's even begun. That says a lot more about you than it does about your sister. Leave them alone. If she really can't handle it, she'll put him back in school. Neither of them needs you to contact a lawyer, hire a governess, or any of that.
By the way, almost no one decides to homeschool because it's easier than sending a child to a public or private school. Your sister is taking a leap here, and it's a leap of responsibility--being responsible for her kid's education. You doing what you are doing right now is telling your sister that she can't grow up. I would be willing to bet you have been doing this for a long time. It's very unhealthy and you need to quit.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 2:16:28 AM
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Bagel
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I agree with what Jenny said above. I'd like to add that what your sister needs from you and your folks is encouragement in her new venture. If you feel that you can't do that at this time, then please keep your negative opinions to yourself. She is not accountable to you or your folks for how she chooses to educate her son. Depending on what state she lives in, there are most likely regulations and laws that she needs to follow. If you go ahead and consult an attorney, or butt in or further discourage her, you will most likely be alienating her.
I have a sister who is raising her child a bit differently than I do, and she probably won't be making the same education choice that I have for my kids. But unless, I knew that her kids were in actually physical danger, I wouldn't dare tell her how to raise or educate them. And if anyone did that to me and my children, you can be sure that our contact with them would be VERY limited.
_____________________________
Bagel Lisa
check out my blog at http://bagelslifehomeschool.blogspot.com/
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 5:55:36 AM
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ekserekseez
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You don't get it. When I say talk to my lawyer, I mean to find out what the requirements are for my sister to home school in our state.
As for too many "butts in the way," I suppose I should have left my then-7-year-old nephew alone in a hotel in Tijuana, Mexico as his mother slept with crack heads because my "butt" would be in the way.
What I am doing is humoring my sister. Her interest in home schooling will last about three days, tops. She has no religious, ideological, or world view interest in home schooling. She just thinks it would be cool to sit at home and read Vogue with her kid.
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 8:19:02 AM
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Mom24Blessings
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Do you home school your children?
If so, then you know what a commitment it is.
We may have the flexibility to take the child shopping or sleep in and start school later,
but we're still giving the kids structure and teaching them the majority of our time at home with them.
I would give your sister a copy of the home schooling laws for her state.
Once she knows the work that it involves on her part, she may change her mind.
But if she really wants to go through with it, then perhaps you can support her choice
by helping her find a good co-op or homeschool group, offer to take her child to get
a library card of his own if he doesn't have one, so she can take him on library trips,
offer to look into the different types of curriculum out there (Abeka has a virtual
classroom setting...school on dvd...maybe that would appeal to her) etc...
If you hook her up with a great group of other home schooling Moms and kids,
perhaps at a church, that may be just what she needs to give her life some direction,
some meaning and the opportunity to find The Lord.
When I started home schooling 6 years ago, my family intervened.
Didn't think I was qualified, or it was the best choice for my child and I proved them wrong.
I was hurt by their interference and comments. The best thing they could have done would
have been to support my idea and try to find ways to encourage me, resources for us etc...
Wishing you the best with this, I know you care about your nephew, but he is her child.
If she is an unfit mother, then it sounds like HRS/Children Services needed to be called
years ago. Help guide her, she could use some positive guidance in this choice.
If this is just a passing fancy, then this is all a moot point. She'll give it some thought,
or give it a try, then put him back in public or private school.
(edited only to uncheck the sig, links stretching out the page)
< Message edited by Kath -- 9/4/2008 9:45:43 PM >
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 8:44:42 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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Your sister could do this if she wants it. After all, she had enough discipline to become "an accomplished flautist". Many people home school just because they like being with their kids and not for the reasons that you have mentioned.
Anyway... I think that the best thing that you could do is to get her plugged into here where we can answer any questions that she might have, help her find a curriculum that will fit both her teaching style as well as her child's learning style, she could talk to other people in her state (most likely), and many other things.
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 8:52:26 AM
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ekserekseez
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Okay, for the folks jumping all over me, here's the story:
I don't live anywhere near my sister, nor do my parents (she's in San Fran, I'm in Manhattan). She latches onto fads and jumps on them without thinking, and then my folks or I have to bail her out, usually to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars. We don't EVER interfere in her life until and unless she asks for help.
She was getting a pedicure the other day, and the pedicurist started talking to her about home schooling her kids. My sister thought this would be great to do with her son, who is a pretty smart 9 year old. My sister wants him to be a fashion designer, and I tell you, for a little boy, he can tell Prada from Armani all the way across a crowded ballroom! Anyway, she has this idea that she can sit at home all day and drink martinis and read Vogue with her son, and this will be home schooling. Her pedicurist told her that no, you have to have a curriculum and lesson plans and stuff. So my sister calls me and asks me to find out what she needs to do to homeschool. She wanted me to go online and ask around, hence my being in this forum. Sis does not use computers herself because she thinks they taint her aura.
My nephew has a father; he actually lives near me in NYC. Sends the kid a boatload of dough, but doesn't see him a lot. He also supports the designer thing, by the way.
So I thought, if I can just hire a tutor or something, he can do the work, and my sister can have her "home schooling" until she gets bored with it, and my nephew won't be completely left out of education. Right now he goes to a really good Catholic school. He's not Catholic but he loves the ritual, music, statues, incense, etc. so he puts up with the religious instruction.
Anyway, in a nutshell that's where I'm coming from. Thanks for the advice!
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 8:59:59 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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Well, since she asked for your advice...
Have you asked her if she would even like a governess or tutor? Since money doesn't sound like an object, that will open up a lot of options for her. What state she is in will make a difference in her options as well because every state is different. There are also cyber schools and video classes that are quite good as well.
_____________________________
Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
W2D1
292 more miles t
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 9:23:25 AM
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sen10tious
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Well, since she asked, that does put a little different spin on things. If she wants your beeswax, then certainly you can offer. The thing there is that your family has a pattern of bailing her out, so for this to have any hope of succeeding, you are going to have hold back a little with the bailing and let her make her own mistakes.
You see, homeschooling always involves a few mistakes—it is a trial and error thing until you find your groove. This is complicated by the fact that as life changes and children grow, the groove will move.
"Asking your attorney" in not a typical homeschool thought-pattern. A typical homeschool way of thinking is to say, "Where can I find out what I need?" And then do a Net search or ask someone who actually homeschools.
Yes, in our state you can hire a tutor and have it count as home schooling. More commonly though, parents hire the tutors only for the subjects they do not feel competent to cover on their own due to lack of experience or training.
Rather than humor her, I'd like to see you be honest with her and tell her that homeschooling is a lot of work. And that it is a long term lifestyle decision. Tell her that she will have to stay sober. She will have to get computer literate by the time her son is in middle school or he will be left behind in today's business world. I'd like you to tell her that a real homeschooler would be searching out that stuff on their own and not using their sister to do the work for them. Tell her that homeschooling has an aura of work ethics.
If you are honest with her, she will have a chance to fly on her own for a change.
edited to change the emphasis on this line: "Where can I find out what I need?" to better stress the personal responsibility involved.
< Message edited by sen10tious -- 9/4/2008 9:39:39 AM >
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 9:29:56 AM
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misaham
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Well, I am kinda like your sister. Or at least it sounds like it. My parents feared that I would "start homeschooling and then getting bored with it", only their sentence ended with "once you have accomplished it". I tend to take on something new, and once I have figured out how to do it, I lose interest.
The thing with homeschooling is that you never "accomplish" it. It truly is a way of life. It is about not only teaching a "curriculum", but teaching when you watch a movie, go to the grocery store, etc. I realize that is what parents do, but I am so much more keenly aware of it since we started homeschooling.
And although I have never "left my (child) alone in a hotel in Tijuana", I also have a family who does not have a lot of faith in what I do, who I am, etc. And as someone said, maybe if they would just let me do things and actually provide me with some encouragement, I would really be a "winner".
I know that my situation may be very different from your sister's, and that you are concerned for your nephew. But everyone needs someone to believe in them, for that is when the best comes out.
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 11:37:25 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
she's in San Fran
THIS is an important piece of info. You can find the California homeschool laws (such as they are at the moment) at www.hslda.org. What you will find, and what you can tell your sister, is that in CA in order to homeschool if you don't have a teaching certificate, you need to go through an umbrella school.
And umbrella school will have requirements for your sister to meet, and will check up on their progress.
So, print out the laws from the HSLDA site, find a list of umbrella schools in her area, mail them to her, and then the next time she calls, tell her where she can find the info she needs and let her do this herself. You are going to have to break this pattern of her jumping into things half-cocked and you and your family making everything all better. Otherwise it'll just go on like that forever.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 11:39:49 AM
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macokjc
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Homeschooling is a big responsibility; no matter how you approach it - especially in CA with all of the laws. Since she asked your opinion - you can easily find the laws online and go over them with her. Pray that she will make an educated decision all by herself.
I have said this many times, and I have taken heat for it on this very forum. Homeschooling is not for everybody, and I have worked with kids whose futures are seriously compromised because of homeschooling gone bad. It doesn't matter what ever method you choose: traditional, Montessori, Unschooling, etc.... You as a parent are responsible for teaching that child what they need to know to grow in the Lord and to become a productive member of society.
To me it sounds like your sister has this idea that she wants to homeschool because it might be "fun" for her, not because she wants something better for her child.
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 11:54:26 AM
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ekserekseez
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Thanks for all the info, especially about the California laws!
As to my sister and believing in her and giving her encouragement, she got tons of that during her half-a-million dollar education at various US and European music conservatories, and a short but extremely successful career as a performing musician. For the last fifteen years, she starts something half-baked at best, and never finishes it. I suppose we bail her out sometime, but who wants to see a family home burn down, literally?
Anyway, I'm getting her the info on CA home school law. She has her heart set on a curriculum based on Vogue magazine. Who knows? If there ever was a little kid who could tell Versace from Fendi from Prada, it's him. The family joke is that he's gonna grow up gay like his dad. In the school he's in now he does well, and if Sis starts to homeschool him, I'd hate to see him get too far behind. She really will sit and read Vogue with him, then take him out to buy a new pair of Jimmy Choo's, and call it all school. I thought that if I hired a tutor for math, reading, science, and history, at least he'd get that until she grew bored with it.
He really would rather stay in school. He loves the uniforms and is fascinated by the Catholic stuff. Home schooling is a temptation though, because he knows his mom will let him do whatever he wants.
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 2:50:46 PM
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ekserekseez
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An update on my sister/nephew situation:
I talked to one of our family's attorneys, and don't you know, he knew all about home schooling! I had no idea this is like a big deal that people get all worked up over on both sides of the issue, but my law man knew all about it. He quick put a packet of info together and sent off to Sis in San Francisco. Once she started reading it, and saw that it would actually require effort on her part, she called the lawyer, who then put me on conference (and I was in the middle of tennis!). So we talked to Sis, who freaked out once she discovered that many of the people who are into home schooling are Christian (she says she's "Wiccan" but she's about as much a witch as Samantha Stevens; being a real witch would require something beyond tobacco and gin). She's annoyed enough that her son goes to a Catholic school (his dad pays for it) and she restated that she wanted to "homeschool by Vogue." I decided that I'd go along with whatever she wanted to do, and then try to do damage control for my nephew if necessary. So here's the deal: she decided to leave him in school for now, and she is going to develop a Vogue based curriculum that meets California standards for home schooling. She really wants this kid to be a designer! Actually, I think he wants to be one too. Anyway, at least she is going to do some reading on home schooling to see what it's all about. And she'd going to leave the kid in school for now. It should make his dad happy too, although I'm not sure where he'd stand with the home schooling thing. I guess Sis should really try to get the kid's father's input, huh?
Anyway, you folks here have been very patient and helpful. Thanks!
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 3:09:19 PM
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ekserekseez
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peculiar_lady2:
Trust me, my whole family is laughing with you, although we make sure not to do it in front of my sister. She thinks this kid is a prodigy designer, and I must say, he knows his fashion! Like I said before, one family joke is that he must be gay like his dad.
Sis is going to do her best to develop a Vogue based curriculum for home schooling. I promise to keep you posted!
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 6:25:43 PM
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ekserekseez
Posts: 661
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Yeah, it would be cool if she pulled it off! I just wonder how she'll do this without touching a computer. She absolutely will not ever use one. She makes her housekeeper go online for her to check the weather!
She is bound and determined to make the little guy a fashionista, and so is the kid's dad. You may as well follow your interest, huh? It's not like the kid's ever going to play football.
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 6:58:51 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
It's not like the kid's ever going to play football.
What sport does he play?
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Sister wants to homeschool - 9/4/2008 9:11:52 PM
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sen10tious
Posts: 354
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
homeschools were around long before computers
Yes, you are right. And I also once knew a woman who used to earn money by hand-making Civil War era gowns for reenactments because she could charge more for them than for a wedding dress with about the same amount of labor. But I don't think that is the kind of fashion this woman has in mind for her son—the 'Vogue' thing was sort of a give-away. 
_____________________________
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