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The problem in this case is the actual age itself, not the gap.

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You know women find this attitude hurtful. It's really hard for women when men of their own age don't think that they are "good enough," for them, and the men just HAVE to have someone way younger. A man in our church did that. He was a year younger than me, and married someone 13 years younger than him when he moved to another church/town, and she was only 17 when they were engaged, and 18 when they were married, and I used to babysit her. I had really thought a lot of this guy, and that was really tough for me.

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ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22

And not every marriage with an age gap that's wide turns out badly. I'm sure we probably all know couples who feel like they are in bad marriages; age gaps aren't always the culprit.

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ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22

I was talking about the example that Jewels gave. :)

The OP didn't say he wanted to marry anyone. He asked if his feelings were wrong and should he confess. I think he should leave her alone for some years, then if he still has the feelings, ask her out. Eleven is too young to be doing a myriad of things, IMO. If it's meant to be, it'll happen when she's old enough.

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ORIGINAL: LightYagami777

Hello,

I am a christian young man,19.there's this girl at my church that I like,problem is she's 11(12 this december)

Her father doesn't know about my feelings and neither does she.Her father doesn't mind a 7 year age difference,I found that out by getting into a discussion about a 14 year old dating a 21 year old and he said he didn't have a problem with that.
My question is,are my feelings wrong?I'm no pedophile,Idon't think of her sexually,that'd be...disgusting.

if they're not wrong,should I confess?

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ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam

LightYagami777,

It's really something quite taboo. The church really doesn't talk about it. In fact as far as I know (in america) no one really deals with it. But it's called Pedophilia. The only way we deal with Pedophilia in our country is upon finding a man/woman with such issues we arrest and jail them. We as a society frown down on them. LightYagami777, I'm really kind of surprised that more women have not told you that you are treading dangerous ground.

Your feelings are not appropriate.

You are experiencing feelings of pedophilia. The church is now just coming to terms with the high porn usage in the church, but have yet to delve into world of pedophilia in terms of treatment and even just acknowledging its existence in the church. The Catholic church is a great example of how people would rather ignore, relocate, and payoff the problem rather than face the fact that there is a HUGE problem within the Catholic church with men struggling with pedophilia. We talk about SSA attraction, and we have recovery, accountability, and other kinds of therapy groups now within the church. Bravo! But there is a need for such groups for men (and some women) who experience this.

You need realize the feelings you are experiencing (while fine and dandy for a young man interested in a young woman) are entirely unappropriate to experiece toward an 11y/o child. Your feelings are on par with a young man gazing across the room at a church function at another young man and feeling like he's "in love." These are inappropriate feelings. Likewise, there is nothing wrong with sex--within marriage. But sex outside of marrige, the Bible teaches us is COMPLETELY inappropriate.

You my friend, should not be advised to wait six years. You should not be advised to "talk with her father." Or even to fade away. You need to get help about the way you feel. I am not sure that we adequately serve people like you, by telling you things like, "wait, or talk." If you are truly "attracted" in some real fashion to this child, so that you are "thinking of marriage," then you may have a very serious problem that needs to be dealt with--Hopefully with the help of God, prayer, fasting, meditation on God's Word, and counsel with a pastor or an older more mature christian you can trust.

What if you wait 6 years and marry her? What if everything goes hunky dory with you both for about 15 years after that? And then you suddenly form an attraction to one of your own children's playmates? This is how we get to these situations that devastate families, wives, childrens, and even those who purpetrate such crimes against children. There are support groups for women whose husbands have molested children, you know. Hiding the problem, burying it, waiting it out, etc., etc. is not going to STOP the problem. This is a PROBLEM. There is nothing healthy or natural about a 19 y/o man contemplating marriage with a child.

You need to not only avoid this girl at all costs--but avoid children if you can. This is not to say that you are a "pedophile." But, that you are experiencing feelings and thoughts of pedophilia--no matter how cerebral or sensual. You need to get some help--because I think, you've probably been entertaining this "unhealthy preoccupation with a child" for a bit.

Start doing some soul searching. Have you ever been attracted to other little girls in the past? If you've experimented with porn, were some of your subjects rather young looking? Do you like the young girl anime that sexualizes, young almost child-like animated characters? What age range are you usually attracted to?

This isn't about "age" alone. This is about a child and a man. You are a man. She is a child. Your request is tantamount to a 30y/o asking whether it would be appropriate to ask out a 4y/o when she gets out of nursery after church.

Please get some help. Do not hide this issue. Do not rationalize this issue. Get help. Get in your bible. Ask God for forgiveness. You can overcome these feelings and thoughts. Remember, our flesh is full of all wickedness--but God's spirit gives us strength to overcome and do what is right.

I will pray for you. But until you get REAL help and begin to transform your mind in Christ, I'd suggest you not only stay away from this girl--but all children. If satan can tempt you with children, then flee, and run from them. There is nothing evil in and of itself in children, but if Satan can use this to tempt you, the flee temptation. God will give you strength to overcome. So, get that help you need! And please, go to someone you KNOW you can trust. Pray. pray. pray. Fast. Read your bible. Can you talk to your parents about this?

I will be praying for you.

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ORIGINAL: LightYagami777

These people are entitled to their opinions,they have some good things to say.and yes,I do know my intentions.Don't worry,God will keep me out of trouble.