|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: age differences - 9/8/2008 11:31:22 AM
|
|
|
LightYagami777
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/5/2008
Status: offline
|
I wouldn't let her or her father know my feelings until she's at least 14
quote:
ORIGINAL: sherry1985
i think you should wait intill she is older she is only 11 and she needs time to grow up and her father answer would have been diffrent if he knew u was thinking about his daughter when u asked that Q
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/8/2008 11:42:36 AM
|
|
|
LightYagami777
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/5/2008
Status: offline
|
Until then,what do I do?
quote:
ORIGINAL: jesuschick247
Hey, man I've been reading some of the responses and they were kind of brutal. I would have to say to just pray about it and if when she's older and you still have the feelings for her, fine. If not, then that's fine too. One of my friends who is seventeen likes my thirteen year old sister, but he hasn't told her and he knows she can't date until she is eighteen anyway. My parents know and are okay with it as long as he waits until then. But, yeah right now the age gap is too far apart and my sister can't stand him anyway!  If this is meant to be, then it will be. And if not, God will take these feelings from your heart. Just keep in tune with God and listen to what He's telling you and you'll be okay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/8/2008 11:50:58 AM
|
|
|
jesuschick247
Posts: 2277
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: LightYagami777
Until then,what do I do?
quote:
ORIGINAL: jesuschick247
Just really focus on God and what He wants you to be doing right now, I mean, maybe He has a job for you to do while you are still single, did you ever think of that? I'm nineteen too, and don't have a boyfriend, but in someways, right now that is what is best. I can focus on college and helping at my youth group. Use this time to pour into others lives and not just sit around and wait for tomorrow. Don't be worried about whether this is going to work out or not, God has it all under control, and that's all that matters. And it may sound like I'm beating a dead horse, but, PRAY!! God will do what's best for you, in His perfect time and you just have to believe that.
_____________________________
I Think I'm Outta Control!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/8/2008 6:02:36 PM
|
|
|
fluffmonkey
Posts: 1670
Joined: 2/17/2007
From: some where over the rainbow
Status: offline
|
First off I say pray about it and then wait until this girl is old enough to decide for herself... right now she is a child and still has a lot of growing and learning and such. If on down the road you still have feelings for her then talk with her ...and if not move on...and continue to follow God.
Now an off topic question... do you like deathnote?
_____________________________
My Blog
Daily Fun Blog
(\__/)
(=' '=)
(")_(")
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/8/2008 7:13:37 PM
|
|
|
rgod
Posts: 1475
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
|
LightYagami777 -
I am not saying you are a pedophile since I think the clinical definition includes acting out sexually and you haven't done that- nor am I trying to condemn you. But I agree with much of what Dakotasunbeam said and I don't think you should dismiss it quickly because this can be a very serious matter. It isn't so much the age gap - a difference of 8 years won't be that much of a difference when you are older. But the issue is the fact that she is a prepubescent girl. You have a romantic interest in her (you've spoken to her father and while you've not revealed that you are interested in her - you've put feelers out to see when you could conceivably date her (at 14 when you are 21)), you've indicated that you'd like to marry her. At 11 a child is in elementary school (6th grade, yes)? So you, as a college-aged man is interested in a 6th grade girl. You are miles apart in experience, emotional maturity, and physical maturity. So given those facts, you really do need to ask yourself some very hard questions - like - are you generally attracted to women your age? If you do find someone attractive, is it generally someone who is a lot younger? Were you ever abused as a child? Please don't answer those questions here - we don't need to know the answers to these things ... but pray about this in your own heart and really seek the Lord on this. Talk to someone that you can trust. LightYagami777, most 19 year olds are not interested in 11 year olds - which I think that you probably know. Most 19 year olds are interested in women their own age or a bit younger and who have hit puberty (even 15 or 16 - which is still too young but understandable). So, if you have a pattern of liking young girls, while this might feel very natural and normal to you - it isn't.
You might also want to try to discreetly speak with someone about this issue - if nothing else to find out what the root of this is. If you don't get help, the way that you'll probably find out if you have a larger problem is if you wait. If your interest in her decreases as she gets older, then you've probably got a problem that you need to address. If not, and you don't like any other young girls, maybe not. But ... if you do have a problem, I'm not sure if waiting will help. I'm not trying to cast any stones at you - but I would be wrong to say that this is appropriate. This is a very difficult situation and I truly pray the best for you brother.
< Message edited by rgod -- 9/8/2008 7:32:42 PM >
_____________________________
Please take my news poll: http://forums.crosswalk.com/Current+Events/m_3896304/mpage_1/tm.htm#3897243
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/8/2008 8:33:37 PM
|
|
|
ladioffaith
Posts: 2980
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
Status: offline
|
Added to the excellent advice above ....
You find an ADULT to date.
Trust me, both of you will do an incredible amount of changing in the 7 years between now and her adulthood ... and she will not be the same person in 7 years. Neither will you.
Move on.
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/8/2008 9:51:38 PM
|
|
|
Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 998
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
|
LightYagami777,
Even Christians have sinful flesh . . .
quote:
I AM A CHRISTIAN!!!GOD'S SON!!!CHILD OF LIGHT!!! I WOULDN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!
*sigh* one of my life's purposes is to PROTECT those I love and care for.Friends,family etc.If I were to hurt one of them in a major way,I'd punish myself(seeing how the justice system is useless when it comes to the death penalty,but that's a rant for another day)
What is most disturbing about your post, and a few others I've read, is that you do not see where this whole concept of even being remotely interested in an eleven year old is grossly bizarre. This is very troubling considering the fact that you are a 19y/o man.
As I stated in my earlier posts, I am not calling you a pedophile, but your feelings are grossly inappropriate. Click here to read about the prophile of a pedophile. US Current figures on child sex abuse is staggering. Punishing yourself is not the answer in any case, the answer is learning to understand your own sexuality and how that fits into your world with others. The mere fact that you are even looking at an 11y/o child for anything is disturbing.
We too often sweep these kinds of things under the rug. But they need to be dealt with. Perhaps no one wants to offend you--and I certainly do not, but I will be honest with you, for your sake and the sake of the child you've mentioned in your post--and other little girls. Get help. You NEED to be able to see why this is wrong. I know there are other little girls out there, and if you cannot see how even entertaining the thought of "waiting" while gazing at a child is wrong, then someone needs to help you see why it is. It needs to be someone mature in Christ, well-versed in scripture, and trustworthy.
If a grown woman about 33 looks at a 9y/o boy and thinks to herself, "he's got all of th qualities I like in a man, mature for his age, strong, and fearless--I think I'll wait till he's 15 y/o before I pursue him" that demonstrates a mind that does not see the darkness of its own thoughts nor has a firm grasp on the kind of purity to which God is calling us.
Talk to someone. Please do not rationalize this . . . remember, wanting to protect and doing the RIGHT thing are two different things. We live in a sinful world, and sometimes our ideas of what is right and good are skewwed--even when we mean well. That is why getting help, is so vital here! You seem to mean well, but you do not seem to see or understand how your statements are so far from "well," . . . so far.
I hope all goes.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/9/2008 7:25:37 AM
|
|
|
Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3788
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
Status: online
|
I think that you should be honest with the girl's father, and tell him how you feel about his daughter and what your intentions are toward her. Why are you beating around the bush about the 14 year old's situation?
_____________________________
Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
W2D1
292 more miles t
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/9/2008 11:21:43 AM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 2861
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
I'm going to add my voice to Dakotasunbeam's and Rgod's. You need to seek trustworthy, professional counseling to discover why you are romantically attracted in any way to an 11 year old child. Your statement that you would not and do not think of her sexually because that would be disgusting is not enough to allay any concerns. Most pedophiles are disgusted with themselves. They hate their behavior however that's not enough to stop them.
I, too, am not saying that you are a pedophile. What I am saying is that you need to examine with the help of a professional counselor why you would even be attracted to a prepubesant girl. And, frankly, pursuing a relationship with her when she turns 14 years old is no more appropriate than it is now.
In my opinion there are two possibilities for your attraction to an 11 year old girl. One, as has been mentioned, you are experiencing thoughts of pedophilia. Or, two, even though you are 19 years old, your emotional maturity level hasn't gotten past the age of 14. Either way, you should seek professional counseling.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/9/2008 12:04:23 PM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26197
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
In my opinion there are two possibilities for your attraction to an 11 year old girl. One, as has been mentioned, you are experiencing thoughts of pedophilia. Or, two, even though you are 19 years old, your emotional maturity level hasn't gotten past the age of 14. Either way, you should seek professional counseling. Excellent post, Laura; especially what I've quoted.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/11/2008 12:09:50 AM
|
|
|
AdrianaS
Posts: 1229
Joined: 3/21/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
I am a christian young man,19.there's this girl at my church that I like,problem is she's 11(12 this december)
Hi LightYagami777,
What I have notice now days is that a 12 years old may look like a 15, 16...but dont forget that although she may look older, she still very young at 11,12.
As some poster said a 7 years difference is not much for someone already in age to date or to be court. But it is not her case.
For now I would suggest you to hang out with friends your own ages and let time pass by etc if in few years you still feel the same, go for it.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/11/2008 9:40:38 AM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26197
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
|
Something that I've been thinking about for a few days . . .
I don't agree at all with telling a grown man to wait on a little girl to grow up.
I personally don't think that the interest would still be there after such a long time-period.
However, for the point of this post, let's say that his interest in this little girl will still be there 7 years down the road (or even 2 or 3, according to the OP of when he plans to let her know . . . but again, even 2 or 3 years down the road, she's still not going to be an adult).
That's a long time to wait for someone who may or may not return the interest. It concerns me greatly, especially in this scenario, because we are talking about a grown man and a little girl; not two adults.
Since, there's already the very real danger of pedophile (whether that is something the OP wants to realize or not), what happens if you wait for her all that time and she doesn't return the interest? You would have invested a lot of time waiting for specifically her . . . there's a very real danger of, in your mind and heart, "claiming" her for your own; and then if she doesn't return the interest, there's the very real danger your feeling spurned by her; perhaps maybe even cheated on by her.
What are you going to do when she starts liking boys and noticing specific boys? Are you going to feel jealous? Are you going to try to sway or stop her from doing so? She would have every right to do those things and she will not be doing anything wrong towards you.
Mentally, I believe it is a very dangerous game that would be played. It's unhealthy for a grown man to be interested in a little girl; it's also dangerous. It's also equally (or perhaps, more) unhealthy and dangerous for a grown man to wait for a little girl to grow up, for the reasons I've stated above.
I don't think he should wait for her at all. There is too big of an age difference between the two of them - at this point in their lives; him being a grown man and her being a little girl. Waiting for her would only continue his emotions and feelings for her, and they would intensify over time. That's simply not a good thing in this situation.
We are not talking about 2 adults; if we were, my response would be different.
I truly think the OP needs to put this little girl out of his mind and get on with his life.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/11/2008 11:04:18 AM
|
|
|
lexie
Posts: 3055
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
|
quote:
I think that you should be honest with the girl's father, and tell him how you feel about his daughter and what your intentions are toward her.
I'm not sure if this has been done already, but maybe it would be appropriate to also discuss your feelings on this issue with some men on the forums. Find out how they would feel being told by a 19 year old man that he likes their 11 year old daughter.
I say this because I'm sure that if a man approached my husband about our daughter, the man would probably never see our daughter again. Like others have mentioned, things are very different when it is our own child and this father may not take things positively.
It may be beneficial to discuss this with other Christian fathers about what to do and how to approach it before you go to her father.
_____________________________
I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/11/2008 11:25:45 AM
|
|
|
Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3788
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
Status: online
|
It would sure put a stop to things and put the parents on alert. That would be a good thing for that family.
_____________________________
Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
W2D1
292 more miles t
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/12/2008 12:52:27 AM
|
|
|
bootsNspurs_mod
Posts: 903
Joined: 1/24/2007
From: Wisconsin, but currently in the desert!
Status: online
|
There is something very wrong for an adult to be able to even think of a child in this way. Those sorts of things should not even be a thought in your mind.
You should stay far away from this girl and seek professional Christian counseling.
_____________________________
You do well to believe in God. Satan also believes... and trembles.
James 2:19 paraphrased
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/12/2008 9:40:08 AM
|
|
|
LightYagami777
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/5/2008
Status: offline
|
depends,should a christian like deathnote/(YES I DO{partially because i agree with light's way of thinking})
quote:
ORIGINAL: fluffmonkey
First off I say pray about it and then wait until this girl is old enough to decide for herself... right now she is a child and still has a lot of growing and learning and such. If on down the road you still have feelings for her then talk with her ...and if not move on...and continue to follow God.
Now an off topic question... do you like deathnote?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/12/2008 9:45:31 AM
|
|
|
LightYagami777
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/5/2008
Status: offline
|
I indicated I'd like to marry her?when?
I will admit something,She is only one of 2 girls who have made me want to change,to become better than I am now.The other was 2 years younger than me and if it hadn't been for her,I may have never gotten off my lazy butt and gotten a job.Of course,it was after that i found out she thought 2 years was too much of a gap.
*sigh* I wonder,does God look down and say "Let's pick on light today"
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
LightYagami777 -
I am not saying you are a pedophile since I think the clinical definition includes acting out sexually and you haven't done that- nor am I trying to condemn you. But I agree with much of what Dakotasunbeam said and I don't think you should dismiss it quickly because this can be a very serious matter. It isn't so much the age gap - a difference of 8 years won't be that much of a difference when you are older. But the issue is the fact that she is a prepubescent girl. You have a romantic interest in her (you've spoken to her father and while you've not revealed that you are interested in her - you've put feelers out to see when you could conceivably date her (at 14 when you are 21)), you've indicated that you'd like to marry her. At 11 a child is in elementary school (6th grade, yes)? So you, as a college-aged man is interested in a 6th grade girl. You are miles apart in experience, emotional maturity, and physical maturity. So given those facts, you really do need to ask yourself some very hard questions - like - are you generally attracted to women your age? If you do find someone attractive, is it generally someone who is a lot younger? Were you ever abused as a child? Please don't answer those questions here - we don't need to know the answers to these things ... but pray about this in your own heart and really seek the Lord on this. Talk to someone that you can trust. LightYagami777, most 19 year olds are not interested in 11 year olds - which I think that you probably know. Most 19 year olds are interested in women their own age or a bit younger and who have hit puberty (even 15 or 16 - which is still too young but understandable). So, if you have a pattern of liking young girls, while this might feel very natural and normal to you - it isn't.
You might also want to try to discreetly speak with someone about this issue - if nothing else to find out what the root of this is. If you don't get help, the way that you'll probably find out if you have a larger problem is if you wait. If your interest in her decreases as she gets older, then you've probably got a problem that you need to address. If not, and you don't like any other young girls, maybe not. But ... if you do have a problem, I'm not sure if waiting will help. I'm not trying to cast any stones at you - but I would be wrong to say that this is appropriate. This is a very difficult situation and I truly pray the best for you brother.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/12/2008 9:48:26 AM
|
|
|
LightYagami777
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/5/2008
Status: offline
|
No,I was never abused.
What am i going to do when she starts liking boys her age?GET OVER IT!!!I have no feelings,emotions et cetera so that makes it easy.
And i don't claim her for my own.Nevermind about the whole deal.
ADMIN...SHUT 'ER DOWN!!! *echo*
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Something that I've been thinking about for a few days . . .
I don't agree at all with telling a grown man to wait on a little girl to grow up.
I personally don't think that the interest would still be there after such a long time-period.
However, for the point of this post, let's say that his interest in this little girl will still be there 7 years down the road (or even 2 or 3, according to the OP of when he plans to let her know . . . but again, even 2 or 3 years down the road, she's still not going to be an adult).
That's a long time to wait for someone who may or may not return the interest. It concerns me greatly, especially in this scenario, because we are talking about a grown man and a little girl; not two adults.
Since, there's already the very real danger of pedophile (whether that is something the OP wants to realize or not), what happens if you wait for her all that time and she doesn't return the interest? You would have invested a lot of time waiting for specifically her . . . there's a very real danger of, in your mind and heart, "claiming" her for your own; and then if she doesn't return the interest, there's the very real danger your feeling spurned by her; perhaps maybe even cheated on by her.
What are you going to do when she starts liking boys and noticing specific boys? Are you going to feel jealous? Are you going to try to sway or stop her from doing so? She would have every right to do those things and she will not be doing anything wrong towards you.
Mentally, I believe it is a very dangerous game that would be played. It's unhealthy for a grown man to be interested in a little girl; it's also dangerous. It's also equally (or perhaps, more) unhealthy and dangerous for a grown man to wait for a little girl to grow up, for the reasons I've stated above.
I don't think he should wait for her at all. There is too big of an age difference between the two of them - at this point in their lives; him being a grown man and her being a little girl. Waiting for her would only continue his emotions and feelings for her, and they would intensify over time. That's simply not a good thing in this situation.
We are not talking about 2 adults; if we were, my response would be different.
I truly think the OP needs to put this little girl out of his mind and get on with his life.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/12/2008 9:50:03 AM
|
|
|
Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7616
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
|
I don't think anyone is picking on you...merely expressing concern for you and for the child.
I know I would be highly alarmed and weary if a 19 year old came up to me and told me she found my 12 year old son attractive. I would probably do everything in my power to keep her away from him and he away from her. If she attended the same church as I, I would make sure the staff was aware of her infatuation and that she is NOT to be around my son. AT ALL.
I completely understand the fear of pedophile traits as it does beg to wonder how a 19 year old man could have any interest in an 11 year old prepubescent child.
I agree with those above who say you need to move on (and away) from this child and focus on your walk with Christ...let her grow up (and that means reaching adulthood) and do what you have to do to get over her.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/12/2008 10:08:25 AM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26197
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: LightYagami777
No,I was never abused.
What am i going to do when she starts liking boys her age?GET OVER IT!!!I have no feelings,emotions et cetera so that makes it easy. Then, why the thread? If you don't have any feelings or emotions towards someone, how can you be so interested in her?
quote:
ORIGINAL: LightYagami777
ADMIN...SHUT 'ER DOWN!!! *echo* I'm not quite sure what you mean by this?
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: age differences - 9/12/2008 10:09:41 AM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26197
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
I don't think anyone is picking on you...merely expressing concern for you and for the child.
I know I would be highly alarmed and weary if a 19 year old came up to me and told me she found my 12 year old son attractive. I would probably do everything in my power to keep her away from him and he away from her. If she attended the same church as I, I would make sure the staff was aware of her infatuation and that she is NOT to be around my son. AT ALL.
I completely understand the fear of pedophile traits as it does beg to wonder how a 19 year old man could have any interest in an 11 year old prepubescent child.
I agree with those above who say you need to move on (and away) from this child and focus on your walk with Christ...let her grow up (and that means reaching adulthood) and do what you have to do to get over her.
Great post, Tina.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
