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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/10/2008 9:17:34 PM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1891
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
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Donna - I would probably feel the same way regarding the library card. I would personally never have done that with someone else's child either.
Hope everyone has a much better day tomorrow. My day is not going well at all and I hate to complain because a few of you ladies have to deal with absent hubbies for a lot longer than 2.5 days. But, I absolutely do not do well alone mentally and it wears on me rather quickly. He probably won't be home until tomorrow evening around or after supper time. I am so grouchy!!! Hunter has been rather whiny this evening as well so not good at all and he is refusing to go to sleep. I think tomorrow I am going to go the new outdoor mall in the next city because there is a Children's Place there. I am trying to buy his winter wardrobe on sale, but also keeping my eye out for summer clothes on sale for next year. We went to Target this evening and I purchased two pair of windbreaker pants and matching shirts for less than $5 a piece. Well hopefully I get some sleep tonight...kudos to the ladies who have to deal with absent hubbies on a regular basis and for longer periods than this. I don't know that I can handle it.
_____________________________
Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/10/2008 9:35:12 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4100
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
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What is it with MIL's? Mine doesn't ever send anything on time. We just recieved Nath's first birthday present yesterday, 2 weeks late and no phone call or anything. Didn't call hubby for his birthday last year, got a card 3 weeks later. I didn't get a card or acknowledgment that it was my birthday until 4 months later!
(donna)
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/10/2008 11:41:57 PM
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lexie
Posts: 3055
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:
I'm probably the only person on the planet who sees getting a library card as a milestone.
Our library has special cards for kids under 5 and I want to get Akeelah one of her own...Dh thinks I'm crazy for getting excited about something like this.
And I would be frustrated as well. Because if I took kids to the library and they didn't have their own card, I would assume there was a reason why and it needed to stay that way.
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I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 12:58:04 AM
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spitzu
Posts: 1064
Joined: 4/19/2005
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What's gas doing where you ladies are?
Hubby saw it at $2.79 on the more expensive side of town today. It hasn't been that low in over a year at least.
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<- Ahh, the sound of a real shutter. It's like music!
Macro Monday #3
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 6:51:43 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Yeah, I can remember in college it going as low as 0.79 cents a gallon. Nowadays we were excited to see $3.60 a gallon, but we've been getting over a gas shortage, so it's been dropping fast in only a few days. On Tuesday the best gas was $3.80, but it dropped 20 cents in only a few days.
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This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 7:35:35 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
But tonight she went to the library with two of her cousins (4 and 6), who have their own cards. And she was allowed to get a card. Person who took her says that Hannah did write her own first name on the card, but I don't believe it. She's never written it by herself for me before. And now this is her card. I can't take her when she can write her whole name (first and last) like we did with Noah.
Is it possible that this person did it because, when they got to the library, Hannah felt left out going there and being the only one not able to get books out like her cousins did? That she did it because she just thought she was helping out?
quote:
Stupid, I know, but c'mon...I wouldn't take someone else's kid to get a library card without asking them first. Would you? [
To turn it around a bit, if I had a child who didn't have a library card, and yet was intending going to the library with friends or family, I'd probably expect him/her to want to get books out and either cancel the arrangement till I could take her myself, or explain to my child (and to the person taking her) that she could just look this time and get a card/books another time.
In other words, if I didn't think of that, I don't think I'd be blaming the other person at all, especially if she had no idea that it would matter so much.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 8:35:46 AM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
Joined: 12/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: spitzu
What's gas doing where you ladies are?
Hubby saw it at $2.79 on the more expensive side of town today. It hasn't been that low in over a year at least.
It's about the same here.
quote:
Yeah, I can remember in college it going as low as 0.79 cents a gallon.
Ahhhh, yes, those were the days. Hubby and I talk about when we were dating in high school and first married. We could go anywhere we wanted on $5 worth of gas! We drove all the time. It was nothing for us to spend the entire day in the car driving around St. Louis or driving around Oklahoma City all day looking for estate sales. We love sightseeing and driving around for pleasure, that's something that used to not cost much at all. Not anymore! I don't think our dream of a Rte. 66 cross-country road trip will be happening anytime soon. Should've done it earlier.
_____________________________
<<< My littlest punkin'
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
pirtlefarm.blogspot.com
Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 8:37:31 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10308
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
I mean, it's not like someone taking their niece out to get pierced ears or a tattoo, but still....
Oh golly...don't even go there. This same family member (and the rest of that side of the family) has been on our case since Hannah was BORN that because she's a girl, she simply must need her ears pierced. If they did THAT without my permission, which I think would involve lying and saying they were her parents, they would be looking at our life from the outside in short order.  Hmmm...maybe I need to remind her how I feel about that again. 
Manda, I don't think it was a trying to be helpful thing. I think it was a "never say no or let's ask your mom" thing. Not to mention the books she let Hannah get out are Halloween books that I never would have okayed (not cute...kind of scary ones, with monsters hiding everywhere). Yeah, Ruth was right on about it being more of an ongoing boundaries issue. I'm going to be very specific next time she takes the kids. I appreciate that she loves them and they always have a blast with her. However, things like Hannah getting yeast infections if she has too much sugar and Levi getting diarrhea for days if he has chocolate...those things mean nothing to her. She doesn't have to deal with the aftermath, so she just gives them whatever they want, as well as feeding the "every time I go to the store, I must get a treat" mentality I've been trying to get rid of.
I guess I am upset by more than just a library card. Though the library card on it's own still makes me tear up. It's something that was important to me that I can't do with her now, when she CAN write her own name, first and last. And no, she can't write her first name still...I just had her try, while looking at the card, and she couldn't do it, and told me that this person held her hand and did it with her. So she lied to me on top of it.
Sigh. And yes, I know I am overly emotional right now. I admit that.
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!! 
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
~Psalm 91:4~
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 8:54:35 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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Donna
I guess you may well just have to be extra cautious about when and where you allow Hannah to go with this family member. I appreciate that there may be ongoing boundary issues with her, but, the things is, you allowed her to take Hannah to a library, it's surely understandable that either Hannah would want to take books out or that she would want Hannah to be able to take books out? Not allowing for those possibilities would, to me, be like letting my child go to a hamburger place with someone and expecting her not to want to eat or to have the person taking her not buy her something.....
You could of course take the library card away from Hannah now, explain to the library what happened, and then, later on, take Hannah to join properly when she can write her name ...
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 9:27:02 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
Joined: 4/12/2005
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So, basically when I let someone take Nathan somewhere, I should be quite clear what is and is not allowed at that particular establishment, and not take for granted that they would call and ask? Good lesson to learn now.
My dH is very blase about this kind of stuff. Someone would have to blatantly defy something he told them to get his goat up about concerning Nathan, or put him in real danger. He thought I overreacted the time that my MIL showed bad judgment concerning my niece and potty training (basically creating a huge emotional standoff with a very stubborn 3 year old).
Donna is this your in law side of the family? I find that I am inherently more distrustful of my inlaws then my parents, although my parents are certainly not perfect. In laws have not watched Nathan since he was 3 months old, and the biggest reason is that he's not comfortable with them. When Elizabeth arrives there will be more pressure on me to let people take Nathan out, as baby and I will be less mobile in the beginning.
I just don't know. They've never done anything blatantly bad, although they've shown poor judgment on several occasions with both niece and Nathan. Greg and his parents are getting antsy for me to show more trust in them. Greg knows my concerns, but he thinks I'm overreacting.
Assuming Nathan becomes more comfortable with them, should I submit to Greg and let them have Nathan alone, based mostly on my own discomfort? I do not believe they would ever allow Nathan to come to harm, I just have trouble trusting them, and I'm not sure the deserve my distrust.
_____________________________
This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 9:39:51 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10308
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
Donna is this your in law side of the family?
Yes, however, we have set clear boundaries with my family also. The difference is that my family (with the rare exception of my dad  ) will respect the boundaries, and Brian's family won't. My brother has not been allowed to take my children anywhere in his car for years, because he has had a drug problem and extremely poor judgment. He has been clean for a couple weeks now and the rule still stands because trust takes time to build. So it's not just Brian's family I want to follow the way our family does things. I expect the same from my family.
Last year at Christmas, Hannah was given a Barbie. In front of me, with the words, "I know you don't want her to play with them, but every girl needs a Barbie." I let her open it (what else could I do and not look like Mean Mommy???). She didn't really care for the dumb thing anyway and it is currently buried in the bottom of the sandbox.  But...it's these kind of in your face things that his family is famous for. I really would not be sad if they up and moved a few hours away.
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
~Psalm 91:4~
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 9:48:28 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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My parents are basically the same as yours, they respect our rules.
But I told my MIL that if she ever bought a daughter of mine a barbie, I'd trash it. Maybe sometimes we have to be the Mean Mommy if that's what it takes to get our point across. After that I'm assuming you make your inlaws give all children's gifts to you unwrapped before the holiday? That's what I'd do, assuming Greg didn't through a holy fit over my treatment of his parents.
Greg does support me as his wife, but he's very sensitive to how his parents are treated. A few times now he told me I was acting badly towards them. I grabbed the bull by the horns and went straight to them. I asked 'em, "Was I acting badly?" or "Did I offend you?". I'd rather have it out straight and simple, like I do with my parents. My dad has no trouble telling me I behaved badly if I am rude to them.
_____________________________
This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 9:53:40 AM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
I actually don't know how the library could do that without me there. So...I could take any random kid and have their card connected to someone else's card. The library had no way of knowing that Hannah is actually my child, yet they linked her card to mine, KWIM?
I was wondering about that.
quote:
Oh golly...don't even go there. This same family member (and the rest of that side of the family) has been on our case since Hannah was BORN that because she's a girl, she simply must need her ears pierced. If they did THAT without my permission, which I think would involve lying and saying they were her parents, they would be looking at our life from the outside in short order. Hmmm...maybe I need to remind her how I feel about that again.
When I was Isabel's age, my aunt took me and had my ears pierced without my parents' knowledge. My little ears got infected soon after and my parents let them grow back over. This particular aunt has always been notorious for challenging my mom in ways like that . . . . . .
_____________________________
<<< My littlest punkin'
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
pirtlefarm.blogspot.com
Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 10:11:21 AM
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lexie
Posts: 3055
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
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I will never understand why people think they know better than the parent of a child. Even if you don't agree with it, everyone is entitled to raise their children in their own way (obviously not talking about abusive situations.)
I took my niece and nephew (on Dh's side) to the library once. I didn't know they had their own library cards. When they wanted books, we used my card. See how easy it was?
Gas is 1.02/L here...hmmm let me figure out how to translate that....roughly 3.24...it's encouraging to see it's the same as where Maggie is (though probaby not for Maggie) considering we have taxes factored into the price of our gas.
_____________________________
I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 10:47:45 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
So, basically when I let someone take Nathan somewhere, I should be quite clear what is and is not allowed at that particular establishment, and not take for granted that they would call and ask? Good lesson to learn now.
That's what I would have done, had I ever let anyone take either of my children anywhere (which I didn't!!)
Neither my in-laws or my parents ever took either of my children out anywhere. My late MIL was controlling, manipulative and could be downright nasty (and would have favoured my dd over my ds), as well as indulging in make-believe that we would regard as untruthful, and my FIL is one of those men who think that it's fine (and funny) to tease children, even very small ones. With my parents, I could not have trusted them not to spank my children; my mother especially was also very likely to make them feel weird/strange/wrong for not liking something or other. I could also see my parents and my in-laws trying to make my children eat stuff they didn't want to eat.
quote:
When Elizabeth arrives there will be more pressure on me to let people take Nathan out, as baby and I will be less mobile in the beginning.
I remember being far more mobile, far sooner, after my 2nd child than after my 1st.
quote:
Assuming Nathan becomes more comfortable with them, should I submit to Greg and let them have Nathan alone, based mostly on my own discomfort? I do not believe they would ever allow Nathan to come to harm, I just have trouble trusting them, and I'm not sure the deserve my distrust.
After what you've shared about the way your mother dealt with the situation with your niece and the potty, I am not surprised you are hesitant. Could you trust your MIL to respect how you want Nathan to be potty-trained, for example?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 12:03:32 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I grabbed the bull by the horns and went straight to them. I asked 'em, "Was I acting badly?" or "Did I offend you?". I'd rather have it out straight and simple, like I do with my parents. My dad has no trouble telling me I behaved badly if I am rude to them.
I'm wondering how they answered.
Well, one or two times they just said "No, you're fine". One time they said, "You did seem a little ticked off at us, but you weren't without cause."
I'd just rather talk about it openly. But Greg went through a period when his mother and her MIL were on very bad terms, and he remembers the pain of that. So, I guess he wants me to be niece and all that. And also, he was raised with his parents, so their behavior seems a lot more normal to him.
Overall they are good and decent folks, they just make some different decisions sometimes then I would do.
_____________________________
This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: SAHW/M Support/Encouragement--4 - 10/11/2008 1:06:27 PM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1891
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
Status: offline
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I am so excited gas is down in the $3.20 range!!! I had to look twice today as I headed into town because I could not believe what I was seeing.
Well, Hunter and I went into town today to window shop. I went into Ross which is not a store I normally go in because I never find anything, but today I went in since I was passing by it. I found Hunter the cutest pair of shoes for under $7 and even though they are a little big I could not pass them up. I have been looking for a pair like them, but was unwilling to pay $30 for kid shoes. Now we are home and I just put him down for a nap and I am fixing to go bust my bottom cleaning before the hubby gets home.
Hope everyone has a great day!
_____________________________
Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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Some things still hurt, even though all our logic and reason tell us we shouldn't make such a big deal out of it. It still gets to us as human beings. 
