RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (Full Version)

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car2ner -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (8/11/2008 6:55:15 AM)

quote:

When a man acts like a man -- especially a godly man -- it is easier for the woman to step in there and be the godly wife in all areas.


AMEN



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (8/11/2008 7:25:35 AM)

quote:

The thing is, however, he has made the changes in his own life and demeanor that helped bring this about. When a man acts like a man -- especially a godly man -- it is easier for the woman to step in there and be the godly wife in all areas.


That is very true. [:D] When my husband is in a good mood, happy, considerate, thoughtful, asking my opinion, caring for my needs, etc, it is *very* easy to respect/reverence him.

I wonder how many are willing to apply that in the reverse though? A husband should love his wife unconditionally and sacrificially, but we don't always like to hear that it would be a lot easier on him if *we* would respect him and treat him well.



car2ner -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (8/11/2008 7:39:15 AM)

One thing I like about Dr.Phil was his saying, "have you made home a safe place to land?" And Dr. Laura mentioned that if you treat a good man right that he would swim through shark infested waters to bring you a cold glass of lemonade.

I realize that Pop Phsyc isn't scripture but these are clever sayings.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (8/11/2008 7:59:18 AM)

quote:

And Dr. Laura mentioned that if you treat a good man right that he would swim through shark infested waters to bring you a cold glass of lemonade.


Do you know how much people (women) hate her because she says things like that? [&:] Somehow "treat your man well" gets twisted into "she says we should just be mindless doormat stepford wives". [8|]



car2ner -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (8/11/2008 12:10:25 PM)

Dr. Laura does have a disclaimer in the beginning of her book. She says that there are just some men who are dangerous, and her advice is to protect yourself and that her advice is not going to make them better men.

But for the average family just trying to understand each other, I found her advice sound. It all comes down to the golden rule. Treat your/my husband with as much care as you/I would like to be treated. Speaking of which, he just pulled into the driveway...gotta get my kiss ready.



buckifn -> RE: Men/Women roles in the home - One Stop Thread (8/17/2008 8:06:32 AM)

Here are some thoughts from 1 church leader who sees both sides of this equation a lot.

You have to maintain a balance between your family life and your church life. You are a Christian with your husband and when you are with your church group. I know it is difficult, but please remember God Himself honors marriage...and so should you and I.

Your husband will never hear your witness for Christ unless he sees it as well and for him to see that he has to see you showing him he is important in your life. Putting him on the back burner for every church event that comes along isn't wise.

The two of you needs to find ways to compromise. Sit down and come to an agreement every few months on what your schedule will be. I have seen this work well for families in similiar situations as yours. Choose the top 3 or 4 things that are really important to you and tell him that. In return ask him for 3 or 4 dates/events he feels it is important for the two of you to do together.

Remember the kids you work with in SS and Youth Group are seeing what you model in your marriage as well as hearing what you teach in the classroom. They need to see a balance of love for God and love for your husband.

During those times you are not in church but out doing something with your husband maybe you could find a way to practice your faith as your form of worship? For instance, paying for someone elses meal at the rest. or the two of you doing something together to help someone else?

Remember church is only 1 place out of many that we serve Christ. Loving your spouse is def. one way we honor Christ too.



retro-goddess -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (8/21/2008 2:17:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom

quote:

The thing is, however, he has made the changes in his own life and demeanor that helped bring this about. When a man acts like a man -- especially a godly man -- it is easier for the woman to step in there and be the godly wife in all areas.


That is very true. [:D] When my husband is in a good mood, happy, considerate, thoughtful, asking my opinion, caring for my needs, etc, it is *very* easy to respect/reverence him.

I wonder how many are willing to apply that in the reverse though? A husband should love his wife unconditionally and sacrificially, but we don't always like to hear that it would be a lot easier on him if *we* would respect him and treat him well.


THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

You know - I had a guy friend tell me a few weeks ago "that the problem with marriages falling apart these days is that women don't submit to their husbands." I told him flat out that "if a man was ready to DIE for his wife and be a LEADER that God calls him to be, no woman would have an issue submitting." He just looked at me after that and was silent.

I hate it that it's somehow always the woman's issue to submit and never the man's issue to do his part.



Memaw. -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/14/2008 2:25:17 PM)

quote:

What (in your thinking, your belief) is a feminist?


Since the THREAD in Womens' Only titled Feminist has been closed, I thought I would go ahead and see if the conversation can be continued here.

I originally put it in WO because I only wanted womens' opinions and thoughts, but if it has to continue here, then so be it.



stellaluna -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/14/2008 10:29:33 PM)

Here's my post from that thread:

quote:

ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
ETA: The thread about this is men's is quite, umm....interesting.


It certainly shows a lack of reading comprehension. Also, I love the comparison between feminism and emo. [sm=aside.gif]

Here's the problem as I see it:
I can't truly call myself feminist because regardless of ideology, the word implies women are above men. Instead I would rather call myself a humanist, because I'd like everyone to be equal. But I can't call myself a humanist because Christians think that humanism is the opposite of Christianity. But then, I really don't call myself a Christian anymore because there are too many whack jobs running around turning everyone off Christianity. So I call myself a "follower of Christ." I guess I can call myself a personist when it comes to this subject? It's very annoying all the way around.

Still...biblical commandments to men and women are really irrelevant to the reality of the workplace and society at large. We all owe a debt of gratitude to the women who fought for us to have the right to vote, to get an education, etc. That has absolutely nothing to do with what any woman chooses to do at home.



Memaw. -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/14/2008 11:57:02 PM)

I wasn't aware there was a thread in Men Only on the topic of Feminists till now.

Presumably it was started in response to the one I started in WO.
I read it and am really surprised (and saddened) by some of the responses there:

quote:

I equate the term "feminism" with what it was in the '70s: anti male anything.


quote:

I feel personally attacked and offended by the biblical idiocy that is being portrayed in that thread.

Feminist (especially from what I've read) don't believe they must submit to their husband in everything. They Bible says they must. They hate that, and it causes their ego to run rapid.

Instead of trying to grow a pair of testicles, they should take their predetermined "we're better than men... oh, I mean... equal rights!" mindset off and listen to what the Bible says about that attitude.

It's absolutely disgusting.


Is that truly what some men think??[&o]


NOTE TO WOMEN:
The thread in Men Only can be read by women, but not posted in so please do not reply in that thread.



Memaw. -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/14/2008 11:58:26 PM)

quote:

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the women who fought for us to have the right to vote, to get an education, etc. That has absolutely nothing to do with what any woman chooses to do at home.


Absolutely agree!



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 1:09:55 AM)

I don't recall calling myself a feminist until last week, but it was in response to someone who had written a note I considered abusive and berating to women. I determined not to remember who wrote it, and fortunately, I don't. Please don't remind me.

For me, as a woman, I am so glad I married a man who is comfortable enough in his own skin, and comfortable enough with his maleness, to not be uncomfortable with me being a woman who has a brain and has opinions that are not clones of his. However, I did recently restudy portions of the Bible and make a choice to be submissive to my husband. Funny thing is that it ended up being a spiritual and mental exercise that hasn't changed anything we were already doing.

If, indeed, I am a feminist, I am a feminist who believes every woman should have every right to excel in life and in the use of her talents, no matter what is the age of that woman, no matter if she is born or unborn. I believe that if a woman is better at doing a particular job, then she should have that job and she should not be passed over in order to employ a man. I believe that any woman over the age of 17 is a woman, not a girl, and she should not be demeaned by titles that are not fitting. I believe that if a man sexually harasses a woman, he should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I believe that I, as a woman, have the right to vote as I see fit.

If, indeed, I am a feminist, I am a feminist who believes every man should have every right to excel in life and in the use of his talents, no matter what is the age of that man, no matter if he is born or unborn. I believe that if a man is better at doing a particular job, then he should have that job and he should not be passed over in order to employ a woman. I believe that any man over the age of 17 is a man, not a boy, and he should not be demeaned by titles that are not fitting. I believe that if a woman sexually harasses a man, she should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I believe that he, as a man, has the right to vote as he sees fit.



benelchi -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 10:53:02 AM)

quote:

I wasn't aware there was a thread in Men Only on the topic of Feminists till now.


I think you may have been one of the only women wasn't! The other day I posted over there, and there were three rows of names of those who were in that thread, and almost all of them were women.



Memaw. -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 11:41:26 AM)

quote:

I think you may have been one of the only women wasn't!

I have since found out that alot of women knew about it.
I don't go into MO very much because I want to give them their privacy but I bet I go in there more often now.[:D]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 1:12:02 PM)

I wish I had not learned about that thread and gone there last night. I cannot express the disappointment I felt. This morning, I went back and reread it. I must admit that I made a list of the persons there, dividing it into three categories.

Slightly less than half of them this morning were what I would call real men and men who were not disappointing. Bless them, bless them, bless them.

The same number of the other men seem to be those who can learn and who may learn. While I was disappointed with what was written in their posts, these are not stupid people, and I believe they can and will do better.

The other two -- oh, well.

But I'll tell you this: I am enough of a Pollyanna that I want to think better of the men, so I am staying away from there, except for this thread, which I subscribed.



Sideways -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 1:21:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Memaw.
Is that truly what some men think??[&o]


I liked the one guy who said that "feminism is a way for ugly women to feel better about themselves".[8|]



Sideways -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 1:25:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
The same number of the other men seem to be those who can learn and who may learn.


Well, yes. We had a few teenagers in the Women's Only thread, too. And while it's very nice to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, it's a whole new ballgame to actually spend years and years married to someone, raising children, changing jobs, buying houses, etc.

It doesn't meant that unmarried adults don't have a right to their opinion, but when you haven't reached 20 years old yet and you're giving me lectures on the evils of feminism, please understand that I can't take you to seriously.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 1:34:12 PM)

That's kinda why I didn't freak out too much about some of the posts...considering the age of the posters, I took what they said with a grain of salt.



benelchi -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 1:50:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

That's kinda why I didn't freak out too much about some of the posts...considering the age of the posters, I took what they said with a grain of salt.



Ravi Zacharias (from RZIM) ministries recounts a story from his days in Seminary where his professor was talking about marriage and said that love was hard work. Ravi interrupted the professor and said that he didn't like the idea that HIS wife would believe that being married to him was hard work. His professor asked him if he was married, and he said NO. To that is professor replied, "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!"



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 2:35:38 PM)

quote:

I feel personally attacked and offended by the biblical idiocy that is being portrayed in that thread.

Feminist (especially from what I've read) don't believe they must submit to their husband in everything. They Bible says they must. They hate that, and it causes their ego to run rapid.

Instead of trying to grow a pair of testicles, they should take their predetermined "we're better than men... oh, I mean... equal rights!" mindset off and listen to what the Bible says about that attitude.

It's absolutely disgusting.


That was the most appalling thing to me, of all the stuff I read in that thread. I haven't read it since last week, not sure I want to at this point.

My husband and I are more of a "mutual submission", but really, we are in such a partnership that it doesn't typically matter. DH does have the final say if we ever disagree, but for the most part that hasn't ever happened(except for one time that I can think of).

Apparently though, it can't be both ways. A woman can't work AND care for her spouse/children, it's one or the other. Funny though, I seem to have found quite the balance. My husband still has his lunch packed every morning and dinner on the table every night even if I'm not going to be home to eat dinner with him and DD.

The house is still clean, the bills are more the sufficiently paid, and our debt is being paid off. But you know what I'm after... just trying to grow a pair[8|]



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 2:47:11 PM)

Mrs. Wifey, someone else had the same reaction to that post you did. Here was my response, copied and pasted:


"I know they guy sounds a little cooky, but he's somewhere in his late teens or early 20's...knowing that, I took it with a grain of salt...and felt like telling the other men the same, but couldn't because we can't post in their folder. I think he's just a little idealistic yet, just as I was when I was that age. People in their late teens are very idealistic...it's their job.

And even though my life turned out differently than I expected..I don't regret feeling idealistic. If I had been able to peek ahead into all of the troubles I would face, I would have collapsed..I think God keeps us unaware for a reason. I had enough worry of it's own at the time.

I remember a guy once that I knew when he was 20/21. The way he talked about submission, I was afraid he would essentially wipe his feet on his wife. But he didn't at all..he turned out to be very loving and considerate of his wife...guess he grew out of the original idea, and learned that a happy wife is a happy life."



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 2:49:18 PM)

quote:


Apparently though, it can't be both ways. A woman can't work AND care for her spouse/children, it's one or the other. Funny though, I seem to have found quite the balance. My husband still has his lunch packed every morning and dinner on the table every night even if I'm not going to be home to eat dinner with him and DD.

The house is still clean, the bills are more the sufficiently paid, and our debt is being paid off. But you know what I'm after... just trying to grow a pair


With all that, I hope your husband is pitching in some...like doing the dishes or something...more so that you don't end up sick than anything else...if the wife is home all day, I understand her doing the majority of the housework, but if both parents are working, both should pitch in at home, IMO.



benelchi -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 2:58:39 PM)

quote:

Mrs. Wifey, someone else had the same reaction to that post you did. Here was my response.
I know they guy sounds a little cooky, but he's somewhere in his late teens or early 20's...knowing that, I took it with a grain of salt...and felt like telling the other men the same, but couldn't because we can't post in their folder. I think he's just a little idealistic yet, just as I was when I was that age. People in their late teens are very idealistic...it's their job.



I agree with you to a point; however, I think the issue goes beyond just being "idealistic", it reflect a poor understanding of Scripture. I am glad that men stepped up to address this with him. I hope that women would do the same in the women's folder when young women present a mistaken understanding of Scripture. While it is true that the "school of hard knocks" will cause many to face reality, that is not always the case. And by grace, if these young men and women are able to avoid some "hard knocks" because they were pointed in the right direction, then so much the better.



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 3:23:20 PM)

quote:

There is no longer a commitment, connection, or relationship in marriage anymore, as we have let the “state” define it for too long. It now more resembles a business agreement that only exists as long as it is mutually beneficial and not so uncomfortable for both parties. Instead of God’s one flesh standard with the husband as the head and the wife as the “helpmeet” we now have a dual flesh standard where there is no discernable head…and as we know, without a head it is hard to tell which way is forward.


Taken from a wonderfully written post on THIS BLOG



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Men's/Women's roles in the Home - One Stop Thread (9/15/2008 4:11:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany

quote:

There is no longer a commitment, connection, or relationship in marriage anymore, as we have let the “state” define it for too long. It now more resembles a business agreement that only exists as long as it is mutually beneficial and not so uncomfortable for both parties. Instead of God’s one flesh standard with the husband as the head and the wife as the “helpmeet” we now have a dual flesh standard where there is no discernable head…and as we know, without a head it is hard to tell which way is forward.


Taken from a wonderfully written post on THIS BLOG


I agree, for the most part. Where I disagree is that I think "helpmeet" can be a variety of things in different marriages. In our marriage it means me working part time to help pay off debt, in Sandy's marriage it means "holding down the fort" while Justin is gone. I don't believe there is one set standard for every marriage and it's wrong, IMO, to say that there is or ever has been.

Rebekah, I did see that and thanks :) It's really the fact that any men think like that that makes me go[sm=aside.gif][sm=rolleyes.gif]



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