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Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 6:56:48 PM
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creationtalk
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My son (7 yo) had a toy that I specifically told him he could not take with him to his AWANA program tonight. I said he could play with it in the truck on the way, but he should leave it with me. He agreed. When we got there he jumped out of the truck and ran inside. He took the toy with him, in deliberate defiance (if it hadn't been, he would have wanted to stick around for a hug and kiss) of my instruction.
So what do you consider appropriate consequences for this? I have to leave to pick him up in 90 minutes, so quick suggestions greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 7:00:31 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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I would say he loses that toy for a period of time, since he MISUSED the toy by disobeying you, he now does not get to USE the toy.
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Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 7:02:08 PM
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delete123
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CReationtalk~
I hope others will quickly pipe in to help, but my first instinct was/is: Take the toy away from him and restrict him from using it for a week or two.
And what I mean by restrict= absolutely no use whatsoever until you deem he earned it back.
The toy is a privledge not a right.
Eventhough my son is only 2 1/2 he knows that if he doesn't pick up his toy, he loses it. I do not waiver
CRH
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 7:02:43 PM
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Mrs.X
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I agree with Rebekah.
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A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 7:04:52 PM
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MC4JC
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I would say too, take the toy away for a week - not just a day.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 7:05:50 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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A-yup, that toy would go on a shelf--visible but out of reach--for a week if it were my son.
Argh. They all do this sort of thing, lol. I know it's some sort of important developmental step but STILL, lol.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 7:20:59 PM
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pbaribeault
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Also, I'd consider a "no toys in the vehicle" kind of restriction for the same duration (a week or more - depends on his temperment)... since that's the situation of temptation that he chose to give in to.
Aside from consequences, you might want to calmly try to dig into why this was important enough for him to defy you over. Had he made a promise to show it to a friend? Do all the boys have one? Were they going to have show-and-tell? Was he afraid that his brother would get at it if he was away? If there was something like that, you might advise him how to deal with a similar dilemma in the future.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 7:28:43 PM
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manda59
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If it was me, I'd then take the toy away for a week.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 8:11:49 PM
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creationtalk
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Thanks, that was what I was thinking. Although I think that how long I keep "custody" of the toy needs to depend on his attitude and behavior between now and a week...and if he tries to get around me by getting to it (he has gone out to the barn, brought in a ladder to climb up and get something I put on top of the closet on the porch...and was so proud of himself for getting "one up" on his mama--full marks for inventiveness...but not for attitude).
quote:
Had he made a promise to show it to a friend? Do all the boys have one? Were they going to have show-and-tell? Was he afraid that his brother would get at it if he was away?
Children are not supposed to bring toys from home to AWANA. It's considered a distraction. He's an only child, so there is no reason for him to worry about siblings.
I think that this is part showing off for his friend and part the current battle we are fighting for "whose in control." In three weeks I start a 3 week vacation from my primary job. I'm hoping that during that time we will have a chance to work on attitude and behavior; I want to get back to where we were a few years ago...before bad care situation and too many hours at work.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 8:20:05 PM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: creationtalk
Thanks, that was what I was thinking. Although I think that how long I keep "custody" of the toy needs to depend on his attitude and behavior between now and a week...and if he tries to get around me by getting to it (he has gone out to the barn, brought in a ladder to climb up and get something I put on top of the closet on the porch...and was so proud of himself for getting "one up" on his mama--full marks for inventiveness...but not for attitude).
Personally, I would only leave it a week, and tell him that right from the outset. If he went against me and climbed up to get it, the week's confiscation would start again. I'd make that clear to him at the start too.
In my experience children react better to punishments when they are definite, not open-ended.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 8:36:03 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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I agree, Manda.
Actually, this might be the most harmonious, agreement-prone thread on the entire forum! LOL
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 8:48:53 PM
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zoebob
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I would have followed him in and taken the toy from him before AWANA started. In a way he won the battle because you didn't take it from him at the time.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 9:35:21 PM
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garsyt
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Personally I would have considered leaving the toy at the church for the week, perhaps in the office or with his AWANA teacher. He broke an AWANA rule and deliberately disobeyed you. In my house the toy goes away for a very long time, until they earn it back. At 7 years old they are old enough to know. In order for this to work it has to hurt a little bit. I like what Manda said too!
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 9:39:49 PM
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garsyt
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quote:
I would have followed him in and taken the toy from him before AWANA started. In a way he won the battle because you didn't take it from him at the time.
This is good too! Sure he might have been embarrassed a little bit but it would have made a STRONG statement to him saying that Mama isn't going to mess around!
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 9:40:53 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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I wouldn't be surprised if they have taken the toy away while he is there, but if they did, and he got it back next week, I would still put it up for a week.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 10:10:00 PM
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creationtalk
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: creationtalk
Thanks, that was what I was thinking. Although I think that how long I keep "custody" of the toy needs to depend on his attitude and behavior between now and a week...and if he tries to get around me by getting to it (he has gone out to the barn, brought in a ladder to climb up and get something I put on top of the closet on the porch...and was so proud of himself for getting "one up" on his mama--full marks for inventiveness...but not for attitude).
Personally, I would only leave it a week, and tell him that right from the outset. If he went against me and climbed up to get it, the week's confiscation would start again. I'd make that clear to him at the start too.
In my experience children react better to punishments when they are definite, not open-ended.
Actually this was pretty much what I meant. By linking the toy to attitude and behavior...if he tried to get the toy down or threw a tantrum because the toy was still confiscated, the week would restart.
As it turns out, he hid the toy in the truck instead of taking it in. I'd asked him to give it to me before he went in; he hid it from me instead. Now I'm not sure what to do. He didn't do as I asked (exactly), but then again he did...
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 10:11:32 PM
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creationtalk
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
I would have followed him in and taken the toy from him before AWANA started. In a way he won the battle because you didn't take it from him at the time.
I've done that in the past, but it's really almost as as much as a distraction as a toy (which would be taken if he started to play with it anyway).
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 10:26:22 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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He still used the toy to disobey, so the consequences should stand.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/14/2008 10:40:34 PM
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pbaribeault
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Perhaps the no toys in vehicles would be a good consideration, thinking about him hiding it in the vehicle.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/15/2008 12:03:08 AM
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Christian30
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Spanking, as it was direct disobedience... the "heart" of sin.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/15/2008 12:07:31 AM
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Christian30
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Sorry, I pushed the Send button too quickly on that last post. I'd also read/explain a parallel scripture. The rod and scripture side-by-side is a biblically-focused way to handle disobedience.
I will clarify that there's nothing wrong with taking the toy away as stated in the other posts, but the rod is specifically stated in scripture as driving the sin out of the heart of a child. Nothing wrong with deprivation such as what is suggested, but I do not see it as biblically aligned.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/15/2008 12:13:35 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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I didn't bring up spanking because there is a one stop thread for spanking, and that is the only place we are to discuss it.
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Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/15/2008 3:19:36 PM
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doinkdom
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 My daughter did the same thing when she was about 7 - not AWANA, but a youth group setting.
She got spanked when we got home - just stating fact, not discussing.
I put the toy away for a week.
She found it and took it back to her room.
I removed the toy again.
She found it.
I gave the toy away.
She tried this test one more time with a brand new Barbie doll to see if I was seriuos...she found out I was and we didn't have anymore toy issues after that.
All I knew was consistency...good or bad was most important in our household.
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RE: Appropriate consequences - 9/15/2008 6:49:26 PM
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zoebob
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I would say that this is not necessarily a minor offence: deliberately doing something you were just told not to do. In any case I would not necessarily say she is punishing the child twice. The spanking is a punishment for the willful defiance. Losing the toy for a week is a consequence of using the toy as the means of disobedience.
I compare it to this: if a friend of my child is often getting them into trouble by convincing them to do things that they shouldn't I would punish my child for not standing up to them and doing what is right. I would also say that they couldn't play with that friend for a certain period of time.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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, I personally would not have wanted to effectively punish my child twice for one offence, especially as it was relatively minor.
