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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 1:23:58 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 775
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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For one, I would write this man off as a potential mate!
He's already shown himself to be a controller/abuser - this is
not who you want for a mate! If didn't want to father a child he
would of taken (his part of the responsibility) precaution against that.... like running from temptation and not engaging in sexual activity!
It's sad he's like that but that doesn't excuse him from paying
child support once it's established(legally) he's the father of the baby(if you are going to continue the pregnancy.)
When two people have sex there are consequences - you have your
part and he has his.
Don't allow him to bully you with his words - stand your ground and go
seek legal counseling concerning child support and having full custody(if you are keeping the baby.)
*The thing that needs terminating is your relationship with him!
< Message edited by jaimestarcross -- 9/17/2008 1:32:48 PM >
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 2:14:23 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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Too many guys are "allowed" to jump bail and not pay child support for the children they help create. While you think it may be easier to not deal with him or chilld support YOUR CHILD DESERVES help.
And a lot of states will REQUIRE the guy to pay child support. Put the money in a bank account for the child and let her have it when she's 18. He helped created this child; he has the responsibility to help provide financial support.
If you decide not to pursue child support from him, then you will probably need a lawyer and file a court order in the state and have it in writing. Its also not fair to let him get out of paying for the first fe years and then decide 10 yrs later you want back child support. As I said, most states require child support in some form from the baby's father.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 2:19:43 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2842
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MC4JC
Too many guys are "allowed" to jump bail and not pay child support for the children they help create. While you think it may be easier to not deal with him or chilld support YOUR CHILD DESERVES help.
And a lot of states will REQUIRE the guy to pay child support. Put the money in a bank account for the child and let her have it when she's 18. He helped created this child; he has the responsibility to help provide financial support.
If you decide not to pursue child support from him, then you will probably need a lawyer and file a court order in the state and have it in writing. Its also not fair to let him get out of paying for the first fe years and then decide 10 yrs later you want back child support. As I said, most states require child support in some form from the baby's father.
Child support is only required by the state if the custodial parent seeks financial assistance. If she is willing to be the sole support and does not need any kind of financial assistance from her county or state, the state could care less who does or doesn't pays support.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 2:22:46 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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Ok, but I've seen too many mothers say they don't want support and then decide (when things are financially hard) to all of a sudden go back 10 yrs to the guy and expect him to pay child support.
They BOTH are responsible for support for this child. And if she doesn't want financial support - then put it in writing that he doesn't ever have to pay it and have it signed and notorized by both parties. The thing is that sometime in the future, one of them will want their "rights" and you have a real mess on your hands.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 2:27:04 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2842
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
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quote:
They BOTH are responsible for support for this child. And if she doesn't want financial support - then put it in writing that he doesn't ever have to pay it and have it signed and notorized by both parties. The thing is that sometime in the future, one of them will want their "rights" and you have a real mess on your hands.
Such an agreement wouldn't mean a hill of beans if she ever needed to get financial assistance from her county or state. They would still go after him for support.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/17/2008 3:05:45 PM
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raivyne
Posts: 881
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
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If the OP doesn't wish to receive child support she doesn't have to seek it. its particularly easy to do this since she was never married to the father... she simply doesn't do anything. You don't have to list the father on the birth certificate... but I would.
I don't receive any child support for one of my children and he has nothing to do with his daughter. its tough for her to not have a father, but it might be better than having one who doesn't really love and care for her the way a father should.
_____________________________
God grades on the cross – not on a curve
Good – God = 0
In the dark? Follow the Son!
The Power of a Simple Gift! samaritanspurse.org
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/18/2008 12:55:15 AM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 1800
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 11221
needless to say i had a night of tears I was cussed out for trapping him forcing him and messing up his name, and i was told I'm like the rest of the girls trying to trap a man by having a baby or wanting to get married. etc. With all that being said all the numbers and way to be contacted has been deleted as of last night.. i just rubbed my belly and prayed that my little girl will be alright. At this time God is my source. - I think him for leading me this way to seek help.
You are far enough along to know that this is a girl???? Not to be rude, but how can you think to terminate now? You have a BABY in you. Not a bunch of cells, but a live human being. If you got this far in the pregnancy, then you can go all of the way. Get rid of this guy because he is no good to you and definately not going to help you unless convinced by a court of law that he will. But look at what happened here. You have had one beautiful person who I know will raise a baby in a wonderful environment. You have other options. If you are not ready for a baby, but are far enough along to know the sex of the baby, then depending on your state laws, you may not even be able to terminate.
If you can't keep the baby, talk to 29redballoons. And I am going to say this AGAIN. I am so proud of my husband for chosing adoption when he could have just as easily talked her into an abortion and out of that we gained an entire family. We know his son and his son knows his sisters on our side. Our daughters are just happy as little clams to know that they have that brother out there and he also has another brother from the birth mother.
You know the pain and guilt that comes with abortion. Think about how you are going to feel if you terminate a baby who has a heartbeat, feelings, a brain, fingers, toes, eyes, ears, hands and feet? You can do an open or a closed adoption. My husband's adoption was open, but limited. They went through Lutheran Social Services and we could contact the adoptive parents, but had to go through the agency so they didn't know where we were and we didn't know where they were.
We got pictures of him as he was growing and we did get to meet him before he turned 18, but the agreement was that at the age of 18, everybody at least meets once. I am not the birth mother and was not around for the adoption, but I can tell you that from the time his son was 8 years old and I found out about him, I DREAMED of the day we would all meet. You can't have that day if you let your baby die.
Think really hard about it and if you have to cut off all contact with this guy until you have a clear decision made. Once you have done that, then talk to him, but don't let him push you around. He doesn't have to live with the guilt of abortion, you do. Give him a choice. You keep the baby, or the baby is given to a loving family who wants her and will take very good care of her. He has no say in what you do with your body. But he will have to sign adoption papers if you decide to go that route, but if he doesn't want this baby, then he probaby will be signing them at his first chance. But think really really hard before you end this child's life.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/18/2008 8:26:43 PM
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Sadey
Posts: 531
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline
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You will never regret your decision. You have many blessed times ahead of you. Much joy and happiness.
He will be the loser if he doesn't come around.
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/19/2008 11:20:14 AM
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DougHorton
Posts: 934
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
Keep the baby. Terminate the relationship with your boyfriend. You'll never regret either.
Amen! It sounds like this guy is a loser! He is already proven to be manipulative and emotionally abusive. Dump him and keep your precious child.
_____________________________
Doug
You may think it strange, but he never likes any assistance. When he made the world, he did not ask the angel Gabriel so much as to cool the molten matter with his wing, but he did it entirely himself. -- Spurgeon
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/22/2008 11:22:49 AM
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11221
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MC4JC
Ok, but I've seen too many mothers say they don't want support and then decide (when things are financially hard) to all of a sudden go back 10 yrs to the guy and expect him to pay child support.
I'm ok.... with it and me go back 10 years - not going to happen y force somebody to do something they know is right???
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/22/2008 11:24:19 AM
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11221
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
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I'm keeping the baby... he's out of my life... my new man is wonderful---- he's a father to the fatherless... so we are more then great.... we are well taken care of...
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/22/2008 12:47:57 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 4099
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
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quote:
I'm keeping the baby... he's out of my life... my new man is wonderful---- he's a father to the fatherless... so we are more then great.... we are well taken care of... Great.
Just don't make the same mistakes with this guy.
_____________________________
Avatar is Saphira 5 months and Louvena at 23 months!
We are now grandparents TWICE!!
====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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RE: I NEED HELP! - 9/23/2008 9:50:31 AM
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laura...
Posts: 2842
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
quote:
I'm keeping the baby... he's out of my life... my new man is wonderful---- he's a father to the fatherless... so we are more then great.... we are well taken care of... Great.
Just don't make the same mistakes with this guy.
Dave, I believe her new man is God (a Father to the fatherless).
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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