|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 12:04:09 AM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 1940
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
|
I know a lot of us spend a lot of time on CW, particularly to stave off loneliness, but what about other places and looking for friends you can have a cup of tea with?
Where do you go, online or offline, to find local people who might become friends?
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 12:11:49 AM
|
|
|
AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
Status: online
|
I met a lot of my friends through the local theatre group. Finding an organization that is based around your interest may help.
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
Dance like no one is watching. If they are, who cares!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 12:22:21 AM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 1940
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
|
Yeah. I've been spending some time out of the house at a local gaming store. However, I haven't met many people my age.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 12:24:31 AM
|
|
|
Kellgaste
Posts: 407
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Wyoming
Status: offline
|
True! What she said!
I met a lot of friends through work. We are getting together tomorrow to RP table top, pencil and Paper. Should be about 4-6 hours of it I think, will be over my place and will be grillin burgers and Brauts.
Wanna join us?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 12:26:02 AM
|
|
|
stimulus
Posts: 180
Joined: 6/4/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
I know a lot of us spend a lot of time on CW, particularly to stave off loneliness, but what about other places and looking for friends you can have a cup of tea with?
Where do you go, online or offline, to find local people who might become friends?
I'm not a super-social person, and I like being alone. I'm friends with my coworkers, but by the time I've been with people all day long, I like spending time by myself in the evening. I'm also good friends with several people at my church, but we usually just hang out after services and at the events we're usually in charge of planning.
That said, I have used CW to fill a void, as I have time to kill and want to interact with people. Recently though, I've gotten more into social media\networking. So instead of discussing topics with strangers on CW, I'm talking about my life and my interests with my friends on MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, our blogs, etc. It strengthens my relationships with my friends, even if we aren't physically together.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 12:31:01 AM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 1940
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kellgaste
True! What she said!
I met a lot of friends through work. We are getting together tomorrow to RP table top, pencil and Paper. Should be about 4-6 hours of it I think, will be over my place and will be grillin burgers and Brauts.
Wanna join us?
I own my own business and work from home. I have to make an effort to get out of the house.
Sorry, I have my own RP game tomorrow, and plus, I'm a bit far from Wyoming. If you were nearerby, I'd be interested on another night. *sigh*
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 12:43:10 AM
|
|
|
Acts29
Posts: 496
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
|
You won't believe this but...
I went to a singles luau party. I did not meet any men who I wanted to date but I found some very good friends.
(For some of those who remember I was the one who asked the question "Why would you want to marry again?) Look at me now ---- I am dating. You guys said it would happen but at the time I did not believe you. 
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 1:01:53 AM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 1940
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
|
Thanks for the offer. :)
Congrats, Acts29.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 12:00:41 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 2100
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
I'm in this mode too. FInding friends that I can do things with. I have friends that I occasionally see because our lives are so busy and we're so tied down, and the get together are only for special occasions. Now that my daughter is growing up, I am thinking of expanding my social circles. Also, friendships seems to come and go. I've lost two special friends recently...one due to a move across the other end of the globe, and the other, well, I won't mention why except that it's a definite loss. So, I'm learning to enjoy the time I have with the friends I have because you never know when they are going to leave and your regret not giving them your best while they are around.
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 2:11:57 PM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 1940
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
|
Yeah. It's frustrating to want to make friends but not have either the inclination or the knowledge of how to do it.
Our society is way too much on the go. All that going keeps us from spending quality time with each other.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 3:03:39 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 2100
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
Yeah. It's frustrating to want to make friends but not have either the inclination or the knowledge of how to do it.
Our society is way too much on the go. All that going keeps us from spending quality time with each other.
Hey, Skrey, ever heard of the book Blue like Jazz by Donald MIller. Awesome book. Anyway, I've had it for years and have read it numerous times. Last night, I picked it up again and flipped through it. There was a chapter at the end about love. And no, it's not romantic love. It's about true Christian love. Don talked about one of his "friend" that he couldn't' stand....so, he really didn't consider him a friend. Then he decided to just accept the guy...i mean, totally accept him for who he is. Then he found that he actually liked the guy...that there was a lot of the things he liked despite the things that irritated him. Then slowly, the guy started changing...started taking church seriously....and the friendhsip blossomed.
I thought that was quite a profound way to describe what true friendship is about. Try checking out the book...It's awesome.
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 11:19:52 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8059
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
|
THis is a good question. One I have no answer to. Between the Girl and work I seem to have no time to get out and meet people. There's no one at church my age (or in the demographic I'm looking for) and I have no time to just go hang out with people anyway.
And when I do get out it's still almost impossible to meet people. Most folk I run into I'm not interested in spending time with (My spare time is so infrequent I'd hate to waste it)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/11/2008 11:35:39 PM
|
|
|
Psalms274
Posts: 1102
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
I know a lot of us spend a lot of time on CW, particularly to stave off loneliness, but what about other places and looking for friends you can have a cup of tea with?
Where do you go, online or offline, to find local people who might become friends?
I was moving to a new town a little over a couple years ago ... only one month after my dad and brother died w/in 3 days of each other. I knew I would not make it w/out support, but I didn't know a soul. So I prayed ... I just told God what He already knew and asked Him to bring me just one person that I could pray with and be accountable to ... and in His infinite wisdom and gracious mercy, He brought me two! (Each of us had been praying for the same thing.) We have become each others lifeline ... meeting every Saturday for the last 2 1/2 years for 3 to 4 hours and pour our hearts out, talk about the silly and mundane, and encourage each other in our walk ... sharing our hopes and dreams ... and praying for our future husbands, whoever they might be! As we end our time with prayer we thank God for His amazing faithfulness in bringing us together ... it is not unusual for one of us to have tears of thankfulness in that closing prayer each week.
So my advice is to bring it to the Father .... and see what He does. It may not be the way you thought it would be ... but it will be beyond what you could imagine. 
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/12/2008 12:21:09 AM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 1940
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
|
Thank you.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/12/2008 1:29:32 AM
|
|
|
rgod
Posts: 1474
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
|
Hi Skreyola,
There is some good advice here. I especially love Psalms advice to pray about it. I moved to a new state where I only knew one person (who was a two hour drive away) last year. I was lonely for months, but today I have the beginnings of several friendships. Here is what I did - maybe it will help you.
First, I prayed and asked God to help me, to bring good people across my path and to bring friendships. I also prayed for God to help me to be a good friend. I took some time to think about some of the things that I needed to do to be a better friend. For me, I didn't reach out first - I didn't take risks to be friends with people. I didn't open myself up either - so I had to make myself a bit more vulnerable. I also tended to do lots of things, but not to really spend time with people (just on the activity). So, I had to make some behavioral changes to cultivate friendships and to be a much better friend. I'm still working in these areas. Most importantly, I received a promise from the Lord that he would sustain me in this area - like he did the Israelites in the wilderness with manna. The Lord was my friend, even when I felt far away from Him, particularly when I first moved here. He filled those very deep needs. I still felt lonely for people, but it put things in perspective for me.
Then I started sowing "friendship seeds." Like a farmer, we sow seeds - and it might take some time for the harvest to appear. Some of the seeds will not sprout - but if the farmer doesn't sow, then he won't reap. Having this attitude helped me to be upbeat and to weather rejection. Like you, I worked primarily from home, even though I went to school. So I made an effort, every week, to get out of the house and do something social. I would go to things that I was interested in. I found those things through the public library, newspaper, meetup.com, I visited different churches, made efforts to get to know my classmates at school, went to parties. Often I did these things alone. Since I could work from anywhere, I'd sometimes choose to work outside of my house on my laptop at a coffeehouse or I'd go to the library. Not all of these seeds sprouted, but some did - sometimes months after they were initially planted. I remember the first day I walked into a coffeehouse in my city to meet someone, and I heard someone else call my name. It was so cool to finally be known by someone!
Eventually, I ended up taking a part-time job outside of my house which the Lord provided me with. It is a relationship-oriented place - which is absolutely awesome! While there, I've been making the effort to cultivate relationships. I'm trying to be more open, sit with people, talk to them first, go to parties/visit their churches, risk opening up parts of myself to others. I'm not great at all of this, but I am starting to feel like I am part of something bigger than myself and this is helping me a lot. I'm starting to meet people there. I've also started to get to know people that I might have overlooked in the past. I'm trying to build different kinds of relationships with different people. Right now, I have friends that I can do casual types of things with (go to a movie, a play, etc.). I want to deepen some of those relationships, so that I can talk about some of the deeper things that are going on in my life. I do have a few people that I talk to about stuff like that, but mostly we talk over the phone since they don't live here.
I also started to say no to things that didn't interest me. For example, there was a group of women that I met with - but we weren't on the same page. I met with them a few times, but never felt like I really belonged there. Instead of trying to make myself "fit" with them, I decided to go elsewhere. I'm so glad that I did. There was another person who really needed a friend, and who I thought was really interesting so we started hanging out. But then she wanted to treat me badly once she got comfortable with me. (Turns out she did this to everyone.) So, I dropped her - and this was back when I was planting and watering, but no seeds had sprouted. I had to be ok with being by myself before friends came.
I also started cultivating the bonds with my older, long-distance friendships. For a while I'd meet with a group of friends (and newer people) on the phone every week. I don't do that as much anymore, but I still try to keep in touch. And finally, I've been using the technology - facebook etc. to keep in touch with people. I'm not great at this, but it is something that I'm trying to get better at.
While I can't say I know lots of people or have lots of friends here, I can say that I am starting to get to know some people - the seeds are beginning to sprout and I'm seeing the beginnings of friendships. It is pretty exciting given that last year I was lonely almost all of the time.
So, that is it in a nutshell. I hope that some of what I said will be helpful to you. I notice that you are a techie - are there things that you can do to meet with other techies in your area? Can you volunteer somewhere, or can you meet people in your local area? Have you thought about meetup.com - maybe join a user group for LINUX or something like that? Or maybe meet with the RPG people in your area if you play with them? If you are a gamer, is there a gamer hang out spot? (I don't know how old you are, so if you are older than the traditional gamer population - this might not be easy). What about your church? If your church doesn't help you socially, is there another one that you can do a few things with? Have you taken time to see if there is anything within you that might hinder the formation of relationships? Are there things that you used to do that would help build relationships - but maybe you don't do them anymore? Can you cultivate existing friendships? Do you have interests outside of technology - things that are more people oriented - maybe you can take some sort of class?
By the way - I consider myself to be a shy somewhat introverted person - although other people don't see me that way. I had to really pray to make myself "get out there" - and it was hard at first. But over time it got better. I just thought I'd mention this - not sure if you are the same.
_____________________________
Please take my news poll: http://forums.crosswalk.com/Current+Events/m_3896304/mpage_1/tm.htm#3897243
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/12/2008 7:15:03 PM
|
|
|
joy2give2u
Posts: 5058
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
|
quote:
Blue like Jazz by Donald MIller. Awesome book Agreed great book as well as his other books.......
I agree with most of what has been mentioned so I won't mention it again........
One thing which I thinks limits us, which goes along with what PH was saying, is that we put definitions and terms on who, how, why and what consititues a friend.
There are friendships, which are few and very cherished, where two hearts become one.........friendships such as jonathan and david had where they were so close they were as one.......these friendships are amazing and I am bless to have a few friends I would say are such friends but having these friendships does not mean I don't still need different types of friendships.........often these friends are not free to do things or do not enjoy the same type of things I do...so I have asked and God is answering for different types of friends.
I pray and ask Him for daily friends........if I want to go to the art show and I have no one to go with.........I ask God for a daily friend......I then go to the show expecting and looking for my daily friend.........and God always gives me one..........a person who is there alone as well with whom I connect and we end of spending the day together.
If you are looking for friends to do things with ask God. He has answered my prayer by placing potenital friends in my path everywhere I seem to travel.......it just takes me expecting them and watching out for them.........
If I want to go to an art festival and have no one to go with I go alone with the expectations God will lead another to the festival as well........and you know what? When I expect it I find it happens.......I smile and say hi to people and before I know it there is another who comes along side me and we end up having a wonderful time together...........
Sometimes we stay in touch sometimes we don't but I know often God will give me a friend for the day so that I don't have to do something alone.
I remember once I was at the beach feeling a little alone so I asked God for one of my friends for a day........less then an hour later, as I had my nose buried in a book, a lady sat down next to me and started chatting........we ended up talking most the day and going to dinner together.........it was a beautiful day with a friend God had given me for a day.
I think we sometimes moan that we have no friends to do things with when the reality is there are others available we are just not willing to recieve them from the Lord. We have decided how God should bring a friend into our lives and what such a friendship should look like and anything different is not received by us.
For example......some believe you can't have friendships with guys/gals and to do something with a person of the opposite sex means you are encouraging a relationship which you feel has no potential for going further.........
In my experience it is often men, not women, who God brings into my life as daily friends or people to do things with..........I don't think it is leading someone on to do something which is a mutal interest with the other just because they happen to be the opposite sex.........
I love to canoe......just because I go canoing with a gentleman who also loves canoing doesn't mean I am leading him on nor does it mean he asked me because he is intersted in me..........he wanted to go, knows I love canoing, so asked me.........
I think we limit receiving from God when we are not willing to do this or that with a person of the opposite sex because we don't want to lead them on.......
If you want to go see the fall leaves or go to a craft fair, and you know someone else of the opposite sex who enjoys the same activities why should both of you stay home or go alone when you could have so much fun together?
Ask them, making sure they know it is as friends, then go and have fun trusting their heart as well as your own to the Lord.........
We get so caught up in trying to gaurd our own and another person's heart that we often miss out receiving a wonderful day's activity which God wants to give us.
Sometimes I think we can be so concerned with protecting anothers heart that we often rob them of something which would be such a blessing from the Lord.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/14/2008 9:19:12 AM
|
|
|
raivyne
Posts: 862
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
|
I heard there was RPing and brats in this thread...
I don't have much sage advice for ya skrey. Since I went back to church I hang out and do a lot of stuff with folks from there. Especially this time of year, there is always lots to do. Its tough to find people to hang around when you don't get out much and you are shy (like me). I just started volunteering to help in the church, not because I wanted "something to do" but because I wanted to help where I could... then it spilled over into me going to the nursing home ministries... the book club... stuff like that.
_____________________________
God grades on the cross – not on a curve
Good – God = 0
In the dark? Follow the Son!
The Power of a Simple Gift! samaritanspurse.org
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Finding Friends - 10/14/2008 12:48:34 PM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 1940
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: raivyne
I heard there was RPing and brats in this thread...
I don't have much sage advice for ya skrey. Since I went back to church I hang out and do a lot of stuff with folks from there. Especially this time of year, there is always lots to do. Its tough to find people to hang around when you don't get out much and you are shy (like me). I just started volunteering to help in the church, not because I wanted "something to do" but because I wanted to help where I could... then it spilled over into me going to the nursing home ministries... the book club... stuff like that.
Well, not exactly IN the thread. hehe.
I do try to stay active in the church, but most of the other people who are active are already my acquaintances, as well as more than seven years older or younger than I.
I've gotten good advice here, but I was hoping also that someone would respond with information about online places to really meet local people. I haven't had much success with any of the places I've tried, and I've already been doing at least half of what's been suggested offline. *sigh* I guess nobody else is having much success looking online, either.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
