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How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 6:22:07 AM
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Little_1
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Galatians 6:2
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
The Bible teaches us to "bear one another's burdens......" but what does this really mean?
I'm in a situation where I am weary listening to certain family members' moans and groans and I don't want to answer their phone calls, etc? I offer advice and they just don't take it. I'm speaking about close family members. One is a Christian (backslidden) and the other is not. One is a hypochondriac (non Christian) and the other worries about everything and is so negative (this is the backslidden Christian).
I can't ignore them because as I say, they are very close family members but how far do we go when bearing one another's burdens?
< Message edited by Little_1 -- 10/12/2008 6:48:40 AM >
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 6:38:32 AM
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Little_1
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Just been praying about this.
God calls us to bear/carry one anothers burdens but not one another's sins!
So it may be a case of differentiating between what is a genuine burden and what is sin perhaps in each case???
In any case, how would you deal with such situations? Sound wisdom appreciated.
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 6:46:36 AM
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mvic
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I think I understand what you are saying. I know someone who always phones me with problems and tales of woe, yet does not accept advice when offered. All this person needs is affirmation that what they are doing is right - even when sometimes it's the wrong decision.
I find the best I can offer at such times is a listening ear. I sympathise as best I can and ask first: do you really want my advice? And only give it if it's really needed.
I also understand that sometimes you don't wish to answer the phone. I keep my answer-phone machine on loudspeaker and don't answer if it's inconvenient. That person always (nearly always) phones at the wrong time. (Or is it me convincing myself that it is always the wrong time???).
But I do always phone back later.
So to answer your question: how do you go on?
I suggest you continue listening, offer help where you can, even if it is not accepted. As soon as I put the phone down I pray: Oh God, it's them again with another problem. I don't have the answer, please help them resolve it.
Usually, a few days later, I get a call saying how the difficult problem they had was resolved. I smile to myself and say: Thank you!
I hope this helps a little.
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 6:54:21 AM
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mvic
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You know ... I was speaking to a friend lately and I mentioned this person who always phones with problems.
He said: I get calls too from that person; what I do when they phone is sit in my armchair with a blanket and a pillow ... every so often I say yes ... yes ... yes ...
I laughed.
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 6:57:58 AM
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mvic
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Sorry to hear it never happens to you.
Could be one of two things:
God is solving their problem but they don't come back to tell you about it. (Remember the 9 lepers who forgot to say "Thank yo"u to Jesus?).
OR
God will solve their problems in His time.
God bless.
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 8:02:50 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Little_1
I'm in a situation where I am weary listening to certain family members' moans and groans and I don't want to answer their phone calls, etc? I offer advice and they just don't take it. I'm speaking about close family members.
Just wondered - do they actually ask for advice when they phone?
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 8:24:43 AM
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rcjames
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Little_1,
I had a lady in my Church who was having the same problem a few years ago. My counsel to her was to witness to them every time they called.
If they started to gossip, then she would ask them to stop as she did not want to be involved in the sin of gossip. If they were backslidden or totally unsaved when they started with the yoda yoda she would tell them if they were in Church and living a Godly life, then the problems would not be such problems. If they started with the list of sicknesses and pains, she would offer to pray for them or to ask the Pastor to come over and lay hands on them, annoint them with oil and pray for them.
The weird calls stopped really quickly.
Thanks
RC
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 8:51:14 AM
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Little_1
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Just wondered - do they actually ask for advice when they phone?
The backslidden one does sometimes but the other one doesn't. The other one asks for money (although she spends her own money on foolish things) - she is also afraid of work and that is why I think she invents things that are 'wrong with her', i.e. so she doesn't have to work.
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 9:07:27 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Little_1
The backslidden one does sometimes but the other one doesn't. The other one asks for money (although she spends her own money on foolish things) - she is also afraid of work and that is why I think she invents things that are 'wrong with her', i.e. so she doesn't have to work.
So is this it? The backslidden one wants to whine and moan generally, and also occasionally asks for advice, but doesn't take it (ever?), and the hypochondriac one wants to whine about what's wrong with her and asks for money?
How long do you spend on the phone with each one, on average, and how many times a week do they each call? And do you have Caller Display? 
I put this in another thread, but it may be pertinent here:
quote:
Just thought I'd throw in a couple of verses here from Galatians 6 (ISV). I remember these coming up when I was doing some pastoral studies - this part was about healthy boundaries.
Galatians 6 v 2: Practice carrying each other's burdens. In this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6 v 5: For everyone must carry his own load.
What we were taught from these verses is the difference between a burden and a load. A burden is something we can help someone with (temporarily), their load is their responsibility for themselves.
What you may need to do is examine what you are doing for each of these people and see whether it does all fall under carrying their burdens, or whether it overlaps into carrying their loads.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 10:51:45 AM
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deliveredarling
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I had a friend who did the same thing. She constantly would create chaos in her life. We were really close at one time. At the beginning of our friendship, I thought she was a really strong Christian. As our friendship progressed I began to notice a pattern. Her faith was only strong when it was convenient and didn't interfere with her sin. We would speak at length on scripture and she certainly said all the "right" things. However, when it came time for the walk to line up with th talk, she failed miserably.
It became a burdensome call every time. I would remind her of scripture, even use her own words as reminders. When she saw that I would not cave and be supportive of a certain sin (Telling her that it is ok), her calls became less frequent. Now they almost don't exist at all.
RC has it nailed. Give them God's Word. If they truly want help, they will listen and heed His word. If they want to continue in their self induced misery, you can expect those calls to diminish as you show consistency with Godly counsel.
People like to wallow, God likes to get them moving!
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 3:52:46 PM
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Little_1
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deliveredarling
......People like to wallow, God likes to get them moving!
This is true.
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 7:48:45 PM
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Liveloved
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quote:
Galatians 6:2
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
The Bible teaches us to "bear one another's burdens......" but what does this really mean?
I'm in a situation where I am weary listening to certain family members' moans and groans and I don't want to answer their phone calls, etc? I offer advice and they just don't take it. I'm speaking about close family members. One is a Christian (backslidden) and the other is not. One is a hypochondriac (non Christian) and the other worries about everything and is so negative (this is the backslidden Christian).
I can't ignore them because as I say, they are very close family members but how far do we go when bearing one another's burdens?
How far did Jesus go? ? ? ? I think you know the answer.
It is difficult, L1. That's why it is called the cross life. It cuts across our flesh, making us want to cry out in agony at times. And we can. Jesus did in Gethsemane. Yet He also said 'not My will, but Yours, Father' and that has to be the cry of our heart as well.
How patient has God been with you? with me? with lots of those we know, love and pray for?
It was the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience that led us and continues to lead us to repentance. That is His way.
Bless you, dear sister, for longing to walk His path, His way. It is not easy. But just know that walking His way, bearing the burdens of others, will culminate with the words 'welldone, good and faithful servant'. Bless ya, LL  
And the biggest burden we carry IS our sin. Yes, Jesus carried that to Calvary but we are being called to carry the sin of others, their burdens, as well. Not to atone for it but to bear it for them. . . this is what love does.
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 8:19:16 PM
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deliveredarling
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quote:
Not to atone for it but to bear it for them. . . this is what love does.
We can not bear it for them. It is their sin to be accountable for. We will not answer for their actions, only our own.
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"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 9:17:13 PM
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thedivabrat
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In my experience such people really do not want advise they just want you to agree with them that whatever the problem is it is awful and they will never be well or happy or successful etc. I try to turn it back to them by asking open ended questions. Like-- what would make you feel better--what could you do to find work you like--what would your perfect life look like? Just to try to get them thinking a bit positive or get them to look from another perspective at their life. If it goes on too long I will be honest with them and tell them I will help them if I can but if all they are going to do is complain and feel sorry for themselves then there is little I can do. Then I will still talk with them but not at length--after a few minutes if they are still on the moan and groan track I tell them that I am
sorry things aren't better and that I will continue to pray for them and hope to hear good news from them soon then it's good bye.
We are to bear one anothers burdens but when someone is just "unloading" they are basically not wanting help but freedom from their burden. Are we then responsible for it? I do not have this totally clear in my mind--but these are my thoughts for now.
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/12/2008 9:45:33 PM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deliveredarling
quote:
Not to atone for it but to bear it for them. . . this is what love does.
We can not bear it for them. It is their sin to be accountable for. We will not answer for their actions, only our own.
I agree with this.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/13/2008 6:22:54 AM
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Rumely
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Here's a thought to toss in the mix. In the case of the one asking for money, would your giving that person money actually help them, or would it perpetuate their problem by allowing them to continue to mismanage their money?
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/13/2008 7:31:07 AM
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deliveredarling
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How far do we go?
We stop when the benefit to them becomes a way of life and expected. We stop when the rely on us rather than the abilities God has given them to supply for their needs. We stop when they elevate our importance over God's.
In essence, when they rely upon man and take God out of it.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/13/2008 1:50:05 PM
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Little_1
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
......How far did Jesus go? ? ? ? I think you know the answer.
It is difficult, L1. That's why it is called the cross life. It cuts across our flesh, making us want to cry out in agony at times. And we can. Jesus did in Gethsemane. Yet He also said 'not My will, but Yours, Father' and that has to be the cry of our heart as well.
Yes - this is true. Thank you - you always have a word of wisdom LL.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
......And the biggest burden we carry IS our sin. Yes, Jesus carried that to Calvary but we are being called to carry the sin of others, their burdens, as well. Not to atone for it but to bear it for them. . . this is what love does......
Not sure what you mean by this bit however? Whilst I understand that we cannot atone for another's sin - I'm not sure about "carrying another's sin". By this do you mean we should be concerned about their sin and pray for them to see the error of their sin and so turn to Jesus for forgiveness? Is this perhaps what you mean by "carrying their sin"? If so "Yes", "Yes" - definately. We can carry another's sin in prayer to the One who can make all the difference. L1
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RE: How far do we go......? - 10/13/2008 1:59:34 PM
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Little_1
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Thanks everyone who posted and who I haven't responded to individually. I have read all your posts and really do appreciate you taking the time to post to help.
God bless
L1
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