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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/9/2008 11:32:31 AM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4557
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Hi Pengie!
No, you wouldn't have had a MUGA scan while doing the stress test. Maybe before or after but not during. It's an enormous machine with a "bed" you lie on and then the bed slides into this big "cylinder" and a funny-looking camera thing moves to different positions to take its pictures. Videos really, I'm thinking, because I had to lie perfectly still for 5-7 minutes in each position.
I'm glad Little Bit is liking her new food. 1/3 of a can isn't much.
LOL about the drinking problem! You had me going there for a minute. Milk may have lots of calories but it is incredibly nutritious and maybe your craving for lots of milk has something to do with what's happening in your body. Maybe you NEED all that milk for some undefined reason. I can't see it being harmful. And if I remember correctly, you don't have a weight problem so why worry?
Yep! I chopped off my hair. At the sides it's sitting a bit above my shoulders. The back is a bit longer. It's layered to bring out the curls. I tried my blow dryer this morning and it's okay. It has a diffuser and that helped to create more curls, I think--that and the products I bought at the salon.
I'm wearing my new red sweater/blouse, new clips in my hair, new dangly earrings and new socks. The socks are "aroma therapy." Aroma therapy in socks? Blueberry scent will remain for up to 23 washes.
I'm off to my doctor's and then, depending on whether ds3 is awake or asleep, I'll take either him or my homeless friend out for lunch.
Gotta run! I want to be able to walk without rushing after I've parked my car (about 40 minutes walk from the doctor's).
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/9/2008 7:47:02 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4557
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Hi Pengie! Yeah, your husband has rather destroyed the spirit of giving, hasn't he? The Grinch. I'm glad he's settled down.
My doctor and I were talking about friendships today. I showed her a depression workbook I bought a number of years ago because a group of posters here in CW wanted walk through the book together (me being one of them). I told her that so she wanted to know if many of my friends here have depression. So I named a few. Later she wanted to know if my friends (online and offline) have good marriages or bad. When she asked if any of the marriages were worse than mine, I mentioned you, Pengie, and your husband's threat of divorce because you bought him a birthday present. She agreed that that was pretty bad. It's amazing that as I counted out the people with depression and/or difficult marriages, I realized that bipolar was a very dominant theme. I wonder why that is.
I took my homeless friend out for lunch today. We went to the food court at the mall again. I think Alison likes it because she bumps into people she knows--and she knows a lot of people.
While we were sitting there a woman began to pass by our table. I tried to catch her eye to smile at her and I guess I succeeded, because she stopped. My first evaluation of her was that she was either drunk or high but now i'm not so sure. Perhaps she has a mental illness or disability. I was eating a wedge of pizza and just had the last inch or so of the crust left. She told me she was very hungry and from her look it seemed that she wanted the rest of my pizza but I disbelieved that and didn't want to insult her by giving her half-eaten food so I dug all the coins out of my pocket and gave them to her. I know I had several dollars there (we have dollar and two dollar coins so that isn't as much change as it sounds) but she looked at what I handed her as if it had no value (I later found three dollars had somehow stayed in my pocket so maybe I only gave her a few quarters) and went on her way behind me...
And went to the next table where well-dressed women were eating their lunch. Well, the blonde one had finished and was reading a book over her coffee. Ms Hungry sat down at the table across from her (and beside the darkheaded woman), said she was hungry and then, without even waiting for permission, started digging into the Blonde's leftovers. It was obvious she wasn't lying when she said she was hungry. She was shoving that food into her mouth as fast as she could. The Blonde, whose food she was eating, gathered up her stuff and left the table. A minute or two later, after Ms Hungry began to talk to the Darkhead, Ms Darkhead also got up and went to the next table over where other well-dressed women were sitting (my guess is that they were retail clerks or managers--all older women).
When I realized how hungry this woman really was, I gave her my untouched salad. Amazingly, Ms Blonde came back with a burger for Ms Hungry. I was impressed. But the women two tables over kept looking at Ms Hungry with unfriendly faces. Even Alison seemed very uncomfortable but when Ms Hungry wanted Alison's uneaten food, Alison gladly gave it to her (though I suspect she was saving it for her husband who showed up later.
I know there are very needy people in our cities and Alison said shes seen people eating from dumpsters but being this close was a totally different thing from simple awareness. Ms Hungry told me she hadn't eaten for four days. No wonder she was hungry--and messy with her eating. At one point she was using her hands instead of the tiny plastic forks fast food outlets provide and she ate everything except what got scattered on the table, the floor and her lap.
Meanwhile the ladies at the other table managed to flag down one of the cleaning people and, presumably, asked him to call security. I didn't see Ms Hungry as a security risk but I understood why they did that. Ms Hungry was obviously aware enough to know what they had done because she began to utter imprecations at them. That, of course, made her situation worse and it wasn't long before two security guards with bullet-proof vests (are they truly necessary in a downtown mall?) came up to her and told her it was time to leave.
"Why?" she wanted to know. We've already escorted you out of here twice today. You need to go. They didn't lay a hand on her--at least not at first--but I guess their presence was intimidating. She finally got up (thankfully she'd finished all the food and the remainder of the drink I gave her) and headed toward the nearest door. For some reason, one of the guards grabbed her jacket and steered her in the other direction. I wonder if they took her to their office and called the police.
I know they have to keep order and the woman was a disruption to those around her who deserved to be able to eat their lunch or visit without intrusion, but it must be difficult for the guards too, if they have any ounce of compassion, to constantly be tossing needy people out the door. I would love to know these people's stories. How have they gotten to where they are now? And why can't or don't they get out?
She did turn to me before the security guards arrived and thanked me. I was quite touched by that.
Oh! And another street person, this time a man whom I've seen panhandling more than once, came up to me for money. He had tried the woman walking ahead of me on the sidewalk and when she said no he didn't accept that and continued begging. THAT'S against the law. They're allowed to sit or stand with a hat or something out but they're not accost pedestrians and aren't allowed near bus stops or busy intersections. But most of them ignore that. Anyway, while the man was still with the woman ahead of me, another street person behind me said something about the other guy wanting to buy some cigarettes. I suspect he wanted something with a bit more kick to it. Everytime I've seen him he's looked really strung out. As expected, he came and asked me. I didn't like the way he behaved with the other woman and so I told him I wouldn't give him anything today. He pressed, "I'm hurting, ma'am, really hurting"--something he says every time--and I simply said, I've given to you before but not today. And he let me be.
After lunch I went to a coffee shop hoping to sue their wireless service. There was another interesting man. He was standing outside the coffee shop which is on one of the major streets of downtown and the city (all that happened above was on or just off that street). I thought he said something to me as I passed him to come into the coffee shop but he didn't look like other street people so I thought perhaps he was some eccentric business man standing outside for a smoke.
But once I was inside sitting down I could see him through the front windows and his behaviour really puzzled me. He stood there, moving his hands every once in a while. Sometimes it looked like he was trying to get a swarm of teeny flies or mosquitoes away from his face and other times it looked like he was angry with someone across the (very wide) street and shaking his hand at them. He was also talking to himself. He came in a bought a coffee, which gave him license to sit down at one of the tables, which he did. Then he got up and went outside for a smoke and then back inside with his coffee. Back and forth, back and forth. Very strange.
The coffee shop's wireless wasn't working so after I finished my tea I packed up and walked to The Forks where my car was parked. It's a beautiful day outside--no clouds, bright sun and WARM (for us right now)--43ºF. It's so nice to not have to bundle up--though it's really wet and sloppy out with the melting snow. I guess I've had enough adventures for the day. I think I'm getting tired.
Oh! I put a photo of my new look at my blog. If you don't have the address and want it, let me know and I'll pm it to you.
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/10/2008 12:49:41 AM
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Pengie
Posts: 1131
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quote:
It's amazing that as I counted out the people with depression and/or difficult marriages, I realized that bipolar was a very dominant theme. I wonder why that is.
I think it's because in general, bipolar people are great at school or on the job, but not so great when it comes to relationships. At least that's true in both my husband and my daughter's cases (she is bipolar too).
LOL, It's funny to me that I make the worst marriages list  . I have to laugh, otherwise I would cry.
Little Bit is not out of danger yet. Tonight she had a grand mal seizure. (I recognized it because I have them too) I have to call the vet again in the moning to see where this puts us. Poor puppy was so scared  . Of course I had to clean her up while she was still wobbly and half out of it. She was totally confused. So now I'm back to worrying again.
Milk break. 
Maggie, you certainly run across some unique people. I don't think I could be as brave as you are. Maybe it is my ptsd, but I am a homebody. Crowds make me have panic attacks. I enjoy reading about the people you meet, but know I could never meet them myself.
Guess you can add me to your depressed people list too. lol
I got into it with my daughter today over her doing her share of chores. She started foul-mouthing me, saying she does eveything, when all I ask her to do is spend 15 minutes a day helping out. You would think I ask her to run the house! She doesn't have to vacuum , dust, clean anything in a bathroom, scrub a kitchen or change sheets. All I ask her to do is clean up after herself and help with the dishes and do her own laundry.
I got fairly angry at her attitude and her mouth today. I let her know I wouldn't tolerate either. I don't believe she's been taking her meds for her bipolar, and that has led to her mood swings.
She and her dad both play a game called Warcraft almost all the time. It is a surreal world and addictive, too. She'll play all day and night sometimes. I have to kick her off to make her stop. I will be glad when these teenage years have passed and she has calmed down ( I pray).
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Pengie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/10/2008 1:22:19 PM
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Doveflight
Posts: 1316
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: middle of nowhere 4 hrs from anywhere
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Hello Maggie,
I haven't had time to read your blog lately but I hopped over to see your new do.
I love it. What a big step to take. My daughter just did the same thing. I left it entirely
up to her and when she told the hairdresser to go even shorter he looked at me for
permission but I said go ahead, it's her decision. She looks so smart and perky
now, it is just a delight to see. And she learned to take a risk as well. I've asked
one of her friends from school who is having a hard time with her parents divorce to
come spend a weekend with us. I need to call her mom and check it out with her.
I remember being 9 and in 3rd grade. It was such a hard time of change and
growing up.
My doc did give me a chemo treatment on Tuesday. It went well so far. We'll be checking
blood counts to see how I do with it.
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If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/10/2008 5:11:44 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4557
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pengie
LOL, It's funny to me that I make the worst marriages list . I have to laugh, otherwise I would cry.
{{{{{{{{Pengie}}}}}}}} I probably thought of you because your recent conflict with your dh is fresh in my mind.
I'm so sorry to hear that Little Bit had another seizure. At least you knew what it was. I don't think I would have.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Pengie
Maggie, you certainly run across some unique people.
Yeah, I guess I do but that's partly because I allow myself to go places where they are. When the boys were teens dh was constantly telling them never to go to this particular mall because of the gang presence there. I just roll my eyes at that kind of talk and go anyway. Some have called me stubborn.
As for panic attacks, I wondering if that's what I had at Christmas and then again at Easter. If so, then it's not the crowds of strangers that are the problem for me but the "crowds" of people I know and love. Isn't that kind of backwards?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Pengie
Guess you can add me to your depressed people list too. lol
{{{{{{{{Pengie}}}}}}}}
Kids! I think most of them try to get out of the work they're assigned. Wouldn't be normal if they didn't. But you're right to insist. Maybe if you make a list of all the things that have to be done in the house and then ask her if she'd rather that list than the dishes, she might be grateful for dishes! My kids had to take turns doing dishes PLUS do another chore like vacuuming/dusting, clean the bathroom, cut grass/shovel sidewalks and ... there had to have been a fourth option because I have four kids but now I can't remember. Perhaps if she could choose what her daily chore was she might be more willing (though it seems to me that dishes is a standard chore to give kids--it builds character).
Hey Shaunii! Life would be boring without interesting times. I hope you get your slides and group project done on time. Nothing like the last minute, eh?
Dove, I haven't been writing every day in my blog like I started out doing. And I know all about unread blogs. I can let such things pile up for days, weeks, months and the longer I delay reading, the harder it is to go back and catch up on my reading. I'm so bad. Right now I'm behind in my forums reading.
Thanks for your comments about the new hair. I've been thinking about it for a long time. I think I like it too, though it's going to take a while to get used to taking the time to fix it each morning. It looks AWFUL when I get out of bed. Good for you for letting your daughter make her own decision about her hair. After all, if turns out horribly, it will grow back.
Dove you are so generous in the things you do. How thoughtful to invite your daughter's friend for the weekend!
HURRAY for the chemo working so far! Woooopeeeeee! I keep praying that God will heal you. I know it would take a miracle but God DOES do miracles. He's doing one in my marriage.
I slept all morning and part of the afternoon and I'm so drained I could easily go back to bed and sleep another four hours. Now that I realize my asthma has been bothering me and thus not taking my puffer, I'm wondering if some of my tiredness could be the result of that. I looked for my puffer yesterday and I can't find it. I saw it not too long ago so I know it's around, just not where. I should go for a walk but I think I need someone to come with me so that I'll actually go. Ds2 is home and I asked him but he declined. Maybe dh will come home early and go with me.
Yesterday I wore my new red sweater and I really, really like it. Often, when I buy things, when I bring them home I find some reason for disliking them and rarely wear them but that sweater isn't going to be one of them. Neither is the blouse/shirt I bought. I'm wearing it today and it is so comfortable.
< Message edited by magdaleine -- 4/10/2008 5:20:20 PM >
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/10/2008 6:06:01 PM
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Marshasfrog
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Maggie, I believe my marriage was worse, too. Don's bi-polar disease made him lose many jobs.
I saw homeless people when we lived in the metro area, but not here in Xenia. I've heard there is two or three.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/10/2008 8:44:16 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4557
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Thanks, Shaunii! I'm glad you got things done. So is this your last week at school? And your first client--you've hung up your shingle? Were you nervous?
Marsha, yes, you've had a very, very difficult time with Don and I'm sure we haven't heard the half of it. Like I said to Pengie, I thought of her because her problems are the most recent. I'm so glad you're not having to live with that anymore. {{{{{{{{{Marsha}}}}}}}}
Oh! When dh came home from work today he commented on the new pair of earrings I'm wearing today and said they look nice.
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/10/2008 10:15:39 PM
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magdaleine
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Yeah, I can imagine that until you hear that you got a job, you'll be rather anxious. Hard to not be, I'm sure. So you go till June! Wow.
As for clients cancelling or postponing, my psychiatrist charges an arm and a leg if her patients don't show up. Because she's a medical doctor and I live in Canada, I don't pay a cent to see her. But if I don't show up (without adequate warning), it'll cost me over $150. You might want to have some sort of contingency plan like that when you start work. My dentist (who my insurance pays) charges $50 if I miss an appointment. My kids' music teachers charged by the month and there was no reimbursement if we couldn't show up for some reason.
Bipolar. I think I remember you saying your dad had that. I'm told my dad did too. Sure wish I could have known him as an adult. I often wonder what he was really like--everyone has a biased view and they're all very contradictory.
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/11/2008 10:39:33 PM
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magdaleine
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LOL, Shaunii! May it is. Sorry!
Your reasoning for not charging a cancellation fee makes sense. You're a good woman, Shaunii. I hope your clients appreciate your selflessness and caring.
I've decided that when this thread reaches the 4000 mark (in number of posts) I'm going to close it and start a new one. Should I call the new one "Maggie's Musings"? Or does someone have a better title?
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/12/2008 9:26:05 AM
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magdaleine
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I'm off to a "Making the News" seminar this morning. I will have to market my own book so I'm hoping that this will help me know how to do that--at least in some ways. It's hosted by the local Christian radio station. I wonder how many people will be there. I'm kind of nervous.
Have a good day!
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/12/2008 9:27:40 AM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 15022
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Sounds exciting Maggie, please let us all know how it goes!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/12/2008 1:43:38 PM
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cherish405
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From: Australia
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Sounds like lots of things have been going on around here.
(((((((((((((((((((EVERYBODY)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/12/2008 7:33:55 PM
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magdaleine
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Hi Mike and Trish!
The seminar was really good and I got a lot of useful information from it. I'm very glad I went. I was nervous because I expected to be surrounded by movers and shakers and I guess I was some, but with my new hair, earrings, bright red sweater and lipstick I felt very good about myself and equal to anyone. Amazing what a few outward things can do to change inside.
I've been out and about all day and still am. While sitting here in a coffee shop I got an invitation to a virtuosi concert this evening and accepted. I've begun to realize that about the only thing I do with friends is sit and talk--over coffee, over lunch, whatever. But I don't DO things with them. I want to change that if I can. Friendships are a very emotional subject for me because I've never been terribly successful with them (outside the Internet--and even online to some degree). I need to work on improving things in that part of my life.
And my computer's nearly dead. I'll need to go home and recharge it.
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/12/2008 10:09:33 PM
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humbleinspirit
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Hi Maggie, I am glad that things went well for you at the seminar!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/13/2008 1:43:53 AM
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magdaleine
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Thanks Mike!
I've already used some of what I learned. Dh was being a reporter this weekend for a Christian newspaper. He's never had training and really doesn't know how to do this. I came home at midnight and he'd written his article and wanted me to read it.
Based on what I learned this morning, his article is all wrong so I told him that and how to fix it. Poor guy. But what he had written was more like a Bible study or sermon than a news article.
I've had a wonderful, wonderful day and I'll try to write about it tomorrow.
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/13/2008 9:22:06 AM
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Pengie
Posts: 1131
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quote:
Friendships are a very emotional subject for me because I've never been terribly successful with them (outside the Internet--and even online to some degree).
Maggie, we've been friends one year ago this month. I found my sign up email in an old file the other day. So Happy Anniversary to our friendship! 
I'm glad you felt so confident at your seminar and enjoyed it so. I would have been nervous too.
I think it was a few posts back, you asked if maybe it was a panic attack that happened to you around the holidays. Many things can and do trigger panic. An old photo, a familiar smell, a similiar doorway (in my case - my husband broke my arm behind a closed door) It may be hard to tell what the trigger is.
Panic feels awful. I start to breathe faster, my heart races, I feel trapped or frightened. I feel the need to flee. Before therapy, I would also feel fight or flee, a basic survival instinct. Now I am coping better through the attacks and even the need to flee isn't as bad. That's where Oreo comes to my aid as a Service Dog. He gives me a support and emotional grounding that I need. If it's a crowd that is the problem, he becomes a sort of body block, creating more room for me to breathe. He's been to the mall many times. He has very good manners.
You might want to ask your DR about panic. It could be a factor in your case. If nothing else. it might ease your mind to rule it out.
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Pengie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/13/2008 4:32:17 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 15022
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From: Just Outside of Boston
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Now Maggie, that could have been an interesting newspaper article!
Hi Pengie!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/13/2008 10:23:09 PM
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magdaleine
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Mike, he rewrote it according to my advice. 
Happy Anniversary, Pengie! Cool! I remember being so surprised that you invited me to visit you on my trip last summer, after knowing me for such a short time. You were brave!
Thanks for explaining what a panic attack looks/feels like. Several years ago I had a series of panic attacks as a side effect (it turned out) of one of my antidepressants (won't take that one again). What happened at Christmas and Easter (and a few times in between) don't seem quite the same but I'm not sure what to call it. I've described it to the doctor and she hasn't called in panic. I don't know. I don't like it though, whatever it is. I don't like being incapacitated and that's what this is doing.
That's cool that Oreo is so helpful to you. I'm amazed that a dog can recognize panic and know what to do about it! Do you take him everywhere you go? You didn't bring him to the restaurant when we met but then you had your dh with you.
I'm actually thinking about suggesting to dh that we have a particular couple over for dinner sometime before my surgery. The man lost his job as a pastor because of something his adult son did and it's got to be really hard on him and his wife. I can't imagine losing your job and your church (and therefore lots of your friends) all in one fell swoop. I really like this pair and I want to be well enough to have them over. I know dh would be delighted. That's something you could pray about.
There is so much that's happened in the last two days! I want to share it all! I know. You're rolling your eyes at me. I'll start a new post.
< Message edited by magdaleine -- 4/13/2008 10:47:20 PM >
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/13/2008 10:43:22 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4557
Joined: 4/11/2005 < | | |
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. 
. Thanks for all the prayers on her behalf. 
) so... break over... C'ya
this was my very first client ... 
Memories... 
mostly on the phone 
not til June 
MAY... don't stretch it out.. I'm tired of being a broke grad student 
