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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/29/2008 12:03:03 AM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4251
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Dh just blew up at me. Ds4 is flying home tonight and I was planning to get him but when dh told me he was going, I said I'd rather stay at home. I haven't been feeling well. In fact, I've been spiralling down the last several days. Rather than discussing the matter, he blew up. I know it's not really about me not going. Rather, he just looked at our finances this weekend and is really concerned and upset about them. He was stormy even when he walked in the door after work earlier. My head knows all that but the rest of me is hurting and this has simply added to the downward spiral. I know he's hurting too but I feel helpless to help. I would appreciate prayer for both of us. Thank you.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/29/2008 11:09:22 AM
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magdaleine
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Thank you, Shaunii. Dh brought ds4 home and all seemed forgotten in the joy of seeing our son.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/29/2008 1:46:52 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 28731
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From: Australia
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((((((((((((((((((((PENGIE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((DOVE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((EVERYBODY))))))))))))))))))))))))
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/29/2008 4:41:03 PM
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Marshasfrog
Posts: 701
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From: Ohio
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Zondie, you're so upbeat to be a caregiver. God bless you and your son. How old is he?
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/29/2008 4:48:59 PM
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zondie
Posts: 868
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From: The Bluegrass State
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Thanks for the compliment and request of blessing, Marsha!
He turns 31 this November.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/29/2008 9:59:56 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4251
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We were all beginners at one time or another, Zondie. The best way to learn is to do and here at CW is a pretty safe place (as long as you stay out of theology and current events--they'll eat you for breakfast there). We've all been "nudged" at one time or another because we've done something here we shouldn't have. I've been here in these forums for nearly 7 years. There are a few who have been here even longer. If we survived, so can you. And yes, if you start "making an idiot" of yourself, one of us will gently let you know. It's pretty hard to get off topic in the Personally For You threads (such as Leah's and mine). There really isn't a topic. We're just people who share our lives with each other and who posts in any particular thread is fluid and changing. Having someone new is always fun. So welcome (again).
I had a really cool experience this evening.
It's been a very difficult day. I didn't want to get up this morning so I told myself that I could go back to bed again if I needed to, and got up. Ds4, who arrived home last night, needed help connecting to the wireless internet when I got up and after fiddling with that for an hour (couldn't remember the password), I really didn't want to go down to my prayer room. But that's one of my goals for each day so down I went. It wasn't the most exhilarating experience but I was there.
I still wanted to go back to bed but told myself that maybe I'd feel better if I had breakfast so I did that and got involved in an online Scrabble game with a friend. When that was done I STILL wanted to go back to sleep. I should go walking but I just couldn't bring myself to do it but maybe I could tackle some of the clean laundry--folding and ironing. I do it sitting down so maybe I'd have the energy for that. I turned on a movie and took care of the whole lot--over a dozen things to iron and two baskets full of towels and sheets to fold.
Back to the computer. Should I go back to bed? No. It's too late. Should I go walking? I really don't feel like it but if I did, I'd have accomplished all three things that I'm trying (but never succeeding) to do each day. Oh, okay, I'll go. It truly is a beautiful day out, considering we had snow last week.
I started on my walk around the rivers between the bridges. One place I pass behind is a large hospital. At that point on the path there are a number of benches and places for people to sit and watch the river. As I approached, I saw a woman sitting on one of the benches and heard God tell me to stop and talk to her. I know I've done this before but it is still a very awkward thing do to and I try to argue my way of out it.
So, as I walked past, I made a comment about how lovely the day is. She agreed and I, in my fickleness, kept walking. But I couldn't go far. The demand to go back was too strong so, swallowing my apprehension, I turned, walked back and asked, "Are you okay?"
"No, actually, I'm not."
"You want to talk about it?"
I could see that she was somewhat reluctant, not because I was a stranger but because she was afraid of how I'd receive what she said. She's a patient in the psychiatric "wing" (they have their own building) and has been there since December except for a few weeks in March. She is in deep depression and has been recently diagnosed as bi-polar. She spent the next hour talking to me and me responding with nods, sympathetic sounds, etc.
I spoke very little except at the end and now I don't remember quite in what order I said what. She assumed I know nothing about depression or bi-polar and I let her think that so she was telling me how depression causes people to think very negatively and how the doctors and nurses were encouraging her to look for positive things. So I started looking for positive things out of the things she told me and told them back to her. There were really quite a few and she could see the truth of what I was saying.
Toward the end she started to cry so I asked if I could give her a hug and she agreed. She kept saying throughout her monologue that she never thought anyone would think of stopping and asking her how she is. I told her that God told me to stop. I asked if I could pray for her and when she said yes, I put my hand on her back and prayed very simply, thanking God for her and for what he is doing in her life.
She told me that she had just recently (maybe today) been talking to one of the nurses, saying that she just wasn't sure about God and the Bible. Does God really exist? I told her that my sitting there with her is proof that he does because he told me to stop. I told her that God has a purpose for her and that he is with her. She's not alone and he is where her healing will come from. Yes, he uses doctors and medicine, but there is something very special he wants to happen between him and her and that she needs to keep seeking until she finds it.
I think she didn't want me to leave but she knew the hospital staff would be looking for her if she didn't return so I blessed her in God's name and went on my way.
It is so cool to be used by God like that. I can see this as a turning point for her. She now has hope. I have been chuckling to myself, however, wondering how the hospital staff will respond to her story of what happened. They may think she has really gone off the deep end. But I believe they will begin to see a change for the better in her.
God is so good. It blows my mind away at what he chooses to do. The thing is that I have been feeling like I've been spiralling down myself. My mood the past several days has been more depressed than usual and I've wondered if I will ever get out of this. I guess in giving this woman hope, I've found some for myself as well.
I'm still out, sitting at my favourite coffee shop with free wireless, but the sun is setting and I'm getting tired so I suppose I should head home and then to bed.
Till later!
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/30/2008 8:53:24 AM
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noblesinger
Posts: 842
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From: "Almost Heaven"
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Greetings, Zondie! I know very well the struggles you've had in being a caregiver to your son. My beloved wife, Mary, has a foster sister who will be 58 in October. She has cerebral palsey and has experienced seizures as well, and was not expected to live to see her 3rd birthday. Every doctor who predicted that for Ellen is now dead - but she's alive and kicking. Mary began helping her mother to care for Ellen when she was 6 and by the time that Mary was 10, she basically had full care of her. My sweetie is going to be 42 on the 16 th of May. And to add some more to the story, a few months after we were married, Mary's mom lost both of her legs below the knees to complications from diabetes. So from Dec. of 97 until she died in May of 2002, Mary was caring for both of them. And now, her father had 2 strokes in January, so we are taking care of him. He walked out of the hospital 4 weeks after his second stroke (when doctors thought he wouldn't!), but he still cannot talk or feed himself. He's on pureed foods and thickened liquids, but is getting better all of the time. So, you see, I definitely know of your joys and struggles, and for you to be upbeat is a true blessing from the hand of God.
I'm glad you took Maggie's invitation to come and join us. Hope to see more of you soon!
Duane
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/30/2008 2:44:54 PM
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zondie
Posts: 868
Joined: 10/19/2007
From: The Bluegrass State
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quote:
Maggie wrote:
I had a really cool experience this evening...
As I approached, I saw a woman sitting on one of the benches and heard God tell me to stop and talk to her. I know I've done this before but it is still a very awkward thing do to and I try to argue my way of out it.
AWESOME! God always amazes me! I got such a blessing just reading about your experience with this lady. I feel that God used you, to water the seed of faith, that was drying up in this poor womans soul! (I will be praying for her.) I'm so thankful that you were obedient to the Father's will!
quote:
Duane wrote:
Mary began helping her mother to care for Ellen when she was 6 and by the time that Mary was 10, she basically had full care of her.
My, My, My! What a SPECIAL lady you have in your life! Both of you must be very compassionate people! Let your dear wife know that I'll be praying for her. (Her sister, mom & dad!) It seems so overwhelming to me!!! Mary had to have been born with a servants heart, Duane. I pray, God will allow me to witness, Mary receiving her reward in Heaven! (I'll be praying for Ellen and Mary's dad, also.) May God shower blessings in your lives, continually!
(((((((Duane & Mary)))))))
BTW: My son shares your name. (It's spelled Dwayne.)
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The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/30/2008 3:25:10 PM
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magdaleine
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Hi Duane! Good to see you.
quote:
I feel that God used you, to water the seed of faith, that was drying up in this poor womans soul! (I will be praying for her.)
Yes, Zondie, I am certain he did. There's no way I could have done or said what I did any other way. I love encounters like this that are so evidently God. Sometimes I wonder what my own psychiatrist thinks when I tell her these sorts of stories.
I think many of you read Ben's thread, but some of you don't. He and his wife, Lynn, needs prayer:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/fb.aspx?m=3365675
http://forums.crosswalk.com/fb.aspx?m=3373113
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/30/2008 5:37:56 PM
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Marshasfrog
Posts: 701
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From: Ohio
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Maggie, I can imagine how uncomfortable you must have felt. I'm glad you were available for God to use.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 5/1/2008 5:08:27 PM
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zondie
Posts: 868
Joined: 10/19/2007
From: The Bluegrass State
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(((((((Ben & Lynn)))))))
Praying for them both! {Thanks for posting the links, Maggie.)
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The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 5/1/2008 9:35:33 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 28731
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From: Australia
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Maggie, how awesome about being guided to that woman to help her!
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 5/1/2008 10:12:56 PM
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magdaleine
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Thank you for praying for them, Zondie.
Yeah, Trish, it was cool.
I wish that was good enough to scrape me up off the bottom. I'm not doing well and this evening I blew up at dh and embarassed him in front of someone who had come to transact business with us.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 5/2/2008 2:47:56 PM
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zondie
Posts: 868
Joined: 10/19/2007
From: The Bluegrass State
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quote:
Maggie wrote:
I'm not doing well and this evening I blew up at dh and embarassed him in front of someone who had come to transact business with us.
Ouch! Been there, done that! I hate it when I've already caused an uncomfortable situation; and can't take some kind of big 'ole eraser and mark it off! Eh, we're all human. And thankfully, God is understanding and forgiving! Your dh must be too, (knowing you probably better than anyone else). And we all tend to get a little more irritable when we're not feeling well! I know that's not a good excuse for some of our 'blow ups' but don't beat yourself up over it. (Hope the transaction went through o.k.) I also hope you start feeling better. I'll be praying for ya!
_____________________________
The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 5/2/2008 6:44:36 PM
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magdaleine
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Thanks, Zondie. I'm not sure how forgiving dh is yet. I wasn't very nice. He went to bed and I haven't seen him since because I was still in bed when he left for work this morning. I have no idea what happened with the transaction because I ran away. Everyone else in this thread knows that we have had a very difficult marriage. About a year and a half ago things started to improve--or at least that's when I willing to believe things were starting to improve.
I think a very sensitive nerve of mine was hit last night. It took many, many years before dh allowed me to handle any money. Before that I had to beg and plead and justify every dollar I spent. But it seems that the only way we can manage financially now is for him to reduce, drastically, the amount he gives me each month. I guess I felt my security being pulled from under me and I got scared--scared that we would revert to what was 30+ years ago if he goes through with this.
I have a lot of mixed feelings even now. Once I realized that that money has been part of my security, I am able to acknowledge that it isn't really. God is. So I can give up whatever dh decides to take. But he said things yesterday that cause me to question if the improvements I've seen in the last year and a half are truly real. So I'm still scared. I had to go out earlier today and when it was time to come home, everything inside me started twisting. On the other hand, this has all happened at a time when my depression has been getting worse, not better and I have to ask myself how much of my response and feelings come out of the depression instead of the true me.
On a more cheerful note, three of my sons are outside throwing horseshoes and having a great time together. Ds1 has made it safely to Paris and is enjoying the sights. Anyone ever hear of couch surfing? It's a new, cheap way to travel. Well, the accomodations are cheap. You sign up to be part of a network of people who are willing to have a travelling guest sleep on their couch for a night or two. Ds1 signed up for this and has had several stay with him. Now, in Paris, he's on someone else's couch and says his host is really nice. He's really impressed with the size of the Eiffel Tower.
Ds4, who's visiting from Vancouver, will be going to Asia (Hong Kong and Malaysia) with his girlfriend, her mother and brother when he returns to Vancouver. He'll be gone for three months. Ds1 is gone to southern Europe for two months. Ds2 just bought a ticket two nights ago to fly to Munich, Germany for the month of August. The footbag worlds is in Prague, Czech Republic, and though he won't compete (knee and groin injuries) he's one of the important figures in the sport and so his presence will be appreciated and he's really looking forward to going. It will be extra nice for him because his girlfriend recently moved to Germany so he'll get to spend time with her. My kids are world travellers! Sheesh! I want a turn!
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 5/2/2008 7:36:07 PM
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Marshasfrog
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From: Ohio
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praise God,, Mags
Mags, living within ones means is smart. Our generation is so in debt, who knows what will happen. If the gov''t demands debt be forgiven, the joke will be on me. I've denied myself and the boys a lot in order not to use much credit.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 5/2/2008 9:04:05 PM
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magdaleine
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I absolutely agree, Marsha. And good for you for staying out of debt! I don't want us to be in debt. There's definitely more going on in this whole thing than money. I hate it when everything inside me churns.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 5/2/2008 9:08:57 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 13666
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From: Just Outside of Boston
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Hi Maggie, just popping in! I glad that your lungs are ok! Also, I want to keep you in prayer as well, but haven't been doing so well on the prayer front the last few days though. I have promised myself that I would improve on that this weekend instead.
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Hello everybody. Some of you are familiar to me (others I don't know.) Maggie invited me to drop in here sometime and get acquainted with some of her posters. So I thought today was as good as any! 
There are also some devoted lurkers. And Marsha's right. You are very upbeat.
Although I've learned some pc lingo, I still get confused or nervous about it sometimes. My son told me the best way to learn was to just get on here and try. SO...try as I might, I make many mistakes! 
And some people are not as tolerant of beginners as others. I've posted in the wrong places already and got off topic in others and...well you get the idea. If I get off track, just let me know. 
I appreciate any tips and help of info. others give me. Just PLEASE don't let me make an idiot of myself without bringing it to my attention. O.K.? 
