|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 3:45:01 PM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
Please reference this posting of mine: Parents-don't know what to do....
I have been doing really well lately with starting my own life and going in my own direction. I have moved my parents from such a perminanant part of my life so that way I could live my own life without worrying about them judging me and whatnot. But it happened again and again I am at a loss of what to do.
Pretty much since the last incident I have distanced myself from my parents. I call less often, don't invite them to all the things I do, in fact I just recently started inviting them again to some of my functions. I am starting to wonder if this might have been a mistake.
Last week, about Wednesday, my mom sent an email to my boyfriend at his work, it was a political email bashing the person that my BF is in favor for. My BF and mom have already been over this, she knows his stand. Well my BF researched the email and with facts, responded back to my mom and everyone else that she had sent the email too. Nothing was said or heard from my parents. In fact I talked with my mom later that week and met up with my dad to get some things from him. Not a word. I even invited them to one of my events this weekend and they talked with my BF and I like nothing was amiss. No so, this morning I come into work to find two emails from my mom, one to me and the rest of hte people that the original email was sent to, excluding my BF and one to just me and my BF. The first email to her friends was an apoligy for the responce sent out by my BF. The second email was basically yelling at my BF and me and telling us not to send emails to her friends.
The email was a little harsh but it was an opinion and a responce to an email that was incorrect. I sent out an apoligy this morning to the same group of people telling them that it was not my BF's intentions to offend that he unfortunetly just gets a little hot wired when it comes to politics. I then called my mom to apoligize and she told me that it wasn't my place to apoligize that it was my BF's place. She also told me that my Dad is extremely angry with my BF. I felt so stupid and embarassed non the less. After getting off the phone with her I called my BF and told him about it. He was going to write her an email apoligy but instead called her. He told me that he apoligized multiple times over the phone and said that my mom accepted his apoligy. After all of this was said and done I recieved three emails from 3 of the 8 people the emial was sent to. (actually it was sent to 10 people but the other two were my BF and myself). The first email was from one of their friends and he told me that he never opens emails from people he doesn't recognize so he never read my BF's responce. It was deleted. And also told me not to worry about it. The second email I got was from another friend and they ALSO told me not to worry about it that this is a free country and they were happy that EVERYONE can express their opinion. The last email I got was from my brother & sister and they also said that they read it and my sister told me that she had actually responded to my BF telling him that it was a very informative email. The rest of the people on that forward were mostly family.
I guess I am just stuck and lost. I want my family to accept my BF. We plan on marrying in the near future. But I know that my family doesn't HAVE to accept him but it is my choice and I have to do what will make me happy and what I feel right. My BF is NOT a bad guy, in fact he has a great job, great family background and treats me right. It just always seems that he butts heads with my parents.
It is starting to feel intentional on my parents side too, like they are doing things on purpose to get a rise out of him. I don't know what to do or where to go with this matter. I have started pulling away from them a bit, then I let them back in a bit and this happens. I don't want to completely cut them out of my life but I can't continue to live under their thumb.
Please Please Please Help Me. I am so desperate, hurt and alone right now with this problem. My boyfriend has sent me two emails apoligizing for the mess that happened, he is hurt and confused at why my mom took this they way she did as well. I have not spoke with my mom about it after this morning.
I am supposed to meet my parents tonigth but I don't know if maybe I should reschedule???
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 4:47:18 PM
|
|
|
shadowspring
Posts: 1640
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline
|
Your mom is being childish and rude. Stop apologizing and never bring it up again.
She was the one in the wrong in the first place.
Forgive her and move on. Just know there are some issues you can't share with mom. Politics appears to be one of those issues. Since you know your mom is this way, any political e-mails you get from here in the future just delete.
If she brings them up, say you don't want to discuss it. Change the subject. If she keeps bringing it up, tell her you don't want to discuss it and then if she persists say, "I really need to go. Talk to you later." and get off the phone.
You will feel so free! 
Just wait till ya'll start disagreeing about really personal things.  Here's a few that might come up: timing number of children, childbirth choices, what you feed your children, how you feed your children, where you work, where you educate your children, what you allow your children to watch/play/wear/say- the list is endless!
Determine now to keep your head high, your focus on the Lord and His great love for you, and your love walk strong. You can love your mom without babying her.
Edited to add: I would definitely reschedule. Get your joy back before you meet with her again. Otherwise you will just wind up more upset than you are now. My two cents...
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 5:01:00 PM
|
|
|
Kat_D
Posts: 3097
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
|
I think your boyfriend erred by forwarding the e-mail he sent to your mother to all the people she sent her original to. That to me was a big lapse in judgment on his part and I can see why your Mom would have gotten angry.
But, your boyfriend's political views are obviously just a small symptom of a bigger disease. There are likely more important reasons why your parents don't like your boyfriend, no? If there are, you need to sit down and sincerely evaluate whether or not they have cause for concern. Your parents loved and raised you and know you better than anyone else. Are their concerns justified? If so, listen to them. If not, there is nothing you can do to make them like him and you have to decide if your relationship with him is important enough for that not to matter.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 5:07:08 PM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
Everyone else in my family, including my brother who has hung out with my bf alone and with us together more then my parents like my BF. It is only my parents who have a beef. It is like they are nitpicking at him or something? He tries his hardest to impress them but all in all I think the only one he should really be impressing is me. Also we have been going out for almost 3 years now, 3 years in March and it wasn't until this year that my parents started to act this way toward him and I. Also a few months ago they were encouraging us to look into the market to get a house and everything together. Its like a rollercoaster with them. One minute they are fine and the next minute they are not.
Thanks for your reply shadowspring. It is very helpful to me.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 5:48:18 PM
|
|
|
pbaribeault
Posts: 1018
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
|
You seem awfully sensitive to the minor changes of the emotions of people around you...
Which seems a bit odd.
Your BF used the email addresses of your mom's friends without her (or their) permission. This is not proper or professional behaviour because it is a violation of privacy.
Your mom apologized to her friends, and asked your BF not to do it again.
Your BF apologized to your mom and she accepted.
This is a normal family "whoopsie" that seems amicably solved... So I don't get why this sort-of tense thing (which is now over) has you saying things like, "Please Please Please Help Me. I am so desperate, hurt and alone right now with this problem."
Can you help us understand what the real problem is here?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 6:18:34 PM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
I am emotionally tied into this situation because I want my family to get along at the very minimum and not hate each other. I want to be able to marry my boyfriend without any issues that are in the background. For some reason over the last couple of months my parents have been really picky about things and getting really angry with me or him. The help I am asking for is if I should for the most part somewhat cut ties with my parents. I don't understand why they are being this way and they are not easy to talk to either. They pretty much are the type of people that it is their way or the highway. Its just upsetting. I care alot for my family and I want everyone to be happy, now I know that is not something that can happen but it would be at least nice for them to get along. I have also asked my mom multiple times what she thinks of my BF and she tells me that if I love him then she is happy for me. She won't say anything further then that.
I know that replying to all may not have been the right thing but accidents unfortunetly happen. My Bf thought he had only sent the email back to me and had asked me to send it on to my mom but he accidently hit a reply to all and responded to everyone.
This is an important issue to me that I am asking for adice for. I am also very hurt right now because i have parents that are mad at my BF and my BF not knowing why this email really offended anyone since I have been getting replies back that no one was offended. Also and just because he apoligised and my mom accepted doesn't mean that things are fine because unfortunetly my parents are the type to hold grudges.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 6:41:37 PM
|
|
|
shadowspring
Posts: 1640
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
Your BF used the email addresses of your mom's friends without her (or their) permission. This is not proper or professional behaviour because it is a violation of privacy.
I am sorry but I so disagree with this!
If you want to keep your friend's e-mail addresses private, you blind copy them. An e-mail address on any other e-mail is NOT private and you have no control over where it will go or who will see it. If there was any violation of trust, it was on mom when she copied all those people openly on one message together.
Not that unexpected e-mail IS an invasion of privacy, any more than junk mail in your real life mail box is an invasion of privacy.
Also, if anyone sends me a hoax e-mail, and I find facts that refute it, I send it back Reply All. That's only fair, since everyone who has just been scammed has a right to know the facts.
If you don't want that happening, don't send out crazy e-mails like petitions, cutesy stories, click for disease of the day, or political propaganda to everyone in your address book.
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 6:56:53 PM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
Thanks again Shadowspring for your advice and thoughts. I am really taking them to heart.
My boyfriend and I are both 26, soon to be 27 years old. I have lived on my own now for about 2 1/2 years now and I have been paying and supporting myself since thing. My BF and I have been talking over the last couple of months of getting married and that is looking to happen sometime in 2009 or 2010.
My boyfriend and I are going to have a serious talk tonight about all of this and I think I will talk with him about us both praying for things to work out as God wants them too.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 7:26:05 PM
|
|
|
pbaribeault
Posts: 1018
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
|
Shadowspring, perhaps we are from different social backgrounds, but (while I do agree that it was the mom's job not to reveal her friend's email addresses all in the 'to' box) it was inappropriate for anybody to pick up and use addresses that he 'found' in this way. (Although it seems that he did it by mistake, and there is no reason to have to explain why it is inappropriate.)
If you came to my house for a cup of tea, and I had my church phone list open on my table, I would not expect you to memorize their numbers and begin calling them. Even though telemarketers make unwelcome phone calls all the time, I don't expect ordinary people to 'use' my mistakes to pester my friends. (Again, I know the BF did it by mistake, I'm just explaining why it would be wrong, in theory, to have done it on purpose, and why the mom might have been upset if she had thought that it had been done purposefully.)
Even thought the content of the email was not offensive, the act of 'picking up' email addresses that were carelessly left lying around in the 'to' box and using them and intentionally using them (if it had been intentional) to contact people who have not formed a consensual communication relationship with you is just not socially appropriate.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 7:46:34 PM
|
|
|
jaimestarcross
Posts: 787
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
|
You may desire for a relationship with your parents and boyfriend to
be more to your liking... the problem is you know how your parents are
and it's best not to play into their hands --- advise your boyfriend not
to do that either.
I'm sorry you can't have one big happy family that you want or
long for - but you can enjoy the family and friends/loved ones
that do love and enjoy being part of you and your bf's life... thank God
for those people!
*You can choose when to meet up with your parents - if it turns into
a fuss - then politely bow out.... there's no need to stay if their just
going to verbally attack you or your bf!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 8:11:06 PM
|
|
|
shadowspring
Posts: 1640
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
f you came to my house for a cup of tea, and I had my church phone list open on my table, I would not expect you to memorize their numbers and begin calling them. Even though telemarketers make unwelcome phone calls all the time, I don't expect ordinary people to 'use' my mistakes to pester my friends. (Again, I know the BF did it by mistake, I'm just explaining why it would be wrong, in theory, to have done it on purpose, and why the mom might have been upset if she had thought that it had been done purposefully.)
I do not think your analogy relevant at all. It is more like you sending me a snail mail with all the names and addresses of the others to whom you also sent copies of the same letter in the letterhead itself.
No one accessed any online address book. The information was freely given out to everyone who received a copy of the e-mail. Since it was a political e-mail, I am guessing mom would have had no problem with people sharing her political views forward the whole thing, complete with e-mail addresses listed, to others who would agree.
There is no expectation of privacy associated with an anyone's e-mail address once it is made public.
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/13/2008 8:13:24 PM
|
|
|
pbaribeault
Posts: 1018
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
I want my family to get along at the very minimum and not hate each other. I want to be able to marry my boyfriend without any issues that are in the background... I want everyone to be happy I hope that I am not being hurtfully blunt, but these are very controlling 'wants'. You don't just want your family to do things to your liking (which would be a bad enough thing) but you actually want then to feel things to your liking. That's not fair to them and it's going to frustrate you forever. It's going to make a mountain (family strife and fights) out of a mole hill (they just don't think much of the man you have chosen).
Do your whole family (and your own heart) a giant favour and say to yourself, "What other people think, feel, remember or wonder about is not my concern, and I refuse to concern myself about trying to change it."
They sound like they have a good handle about what they say and how they act, not to make a stink or be belligerent, but only to make sure that you have heard and understand what they think about things that are important to them. It seems like they steadfastly refuse to talk badly to you about your BF, even though their reactions make some part of their feelings clear to you. It's fine if they have grudges, as long as they don't do anything about them.
I think the 'ties' that you need to cut are the ones that make you think that their opinions matter that terribly much and that you need to be upset and by what they have to say. As long as they mind their manners, there is no reason for you to cut them out of your life or to take any other drastic action. The best choice is to control your own thought life and get some way to regulate your gut reactions to them. Simply choose 'the highway' as far as your choices in life, while still getting along in a moderately caring relationship. If they disprove so strongly, let them cut you off. If they can handle your choices, you can handle some conversations where they let you know (calmly and politely) what they think and why.
quote:
it would be at least nice for them to get along. If this is your real desire, quit poking the bear. You know, let sleeping dogs like... quit talking about personal issues, quit asking their opinion, quit trying to find out how they feel, quit stepping into the middle of tiffs, quit thinking about what you think they might think, quit trying to manage their behavior, quit talking to one on behalf of the other. Just leave them alone and let them work out how they are going to manage to treat each other reasonably OK for your sake.
That's getting along. There aren't any 'issues' with getting along. It's mostly just choosing not to bug each other.
ETA: Shadowspring, I think we just live in different social atmospheres. There are lots of sub-cultures, and I'm sure what you say is true in yours. Nonetheless, in mine, email addresses that you find by someone elses mistake are off limits for personal use. I've tried to explain the reasoning, so that maybe the OP can understand the 'why' of her mom's reaction. I get that not everybody would consider it inappropriate, but some people do and are offended by the discourtesy.
For a different analogy, if I gave my friend on crosswalk my email, and she posted it in a thread by mistake, I would consider it rude if another person picked it up and started emailing me without permission. Rather, I would expect them to PM me and ask me if it would be OK to send me an email. That's just the world I'm in. Internet social appropriateness is a fuzzy thing.
< Message edited by pbaribeault -- 10/13/2008 8:21:13 PM >
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 1:25:36 AM
|
|
|
agapetos
Posts: 5383
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
|
quote:
Last week, about Wednesday, my mom sent an email to my boyfriend at his work, it was a political email bashing the person that my BF is in favor for. Now I'm a bit confused... who was the email directed to? Your bf, with ccs to other people on your mother's email list or a group of people on your mother's email list which included your bf?
There is a huge difference between the two. If it was directed at your bf, then he had a right to respond. If he was just included in a general email, he could have responded or ignored it. Did he need to copy to everyone else on the list? Well not unless he was being directly attacked.
There is something that you must understand.
Politics causes division in families. Doesn't matter how close you are or how you are related, it causes division. Your mother has one opinion, your bf has another. The politicians they support probably have both good and bad points in what they say.
If you don't think that politics causes divisions go back and look at the American Civil War ~ father fought against son, brother against brother. Every which way a division could happen did.
Why not agree to not discuss politics. If your mother won't drop the topic in future, get your bf to. Chances are that she'll pretty soon get fed up with baiting him (if that's what she's doing) if he responds with a polite 'I know that we have different political views but I'd rather not get involved with it here' than to respond in kind as he has been doing.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 11:05:36 AM
|
|
|
fluffmonkey
Posts: 1676
Joined: 2/17/2007
From: some where over the rainbow
Status: offline
|
There are just some subjects that step on toes with people and everyone wants you to see their views and why they are voting for this person... So in certain situations like with politics "if you know it will turn into arguging instead of debating then Just drop the conversation... and not talk about it... your mom sounds like she want stop talking about it so your bf may just have to let it go and turn the other cheek, and eventually she will stop...and it will be election time before you know it...
Sometimes its an learning experience for both you and your future husband and your parents.... it takes time to understand one another especially after marriage has been talked about...because everyone looks at things in different way things that didn't matter so much before matter more now... but it takes time... and understanding...
I think it would be a good idea to sit down with your parents and tell them " I love this guy, he is the one for me...and I know you may not see him in way I see him but please understand this is my choice, and I hope that someday you can learn to see him differently...so please give him a chance, I know we haven't always had the best relationship but I love you and want that to change I want you to be apart of my life"
Changes require a little bit from both sides because not only do your parents need to change you will as well... you may not think you need to but some of your actions may have hurt your parents causing them to be bitter about things now... So I think it would be a good idea that everyone get off to a new start ... Continue to pray for your parents but Pray for God's guidence with dealing with these hard situations... and what you need to do..to make things right...and to live a life for Christ.
_____________________________
My Blog
Daily Fun Blog
(\__/)
(=' '=)
(")_(")
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 11:59:36 AM
|
|
|
crankius
Posts: 4503
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kat_D
I think your boyfriend erred by forwarding the e-mail he sent to your mother to all the people she sent her original to. That to me was a big lapse in judgment on his part and I can see why your Mom would have gotten angry.
But, your boyfriend's political views are obviously just a small symptom of a bigger disease. There are likely more important reasons why your parents don't like your boyfriend, no? If there are, you need to sit down and sincerely evaluate whether or not they have cause for concern. Your parents loved and raised you and know you better than anyone else. Are their concerns justified? If so, listen to them. If not, there is nothing you can do to make them like him and you have to decide if your relationship with him is important enough for that not to matter.
I agree Kat.
Are there specific reasons why your parents are concerned about your bf?
Are your parents believers? Is your bf a believer? Have your parents ever told you specific concerns they have about your bf?
If their concerns are unfounded, and you are confident bf is the right man for you to marry, then you should make your choice with confidence and they will have to either accept your choice or be irritated with it. You can't control their reactions.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 12:22:34 PM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
The email was sent out to a group of people all put into the first line of the email the To: line and not the CC. The majority of the people in the email were my family members and my BF. So when he hit reply to all it replied to all which he did unintentionally. He thought he had only replied to me and had wanted me to send it on because he was emailing from his work.
My BF called and apoligized to my mom yesterday morning and she said that he accepted. Everyone that knows about this told both of us that neither of us shoudl have apoligized but to be a good person and try to mend things my BF called my dad that afternoon to apoligize. When he was in the middle of his apology my dad hung up on him. Didn't allow my BF to finish just said "bye" and hung up. This extremely hurt my BF's feelings and he felt completely disrespected.
I talked with my SIL about this matter all day yesterday and alot last night. She wasn't surprised by any of the actions of the day.
It was also pointed out to me by another person close to my family that my parents are not a nice type of people. They told me that they highly doubted that my parents liked my other brother's wife and on many occasions has caught them critisizing her behind her back about things that she does in her life. So my friend thinks that my BF is in the same boat as my other SIL and that pretty much no matter what he does, says, thinks he will always be critisized.
My BF and I talked last night about the whole situation and what we really need to do. My SIL pointed out that we as a couple need to figure out what we need to do and that we need to stick together about whatever decision is made. So last night I made the decision that it might be best to set up a monthly day that I go and see my parents and my BF will not come with me the first couple of times just to kinda keep things low key for now. I've also decided to keep most if not all conversations on them so that way they can not know too much about my personal life and that way have nothing to hold against me. It makes me miserable to do this because I want my parents in my life but as many people have pointed out, I need to live my life and make myself happy before I can do anything further.
I want to thank everyone who has given me great advice and support during this struggle for me. I really appreciate it.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 1:02:41 PM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
crankius - my parents went to church when my brothers (11 and 13 yrs older then I) were kids then they just stopped going so they have not attend church for more then 20 odd years. They jsut started going to a new Church in July/August. I would like to say that they are believers but I don't feel they act very Christian like to others. Especially my dad. (this is based off of when i lived with them and other interactions i have had with them over the last couple years, this does not include this incident)
I have asked them many times before if there is a problem and they will not answer me. I have asked other family members their thoughts and all of them like my BF and don't see anything wrong with him. Two of my co-workers that are my really good friends and two of my softball teammates that are also really good friends of ours all really like my BF as well. I know that all of these people, who have seen different aspects of my bf (playing softball, going out on double dates, etc) would not lie to me and tell me that he is a great guy if he is not.
I am christian and my boyfriend is Catholic. He hasn't gone for a couple years because he moved away from his home town but both of us are going to start attending a church in our city together. We are actually trying to work out a time with the young adults pastor so we can talk about these issues with him as well so we can start building ourselves closer to marriage and life together. We both believe in the Lord and I know that he will get us through this whatever way he feels best.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 4:53:16 PM
|
|
|
ffbruce
Posts: 271
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline
|
As a parent of two grown sons, I'm going to say something that might sound weird.
I think your parents are wrong, and that they have some weird hang-ups with you and/or your boyfriend.
Both our sons are seriously dating nice young ladies. One son has been dating the same gal since they were in 10th grade. My wife & I love both these girls very much, and welcome them into our home, but don't try to interfere with their lives.
Let's establish, first of all, that it was a mistake for your mom to send the email to your boyfriend's work. Some workplaces forbid personal email. In addition, it sounds like she was trying to pick a fight with him, or using some weird passive-aggressive tactic to slap him in the face. Also, him mistakenly pressing "reply all" is no big deal. If you don't want all your friends getting email like that, put their email addresses in the "BCC - BLIND Carbon Copy" field of the email.
I know this doesn't sound very positive, and I'm sorry I'm not feeling more optimistic about this, but things just don't sound good between you and your parents and your boyfriend. But mostly, the problem is between you and your parents, with him just being dragged in.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 5:04:49 PM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
Thanks ffbruce,
That is the rub of it though, my mom and I have always has a decent relationship, up until I moved out. My dad and I have never really had a relationship. Pretty much we were like cats and dogs living in the roof, we either avoided each other or we fought. He was in my life from the time I was a child but he wasn't involved in my life at all.
So where my dad is concerned in this matter I doesn't overly bother me, except for him being rude to my BF. But my mom on the other hand it just doesn't make sense. I did always concider her sorta my best friend. And like I said, this has all pretty much started a couple of months ago. There were no issues at all over the last two years that I have been dating my BF, its been since pretty much July/August that something just went off. And I don't know what it is. Also they didn't seem to have a problem with my BF over the last couple of years either. They were always very kind and nice to him. My dad who normally isn't nice gave my BF some tools that he had as extras and also some tools that my BF needed to do some repairs with. He told my BF that he didn't "want" them back unless of course we broke up or my BF didn't need them anymore and was going to throw/give them away. Also from knowing of my ex, my dad won't talk to someone he doesn't like (he wouldn't say a word to my ex) but yet he talks to my BF on occasion.
I want to have my parents in my life but I love my boyfriend, he is not a bad person and I want to be with him.
Something that really hurts me too is that his parents absolutely love me. They treat me like I am already part of the family, my Bf's grandmother told me that last time I saw her that I was already her granddaughter. And my parents treat him like this. Its embarrassing. :-(
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 5:07:37 PM
|
|
|
ffbruce
Posts: 271
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline
|
Are you two living together, and/or, did you move in together in July or August?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 5:31:52 PM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
I moved out of their house 2 years ago and lived with my roommate until she wanted to move elsewhere. Then I moved in with my bf and his roommate and then from there I moved in with my bf, his roommate and his roommates female cousin. But that was a year prior to July/August. I know that that is not the issue, my mom was pregnant when she got married so I know that they do not frown on that.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/14/2008 5:44:06 PM
|
|
|
ffbruce
Posts: 271
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: sweetheartprayer
I moved out of their house 2 years ago and lived with my roommate until she wanted to move elsewhere. Then I moved in with my bf and his roommate and then from there I moved in with my bf, his roommate and his roommates female cousin. But that was a year prior to July/August. I know that that is not the issue, my mom was pregnant when she got married so I know that they do not frown on that.
Okay.
Well, I'm sorry that this is going on. I do think you simply need to talk to your parents - especially your mom - in a forthright, compassionate and firm manner. Try to get to the bottom of it. Bad relations with in-laws is no good.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/15/2008 10:37:03 AM
|
|
|
Kat_D
Posts: 3097
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: sweetheartprayer
I moved out of their house 2 years ago and lived with my roommate until she wanted to move elsewhere. Then I moved in with my bf and his roommate and then from there I moved in with my bf, his roommate and his roommates female cousin. But that was a year prior to July/August. I know that that is not the issue, my mom was pregnant when she got married so I know that they do not frown on that.
I'd say you could be dead wrong about that. Most mothers who got pregnant out of wedlock would be very concerned about a daughter living with her boyfriend and possibly enduring the same plight...whether the Mother says so or not.
This also sparked some memories of you posting about past turmoil such as fights, drunkenness, partying, a drunk roommate who got practically naked in front of guys, etc, that has gone on since you moved away from your family If my daughter was involved in a living situation like that, I might think her BF, whom she was also living with, might be part of the problem. That might also give me reason not to like him very much or think he was good marriage material for my daughter.
Just sayin'! 
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Please Help - Stuck in the middle. - 10/15/2008 11:37:36 AM
|
|
|
sweetheartprayer
Posts: 86
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: North
Status: offline
|
Just the clarify the naked girl that you are talking about was NOT a roommate. She was a friend of the roommate and actually since then has not been welcome back into the house and also since then the parties have ceased.
If my parents/ mom believed that my BF to be involved in this would mean that she is judging and therefor be not Christianlike. Also because my mom at one time had been extremely close she knew everything that happened. That was over a year ago that this happened as well and the problem with my parents just started a couple months ago. From knowing my parents like I do they are not the type to be two faced and so if my mom had an issue with my BF over a year ago then she would not be as nice to him as she used to be and with my dad, he would not let me BF borrow or have tools if my dad didn't like him. That is just not my dad. If my dad doesn't like you he will have nothing to do with you.
My BF was not involved in this and we have a very solid relationship. We both believe in God and actually just found a church that the two of us can attend together where we are going to talk to a pastor about some of these things that have happened as of late.
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
