RE: A life to cherish (Full Version)

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cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (2/18/2008 12:32:03 PM)

Hi everybody. Just a quick blog entry this time.

Things have been pretty quiet for me. I've had a few things to do, but on the whole, I've just been taking things easy. Trying to get into some books to give me something relaxing to do.

The pain levels in my back and ribs has decreased. It has its moments, and the other day, I did think about going to emergency, but it settled down pretty quickly, so I didn't go.

Thankyou for all of your care of me. I know some of you have been worried about the amount of pain that I'm in etc. I know some of you don't understand why I just didn't go to the hospital a lot sooner than now. A friend of mine, who's a nurse, got stuck into me about not going either, saying that it sounded like bone pain. We'll see. If it gets worse again, I'll go.

Depression has really kicked in. I'm not sleeping at the same time as I used to. It's rare for me to get to sleep before 5am these days. Even the times when I get off here early, or don't come online at all, I still have problems getting to sleep at a decent hour. That'll have to be something else that I'll have to talk to the doctor about when he comes back next month. I'm getting really emotional really easily. It doesn't take much at the moment to get me crying. Feeling like telling everybody to just go away and leave me alone. Not coping particularly well with things right now. Don't worry though. I'm not about to go and do something stupid. Sometimes I wonder if I can handle being around CW right now. There's been a few things happen around here that I just haven't felt comfortable with. I don't like tension. I've never handled it well, and being the way that I am at the moment, it doesn't make things any easier. Anyway, we'll see.

I hope you're all doing better than me.

Take care and God bless.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (2/22/2008 11:38:14 AM)

I forgot to tell you something amazing.

I've got a new snail mail penpal from the US. She wanted to be the first to write, and I got her first letter Thursday. Anyway, she tells me that she and a lot of her penpals are interested in the TV programmes 'ghost hunter' and 'haunted houses' or something like that. Never seen them. She's interested in the paranormal. She came right out and asked me what I thought of the paranormal! Man, did I ever get given the opportunity to witness! In any case, I used to be into the occult before I became a Christian. Experienced stuff I'd never wish on anybody.

Please just pray that I can talk to her truthfully without scaring her off. (Remembering that this is a first letter I'll be writing to her). At the same time, sharing with her about the Lord. I never expected something like this to be dropped in my lap like this, and so blatantly! Not that I mind, but I'm just in shock and excited!

Right now, it's the early hours of Saturday morning. Today is John and Joan's 34th wedding anniversary. We're going out for an inexpensive lunch, (Subway), down on one of the boat jettys. It's going to be a warm day, so we won't be down there long. Besides, we need to bath Bailey. He's starting to look really dirty after him constantly running through the sand in the garden.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (2/27/2008 1:18:43 PM)

I finally got to see the doctor. I told him about the pain that I'd been having in my back/ribs. He reckons that I cracked the rib and that it will take another 4 weeks to heal. It's been more tender tonight than it has been for a little while. He said that there would be adhesions causing problems and some bleeding. Maybe that's why I'm a bit more tender tonight. Maybe there's still some bleeding and adhesions as I'm still healing. Either way, I'll take it easy for now.

I've been reading about so many people having snow. I've never seen snow, not in real life. Seems hard to comprehend when we're due to have 39C (102F).



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (3/8/2008 10:53:37 AM)

Another quiet weekend. Still sleeping later than I should be, even though I've changed the time of taking my meds like my doctor wanted me too.

Went out for a drive this afternoon along the coast, watching the waves crash along the shore. Haven't done that in a while.

I'm hoping to get to church in the morning. Hopefully no more pain if people try to hug me before I get a chance to ask them not to.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (3/15/2008 12:08:08 PM)

A week from now, we will be in Easter weekend. What does that mean to you? Do you have any special traditions? Are you one that eats fish and seafood during the time of Lent? That's something that I haven't been able to do for a number of years as I have developed an allergy to fish and seafood. Is there something else that you've given up?

It's a time to reflect on the sacrifice that Christ made for us. Carrying out God's wishes for Jesus to become the ultimate sacrifice for each one of us so that we may live a life that would be worthy.

A time for us to say thankyou that Jesus did pay the price for us, and because of Him, we are seen as clean by God when we confess our sins to Him. A time for us to receive the forgiveness that He so longs to give to us, to bless us.

What can we offer back to God as a sacrifice of thanks for all He has done in our lives? Just ourselves, as a living sacrifice to Him, a vehicle of His mercy, compassion and service.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (3/27/2008 11:02:58 AM)

Hey everybody. Just dropping in to say hi.

Not much going on with me. Still taking things relatively easy as my rib is taking its time to heal. Getting some reading done, when I'm not sleeping really strange hours. I'm so looking forward to my body clock going back to normal. Pain's keeping me awake some too. I know my right shoulder has a bursar in it, and I think the left has got one now too. It hurts even getting into a sitting position from a horizontal position when I'm getting out of bed. Will be talking to the doctor about that the next time I see him.

It's the early hours of Friday morning here. One more week until my birthday. I'm going to be going to a Celine Dion concert that night. John and Joan bought a ticket for me for my birthday. Joan and another friend will be coming along. Hopefully it'll be a good night.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/1/2008 1:10:31 PM)

Slight change in plans when it comes to my birthday. I was supposed to be going to a Celine Dion concert on Friday night, but that won't be happening now. Apparently she is sick and doctors have told her to put off her performances for a few days. Instead she will be performing here in Perth next Tuesday night. So, John, Joan and I will be going out to lunch for my birthday instead, and we'll just have a quiet night that night.

John spoke to Joan's physiologist this morning. We're trying to find somebody who will be able to help me. I'm in so much pain all the time and the doctor is saying that he doesn't want to do any more with the bursar that I have in my right shoulder. I think I have one now in the left shoulder too. I'm also so tired all the time. In giving her a brief summary of my medical conditions, she thinks that there is a POSSIBILITY that I have fibromyalgia. I see my doctor again next week, and we are going to talk to him about that. The physiologist seems to think that she can help me, but won't give any guarantees. We are going to get me a referral to go and see this lady and work with her. Hopefully it won't hurt. If you feel led to pray about this situation, that would be wonderful.

Another prayer point is still the need of a car. We still have the loan of a vehicle, but the owners are needing it very soon, and then we will be without a vehicle. With medical and other appointments, we really do need a vehicle.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/8/2008 12:48:12 PM)

Hey everybody. Not long got home from the Celine Dion concert that was postponed from Friday night. It was an awesome concert. I sang along with the songs that I knew. Must admit, I was distracted from the concert though. Kept thinking of what's going to happen when I see the doctor.

There's a meeting at church on Wednesday night. Apparently the guy who's coming to lead the meeting, Bill Johnson, has a ministry in healing and miracles. I'm planning on going along.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/9/2008 1:03:52 PM)

Didn't get to the Bill Johnson meeting at church. We had to do a few errands on our way home from the doctor's, and I was limping everywhere because I was in so much pain. I couldn't have made it tonight if I'd tried.

Well, I talked to the doctor about this team plan that he's trying to organise. The physiologist is part of that team. He has to fill in the paperwork when I go back to see him tomorrow. He said there's a definite possibility that I have fibromyalgia, then left the subject. He said that it's so vague, that some doctor's think that it's one thing, whilst others think that it's something else. He said that he didn't know how to diagnose it, and didn't know anybody who could. I'm going to be going to see the physiologist, and he's thinking that maybe she'll know. It's so frustrating. When John and I both tried to get him to talk to us about fibromyalgia and what he was going to do about diagnosing it, he just didn't want to talk. Meanwhile, whilst he was writing out his referral on his computer, I sat in his office and just cried for quite a while. I don't think he even noticed.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/10/2008 12:40:24 PM)

Went back to the doctor again today. The team care plan is now in place. I've got an appointment to see the physiologist on Tuesday morning for assessment.

Have to have a papilloma taken off my left eyelid too. When a body packs it in, it does it properly, or at least mine does.

Joan is slowly feeling better today. She had her flu injection yesterday and was rather sore from it after that. I had mine today, and whilst it hasn't been pleasant, I'm not as bad with it as she's been.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/14/2008 2:01:48 PM)

Well, it's the early hours of Tuesday morning here, and later on this morning, I meet the physiologist. I'm really nervous. I don't really know what to expect, and I'm hoping that whatever happens that it's not going to end up being painful. Less than 9 hours to go.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/22/2008 12:43:55 PM)

Well, it's been a week since I saw the physiologist, and I haven't given an update on how things have gone. She tested to see where the level of pain is, and how far I can push beyond the pain barriers. Found out about my medical conditions, and there are many of them. She said that most of the areas where I experience pain are trigger points for fibromyalgia, but I guess I'll have to wait and see what the specialist says. I go back to see the physiologist next Tuesday, when she says that we will 'play'. She told me that I can expect it to be painful for the next few weeks. I'm not looking forward to that. She said that if I can push through it though, it will be beneficial.

This week we don't have a vehicle. The owners of the vehicle that we have been borrowing have used it to go on vacation with. Thankfully Wednesday, we have a friend who is able to take us shopping this week, and we don't have much more to do in terms of going out. Friday is ANZAC Day, New Zealand and Australia's version of Veteran's Day. As we don't have as many activities to do, due to the lack of vehicle, I thought it would be an ideal time to do something that I felt the Lord ask me to do quite some time ago. I did do it quite a while ago, but the Lord seems to be asking me to do it again. Tomorrow, I'm going to get some ingredients and make about 10-12 cakes to take to the neighbours. I know one neighbour can't eat eggs, so there is an eggless chocolate cake recipe sitting there with her name on it. We'll do it over a couple of days so that we don't tire ourselves out too much. It's something that I've done as a outreach before. Some don't know how to handle it. Some ask if we're selling them. Some ask if we're fundraising or something. It seems strange that people just can't take a gift for the sake of taking a gift. I just like being able to bless others. This is just a simple way of doing it. Hopefully everything will go well.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/26/2008 12:07:33 PM)

The most amazing thing happened on Wednesday afternoon when I went shopping. I saw a couple of Maori women from New Zealand. I recognised their race as I am part Maori too. (Quite often I get excited to see somebody from New Zealand, and there are times when I find that I just can't help myself. I have to say hello, usually in Maori. There have been plenty of times when I've asked what part of the country they are from). Anyway, this day, I said hello in Maori to one of the women. Normally I get a reply of hello back. Usually that's the only response I get, but this time, she asked me how I was, in Maori. I've forgotten most of the Maori language as I haven't used it in so many years. Thankfully I knew enough to know that she was asking me how I was. I answered her in Maori. I asked her sister where in New Zealand she was from, and they are from the same city as me! I couldn't get over it, and neither could they! One of the sisters asked me what my last name is and I told her. She looked at me for a couple of seconds and then said, "Are you Mike's sister?" I was stunned, because she knows my brother. They had gone to school with him and know his family, (wife and kids). She said that she could see the similarity in looks between my brother and I. What a small world.

The last few days have been really busy. On Thursday, I started doing some baking to take to the neighbours. I've been making cakes of different sizes and flavours. Chocolate, banana, orange and coffee. I think in the past few days, nineteen cakes have been made all up. Thursday, a friend came over, so we sent a cake home with her. One neighbour in particular likes my banana cake, so we took some over for him and his family. We had one that had got a little burnt. Cut the burnt bits off and had it for dessert.

Yesterday the baking really accelerated. That was the most productive day, and late afternoon, John came with me as we went to some of the neighbours to deliver the cakes. I've done this before, but it's been a fair while since I've done it. Those who know us in the neighbourhood have no problems with us just dropping over with food. I've done a baking run before. Last year I made both jam and marmalade and gave it away. Other people aren't used to this. They've not long moved into the neighbourhood. It's a shame, but people aren't used to somebody arriving just to give them something just to bless them. Some didn't take the cakes as they have just started diets, or aren't allowed those sorts of things for different reasons. No problems. Some asked us why we were giving cakes away and couldn't believe that a complete stranger would just give something away, not expecting anything in return. Some thought we were wanting money or doing some sort of fundraising. They couldn't believe it when we told them we didn't want their money.

There was a nice surprise waiting in the mailbox. The family we had taken the banana cake over to had left a note in the mailbox to say thankyou for the cake, and to say that it was one of the best banana cakes they'd ever tasted. That was really nice. Really appreciated.

Today I baked some more chocolate cakes as all the chocolate cakes and banana cakes had all gone. One of our neighbours can't eat eggs, so I made her a special eggless chocolate cake. We'll take that over for her tomorrow as she wasn't home when we tried to take it to her today.

Friday was ANZAC Day here in Australia. (Australia New Zealand Air Corps). Like the American Veteran's Day. Remembering those who'd fought and died in wars. Those who've gone as peacekeepers. My father and grandfather weren't ANZACS as they were both in the British military during the world wars. My grandfather in WWI and my dad in WWII. War is an ugly thing, but I sure am glad that there are those who are willing to protect us, and keep the peace when it is needed.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/28/2008 12:35:07 PM)

Well, it's the early hours of Tuesday morning here. I have my first exercise session with the rehabilitation physiologist later on this morning. I'm nervous as she told me that I'm going to be sore for the first few weeks. I'm sore enough now without all the exercises on top of it. I guess that it's something that's got to be done though.

Sunday would have been my mother's 74th birthday had she still been alive. I still get emotional thinking about her. We didn't get to church as we didn't have a vehicle. I was a bit of a mess that night, but thankfully I had John and Joan to pray for me. I know that she's happy now. My sister in law led my mother to the Lord before she died, but it's hard on those of us who are left behind.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (4/29/2008 12:27:22 PM)

Well, I survived my first exercise session with the rehabilitation physiologist. She had me doing stretches, weights, the pilates machine and exercise bike. I go back again on Thursday. Next time I'll be using a hip machine, going on a treadmill and doing some other exercises. I'm feeling pretty sore. I still can't believe that I was doing weights. As I said, I thought that I'd be too weak for something like that. I was using 33lb (15kg) weights on my arms and doing leg crunches of 44lbs (20kgs). I just need to work on not hunching, keeping my shoulders back and down. I didn't realise that I was such a huncher.

It's been a pretty emotional night. Been pretty teary.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (5/7/2008 12:40:13 PM)

Thursday night/Friday morning was a bit hectic for our houshold. John sneezed and had a really bad blood nose. So bad that the paramedics were called. They worked on him for an hour and the bleeding still did not stop. He was taken to hospital where the doctors worked on him for several hours before they finally got his nose to stop bleeding. They don't know what started it, but as it stopped, they were happy to send him home again. What with stress etc, none of us got much sleep, and it took us days to get over the exhaustion from the lack of sleep.

I haven't been around CW very much in recent days. It hasn't been because I don't want to be here. For some reason, internet explorer has taken a real dislike to CW on my computer. It wasn't until I started trying other portals to try and get me in here that I had any joy. I've really missed talking to all of my friends, so this is great, being able to talk to everybody again.

The exercises are coming along. I've now had 3 sessions, and the 4th will be on Thursday. Tuesday I was told not to do any of the stretches as they exacerbate fibromyalgia pain. I've been in lots of pain the last few days. Lots of tears.

We have friends arriving from Wales in less than 2 weeks. It's going to be good seeing them, but with the timetable that John, Joan and I have now, we'll pretty much only be able to catch up with our guests at night.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (5/10/2008 12:51:03 PM)

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there, and the spiritual mothers. Thankyou for all the sacrifices you make for your children, the ways that you build into them, love them, pray over them and give them a soft place to fall.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (5/16/2008 1:02:50 PM)

Well, it's been 10 years now that I've been living with John and Joan. Ten years ago, on the 15th of May, I got a phone call from my brother in New Zealand to tell me that my mother was in hospital, not expected to make it through the night. I tried everything I could to be able to get there. I didn't have the finances as I wasn't working at the time. I was willing to borrow the finances to get me there, but the one thing that stopped me was that when I got back, I would have absolutely no finances. Whilst I was in New Zealand, I wouldn't have the money to continue to pay for the rent or other things that needed to be paid for. I was going through burn out from my studies and work (associated with studies - it was unpaid). I also felt God telling me that I wasn't to go. When I left New Zealand last time in 1994, I felt Him telling me that I would never be back again. He didn't want me back there. I felt awful that I would never be back to say goodbye to my mother.

When I called John and Joan that morning, after getting the call about my mother, they came over. They asked me to come and stay with them for a couple of days. I didn't get on with the person I was sharing a house with. (Long story there that I won't get into). I didn't want to leave that day as if I did, my dad wouldn't know where to contact me. The next morning, I contacted him and told him that I would be staying with friends and gave them the number so I could be reached. That was 16 May, 1998. Ten years ago. Our tenth anniversary.

On occasion, I get asked who John and Joan are. Not everybody knows who the people are behind the names that I talk about so often. John, years ago, was an Anglican minister before the Lord called him out of that denomination. His wife, Joan, has been doing women's ministry longer than John had been in ministry. They have ministered in several churches and ministries around Australia in their time.

Over the years, the Lord has used them to build into me. They are like my spiritual parents. I get on with them far better than I ever got on with my biological parents. They were never able to have children of their own as Joan has the same health problem as me. They had always wanted one, and the Lord seemed to send me along. Admittedly, I was in my 20s at the time I met them. Anybody who doesn't know, thinks that we are actually related. I don't look anything like them, but John and I are extremely similar in personality, sense of humour, the way we are so analytical, etc. Joan and I carry on like normal mother and daughter. Playfully giving each other a hard time. It's funny as sometimes I have to interpret between John and Joan when they don't understand each other! LOL! We are extremely close. We've been through a lot together. I know the only time they'd accept me moving out was if I ever managed to get married. That isn't happening any time soon, so I can't see that being a problem.

I didn't get to the gym on Thursday. I was too much of a mess.

I go to see a specialist on Monday who can hopefully give me some more help about the possibility of me having fibromyalgia. We'll see.

We have some friends arriving from Wales on Sunday night. They leave again on Thursday night. Very short visit. Joan is expecting 7 people, but she doesn't know that there is going to be somebody else coming instead. They were originally planning on not telling her that they were bringing their grandchildren and their daughter. Now John and Joan know they are coming, but they don't know that there is another family member coming too. They are coming for a belated birthday celebration, as they couldn't get here in January. Or actually, they could get here in January, but couldn't get flights back to Wales. It should be a good time, but a busy time.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (5/18/2008 12:39:26 PM)

Thinking about what I wrote about John and Joan, there are some things that I forgot to add.

When I heard about my mother dying, I had originally only gone to stay with them for a few days. It seems God had other plans. After about four days, John and Joan asked me to move in with them. At the time, I was a little stunned as that was the last thing I expected to happen. Obviously my answer though was yes.

Joan told me a little while later that she felt that the Lord had told her quite some time before that I would be living with them. She couldn't see at the time though how that would come about as I was living with others at the time. It seems she got her answer.

John and Joan were never able to have children. Joan's desire had always been to give John a daughter. They tell everybody that they had to wait 25 years for their daughter, (me), and they didn't have to contend with the diapers either. So, I was the daughter that they could never have, and they became the parents that I'd wished I'd had. Things hadn't been good with my parents and I, and I'd always wished that we could have had a better, closer relationship. For me, Joan and John became my spiritual parents and my second parents. People who know us, and some who don't, see us as family, as though they had given birth to me.

I had met John and Joan at church. I was housesitting a few streets from where they were living at the time, and as I don't drive, I asked them if it was ok if I got a ride to church with them. Joan thought that I has asked if it was ok if I got them to pray for me. It's a running joke now that they've never stopped praying for me.

God really blessed me with John and Joan.

Our friends have arrived from Wales, just in the last couple of hours. If you think about it, could you please pray for them. They aren't Christians, and there are some pretty heavy things going on in their family life. Thanks.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (5/22/2008 12:56:33 PM)

Just quickly dropping in to let you know how things have been going with me. I think I mentioned that I was going to a specialist and was going to ask him about the possibility of me having fibromyalgia. Well, something happened that I wasn't expecting. It seems that the specialist doesn't believe that fibromyalgia exists. [:o][8|][&o] Unless it can be proven by some sort of test, xray etc, then to him, it doesn't exist. I told him about the fibromyalgia and he just said, "Oh, so you're suffering from stress?" I know that stress is a big thing in fibromyalgia, but I was really taken aback by his response. He's getting me to do a whole pile of tests, but doesn't expect to find anything in them. [:(]

Our friends left in recent hours. Their plane is about quarter of the way to their new destination of the other side of the country. It's been a really hectic time with them here. It's been a while since I've had to feed 10 people at night. Lunches we tend to be out, but our house is the congregating area for dinner. They certainly haven't been going home hungry! We went out to dinner at a buffet on Wednesday night and two of the guys were eating like they'd been starved for months. They said they were eating so much because I wasn't going to be feeding them again. At the time, we didn't know where they were going to be eating before their flight. They needn't have worried as I got them fed again.

The 8 year old girl, (granddaughter), decided that she wanted to sleep here tonight, but seeing as they were going to be flying to the opposite side of the country, she couldn't. She told us that she's going to miss all of us. Her uncle wants to buy a house out here, one big enough that we could live in it, and they could stay in when they come over for holidays etc. We'll see whether that comes to fruition. The parents always like spending time over here. The mother would live here if she could. The daughter has already promised that once she gets back to Wales, she's going to start saving her pennies. She says she needs to come back. She feels safe with us. That's something that she really needs right now as her family situation is far from desirable. We're going to keep supporting her as much as we can.

It's been good having them all here, but it's really exhausted us all. Sometimes we look up to find somebody asleep out of our visitors. We know by the end of the day, we're exhausted. I know I've really been pushing myself, and I hope that the after effects aren't going to be bad in the next few days.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (5/28/2008 12:40:53 PM)

Things have been a bit hard lately. Physically and emotionally not feeling as though I'm coping too well. John told me tonight that I'm on the edge, but being the tough person I am, that I'm hanging in there. Sometimes I just get tired of struggling so much. I wonder if I'll ever be free from depression and all the other health problems I have this side of heaven. These days, it seems like all I ever do is cry, or try not to cry.

There's a song that Big Daddy Weave sings, and I was playing it tonight on CD. Most times I hear it, I want to cry. I think some of the lyrics say what I feel though. Here are some of the lyrics. I think I've mentioned it in my blog before, but as it's where I'm at at the moment, I thought I'd repeat just a little of it.

Hold Me Jesus

Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountain looks so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf
You have been King of my Glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace

I don't understand what's going on in my life, and I guess I don't really need to. God does. I do agree with my faith seeming so small. My prayer is that through all of this, that Jesus would hold me and be my Prince of Peace.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (6/2/2008 12:56:17 AM)

The days since I wrote my last blog entry have been even harder than I mentioned. The day after I wrote that entry, we received some bad news.

As some of you may be aware, years ago I went to see a new doctor about the depression that I was experiencing. I'd never met her before, but she went to the same church as I did. She was responsible for me being sent for tests that found that I had over 50lbs of borderline malignant ovarian cysts. (My previous doctor just told me that I needed to go onto contraceptives, which I've since found out would have made them grow even faster). She and her family had become good friends of ours over the years. We took it hard when three years ago, she passed away from ovarian cancer. And so did her son. All of her family took it hard. They're all doctors. Her husband, son and daughter. All they could do was sit back and watch as she slowly slipped away. She'd had remissions, but in the end she lost her battle, but she was ready to meet her Maker.

The day after I wrote my last blog entry, we found out that her son had taken his own life. He had become extremely depressed after the loss of his mother. He never recovered. His family had tried everything to reach out to him. In the end, it wasn't enough.

I've been asking myself a lot of questions since I heard of his passing. If a man like him could not take it, then what kind of chance have I got? No, I'm not thinking about doing anything stupid. But I have to wonder about him. He was a doctor, intelligent, used to build his own planes from scratch and fly them. He loved being a pilot. I would suspect that his medical training would have taught him how to deal with stress. He had a loving family. When he lived in Perth, I saw him coming to church with his family. Why then did he take his life? And if somebody like him could do something like that, then what chance have I? He had a great career, something that benefitted people. Gave them back the ability to see. He did missions trips where his medical knowledge and expertise was utilised.

I don't have as much to offer people. If somebody trained to deal with stress couldn't take it, then how is one who is not trained that way meant to deal with it? He had Jesus. So do I. It's all just shaken me up so much. I just can't help but wonder... If you feel led, your prayers would be welcome.

There have been many thunderstorms through Perth the last few days. There has been some damage, loss of power, and mini tornadoes. They tell us to expect more of the same intensity thunderstorms in the coming days. If I'm not around CW, that's probably why. It was hard not being able to come online and talk to everybody.

It's Foundation Day here in my state. Long weekend. No plans to do anything special. Just going to try and take it easy.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (6/12/2008 12:17:57 PM)

It's been a few days since I was last in here, so I thought I'd stop by.

The funeral was the other day, and I didn't go. I really wasn't feeling well, (I've had the flu), and after the strong reaction I had when I heard about his death, I didn't think it was a good idea for me to be there anyway. I'm handling his death better now. Not the violent reaction I initially had.

Things have still been stressful though. I will hopefully get my xrays and tests done later today, (Friday), and then I should get the results on the 24th of the month. On top of that, the anniversary of my mother's death is coming up next Thursday. It'll be 10 years since she passed away. That's never an easy time for me.

I've been reading some fiction about a Mennonite community. I'm getting really interested in the Mennonite and Amish people and culture. I'd like to learn more about them.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (6/17/2008 11:39:42 AM)

I went to the gym for the first time in 3 weeks today. It feels odd, but at the same time good. My body sure knows that it's been back as I'm feeling really sore since going. I've taken some painkillers to try and take the edge off things so that I can get some sleep tonight hopefully.

I've been feeling really useless of late. There's so many things in life that I can't do right now because my brain or body won't allow me to. Things I'd planned to do to give myself something to do and keep myself productive, just isn't going to happen as my body and brain just won't allow me to do those projects. I'd thought maybe about getting a few friends together and selling some of the craft projects that we've made. We did it a couple of years ago, and it was a lot of fun. We got to make a little bit of money for ourselves, which wouldn't go astray at this point in time. Have the sale just before Christmas so people can use them for gifts. I seriously can't see that happening though. [:(][&o]

This time of year is always hard for me. The day after tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of my mother's death. It's hard to believe that it's that long.

I'm getting pretty emotional these days. I don't know how much of that is the time of the year, how much is my health situation, and how much of it is frustration over my health.

Sorry I'm being such a grouch.



cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (6/18/2008 12:38:50 PM)

Well, where I am, it's now the 19th of June. That means that it's been ten years since my mother passed on. It doesn't even seem that that amount of time has gone. I couldn't believe at the time, that the world continued on as though she'd never existed. A song by Nina Gordon called, "The End Of The World" comes to mind. Here's some of it.

The End Of The World:


I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

I was never close to my mother, but I'd always wanted to be. She was a woman who always disapproved of me. Things were never good enough for her, but when all is said and done, she is the woman who gave birth to me, and therefore is my mother.

I miss you, mum. [:(]



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