RE: A life to cherish

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cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (6/19/2008 1:30:56 PM)
Today's been a pretty emotional day. Lots of tears for me. I'd planned on going to the gym today to keep things going there. The physiologist is thinking about decreasing what I do at the gym, just so that I dont become a physical mess after each session. Hopefully I'll be there again on Tuesday. I'd planned on being there today, but I was in so much pain that I could barely walk, let alone exercise. I feel like such a cry baby. I would have thought that after 10 years, I wouldn't be crying like this any more. I thought that I wouldn't be crying, PERIOD! Well, I well and truly failed on that score. Remembering things that happened when I was younger. Things that happened between my mother and I, and not all were pleasant. I just have to learn to get over it.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (6/21/2008 11:02:57 AM)
I heard a song tonight that I've heard before, but the chorus really speaks to me. The song is called Rescue by Newsong. Rescue - Newsong 'Cause I need You Jesus To come to my rescue Tell me where else can I go There's no other name By which I am saved O capture me with grace I will follow You I will follow You I will follow You I certainly do need Jesus, and I need His rescue.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (6/24/2008 12:23:56 PM)
Well, what an interesting day I've had. Last night I talked to the sister in law of a friend about fibromyalgia. She has fibromyalgia, and I was hoping that she'd be able to give me the name of her rheumatologist so I could finally get diagnosed. Seems she didn't see a rheumatologist as her doctor told her that she wouldn't find anything more out other than what he'd just told her. She did tell me the name of a book to read though, talked about some of the symptoms and told me that I could get some information from the arthritis foundation. So this morning I called the arthritis foundation. The woman that I spoke to got my details, including my email address. My email address is connected to my Christian faith, and she picked up on it and kept commenting on it. At the end of the conversation, I asked her about her comments about my email address and found out that she is a Christian. She was a lovely woman to speak to, and couldn't believe the trouble that I've had so far in trying to find somebody to diagnose me. She was going to speak to another staffer who has more knowledge about fibromyalgia than she does. She could be contacting me in the next few days, but in the meantime, the staffer would be able to give her more of an idea of what information to send to me. I managed to get to the gym at noon, but didn't end up doing much in the way of exercise. Less than a minute on the stationary bike, my right knee and the back of my leg really started to hurt. That's never done that before. It was so painful that I had to stop. The physiologist was assessing somebody, so I didn't feel I could interrupt. I thought after a minute that I'd just give it another try. Joan had been telling me to get off the bike, but I didn't think I needed to. I didn't last the whole time as it was too painful, but thought I'd just go onto the next exercise which for me was the pilates machine. Everything was going ok, I was taking my time. Much slower on there than usual so that I didn't jar my knee or anything. Things were going ok until I started to sit up. Joan was just setting up on the pilates machine beside me as I'd started to sit up, and about 3/4 of the way up, I started feeling woozy. I sat there for a minute or so as she told me how pale I looked before she went to get the physiologist. I was told that my blood pressure had dropped too low. She got me lying back down on the pilates machine for a few minutes to try and get me to recover a bit. I felt ok lying down, but started not feeling so good when I went to sit back up again. Thankfully not as bad as the first time around though. Both she and Joan were telling me how pale I was looking. The physiologist got me walking out to the car where John had been waiting for us. Joan was upset, but I told her to keep going with her exercises. She did most, but then finished early as she was so worried about me. She didn't tell me until we were on our way home that the reason that she was trying to get me to get off the bike was because I was looking so pale. If I'd have known that, I would have got off. [8\|] This afternoon, I went back to the specialist. He said that the tests and xray I had done showed nothing. Still no closer to a fibromyalgia diagnosis. John pushed him on the subject and he's trying me on prednisone for a few days. If that works, I need to stop taking it and start on a sulphur based med. He warns that if it does work though, I will feel ghastly for a week, going from something that works to not having that med again. We have to wait and see whether it does or not though. If it doesn't work, then there's nothing he can do for me. On the way home from the specialist, we had to pick up Joan from the shops. I decided to go shopping. There's a real push on at church to bring in food items to be made into food hampers for the chaplains to take in to needy families at the schools where they minister. That's something that I take real joy in. After a while, John started doing the bending etc, getting items for me to put into the shopping trolley, and putting them up at the checkout as I've been told no bending for a couple of days due to the low blood pressure.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (6/26/2008 3:20:53 PM)
Another tough day. Went and saw the doctor. The specialist yesterday gave me a new med (prednisone) in the hope that it will help with the pain. Can't stay on it more than 4 days though as it will massively mess me up, as well as my blood sugars. If it works, I've got to come off and go on another med. Coming off the one that works will be unpleasant though for a week or so, having felt so good and then withdrawing the med. The other won't kick in for at least three months. If it, (the prednisone) doesn't work, then there's nothing he can do for me. Physically and emotionally it's been torture. I thought yesterday was a meltdown. Tonight was worse. Seeing me, John was really distressed and Joan was in tears. God showed her a little bit of what I go through physically and emotionally, (for intercession). She was already upset seeing me the way I was, but she absolutely broke down when God allowed her to have just a tiny taste of what I go through. There is so much stress in my life right now. Pain (physical and emotional), frustration, anger, feeling like God is so distant, feeling like He can't hear my prayers, that I'm not worthy to be healed, that I want to run away from church and not go, that my relationship with Him is so far away from where I want it to be. I feel like I've gone so far away from Him. I know that people say that He never moves. The truth is, I can't even pray any more. I can't read my bible anymore. When I come to CW, I never know what to say to people anymore. A hi there, a hug there. I feel so lost. I've talked to John and Joan about it. They say that I'm not in a place to minister right now. I couldn't agree more with that. As for where I am with God, he said that that's just where I am right now. It doesn't mean that I don't love God or that He doesn't love me. It doesn't mean that He can't still use me. Right now, that's just where I'm honestly at. Will I stay there? No. But for now, that's me. I'm messed up, but I don't plan on staying that way, and no doubt, God won't leave me that way. For now, I don't feel I can pray much or read my bible. I'm still getting Christian input from the times that I do make it to church, and we can now get Christian TV channels, thanks to a friend who gave us a set top so that we can do that. As for my physical and emotional healing? Only God knows the timing of that. If it were up to me, I'd be healed now. Maybe He is delaying so that He will be glorified in my healing. I don't know, but in the meantime, I just have to wait for Him.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (7/2/2008 12:14:51 PM)
July 2nd. Today would have been my dad's 80th birthday today, he had still been alive. The 9th of July will be the 7th anniversary of his passing. We didn't have the greatest relationship as I grew older. We were too much alike and it caused problems. Alcohol and alzheimers caused even more problems. Even so, he was my dad, and I still think about him and miss him. I've had my time on the prednisone. The first 2 days were shocking with side effects. The 3rd and 4th days, it was hard to tell if it was working or not. I took the meds in the morning, and the first part of the day, I didn't feel as much pain. As the day wore on, however, the pain was returning and worsening. I took it that there must have been some relief there somewhere, and I've started taking the 2nd med in the hope that it will do some good. My doctor tells me though that it will take at least 3 months before the effects kick in. [8\|] Not really what I wanted to hear, but if it eventually helps, then I guess it's worth it. Since ceasing the prednisone, I have been experiencing more pain, but I'm not sure if it's withdrawal, or coincidence.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (7/7/2008 12:53:03 PM)
Didn't get to church on Sunday. We were invited to a friend's daughter's child dedication. We'd planned on going, but with the temperatures being so cold, we didn't go. It was 0.7C or 33F. Joan's arthritis and asthma wouldn't have allowed her to go, and with the cold affecting me painwise, we thought it unwise to go. We went to the gathering afterwards though. Monday, the ladies group met at our home. And for the second time tonight, we have no water. There was a water main that burst at the end of our street and the water corporation have had to turn the water off. Earlier in the year, I was talking about the 3 of us going to Tasmania as a belated birthday trip for Joan. At this stage, we don't know if we will still be going. The friend that we were going to stay with etc has had things fall through. It may be too cold for us to go at that time of year, as the last time we went, (at that time of year), there was snow on Mount Wellington. Also, we don't have the finances to go. Unless things dramatically change, we'll be staying home. I talked to my brother and sister in law for the first time in years last night. I finally got hold of their phone number, (my brother had left a number out on his email and I couldn't find it in the white pages). It was awkward, but it felt good too.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (7/8/2008 1:30:25 PM)
Today is the 9th of July. Seven years since my dad passed away. I miss you dad.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (7/10/2008 11:59:01 AM)
Today has been really bad, painwise. I can barely walk, and trying to lift a cup earlier to have a drink almost made me scream. [:(][:(][:(] Yesterday we found out the name of a female doctor who specialises in fibromyalgia. It's been pretty frustrating though, as for the two days that we've been trying to call to make an appointment, the office has been unattended. Hopefully tomorrow we can get through and be able to make one. We have a friend coming over tomorrow night to have dinner with us and to watch GOD TV.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (7/12/2008 6:39:19 AM)
YAY! I finally have an appointment with a female rheumatologist who specialises in fibromyalgia! It's in mid August. If I had a referral already, I could have seen her on Tuesday. Oh well, at least I have one. The friend didn't end up coming over last night after all. Joan and I have head colds and we didn't want her to end up with it too.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (7/22/2008 9:02:09 AM)
Wednesday we had grocery shopping to do. I felt the Lord asking me to do some shopping to take down to the church for the food hampers that go out to people in the schools. We have some school chaplains in our church. We also took some meals to some elderly people to bless them. Thursday I managed to get to the gym. Unfortunately, when we got there, John backed into a parked car. It didn't do my back much good. I didn't end up doing a full exercise session as I was in too much pain. Friday Joan and I went to the movies. We hadn't been in ages, so we thought we'd go. Joan wanted to see Mamma Mia and we saw Meet Dave as well. That night, we had an unexpected visitor for dinner. John had asked him, but said that he would confirm. Our visitor got his wires crossed and though that he was supposed to come if he didn't hear from John. Oh well. We had plenty for him to eat, and we ended up watching a Christian channel, which is what he was going to be doing with us anyway. Sunday was church. It was extremely cold. Only 34F or 1.2C. Monday was friendship group, and it was the first time in ages that we had so many of the group together. People have either been sick or away, so it was good having so many there. One of the ladies that we visited to take a meal to on Wednesday is extremely lonely. She's sick at the moment, but when she is better, we are going to invite her along to the friendship group. Hopefully she'll be able to make friends.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (7/25/2008 11:20:11 AM)
This week has been pretty quiet. John hasn't been well, so he's been home all week. Don't mind having him home though. His shoulder has been causing him a lot of pain. He's also had a bug of some description. Considering he helps down at the church kitchen four days a week, it's not good for him to be down there. I haven't been feeling the greatest either. Lots of pain. Depression is pretty bad at the moment. I can't seem to get motivated. Things that I usually enjoy, I don't. I know when I see my doctor next week, he'll probably ask what I enjoy doing. He does when I get like this. Usually I can find something like reading or something else. I can't concentrate on reading at the moment. Last week, I asked one of the school chaplains at our church if she knows any kids that could use scarves. It's pretty cool here at the moment, being our winter. She said yes. I've got a lot of yarn left over from when I went through a scarf making phase. I thought rather than leaving it to sit there being unused, I would try to make more scarves up and put them to good use. As I won't be able to get them all knitted this winter, as I have so much yarn sitting there, I told her that I'd stockpile the rest for next winter. We have a few school chaplains, and I'm sure there'll be enough for them all to be handing scarves out, with the amount of yarn I've got. It's still a good idea, but now that I've said it, it feels like I've just put heaps of pressure on myself to get them done. It's times like this when I wish I'd said nothing, and just brought along the made items. As soon as I opened my mouth, it's like all the joy went out of it. Bailey and Joan are the healthiest in our household at the moment. I just wanted to add an apology. It seems that all I seem to be doing these days is complaining about how much pain I'm in, or how awful I feel. Hopefully I'll be able to be more positive from now on.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (7/31/2008 11:57:51 AM)
Well, I finally have the referral I need to see the rheumatologist. My doctor seemed a bit hesitant when I asked him about it. I asked John why that would be, and he said that the specialist I asked about fibromyalgia a little while ago, might be seen as my treating doctor already by my GP. He sent me to him regarding my diabetes, but I asked him about fibromyalgia as he's a specialist who specialises in everything. I wasn't satisfied with trying to deal with fibromyalgia seeing as this doctor doesn't even believe it exists. At least with the rheumatologist, I know that she believes in fibromyalgia, as she specialises in it. I don't have to feel like a nut or a fraud. We have friends joining us for dinner tomorrow night. In all honesty, I'm really freaking out having them here. I know that it's crazy, but I'm having a hard time being around people right now. I talked to John about it tonight. He said that we can't ban people from coming here. I don't expect that to happen. In fact, the people that we have coming, tomorrow night and next Friday night, I invited, so it's not that I expect that we never have people here ever again. Somehow I'm just going to have to deal with the fact that people will be here.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/2/2008 12:25:38 PM)
August 2nd, 1958. That was the day that my parents were married. This year would have been their 50th wedding anniversary had they still been alive. I don't know why anniversaries are so important to me. I know it wouldn't bother them, but there's a part of me that's sad that they never got to experience it.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/8/2008 12:04:12 PM)
Today's been a really tiring day. John had an appointment to get his shoulder ultrasound/sonogram this morning. We left in time to get there. About 3/4 of the way there, the car started acting up. As we have no car, a friend has given us the use of their spare car. We had been saying for a while now that the car has been leaking water. He decided that he would take it after church on Sunday and get it repaired on Monday. That won't be happening. John had to get to the appointment, so we had to drive the car there. Whilst he was at his appointment, we let the car cool down. We put more water into the car. We had planned on doing a little grocery shopping as we had somebody coming for dinner tonight. With the car in such bad shape, we decided not to go shopping, but to come straight home instead. By this stage, the car was having trouble starting. There was service station a couple of blocks away, so before we started to drive home, we pulled in to fill the car up again. We started driving home slowly and about half way home, the car was getting really noisy. We pulled over, put some more water in the car and waited for it to cool down. The car wouldn't start again. We called out the RAC, (our version of the AAA), and the mechanic wouldn't touch it. He called for a tow. A friend came to pick us up and took us home, thankfully, otherwise we would have been stranded there. John was told that there could be a possibility of three things wrong with his shoulder. A bursar, a torn ligament or tendonitis. It seems he has all three. The bursar and torn ligament are also infected, so when he sees his doctor on Wednesday, I'd say he's going to be on antibiotics. I'd been saying to him for ages to go back to the doctor, but the doctor had told him that he had the same sort of pain in his shoulder and he'd just have to wait for it to go away. John had been in so much pain that I just nagged him in the end to get it seen to. I wish he'd gone sooner now. It seems that he also has bone growths on his shoulder too. What a mess! I don't know what the doctor will do with him. I'm still find it difficult having people around. As I mentioned, we had a dinner guest tonight. I hope that soon I get over this difficulty I'm having around other people.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/10/2008 11:45:48 PM)
Well, it seems we have no car. The owner of the car called us today, and it is being taking to another repairer. It looks as though it's going to be taken to a wreckers though. We had been telling him for some time that it was leaking water and really needed to be looked at. He kept putting it off, and accepted that he should have done something sooner about the car when he was first told about it. So if you feel led, please pray that God will provide a new car for us. (Or even something we can borrow long term). There's no way that our finances could allow us to buy a car. John, Joan and I are all on pensions. Tomorrow I see the rheumatologist. I'm really nervous. In my mind, I keep thinking, what if I don't have fibromyalgia afterall? I have all the symptoms, but sometimes my mind just worries. Wednesday, John is supposed to see his doctor about his shoulder. I hope he can finally get some help as he's been in so much pain for such a long time now. Wednesday afternoon, I've got an appointment at the hospital about my lap band. I'm really not looking forward to that appointment. She'll want me to get the band filled again, and I just know that in my mental state, I couldn't handle it. Last time she tried to bully me into it. I'd had to see a gastroenterologist about another problem and he told me that lap banding hadn't worked for me. I can't tell this doctor that her procedure didn't work. I think her behaviour would just become worse, and I just couldn't handle that. I'm emotionally pretty fragile right now. I'd asked her last year if I could get the lap band removed, and she reacted as if I'd asked her if we could remove her head! So, the only thing I can think of is to leave it in there, but not to put any fluid into the band. In any case, it's not going to be an easy appointment. I'm glad that John comes in with me, because there are times when he has to step in and come to my defence. I sit there and freak out when the doctor pours out her displeasure. At least John can tell her that I have been trying to do what I'm supposed to be doing. The only reason the doctor backs off is because he is there and won't take the doctor giving me such a hard time.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/12/2008 9:01:18 AM)
Today was my appointment with the rheumatologist. I had the diagnosis of fibromyalgia confirmed. I'm going to take the rehabilitation physiologist some flowers when I go to the gym on Thursday to say thankyou. Without her, I would never have suspected that I had fibromyalgia. There's not a lot she can do for me, but she has given me a few pills to help with the pain until I see her again in six weeks. She's told me that I need to get myself into a specific bedtime routine. No TV an hour before I go to bed as it's too much of a stimulant. I don't watch TV then, but I do spend time on here before I go to bed, so I will have to cut back on my time on here at that time. There are particular places where they check for fibromyalgia, and I screamed at the appropriate places when she touched them. I needed therapy after the appointment, so Joan and I did some retail therapy at a Christian bookstore. One of the things the rheumatologist told me to do is to have some relaxation time an hour before I go to bed. She said that reading is a good way to relax, so I got some more reading material. I go to the hospital tomorrow about the gastric band that I have in. I'm really not looking forward to it as there's always a push to get more fluid in my band. Right now I don't feel that I can, and I'm not looking forward to the pressure that will be put on me. Hopefully everything will work out ok.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/13/2008 8:46:19 AM)
Well God really moved today, beyond my expectations. We got to the hospital about 40 minutes before my appointment, hopeful that if I got there early, we'd be able to see a doctor earlier. On the way into the hospital, I was saying to John and Joan that I didn't know what to say to the doctor. I knew that I didn't want any fluid in my band, but I was wondering whether to just let them do it to stop any arguing over me having it in. I got in about 25 minutes early and didn't have long to wait. I'd had this doctor before and it wasn't a good experience. He asked how I was doing and I told him that I was experiencing a lot of stress as I'd just been diagnosed with fibromyalgia yesterday. I told him that I didn't want to have any fluid in my band and he just said that I could come back in a few months or something and see how I was doing. I told him that last year she told me that I could have a year, and he said that was fine. I have put on weight since last time, but he didn't seem overly worried about the amount. They'd see how I was when I came back next time. I was stunned! No arguments. I was in and out in a matter of minutes! Joan was just about doing cartwheels when I came out and told her it was over. Thankyou Lord! I was told by the rheumatologist to get rid of stress. That's just a big load off right there!

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/13/2008 10:23:55 PM)
I admit it. Things were a little rough in our house last night. I was online relaxing, when John came to do his nightly ritual with me. Before he heads to bed, he comes and prays for me. Things were going along great, but by the end of it, I was a mess. All the stress and buildup to the last couple of days hit me like a ton of bricks. He was extremely tired, and I would have understood if he'd gone to bed, but we stayed up and had a couple of short games of rummikub. Having a bit of a game time when I'm not doing so well is a way that we try to calm me down and give me some distraction time. I was in tears throughout the game, but once we finished, I just totally lost it. I'm so glad to know what's causing my health problems, don't get me wrong. But I've been waiting for so long to finally get a diagnosis. Me being me, I thought before I got to the rheumatologist that I'd get there and she'd tell me that I didn't have fibromyalgia afterall and I'd end up looking like a fool. I think especially the last few days, I've just been running on adrenaline. Waiting to get the diagnosis, knowing that I had to go to the hospital yesterday and expecting to have to fight to not have to have the band filled. In the end, John gave me a med to try and calm me down. It wasn't easy to sleep last night, and I'm going to have to go back to bed soon as I'm still hung over from the med. Thankyou to everybody who prayed for me. It's much appreciated.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/18/2008 8:54:17 AM)
An ambulance is on its way for John. He's had a nosebleed for a few hours now and it won't stop. The last one he had like this sent him to hospital. It took the doctors 8 hours to stop it bleeding. He is terrified of what will happen if he ends up in hospital. Last time they did awful things to him and the anaesthetic didn't work. We had ladies group today. One lady brought along her sister who is here from the country. She's in town for surgery. Another lady came along. It's good to have her with other Christians. She has a lot of problems and stays away from people. She seemed to enjoy herself and we've invited her back. Going to check on the ambulance.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/19/2008 2:15:36 AM)
The paramedics came and it took about an hour for them to get his nose bleed to stop. Not long after they left, his nose started bleeding again. It kept going on and off for 3.5 hours. We had seriously thought about getting the ambulance back again, but John is so petrified of what they will do to them there after the last time this happened, that he didn't want to go anywhere the hospital. John has got an appointment tomorrow to see his doctor to get a referral to see an ENT specialist. I don't know whether I mentioned it in here, but the car that we'd been driving ended up until it was towed, has been taken to the wreckers and crushed. So, if you remember and feel led, please pray that we can get another car.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/20/2008 5:49:13 PM)
John has his appointment for the ENT specialist. I've been doing some thinking about fibromyalgia and how it's going to affect me. Some of the things that I've been thinking are: How do you deal with knowing that you could have this condition for the rest of your life? I'm single. One day I'd love to be married. The way I am right now, I can't see myself ever working or getting married. I don't get out much due to the fibromyalgia. Even if I did, I feel as though I wouldn't be able to really offer anything in a marriage because I wouldn't be able to provide anything financially. Movement is extremely painful, so doing household chores would be extremely difficult, however, I certainly would be trying to do things. Pain is a real issue, and I wonder how I could even hug somebody. It's not that I don't like them, but hugs can be very painful. My hands get very painful, so I wonder how I'd even go holding somebody's hand! To me, I feel as though whoever I married, if I ever married, would be working and looking after me with very little in return because of this condition. I think it's different for those who are diagnosed after marriage as the spouse knew them before the diagnosis. There's already a deep relationship going on, not something that confronts them from the first moment. Am I selling a potential partner too short? Or would I just be a burden to somebody? What do you think?

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/23/2008 1:01:01 PM)
Hi everybody. It hasn't been a good day painwise today. I was ok this morning, but by the afternoon, I had to put myself back to bed with a painkiller, and surround myself with hot water bottles to warm me up and try and give my body some relief. I'm doing a bit better now than I was earlier, but it got pretty scary there for a while. I was going to go out this afternoon to do a few things, but that's going to have to be put off until Monday now. I hope everything's going well with you all. I just want to say thankyou to everybody who prays for me, John and Joan. We really do appreciate it.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/28/2008 12:03:44 PM)
The start to the week has been pretty quiet. Today and yesterday have been a lot busier. Yesterday I got paid and there were a lot of errands to be run. It's that time of the year where there are lots of gifts to be got, things to be put on layaway for Christmas etc. We were at 3 shopping areas, (2 malls), then down to Boost, the kitchen down at church. They have meals that you can take to people in the community who would be blessed by a freshly cooked meal. So we picked up some meals and delivered them on the way home. I was so exhausted by the time I got home. Today I went to the gym with Joan. I managed to get more done than I have lately. That was good. I still didn't do the full routine, but I'm glad that I got to do more than I have the last few times. I've been wondering if it's even worth me going to the gym as after a minute on the stationary bike, I've had enough. I've got one of those at home! But I went, and managed to do more today. Then I took John shopping. We managed to get some things for Father's Day. As they are things for the garden, and he's pretty fussy over gloves and some other things, I thought it would be good for him to pick them out himself. That wasn't a problem. We got home. I spent a little time with Bailey. John grabbed a nap. I had a doctor's appointment, but before we left, I had to squirt some medication into on of Bailey's ears. He has a fungal infection in there, the poor thing. It's slowly getting better. I just don't like him in pain. John has to hold him still while I squirt the med in, as I'm not strong enough to be the one holding him. One thing I've noticed is that I've lost a lot of the strength that I once had. One of my English penpals was supposed to call me tonight. I don't know what happened. Maybe she forgot. I'm not worried though. Anything could have happened. Her husband has an uncle on the other side of the country from me. They are wanting to come over to Perth to see me and meet John and Joan as well. Don't know what we'll do for a car whilst they're here. Don't know what we'll do for a car at other times either, but we hope that God will bring along a reliable car soon.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (8/31/2008 10:24:37 AM)
The last few days have been...interesting. When I saw the doctor Thursday evening, he gave me another antidepressant. This one is to help me sleep, and also to help with my mood. In recent times, my mood hasn't been great. I know John and Joan still love me, but right now, I don't even like living with me! So, Friday night, I took one of the new antidepressants. I tossed and turned, as per usual, but I got more sleep than usual. I'll say I did! I couldn't get over how much sleep I got! I slept through the night, woke up for an hour feeling extremely hung over, did a couple of things, went back to bed until 3.30pm still feeling hung over. Feel asleep again just after 5.30pm until 7.50pm. Had dinner and did a few things. Still had an early night, despite the amount of sleep I had and no more of that antidepressant. It's the lowest dosage, and I did nothing but sleep! Sleep is GOOD, but I just wasn't expecting to be affected that much! Last night, I just sat there and cried. Poor John and Joan. All they could do was sit there with me and pray. I didn't want to keep them from bed, but they stayed. This morning, they were about to head to church. I'd woken up with pain, so I wasn't going. I went out to feed Bailey, and I knew something was wrong. I couldn't tell you what. John came out to help me put some drops in Bailey's ears, (he has an ear infection), and I came back inside with John. I just wasn't feeling right. I was almost in tears. As I washed my hands after being outside, I just wanted to cry. John saw and said they'd pray. In the end, my head went under my blanket, that I pretty much keep with me to keep warm, and I bawled. Joan stayed home from church. I didn't ask her to, but she did. John wanted to stay home too, but I said no. Just as well he didn't. We have been borrowing the car of some friends of ours. Their daughter comes home from the UK on Wednesday, and we were due to give the car back. It seems the day before their daughter is due home, their son is going overseas for a month and is going to leave his car at his parents place. They are willing to drive the son's car, so we get to keep the car that we are currently driving for another month! Thankyou Lord! John was told that at church this morning. I called my penpal in the UK tonight. Seems I messed up and missed out a digit in our phone number. [8\|] She was wondering why she couldn't get through. They can't make it to Perth this time around, but are hoping they can make another trip some time and come to Perth first.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (9/3/2008 12:55:54 PM)
Night times are the worst for me. I just want to sit down and bawl. I don't know why. Frustration? Pain? Still trying to deal with a diagnosis? Fear? Worry? Grief? Wondering about what might have been? I don't know. I have to go to the doctor in the morning. I've been deaf in one ear for just over a week. I thought it was wax as that's a problem I've inherited from my father. John seems to think I have an ear infection. The doctor won't be happy. As long as I get to hear again soon, I'll be happy. We try to keep the noise down for John. I normally don't like noise being too loud either, but at the moment, things are so quiet that I can't hear. [8\|] I saw a programme on one of our current affairs programmes the other night. It was a feel good story, but it made me feel really sad. Some time ago, aged pensioners were asking the government for an increase in their pensions, as they simply can't make ends meet. Petrol/gas is used at a minimum. People are going without food and heat and other things because they can't afford those things. Then somebody came up with a programme called Adopt-A-Pensioner. I thought that was a fantastic idea! You could help in all sorts of ways. Transport. Home help. Taking food over to them etc. When they first showed that side of things, I was thinking that I could take groceries over to a pensioner and be a help that way. I know what it's like to be on a pension. I'm on a disability pension, so I know it's not easy for them. I was more than willing to be able to do some shopping for people like that. At the time, John was spending most days down at the church, helping out in the kitchen, and we didn't know when we were going to be able to fit the time in to be able to take food over. Well, they were showing a man helping a small group of people. He'd organised to get 20 meat trays and 20 trays of vegetables to take to 20 people. A small group of people got together to pay off some of the bills that these people had. The guy helping with the meat and vegetable trays arranged for 20 people to go to the movies. He paid for the tickets and drink and cake afterwards. I'm so glad that there are people like that out there, doing such things for people like that. That's where my heart lies. I really wish I had more money right now. There are things that I could use the money for. We could use a car. We could use having some bills paid off. But if I had extra money, I know I'd be wanting to help pensioners and others like them that just don't have the resources themselves. I've been in their position. In fact, I only have 5 cents to my name right now. It just saddens me that I can't help others right now. Please don't think I'm complaining. As I said, I'm so thankful that there are those out there helping. I just wish I was one of them. That's my heart. It's the heart that God has given me.

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