RE: A life to cherish

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cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (11/19/2006 10:45:39 AM)
Choir rehearsal was really hard on Monday night. We all kept forgetting our parts, but when they were put together. Oh man! It was beautiful. The first section of the medley that we are doing is acapella, no music, just us. It is SO haunting, but incredible! Things have been pretty stressful in our household over the last few days in particular. John hasn't been well, and will need to go and see the doctor on Monday. He's having pain in his gastrointestinal area. He's had it before, and the doctor told him that if it happened again, he would have to go and have tests. So, we know that this is what it's come down to. I'm kind of wondering whether he has some kind of ulcer. He's hardly been able to eat anything for days. Joan is worrying about her appointment with her doctor on Wednesday. She has the kind of doctor who is very strict and doesn't like somebody asking her for a referral for a second opinion. Whilst at his cardiologist's appointment the other day, John asked him a little bit about if there could be anything done about Joan's condition. He said that there is always something more that could be done, but her cardiologist has told her to go away and live with the condition. They are going to ask for a referral to see John's cardiologist. She's worried about the outcome with her doctor. She hasn't been taking it well with John's health being the way that it is either. Yesterday she was so stressed that I was beginning to think that we'd have to take her to the hospital. Thankfully we got her to calm down some. All the stress of the last while with all of our health has been playing on her. Yesterday we got the first of our Christmas hampers. We've been paying an amount every fortnight, and then in November, the company delivers the food we've been paying for. Eight boxes were delivered yesterday, and then another eight will be delivered tomorrow. (Different company). Some of the food we will keep for ourselves, and the rest of the foodstuffs will be given to make up food hampers/care packages for families that don't have enough. We like to help families who don't have much, as we know what it's like to be in that position ourselves. In past years, we've been on the receiving end of people's generosity, and whilst we don't have a lot, there is always somebody who has things a lot tougher than yourself. So giving in this way is part of what we feel God is asking us to do. It's a real priviledge to help others.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (11/25/2006 11:40:51 AM)
Not much has been going on lately. This week sees the start of a lot of medical appointments for me and also being able to put the Christmas hampers/care packages together. Just have to pray in the money for the ink so that I can do the cards and also for a few bits and pieces. Going to try and get a couple of friends to come over on Friday to help pack them. Things have been pretty stressful lately. I've been feeling really overwhelmed in a lot of ways and I have to admit, I have been in tears a lot lately. [:(] Hopefully that will change soon. Well, I'd better get to bed as it's coming up to 1am and I have church in the morning. I'll talk to you all later.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (11/28/2006 11:23:03 AM)
For the first time today, I had brown eyes. My eyes change colour, but normally, brown is not a colour they turn. I went to see the opthamologist this afternoon. Had a sight test and another test. The professor has told me to get new glasses and wear them all the time. Don't like that idea, but I'll do it. He said maybe in a year, it might help my eyesight. He said that my problems are very complex, and that other than trying the change of glasses, (which I rarely wear other than for distances), and possibly trying to get my eyes to focus on a finger as it moves around, the only other option to try to correct things is to have surgery to reverse the surgery that I had earlier on this year. I told him that I didn't want any more surgery. He'd said that possibly I could get my eyes focussing again and the double vision gone, but after I told him that I had the same surgery aged six, he really started to say that he didn't think that there was much hope of that happening. You can teach a 1-2 year old to focus, but as I've never had the skill, the brain has never learned it. I don't think it's likely that everything will return to normal, unless God does something about the situation. He agreed that the surgery I had done earlier on this year was a success, but he also could see some divergence in my vision as he checked it out. On a more positive note, I got all the cards done for the Christmas care packages. WOOHOO! They are going to be getting packed on Friday morninng/Thursday night for you, and a friend is coming over to help us to get everything wrapped. I've just been writing a list of things that need to get done before we're at the basket wrapping stage. Still some things to do, but hopefully they won't take long. Thankfully the cards are done, so that's one things less to do on the list. Rehearsals went well last night. It's something that I'm quite enjoying, even though it is difficult.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (12/1/2006 10:33:16 AM)
HALLELUJAH! THE CHRISTMAS CARE PACKAGES ARE DONE! WOOHOO! Last night, John, Joan and I started getting some of the food items packaged and got some of the other things that were going into the packages into groups of 30 so that they were easy to get organised. John was really wanting to help, but he was going to a meeting in the city today and he couldn't get out of it. He was disappointed that he wasn't going to get to help. Last night was really good for him. He felt involved. Today a friend came over and helped put them together and all wrapped up. We have 2 huge tables covered in the packages all in red and green cellophane and colourful ribbon around them. It took several hours to get things done, but I can't believe that they are finally all done! John came home as we were wrapping the last of the baskets and I got him to help our friend to do those as my back was really beginning to complain. What did we end up putting in them? A journal, an Every Day With Jesus For New Christians, some scripture bookmarks, a candle, makeup, tissues, the cards that I made them, various toiletries, some goodies to eat, some got some Christian CDs, some got a bracelet and a few other bits and pieces. Thankyou to all who prayed and helped out with ideas etc for this. It's all been very worthwhile. John called the place today and the senior staff members won't be there now until Tuesday, so it will have to wait until then, but after that, we'll be taking them in. THANKYOU GOD!

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (12/8/2006 6:32:11 AM)
Took the Christmas care packages to their destination the other day. They seemed pretty excited about getting them. There is a church that is donating hams to them and they will have a Christmas get together soon. I think they will get their packages then. One of the girls asked me if I made some of the goodies in there and I said yes. One of the managers asked me if I was a good cook. I don't think that I'm very good, but John and Joan said that I am. With that, the manager asked me to pray about teaching some of the young mothers how to cook. Apparently their idea of cooking is putting a tin can of baked beans into the microwave. If I did it, it would go towards their life skills programme. I don't think I'm a good enough cook, or a good teacher. I'm not a method cook. I throw things together, and it usually works out. It's something to think and pray about though. I'm not going to say anything yet though. At this time of the year, I'm just tired and I know that I'll just say no. I had a get together with some of the people who did the weight management course that we did last year. I can't believe it's been a year already. I know I put on all the weight that I lost, but I've still managed to get 3kgs or 6.6lbs below the weight that I was last year. I did weigh myself a couple of days before I went, so I knew that I'd lost weight, but our scales are really strange. It's rare to step on them twice and get the same reading. They are digital ones. The ones where I weighed showed a lower weight than the ones here and they are super duper accurate. I think I like those scales. LOL! I don't know what I did to lose it. I still have my binges, but don't eat as much when I binge. I've been really slack on the exercise too. I don't feel motivated to lose weight, but when I do, it'll be interesting to see how much I can lose.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (12/15/2006 6:04:09 AM)
Today is the 15th of December, and it is the 17th anniversary of my arrival in Australia. Boy, have I changed in those 17 years. When I got here, I wasn't a believer. Emotionally, I was a lot different than I am now. A lot more distant. The friends who came to get us from the airport at that time, still remembers how I stiffened up like a board when she tried to hug me. Hugs were so foreign to me. My family never gave them. I didn't know how to handle them. Of course, in the time since I've been here, I've given my life to Christ and I don't stiffen up when she gives me hugs. I'm even known to give hugs, which I'd never have thought would happen years ago. Joan and I still have a dental appointment each next week, but today was the last day of a fortnight of nearly daily medical/dental appointments. I'm so glad it's over. Joan went to see the cardiologist today. Finally she had somebody to explain what is going on with her heart, and helping her to see that she's not just being silly as she thinks she's been. The last cardiologist told her to go away and live with her condition, but wasn't helpful. At least now she feels heard and validated. I can't believe that Christmas is only a week and a half away. Rehearsals are in full swing, and our only band rehearsal is on Monday night for us. Next Saturday night is the dress rehearsal, and then of course, Christmas Eve is next Sunday.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (12/21/2006 2:55:42 AM)
Wow, we are just a few days away from Christmas, and things have been pretty hectic around here. I haven't been home much in the last couple of days. I doubt I'll be home in the next few days. Christmas Day will be the first day that I'm home for any length of time. There has been some busyness with things that need to be done. Dental appointments, getting a haircut so I don't have so much of a sheepdog look happening. Getting the last of my Christmas shopping done, and getting birthday presents as well. I took some more presents over to a little girl for her birthday. It's been nice that we've had a little time to relax. Joan and I were invited to a friend's home for morning tea today. It was the only time she could fit in before she goes interstate soon. We didn't stay long before we had to get going with the rest of our day, with lots of errands to run. We went and dropped some presents over for the kids of one of the people I came to Australia with. I haven't lived with her for many years. I moved out the first time in 1993 as I was just diagnosed with depression and they couldn't handle me anymore. That, and the family was really dysfunctional anyway, and they weren't helping me in any way with their behaviours. I moved in with another friend, but had to move out in 1996 when her health declined with secondary liver cancer. For a while, I moved back in with M and her then husband and daughter. Things were definitely dysfunctional in that family too. I was close to the oldest daughter then. At that time, she was the only child. I think I gave her consistency and boundaries where she had none. I would give M a break when she needed a break. I'd take C out with me for an excursion on the bus and to the shops. She loved it. Though she looks nothing like me, some used to think that she was my daughter. I don't get to see her much nowadays. Anyway, there's been a lot of hard feelings there between M, her family and I. Dysfunction always seems to take over when we are anywhere near each other. I remember what was said and done. There's jealousy in their family, and I really feel that they have ill feelings for John and Joan as they think I've been taken away from them by John and Joan. This family had been like a family to me at one point, but the dynamics that were there between us were never healthy. Lots of healing needs to take place. Anyway, I made a step today. I invited M and her family to come along to the Christmas Eve service. I never thought in a million years that I would do that, but last night as I was gathering their gifts together, I felt like the Lord was telling me to include an invitation in their card. When I said there was an invitation in there, the look on M's face was total shock. I really don't think she was expecting to have that invitation from me. Maybe God's doing something there. I guess we'll see.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (12/24/2006 9:40:05 AM)
Tonight was the Christmas Eve performance at my church. Things were pretty scary there for a bit. We did a quick run through of a couple of songs before heading backstage, and some of the notes that were coming out in the soprano line was not the best. One song in particular has been a source of problems to us all. When we were told to go backstage, we got one of the girls who can read music to play our part so that we could learn it. Several go's later, she asked what else we needed to work on. We told her the same song, to which the reply was, "Not again!" A few turns later, we were feeling more confident about it. When it came time to sing it on stage, we pretty much got it right. A little bit of a mistake, but nothing noticeable from the audience. There were a few missed cues, but on the whole, it went pretty well. Our feet were really feeling the need for relief by the time it finished. I was standing there on the risers, trying to move my feet around in my shoes without causing attention to myself. There were lots of people there who I haven't seen in ages. One is a former worship leader from our church, who is home visiting family. She lives in London, England now. She was one of our soloists. Another family was there that I haven't seen in 2 years. A person I invited, but didn't expect to see was the Maori lady from New Zealand that came along to our craft group some time back. I thought she'd probably be down south of the state with her kids, but she's working over Christmas. She came after work to see the performance. It was good to see her and catch up with her. She's having some problems right now, so it's good to be able to support her too. I didn't get to see many people tonight. There were those that I just mentioned, but being backwards and forwards from being backstage etc, I didn't get a chance to really catch up with anybody. I'd just see somebody, but didn't get the opportunity to go and talk to them. I don't know whether the family I invited the other day got there tonight or not. Overall it was a good night. People in the audience all kept saying how good it was. I get a chance to relax now. Our music director told the choir that there is more opportunities coming up for performances, but that he'd let us get over this one first.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (12/28/2006 10:18:31 AM)
So many things on my mind right now. I'm still not well. I started not feeling the best on Christmas Eve, and I'm still dealing with whatever it is. I don't think it's anything catchy, just a reaction to stress, tiredness, uncertainty, fear and a pile of other things. I'm thinking about things that are currently going on in our household. Health issues, finance issues, possibilites for upcoming ministry opportunities. I haven't talked a lot about any possibility of upcoming ministry opportunities. John has been doing some voluntary work with a man who heads up a ministry that builds into other ministries and churches, amongst other things. It looks like it's likely that he will be starting a project that would very much interest John and I. I don't want to say anything about it yet until things become more concrete. One of the things that really gets to me though, is the possibility that if I do get involved in this new venture, it may mean me leaving behind my current church. I love where I'm going, for so many reasons, and I know that I would find it extremely difficult to leave there. I'm really struggling to trust God in a lot of areas. There have been times when I've experienced what it's like to be without, and we are going through it again. I keep thinking that God is our provider, but there are so many things that aren't being provided. I talked to John and Joan about it tonight, and they said that maybe this is God's best for us right now. That we are being taught to trust more. I don't know. I'm on a disability pension right now, and there has been talk in the media about how politicians want to get people on disability pensions back into the workforce. I can see how that would be a good thing. Right now, the thought of going back to work/study etc, just completely freaks me out, as I know that I am far from ready for it. For starters, my concentration levels would just not cope, and neither would my body. Just from the little bit that I've been doing the last few months, my body is completely exhausted. If things happen, as there is a possibility of happening, ministry-wise in 2007, I'm going to be a lot busier than I currently am. Less time here. More time doing other things, and I don't know that I'm ready for that either right now. Everything just seems so hard, and I don't know if it's just because I'm so exhausted, or there's other things going on. It looks like things could be changing, and I don't handle change very well, even though it's inevitable. Current ministries may have to cease. New ones started. Things I enjoy may have to stop. So many things are up in the air. Lots of decision making needing to be done. I'm finding it really hard to relax these days too. Just simple things like cross stitch, which I used to love, and doing crafts, I don't have the same patience for or even feel that I have the creativity for. My failing eyesight doesn't help any either. If you feel led, please pray for me, and for the rest of my household. Thanks.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (12/31/2006 11:24:27 AM)
It's finally 2007 here. Happy New Years to you. I hope that 2007 is a year of real blessings for you. I'm hoping that this year will be much better for me than 2006. I haven't said anything of late, but I'm really struggling at the moment. Really finding things tough going. No, I'm not about to do anything stupid, but just for those of you who feel led to pray for me, here's a couple of things that you could specifically pray for. As you know, I've suffered from chronic clinical depression for some time now. It's something that's really strengthened of late. There's more behind the scene of that that I'd really not discuss, but there's more happening medically that's not good. Added to that, several years ago, I was also diagnosed with GAD (generalised anxiety disorder). That also has been going crazy of late where I feel so wound up all the time, and can't seem to find any type of peace, no matter what I do. Pray, worship etc. I can't feel it coming and try to stop it. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm an absolute wreck. I go back to my doctor in a few weeks, so I will definitely be talking to him about it. John and Joan don't know what to do. They are praying for me, which I really appreciate, but they have told me that they don't know what to do. They know under normal circumstances, things can be done, but the GAD has just made it impossible for me to do those things. It's beyond their experience. They don't know what it's like to be in my situation. Things that I would normally just do without thinking about, now are just too hard and I can't get myself to do them. It's just too overwhelming. Jost normal, everyday things. I'm supposed to be going to a new year's day barbacue later, but I don't know whether I'm going to be able to get myself out of the house to go.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (1/6/2007 9:01:31 AM)
What's your heart's cry? I know for a long time now, I've felt a lot of stress, for a lot of reasons. Still do, but I'm trying to trust God that He knows what He's doing. Asking God to be near to me and to wrap me up like I so desperately need Him to do. I'm in a completely different place with Him than I was this time last year. This time last year, I was pushing Him away, not going to church because I was scared. Scared of what people thought of me because of my reaction after I found out about my eating disorder. Scared that God was going to expose me somehow to more humiliation that I felt I brought down on myself. Wondering why He'd let me go in my life where I had. I blamed God for the bad things in my life. I think I thought God was either powerless or that He really didn't care. Now, I hear a song by Shane & Shane and just about cry, because it is my heart's cry. Here is part of it: Be Near - Shane & Shane You are all, big and small Beautiful And wonderful to trust in grace through faith I'm asking to taste For dark is light to You Depths are height to You Far is near, but Lord I need to hear from You Chorus: Be near O God, be near O God of us Your nearness is to us our good I so want my Daddy God to scoop me up now and hug me. Talk to me, reassure me, touch me, help me know that everything is going to be ok even when I don't think it is. God is softening my heart towards Him again and drawing me back to Himself. Things are still not the best in some of my circumstances, but God is there. I still need to hear from Him and be near to Him. I just have to spend more time with Him as I have been doing and give Him the opportunity to speak and do what He wants to do.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (1/8/2007 9:26:12 AM)
God seems to be using music again to really get my attention. He knows how much music ministers to me in ways that other things don't. I was sent a CD today from a dear friend. Big Daddy Weave. I've heard some of their music on KSBJ, which I listen to online. There's one song on the CD that's already been played several times over. Our household likes it, and particularly I can relate. It's really straight to the point, and boy, do I know what it means, because it describes me and my walk right now. Here's part of it. Hold Me Jesus Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small CHORUS: So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace And I wake up in the night and feel the dark It's so hot inside my soul I swear there must be blisters on my heart CHORUS Surrender don't come natural to me I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want Than to take what You give that I need And I've beat my head against so many walls Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees There's more of it, which I won't include here, but the song ends saying: You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace I don't know about you, but I know that I certainly need that in my life right now. Now and always. This song totally hit the nail on the head for me. If I could rate it like we do our posts, it would get the highest ratings from me. What do you think?

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (1/14/2007 10:40:02 AM)
It's been a quiet week. I did something that my back didn't like very much. I don't know what that was, but for days, it let me know that it didn't appreciate it. It's Joan's birthday coming up on Tuesday. We're going out for dinner that night, and there are some things that she wants to do this week in honour of her birthday. We'll do those things. Not much else going on here. Maybe there'll be more to tell you later.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (1/21/2007 11:36:10 AM)
Decisions, decisions. Depression has really taken hold, particularly since Christmas. Until Monday, when I just about got pushed out of the house to get Joan's birthday card, I hadn't been out of the house since Christmas Eve. I just couldn't do it. It was all too hard. I've been out of the house a bit this week, for Joan's birthday and there's also been some appointments and errands that needed to be done. This week is going to be busy too. John's birthday is this coming Saturday, so preparations need to be made for that. Gifts got. Friday is a public holiday here in Australia. It's Australia Day, kind of like the American 4th of July. We're not going anywhere for Australia Day. It's supposed to be 90-100+ in temperatures this week. In the meantime, I have some decisions to make. They're not easy. One is whether I keep my craft group or not. I just sat there and cried. [:(] There's a big part of me that just feels like I can't go on doing it. I know the ladies would really miss it. I know Joan would miss it. She's such a social butterfly and she hasn't been able to get out as much with her knees being the way they have been. She's offering to take over the group, but not have it as a craft group. Just as a group of friends that meet once a fortnight. John asked me tonight to choose so that we can let the church's small group coordinator know one way or the other. (At this stage she doesn't know that I'm thinking about stopping the group). I feel disloyal if I don't keep the group. At the same time, emotionally I'm not in a good place and it wouldn't be fair for them to have me as their 'leader'. John said that if I can't decide in a day or two, we're going to flip a coin, because right now, I just can't make decisions. It's too hard. Right now, everything is too hard. This week I'll be leaving the house because I have to. There are things that need to be done that I can't get others to do for me. Otherwise I'd stay in the house. Things are not good. I go to see my doctor on Thursday. Hopefully he'll be able to help some.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (1/24/2007 9:41:06 AM)
Decisions made. I've made some decisions in the last few days. It wasn't easy, but they've been made, none the less. Last night I sent an email to the church's small groups coordinator to let her know that I am resigning from my leadership role at church. I'm struggling and overwhelmed with just everday, normal things, let alone taking on a group. John and Joan agree with my decision. Joan is a real social butterfly and needs company around her. With her knees the way they are, she can't get out and socialise as much as she'd like to, so the group has been a real godsend to her. That's why, she has decided that if the group are willing, we would still continue to meet, but as a friendship group, rather than a craft group. She would coordinate it, instead of me, in order to take the pressure off me. We'll wait to see what the small groups coordinator thinks about that when she gets back in the office at the end of the month. My health is not the greatest right now. I have no idea what the doctor is going to do tomorrow when I see him. John will come with me. He said to be honest and to tell him everything. It wouldn't surprise me if he alters my meds. I'm really hoping that I will not be put into a psych ward this time. A previous doctor did that, 7 years ago, and I was in hospital for both John and Joan's birthdays. Joan's is past and John's is this Saturday. I really didn't like it in the psych ward. Hopefully it won't come to that. In any case, you probably won't see me around as much for a while. I'm considering taking a hiatus from CW for a while. Or if I come in, it will be limited. I just can't keep up with all the threads right now, no matter how much I may want to. I don't have the concentration to do it, and I'm finding it hard to even get online these days. I wish you all well. I'll try to pop in when I can. You're all very special people to me and I love you all very much. I hope you all know that. Thankyou for all your love, prayers, hugs, friendship and support. Take care. (((((((((((((((((((((((EVERYBODY)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (1/25/2007 11:43:17 AM)
This is some of what I put in my post in my thread, for those who don't normally read my thread. I saw the doctor today. I tried to leave, but John stopped me. The doc knew something was really up when he walked in on that. Not normally something I try to do. I couldn't speak for a while. I was too busy crying. John told him what's been going on. From what little he got out of me, I think he knew what was going on. I told him that I didn't want to go to a psych ward. I didn't handle it well the last time I was there. He's going to change my meds. I start lowering the dose of one of them tomorrow. He's putting me onto another one at night to help me sleep after I'm off the one I'm coming off. Even though I'm taking my sleeping meds earlier, I'm still not sleeping until 3-4 am. Whe I see him in 3 weeks, he'll put me on a combination of meds in the hopes that will work. He's also going to talk to me about going on a GP Care Plan. I could be sent for psych assessments and testing etc. Not sure what else they will do, but it will mean, that if I do it, I'll probably be told to go to counselling again. I've had that much counselling ever since I found out I was depressed back in 1993 that I wonder what use more counselling is going to have. I'll have to wait until I talk to the doctor again to find out exactly what it entails. Changes in meds never go well with me at the best of times as I get suicidal and miserable, so I'm really not looking forward to this time. I'm already feeling pretty shocking without the added stress of changing meds. Hopefully it will all be ok. It will take 10 days to come off my current med, then I take a very small amount of another med to try and get me to sleep. Just after that, I go back to the doctor to get a combination sorted out. I'm feeling scared about the possibilities of things coming up. More testing, more assessments. I've had them done before, many years ago when I was first diagnosed. I think the doctor is wondering what to do with me. My meds work for a certain period of time, then stop working. At least now he has 3 weeks to figure out some course of action. He's never seen me cry before. It's the first time he's seen me try to leave his office before he even gets there. Tomorrow is Australia Day. Australia's version of the 4th of July. I'm not doing anything. Crowds at the fireworks give me massive panic attacks. The day after is John's birthday. It's supposed to be very hot that day. 104F or 40C. We're taking him out for dinner that night, so that we're not out in the middle of the hot day.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (2/5/2007 8:55:25 AM)
Hey everybody. Just stopping by to let you know that I'm still around, just not spending as much time around CW, if you haven't already figured that out. John's birthday was the day after I last posted. Managed to give him a good birthday. He goes into hospital in the morning, my time, to get some internal testing done. It should take about 4-5 hours. The 2 hernias and gallstones aren't enough to cause all the pain that he's experiencing, and the doctor suggested bowel cancer. If you see this in time, and feel God calling you to it, your prayers would really be appreciated. While we're waiting for him in the hospital, I'm going to try and get some meals cooked so that it's just a matter of getting things out and heating them up. I haven't been up to much. I hurt myself about a week ago, when I accidentally gouged my foot on the corner of a metal framed door. I've bruised the tendons in my foot, and it's causing some cramping and pain in my foot, ankle and calf/shin. It's going to take some time to heal. I hope it's not much longer, but I have a sneaking suspicion it will take its time. I've put off completely coming off the one antidepressant that I was going to come off. I was supposed to be completely off it tomorrow, but I figure it's bad timing. I'll put it off for 2 days, just so that it doesn't clash with the time that John's having procedures. I don't think that will make much difference. I still see my doctor again on the 14th of February, so things will still get some action happening then. Joan is going to be taking over the group that I was leading the past few years. She has talked to the small groups coordinator at church, and it will be advertised as a women's friendship group. We'll see what happens then. We'll get the old group back together in a couple of weeks and tell them of the change. I think most of them know that in the past I've dealt with depression, but we haven't told them to what extent so far this time. I think they'll just be happy to be still meeting. I know that the one non Christian woman who comes along to the group asks every time she speaks to us when the next meeting will be. She's an elderly, lonely, disabled woman who doesn't have much social life, other than going to doctors. It gives her something to look forward to. Well, that's enough from me for now. Take care.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (2/6/2007 8:48:04 AM)
Well, it's been an interesting day today. John had his time at the hospital. He doesn't have cancer, but they have found some things that could be the cause of his pains. Apparently he has diverticulosis and ulcers in the osophagus. He has to go back to see his doctor. They've taken some other tests too to rule out some bacterial things etc, so hopefully they'll come back ok. He has a lot wrong, by the time you add the hernias and gallstones. Thanks for all of your prayers, those of you who prayed. I got some meals cooked while we were waiting for him to come home. There's about 2.5 weeks worth of meals just waiting to be heated up, if nothing else were cooked. There's lots of fires in our states at the moment and surrounding my city. Lots of places surrounding where I live are on fire, but not close enough to cause damage. I got a shock to hear helitankers flying over the house this afternoon, really closely. There is a school just on the other side of the main road not far from us. It's surrounded by bush and it had caught fire. Helitankers were frantically trying to put the fires out. They finally managed to do that after about an hour. They don't know what started the fire at this stage. The next block from there, there was a six hour seige yesterday, with a man threatening to kill his wife and family. The Tactical Response Group was called out, and they caught him. He had 2 guns inside the house. Absolutely unheard of things in this area. It's so weird hearing about the fire being so close and also the seige, let alone both, and being so close to me. All within 2 blocks of where I live. My foot is still sore. I can't believe that after a week, it's still bleeding. I'm going to give it a couple more days, and if it's still bleeding, go and get some medical help. I still don't think I need stitches, but it's just annoying that it's still causing problems. Hopefully we'll have an easier night's sleep, knowing we don't have to be up early to get John to hospital.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (2/16/2007 8:56:12 AM)
Tried the new antidepressant last weekend, and I only used it once. I had such a severe reaction to it that it totally scared me. I think if I'd had any more of it, I would could have ended up in hospital. The doctor was totally surprised when I told him I stopped after one dose, but when he found out why, he understood. So, now I'm on a new antidepressant. I've only been on it since Wednesday. Taking it slow to see if I react to this one, and so far, so good. I go up to a higher dose after 6 days. We'll see how this one works out. The poor doctor. I walked out of his office with so much paperwork. I have some tests that I have to go for, (regular tests), but I told him about the pain I've been having in my shoulder and arm. It takes a lot for me to complain, but it's been going on for a while. I can only lift my arm to 60 degrees before it start to hurt. So, on the 1st of March, I have to go off to get an ultrasound/sonogram on the area. He seems to think that I have bursitis. If that's the case, then while they are doing the ultrasound/sonogram, they have to inject me with a steroid to get the swelling and inflammation down. I'm on antibiotics too for my foot. It's still looking pretty messy, and it's infected. Don't know if I'll be able to wear shoes to the concert next Wednesday night, but I know I don't want to be still wearing flip flops, which is all I can wear at the moment. We'll see how that goes. Joan, a friend of ours and I are going to a Westlife concert on Wednesday night. It was supposed to be back in September of last year, but they had to postpone for some reason. The openers are 4 girls that have done really well on Australian Idol. They are called The 4 Divas. Should be good. It's the first concert I've been to in many years. Westlife aren't Christians, but they do sing a lot of really nice ballads. I wonder what John will do with the house to himself, other than Bailey, of course.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (2/23/2007 1:15:30 AM)
Hi everybody. Just checking back in. Had a little drama before the concert. The friend that Joan and I were going to the concert with was really late. About half an hour after she was due here, I called to see where she was. She was at home, watching TV with her husband and had completely forgotten about the concert. Mad dash to get ready, get the tickets, (as she had them), and get herself here. Thankfully she doesn't live far from us. Just a couple of blocks. The concert started late. They let us in after the time the concert was supposed to have started. Most of the concert was a success. They changed the opening act, so I kept waiting for the group to come out that I was expecting. That didn't happen. I didn't like the opening act. The lyrics were rude, crude and undesirable. In my opinion he didn't sing very well either. [8\|] There was intermission. Music played throughout the stadium. Some I didn't know in the beginning. Then more that I knew as I grew up listening to it. That was much better. I found myself singing along with it. The main act came on. Westlife. (A British boy band for those of you who don't know who they are). They were great. A few songs in there that I didn't know, but that was ok. Our ears were in a bit of shock during and after the concert. Not because we were sitting so close to the stage, but because of the group of young screaming girls in the row behind us. Wow, those girls had good sets of lungs on them! At one point, I looked out over the crowd, and thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be great if the same reaction they're giving this group was how people worshipped God. People flocking in just so they could be in God's prescence, adoring Him and enjoying the time with Him". I wondered if I'd be able to wear shoes that night. I got to, but they came off as soon as I got home. Thankfully I had a pair of shoes that were soft enough to wear that weren't flip flops. Today is John and Joan's 33rd wedding anniversary. I was hoping that they'd do something for their special day. They've decided that this year, gifts were enough. I thought they might go down to the jetty today for a wander, as I know they like being beside the water, but it's hot today and set to get even hotter over the coming days. It's my last day of antibiotics today. YAY! I've been nauseous for the last little while and I can't figure out if it's the antibiotics or the antidepressants, as that's one of the side effects. I guess soon I'll find out. Still some more healing needed, but the foot is a lot better than it has been. On a higher dosage of antidepressant now. We'll see how it goes.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (3/1/2007 10:50:57 AM)
Can you believe it's March already?! Yesterday I went to get an ultrasound/sonogram on my shoulder to see if I have bursitis in my right shoulder. It showed a slight bursar, and I felt like a real goose when they told me that it was a slight bursar. Not that I expected it to be huge, but I thought something that was causing me the amount of pain that I'm having would be more sizeable. I'm going to go back and have a cortisone injection when I can get an appointment. Last week, a Christian friend of ours was stabbed an attacked in his backyard by an intruder. Our friend went to check when he heard noises outside that night. He was unarmed and tried to let the intruder out of the open gate, but the intruder hurt him anyway. We were hopeful of going to see him today, but John and Joan weren't well, and our friend had to go back to hospital anyway as he has a kidney bleed. We are hoping to make the trip tomorrow. It's about an hours drive each way. The group that I've been leading over the past several years has started back for the year and will meet again on Monday. It's a public holiday here, but one of the ladies in particular, couldn't make it last time and really has been looking forward to it since we finished at the end of last year. This woman isn't a Christian, but she loves spending time with us. She asks one of the ladies who picks her up and takes her home questions about God etc. She's an elderly, disabled woman who is very lonely. She really tries to schedule her time so that she can make it to the group time that we have. The ladies took the news well that Joan will be taking over leadership from me. Who knows? At some stage, I may be able to take the leadership of the group back from her, but for now, I know that I need the break. Well, it's late and I'd better get going. Early start in the morning to head down to see the friend.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (3/10/2007 10:15:49 AM)
It's been a busy time for me. John goes into hospital for surgery in a few weeks, and I know there are things that he'd like to have done before he goes, or at least started. There were some things that needed doing out in the garden, so last night, I got into John's tool shed and disposed of some old branches that one of our trees are shedding. The tree really should be lopped, but we'll have to wait until the right time to approach the owner's husband about it. Joan had to have some xrays done this morning, so I thought that now would be a good time to really start taking responsibility for the house. Joan's knee is really causing her problems, and there's a lot of things that John shouldn't be doing. I'm planning things to cook so that they are ready in the freezer for when we need them. I daresay I'll be doing most of the cooking, cleaning etc around here. John will take at least a couple of weeks after his surgery. Today I helped John with a job that he's been wanting to do more of. He's got a pile of mulch sitting out in the driveway. He's been doing a little, bit by bit, knowing that he shouldn't be doing the lifting. I told him that I'd help, and then I hurt my back and then my foot. My foot still isn't completely healed, but I can't let him do it by himself. It's a lot faster when I help him to do the shifting. I did a few more things in the garden too, to help him. Tomorrow morning I'm planning on going to church. It will be the first time since singing in the choir on Christmas Eve. I just hadn't been up to it since then, or we'd been sick. Hopefully Joan's knee will allow her to go and I'll be able to get there. Monday sees the start of more medical appointments. Between the 3 of us, we have them every day for the next few weeks. Tests for me on Monday and I talk to the doctor about things on Thursday.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (3/15/2007 3:21:45 PM)
Went to church on Sunday morning. It was strange being back in some ways, and yet in others, felt completely normal. I had to get some blood tests done on Monday morning. Some for blood sugar levels [:'(] and my annual cancer marker as I have my next oncology appointment on the 27th of this month. I went to the doctor yesterday and he told me that my bsl's are the highest he's ever seen from me. I know that while I've been so stressed out, I've been eating a lot of things that I shouldn't be eating, and in big quantities. To be honest though, I was expecting the readings to be a lot higher than they were. John comes in with me to see the doctor as he's more understanding of the chemical talk etc. John knew that I didn't want to have to go back onto meds for diabetes, and I was totally shocked when he said', "Trish is going to hate me for this but..." and then proceeded to ask him to put me back on meds. To say that I was upset was an understatement. I'd wanted to go back to normal levels on my own. I just got home and began to sob. Maybe I'm being a wuss, but I felt like the things I'd asked about were just being ignored. You don't want meds, but you're going to have them anyway. I've been experiencing abdominal pain since Sunday night. The doctor examined me yesterday and found that there was some resistance on the right hand side. He is sending me off to get an ultrasound/sonogram on my tummy over the liver and gallbladder. He wants to see if the liver is enlarged or if there are problems with my gallbladder. I don't believe in luck, but if I did, I'd guess that it would come back showing nothing but that I'm a hypochondriac and that there's nothing wrong with me. Joan's going later this morning to the hospital to see the orthapaedic surgeon about getting a knee replacement done. This afternoon, I have an appointment to get my eyes tested for new glasses. These ones I will have to wear all of the time. Sorry I'm so negative.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (3/22/2007 11:09:55 AM)
Hi everybody. Just dropping in to say hi. I had my cortisone injection in my shoulder yesterday. It's still a bit tender, even with the painkillers I've been allowing myself. I've not been taking a lot of them, but just enough to take the edge off of things. I have my abdominal ultrasound/sonogram on Monday afternoon, then oncology the next day. I don't think they'll find anything at oncology. I'm more worried about what they could find when they do the sonogram. I really haven't been feeling too well of late, and it just seems to be getting worse. I know that the sonogram will mainly be looking at the liver, kidneys, pancreas and gallbladder. There could be something, or it could be nothing. I just remember that when I was originally diagnosed with borderline malignant ovarian cysts, they told me that cysts could resurface anywhere in the abdomen. There's a part of me wondering if that's what's happening. Other things are happening with me lately that I don't quite understand. I feel as though the world around me is slowing down. It just seems to take 5 times longer for things to happen or for time to pass. I know that I've experienced things like that with depression before, but not for a long time. I'm also having times where I'm staggering, but not dizzy. Like I'm going to lose my balance or something. Sometimes I just about drop things, like they're going to slip through my fingers. It's weird. I'm nauseous a lot of the time, a lot more than usual. The nausea could be from the antidepressants, or from whatever's causing the abdominal problems. I'm not sure. I'm so tired all the time. I try to be up and around for the night time antics you in the northern hemisphere have, but it's just not working. By the time I wake up, have breakfast and feed Bailey, you're all in bed. This is unusual, as I'm normally well and truly in bed by now as I'm usually so exhausted by now. I'm really missing spending time with you all. I'll try my best to be here when I can though. Daylight savings ends for us on Sunday. I don't know where that will put us in terms of time zones again. I've forgotten them all with all the changes we've had in our state's time zones. I'm sure I'll get to know them again.

cherish405 -> RE: A life to cherish (3/28/2007 1:51:42 PM)
Hey everybody. Just doing a quick blog entry before heading to bed. I told you all that I was having an ultrasound/sonogram on Monday to see if they could find out what's causing the problems in my abdomen. Most of the organs are ok, but they did find something that I wasn't expecting. Nothing that I want to talk about. The doctor will probably have something to say to me about it when he sees the report. Having said that, I very much doubt that it has been the cause of the problems that I've been experiencing. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if I have to have further tests to see if they can get a better idea of what's going on with me. Oncology was yesterday. The cancer markers were the same as they have been for the last couple of years - normal. I somehow knew that that would be the case. Due to recent change in protocol, I don't have to go back to the oncology clinic for tests, but for the next few years, I still have to have the blood tests to check the cancer markers. I doubt that I'll have any more problems in that area. Tomorrow we are hoping to go and see a movie, just to relax. Things have been pretty hectic and stressful one way and another for the three of us. Joan and I want to go and see "Becoming Jane" which is about Jane Austin. If we don't see that, we might try and see "Wild Hogs". Either way, we'll probably go and see either one of those for my birthday next Wednesday. Maybe get to see one of them tomorrow and the other for my birthday. We'll see.

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